Nick:
I got up at 6am, took a shower, grabbed my gear, and left for training. At first, I was gonna try to call out, but I knew that coach wouldn't have that. I wasn't even sure if Charlie would want me here, or care that I stayed. He'd probably say that it was too late or something. So instead, I just went.
When I got to the facility, I greeted my mates as we headed to breakfast and morning meetings. Many noticed the bags under my eyes and questioned them, but I just said something dumb like " Just got in late man" even though I was home by 2pm, and never left.
The trainings and just having to be around people was so hard. I just wanted to be home, I wanted to be with my Char, but I fucked up, again. I swear I thought I was doing the right thing at the time, I thought it was for the best, I was just- "Nelson" her voice snaps me out of my thoughts. I turn to the sideline where coach and the rest of my team is "it's break" Coach Singh yells at me, looking confused "shit" I whisper under my breath. I was standing in the middle of the pitch, too in my head to realize the whistle for break had went off. I jogged my way over to the sideline "you alright Nick" " yea, was just thinking of a play" she nods and walks off, allowing me to get water.
The rest of training and the other meetings went fine. I didn't space out again, but many thoughts were still lingering in my mind.
I walked out to my car, but I just sat in the driver's seat. I didn't want to go home, I couldn't. It's hard to function and do anything knowing that he "needs space from me".
I just sit in the car for a little longer, thinking of what I could do, or if I'll just take another night on the couch.
I settled on maybe stopping by mum's before going home. I adjusted my seat and started the car when I was startled by a knock on my window. "Ayy Nelson" it was a group of the lads so I rolled down my window. "Yea what's up" I ask looking around to see who all is there "we were just gonna make a trip to the pub, drinks are half off" he says in a convincing way.
I thought about it for a split second, a break would be nice, but I promised Charlie no drinks while he's pregnant, so going to the pub would just make this whole thing worse. "Ahh, thanks mate but I've gotta get home" "The lad gets married and forgets about his mates" everyone laughs at his joke. I start the car " Nah, the lad just doesn't wanna babysit you lightweights" I say before I pull off, chuckling at my own joke.
I was a couple of minutes out when I decided that I was gonna stop by my mum's house. I don't even know if I'll tell her or not, she'll probably know that something's up anyways.
I drove the 23 minutes to her house before I was standing on the doorstep, ringing the doorbell. I didn't stand there for long when my mum opened the door with a smile, but shocked face "Nickyy, what a surprise" "hi mum" I say as she lets me in, closing the door before pulling me in for a hug.
When she pulls away, she gets a good look at my face "has something happened, or you're just paying your ol' mum a visit" she asks patting my arm before walking towards the kitchen. "Nah just thought I'd stop by" I say before I follow after her. She stirs the pot of food on the stove before turning around to lock eyes with me. "Nicky, you've got heavy bags and dark circles under your eyes, you're 40 minutes from home, and you're here on a week night at 8pm" I sigh in defeat. I knew she would notice.
"I'm not sure if I wanna talk about it mum" I say plopping in a seat at the table. "Oh that's okay, I'll be here if you ever want to alright" "thanks mum"
We sat at the table eating hot bowls of gumbo that she made. We talked about how she was doing and how rugby was. I could sense that she had a clue about what was going on with Charlie and I, she didn't mention him the whole time.
We talked some more over tea and cookies before I helped her clear up and said my goodbyes as it was getting late.
I left my mums house a bit ago and have been on the road for about 20 minutes. I'm now in the downtown/city part of London as I pass the bar that I know my mates are at. I keep looking back trying to spot them, but in my head, I'm back to the internal argument if I should stop by or not. "He doesn't have to know. A drink or two and I'll be home" I think to myself as I pull into the parking lot.
I walk into loud music, sweaty people, and a musty, humid room, but I eventually land my eyes on James and Ethan, my two fellow captains. I walk over and they start to realize it's me "oh lads, our babysitter's here" James yells out, causing the rest of my mates to look at me as I laugh out loud.
It's been almost an hour since I got to the bar and I have in fact had only one drink. It did help a little that the rest of the lads weren't drinking much either, just chatting and dancing with girls. Of course I wasn't and sat on a couch with the other partners.
It was pushing 12am at this point when many, many couples were walking in. I guess it had been couples night too. None of it had really effected me until I land my eyes on a queer couple, for some reason, it had reminded me of Charlie and I. I wasn't sure why this was messing me up so much when it was just a couple dancing, together, they weren't fighting, neither of them needed space from the other, they were just happy. "Oh" I thought to myself after it had clicked.
