Morgan
"Come on," Kat says and pulls at my arm. "You can't stay here forever. And you said you're feeling fine."
I sigh and sit up. The plan was to stay in bed tonight and maybe watch a movie. But it seems Kat has a different idea.
"I don't know." I push down the fear that creeps up inside me and makes me nauseous.
"Morgan," Kat sits opposite me on her bed. "If I thought staying here was best for you, I wouldn't even ask. But I really think you need to go."
To a party. That's the part that makes me nervous. It hits me how the roles have changed and now it's Kat convincing me to go out on a Friday night.
"It's just a small party. Lydia is coming and we won't let you out of our sight all night. And Brick will be within shouting-distance the whole night."
I take a deep breath. I'm the strong one. But after what happened, part of me wants to curl up under a blanket and forget about the world.
"It's like when you fall off a horse," Kat says. "You have to get back up before it becomes too hard. Because it's circumstances, right? What happened won't ever happen again. Not like that. And you like parties. You love going out. So you can't stop doing that just because of one asshole."
There's some sense to what she's saying. I can easily imagine myself withdrawing more and more if I don't do something about it now.
"You won't leave me alone?" I ask and hate the tremble in my voice.
She sits next to me and puts an arm around my shoulders. "I promise. Me or Lydia will be with you the whole time. We won't even let you pee alone. I can bring out the handcuffs if you want."
I can't help it. I laugh. The laughter releases something inside me and makes it easier to breathe.
"I don't think that's necessary, but thank you."
"Now, do you want to change before we go?"
I look down at my comfy sweater and black jeans.
"Yeah."
I find a black top with long sleeves and a turtle-neck. It's see through, but hides the fading bruises on my neck and arms.
"How do I look?"
Kat looks me up and down and squints. "You look beautiful."
I force my hand to stop shaking so I can do my makeup while we wait for Brick. I can do this. I'm the strong one. Nothing is going to happen tonight. We won't even stay out that late.
"Does..." I take a breath. "Does Brick know what happened?"
Kat looks sad. "No. You told me not to say anything. But I also couldn't lie to him. So he knows something happened, and he knows I can't tell him."
I nod. Maybe I shouldn't have asked her to keep my secret from him.
When Brick arrives, I've managed to make myself look somewhat presentable.
"Your ride is here," he says as I let him in.
"Just a second," Kat says and wipes at her lips. "I'm trying a new color."
"How are you?" Brick asks me.
"I'm good." I grab my jacket and put it on. As I do, his eyes linger on my neck. My stomach plummets. "Fuck, it's still visible, isn't it?"
He stiffens and looks between me and Kat. "What the hell happened?"
I hurry to the mirror and adjust the neckline. "It's nothing. Forget about it"
In the mirror, I see him looking at Kat, who just shakes her head.
"JD isn't going to like this," he mutters, barely loud enough for me to hear him. Then his face fills with panic. "JD didn't.... Did he?"
"No, of course not," I say, and he relaxes. "And JD doesn't need to know the specifics. He already knows what happened."
Brick looks confused, but doesn't say anything as we head out and pick up Lydia.
The party isn't too large, and Kat keeps her promise. She sticks by my side like she actually did put on those handcuffs.
I avoid the alcohol, figuring it doesn't mesh well with the concussion. Even though I'm feeling almost as good as new. The music is loud and confusing at first, but I decide to play into it and dance and enjoy myself.
Until a headache starts to build. The music becomes overwhelming. Kat is dancing with Brick and for once not glued to me, so I lean over to Lydia and ask her if she could come with me outside for a moment.
"Yeah, sure," she says and I take her hand so I won't lose her. Kat glances over at us, and I give her a reassuring smile.
"Are you ok?" Lydia asks when we're on the screened porch. It's cold, but not unbearably so. We sit down on a swing and pull a blanket over us.
"Not really." I take a deep breath.
"I tried to text you last week. But Kat said you had some phone issues?"
"What do you know about what happened at the party after Rivers won?"
"Not much. I know that Rivers' social media has been scrubbed and very few posts about the party are still out there."
I can't help but smile at that. I know it's mainly to protect the River Otters, but I also know it's to protect me.
"Yeah, things got out of hand."
"There's more to it than that," Lydia says. "There has to be. I don't even know who has the power to remove all the posts."
"The hockey team. It kind of looks bad for them if one of the players throws someone through a glass wall."
"Oh, my god. Who got thrown through a wall?"
"I did."
"Are you ok? Is that why you weren't at school? Who threw you? And what the fuck happened at that party?"
"It was when I was leaving."
The tension in me coils as I start telling the story. Lydia listens and asks questions, and as the words come out, so does the tension. Bit by bit, I relax as I work through the evening's events. When I'm done, I feel exhausted, but better.
"Does JD know about this?"
"I talked to him the Sunday after. The conversation is a bit hazy, because of the concussion, but yeah, he knows what happened. He seemed to think it was my fault. I've never understood people who victim-blame like that."
"I don't know JD all that well, but I don't want to believe that of him. Then again, before Wes and I went public, he said some nasty things about me. Maybe he just has a weird view on women?"
"Maybe."
We sit in silence. I know JD has a weird view on women. I just never thought victim blaming was a thing he did.
"Do you want to talk to someone?" Lydia asks quietly.
"What?"
She's staring at her hands.
"I go to a therapist to deal with my parents' death and it's helped a lot."
"I'm fine," I say and hope that's true.
"You might want to speak to someone, anyway. I didn't at first, and for over a year I tried to fix myself with some pretty self destructive behavior. I didn't even realize I was doing it."
Do I need to speak to someone? I've always turned to my parents with things like this. But maybe there are other people out there who know if what I'm feeling is normal.
"I'll think about it."
"If you want, I can give you the details for my therapist, only I'm not sure how much it costs because my aunt is paying for it."
I nod. A therapist. Do I need one? I know they help a lot of people, but I'm strong. I can take care of myself.
Tears appear, and I blink them away. I was raised to be self-sufficient. I can take care of myself. I should be able to take care of myself.