Morgan
I wake up with some more dreams slipping away from me. I dreamt it was so much better. He held me and kissed my head. He hugged me tight and said he never wanted to let me go.
A fucking dream. Because of course my dreams want to make this harder than it is.
JD is in the shower when I wake up. I lie for a moment, trying to discern what was a dream and what wasn't. It's all blurring together, but the tenderness between my legs tells me the sex was real.
When he comes out of the shower, he's in a towel. I quickly lower my eyes.
"You're up," he says and smiles.
"Good morning," I mumble. I grab some clothes from my bag and hurry past him.
"I'd ask if you slept well," he grins, "but I think I have an idea."
"Right." I hesitate. "I should shower." Like the coward I apparently am, I flee into the bathroom and spend a long time under the warm water. I dry my hair, get dressed, and do my makeup before I open the door to the bedroom. JD is sitting on the bed, waiting for me.
"The brochure says there's breakfast," he says and holds up a small pamphlet. "I hope it's included in the price, because I'm starving."
"Let's go find out." I try to put on the same unaffected demeanor. Maybe if I pretend it never happened, it will go away.
"Let's go."
We head down to the dining room and find a small buffet set out. I grab some yogurt and fruit salad. JD fills a plate with scrambled eggs and bacon.
"Good morning." Hattie comes in with a coffeepot. "I hope you slept well."
"Yes, thank you," I say, without looking at JD.
"Coffee?"
I hold out my cup, and she fills it. She moves on to JD and I dig into my fruit salad.
"And you, dear?" Hattie asks JD.
"One of the best nights I've had in a while." He smiles so naturally, I almost believe him.
"That's great."
"Do you happen to know when our friends will be picking us up?" I ask.
"Oh, they made a reservation for lunch."
Relieved that they're not going to keep us stranded here for any longer, I thank her and she leaves.
"Should we talk about it?" JD asks carefully.
"About what?" Nothing happened. Absolutely nothing happened.
"About you waking me up for sex."
My cheeks burn. "I had a dream. You can't hold me responsible for that." I stab a piece of pear and shove it in my mouth.
"But you weren't dreaming when we did it."
I chew slowly and swallow. It doesn't matter. Don't let him see that it matters.
I shrug. "We had sex. It happened and now it's over. As soon as they pick us up, you never have to see me again."
It's not like I can forgive him for blaming me, even if he can stop being an ass about it.
"Right."
We eat the rest of the meal in silence.
After breakfast, we explore the sitting room and the library. I sigh at the popular thrillers and romance novels that you can find anywhere. JD finds some old book about Gretsky and settles down to read it. I give up on the books and find a chair where I can stare out the window.
"There you are," Hattie says. "Why don't you take advantage of the beautiful weather we're having? The hill out back is perfect for sledding."
JD closes the book. "Sounds nice." He raises an eyebrow at me and I want to say no. But it's been ages since I've gone sledding and I really want to go.
"Sure." I get up.
"If you need scarves or hats or mittens, we have some in the lost and found." Hattie seems pleased that we took to her idea. "The sleds are in the small shack outside." She points to the side of the building.
"Thank you," JD says.
We go up to the room and I try not to stand too close to the bed as I put on more clothes. As if the bed was the reason last night happened.
Luckily, I came well prepared and have enough clothes to keep me warm. I don't look at JD as he gets dressed.
It's not long before we each carry a plastic sled up the hill. There's a path where other people have been before us.
"Ladies first," JD says when we reach the top and gestures for me to go.
I bite my lip and look at the faint tracks under the latest layer of snow.
"Unless you're scared?" he teases.
I give him a determined look and aim the sled. With a deep breath, I set off and fly down the hill. I had forgotten how much fun it is. My parents used to take me sledding when I was younger, but at some age it seemed like I was too old. I don't know why I thought that as I come to a laughing stop.
I turn my head in time to see JD coming at me in full force. He steers away from me and topples over as the sled hits softer snow.
"That was fun," I say.
"Come on," he gets up and holds out a hand for me. "I'll race you up the hill."
I grab his hand and without waiting; I set off as soon as I'm on my feet.
"No fair!" he yells and runs after me.
He's faster and raises both arms in victory as I pant my way up the last steps.
"This isn't fair," I say and try to catch my breath. "You're a professional athlete. I barely go to the gym."
"How about I give you a head start next time?"
I nod and put down my sled. JD places his next to mine.
"Together?" he asks.
"How?" I laugh.
I sit down with one foot keeping me still. He sits and places one foot in my sled. Then he hooks my arm in his.
"Ready?"
I nod. "Ready."
"Three. Two. One. Go." We set off and try to keep hold of each other as the sleds pull in different directions.
I lose track of time as we ride down again and again.
JD beats me back up almost every time. But he always waits for me.
"What time is it?" I ask and put down my sled.
I turn to see if JD has a watch, but as I do, I get a face full of snow. I blink and JD is standing with another snowball ready to go.
"Oh, you messed with the wrong woman." I duck down and run over to an area with fresh snow. I grab a fistful of snow and toss it at him.
The snow is almost too cold to make snowballs, so it's mostly us throwing piles of snow in the general direction of each other. Until I sneak up on him and smash snow in his face.
He yells as I laugh and try to get away. With his superior reach and speed, he catches me easily. Instead of doing the same to me, he puts the snow under my scarf on my neck.
I shriek and try to escape him. He lets go just as I'm reminded of Corey. But there's no similarity. He never makes me feel scared or powerless.
"That's mean," I say and take off my mitten so I can fish the snow from my neck before it all melts and runs down my back.