I sat there zoned out, not even sure what I was thinking until I couldn't take it anymore. I found myself sitting at the bar, asking for two silver bullet shots. Four. Five. Eight. I'm ten shots and two beers in when I realize I can't feel much. I was still thinking about Charlie, but it wasn't as negative as it was before. I pulled out my phone and pressed my emergency contact, Charlie's number. I texted him
My love😍😘:
(12:43am)- I midd u soooooooopoiipoiioi much
I lobe u
I wish I nevwr did it. I just didn't whant to hirt u
I whant to kiss anhd hugg uuuu and touch it's bern sooio longg
I sent all of the texts while I was still at the table, but sooner than later, I felt tears run down my face "ahh mate, you alright" the bartender ask me but I just nod my head and stumble away to find the lads i'm supposed to be with.
It takes me a while to find them since it's kind of hard to think straight right now. I hear my name from afar, but I don't acknowledge whoever it was until they tap my shoulder. It was James "Mate i've been looking all over for you, everybody's gone" he says loudly so I hear him over the music. My eyes were heavy "yea, yeah" I say hoping that satisfies him. "Nelson are you drunk, we've still got training tomorrow" "mmhmn" I groan out "oh you've gone mad, you're pissed" he says wrapping his arms around me before we start walking. "Wh-where" I manage to get one word out "I'm taking you home, looks like I'm the real babysitter". I didn't fight him, I just got into his car and closed my eyes.
James drove, asking me questions from time to time like "what are you gonna do tomorrow" and "how bad are your hangovers". I answered them both with an "I don't know".
I wasn't sure how long he had been driving or if it had been long at all, but at some point during the ride, my phone buzzed. Charlie had texted me back
My love 😍😘
(1:02am)- are u drunk rn
Where are you. I'm coming to pick u up
You're really bad at keeping promises lately
I read the texts as well as I could before I just put my phone back down. I was able to pick out most words, and I know that none of them were "I love you" or "I miss you".
I rested my head against the window "can I stay at yours" I ask James "Nick were literally in your driveway c'mon" "please" I say desperately "what about Charlie, he's there waiting for you" he says pointing towards the house "fuck" I mumble to myself before opening the door. I stand up leaning against the car as I'm not really capable of walking. James wraps his arm around me, and pulls mine around his neck as we walk towards my home. Charlie was there waiting with the door open "hi James, I'm so sorry" " it's all good, do want him somewhere" " The couch is fine, thanks" Charlie says closing the door.
James sets me down before walking out, Charlie goes with him. I hear the door close again, and I'm comes Charlie. "Do you need something" I shake my head "k well I'm going to bed" he walks off. I sit up "w-wait" I say making him stop in his tracks, turning around. " I never meant to hurt you Char please, I thought I was doing the right thing. I- I just love you so much a-and I want to make it right, please. I can explain" I say and u can feel the tears again "maybe when you're sober, and mean it. Not just trying to get in my pants" he says going to walk off "but I mean it now and I'm not just trying to get in your pants. I want my husband" "we'll talk later" he says actually going up this time. The tears are flooding my eyes and speeding down my cheeks " I love you" I say quietly knowing he wouldn't have heard me either way.
I just laid on the couch crying, trying to fall asleep when I heard the stairs creak. I popped up. It was just Nellie. I laid back down before she came over to cuddle me, but apparently Charlie wasn't too far behind "Nick" I shot back up a little too fast. I made eye contact "I love you ok, I'm just processing everything. But I love you so, so much and we'll be ok, we'll talk later" he says crying now. It hurt to see him hurt, but it was even worse knowing that I caused it "I'm really sorry" I choke out "I know Nick". He walked around the couch, coming towards me. He sat down before wrapping his arms around me. I reciprocated after a little hesitation caused by shock. I didn't say anything and neither did he. Charlie then shifted and was now laid on top of me. I wanted to kiss him, but I didn't want to push it and ruin the moment. He just laid, clinging to my side as I held him. There were still silent tears until he started kissing them away. I melted into them, it was the contact that I was used to, but had been lacking.
I closed my eyes once the tears and kisses stopped. I was getting my char back.
A/N: sorry for the delay...just been having a lot of school work so not much time for writing. Hope you enjoyed this one though. Luv u all🕺😘