"I'm sorry," he holds up his hands. "I surrender. Ok?"
I smile. "Fine. We should probably head back inside. It has to be lunchtime soon."
I notice my sled has disappeared down the hill. It must have slipped away when he started the snowball fight.
I start walking when JD grabs my wrist. "Come here," he says and my heart beats faster.
He takes me to his sled. "We can ride down together."
He sits in the back and acts as if the sled really is big enough for more than one person.
And I play along. I sit in front of him and lean back as his arm tightens around my waist.
"Ready?" he asks, but before I can answer, he's kicked off and we're careening down the hill. I grab onto his arm and he holds me so tight I can barely breathe. But I'm happy, and I can't stop laughing.
"Careful," I say when the sled takes off in the wrong direction. We hit a bush, and the sled tilts enough that we fall out into the snow. I laugh even harder. JD pulls me so close I can feel his heartbeat against my back. His deep rumbling laugh shakes me as we struggle to get up.
I finally get to my feet and brush some of the snow off me. In the distance, I see two cars approaching.
"Is that them?" I ask and point.
JD stands next to me. "Those fuckers."
My laughter dies and I know that whatever this weekend was, it's over now.
"Come on." JD grabs his sled and my hand and starts running.
"Where are we going?"
"We're getting even." He stops to pick up my sled and we hurry back to the house. The cars are still some way off.
He drops the sleds in the shed and grabs some snow. Squeezing it into a ball, he finds a spot near the parking place where we can duck down and hide.
"Payback?" I ask and start making snowballs.
"Payback." He grins at me.
We build up a small arsenal while we wait. The cars pull in, and we smile at each other. Maybe this is the last thing we'll ever do together. But we're going to make it count.
We wait. Silently and without moving. The cars stop and the doors open. Our so-called friends get out.
"Now," JD whispers, and we stand.
One by one, the snowballs fly at them. JD hits Wes in the chest and I get Brick right in the back of the head. Lydia and Kat shriek and try to hide behind the guys as we keep pelting them.
It takes them a moment to realize what's happening. Then Liam laughs and ducks behind Brick's car.
"Close combat," JD whispers and winks at me. He hands me the last of the snowballs and rushes in to shove a handful of snow in Ethan's face.
I follow his lead and find Kat behind Brick. He tries to protect her, but her neck is exposed so I shove the snow down her jacket and she shrieks.
Then I spot Lydia and pick up some more snow. I hit the top of her hair and she throws some back at me.
"Maybe that's enough," Brick's voice booms out.
I stop to catch my breath. It looks like JD got the guys good. They weren't as bundled up as we are, so they look slightly miserable. JD beams at me and we high five.
Then we all head inside.
Hattie has lunch ready for us and we sit down to eat. I keep glancing over at JD. He's reprimanding the guys and telling them how he's going to punish them in training.
Lydia, Kat, and I sit at a different table.
"So?" Kat asks, and looks happy. "Did you make up?"
I have to close my eyes and take a breath before I answer her. "Did you really think this was all it would take?"
"You mean you need more than a romantic dinner and shared bed?" Lydia says, and sounds disappointed.
"But you were getting along. You high-fived," Kat says.
"It's not that simple. And I'm still mad at you for doing this."
"I'm sorry." Kat stares at her plate and looks like a sad puppy. "I've been feeling bad about it all night."
"Good." I resist the urge to comfort her.
"Here's your phone." She gets my phone out of her pocket and I take it gladly. Not that I've had time to miss it.
"So tell us." Lydia leans forward. "Was it horrible?"
I roll my eyes. Then I look over at JD. He smiles at me. But it's a sad smile.
"No," I say. "It wasn't horrible. But nothing's changed."
"It is a nice place, though." Lydia looks around.
"How did you even find it?" I ask.
"My sister." Lydia says. "Ellie and D come here from time to time. Ellie says they have the best chocolates here."
"They do," I say. "You should definitely try them."
It's a long car ride back and I spend most of it looking out the window. I know Kat wants to talk more, but doesn't want to do it in front of Brick and Ethan.
Ethan mostly seems disappointed his plan didn't work. I had to tell him I wasn't interested in talking about it to shut him up. Part of me is grateful that they tried to fix things, but part of me hurts even more now.
When we get back to the dorm, it's already late.
"Are you upset with us?" Kat asks as soon as we're alone.
I close my eyes and try to calm myself down. "A little."
"I'm so sorry. I tried to tell them it was none of our business. But as soon as Lydia and Ethan got it in their heads, it was impossible to stop them. At least I put my foot down when they had the idea of leaving you in the middle of nowhere with a tent."
I stare at her incredulously. "A tent?"
"They thought that if you had to huddle for warmth, you wouldn't be able to resist each other."
"I'm glad you didn't let them do that." I unpack my things and put stuff away.
"I thought we should have gotten you two rooms, or at least a room with two beds, but Ethan called and booked the entire B&B before I could stop him."
"Ethan paid for every room?"
Kat shrugs. "Sometimes I think he has more money than sense."
"I'll say."
"So, did anything happen?"
The pain cuts through me, and I do my best to hide it. "Not really," I lie. "We had dinner and went to sleep." Not a lie. Just not the whole truth.
"I'm sorry, it was all for nothing. Is it all over now?"
I blink back tears. "We had a good time." My voice isn't as steady as I would like. "But yeah, I think we're over."
How could I ever be with someone who abandoned me when I needed him the most?
That night, I wait until I hear Kat's steady breathing and know she's asleep. Then I let the tears come and stifle my sobs in the pillow. It did make it worse. Because now I know what I could have had. What I've lost.