"Haley! Hurry up!" Claire called from the kitchen
"You don't have much time, and I made chocolate chip pancakes" She added
"Mom, I'm not 12" Haley said entering the kitchen
"Chocolate chip pancakes?" Sophie said excitedly as she entered the kitchen and sat down at the counter as she started eating them
"Don't eat all of them" Claire said looking at Sophie
"Honey, you excited about your first day?" She then asked looking at Haley
"You know what? I really am. There's something about going to work that makes you feel like you're-I don't know- worth something. No offense, Mom"
"That sounded personal" Sophie commented still eating the pancakes
"Listen. I wanna give you some advice" Claire told Haley
"Do it fast. She's gonna be late" Phil told her
"Work hard" Claire started
"Uh-huh"
"Keep your eye on the ball" Claire added and Haley's phone rang
"Stay focused. Never-" Haley interrupted her chuckling
"Check it out. Cam in overalls" Haley said
"Oh" Claire sighed
"Mitchell sent me the same text" Phil said
"Why "Look what you've done"?" Sophie asked
"Oh, because Cam is helping me out with that baseball field, and Mitchell hates it when he gets all farmed up. His turn-offs are farm, Fizbo and worst of all, Farmbo" Phil explained
"Well, I gotta go. Don't wanna be late for my first-Oh, my God! Why didn't you guys tell me the time?" Haley gasped as she noticed she was late and then bursted out
Claire sighed at her and then took the pancakes from Sophie that almost finished them
"You're evil" Sophie pretending to be shocked as Claire smiled sarcastically at her
"See you tonight" Sophie said while taking the car's keys
"Where are you going?" Claire asked
"Grandpa's. Gloria has some clothes she doesn't like anymore and asked if I wanted to check on them. Even though Manny says they just don't fit her anymore and seeing them every day makes her sad and hysterical" Sophie explained
"So they don't fit anymore huh? That's...really...sad" Claire said trying to hide a smile
"You're cruel" Sophie said playfully heading to the car
Later, Sophie arrived at Jay and Gloria's and Gloria opened the door
"Hey, Sophie" Gloria smiled as she hugged her
"Hi, Goria. How are you?" Sophie asked as Gloria let her in
"Great, thanks sweetie. How's Harvard?" Gloria asked as she leaded her to the kitchen
"Harvard's great too" Sophie smiled
"Sophie, hi" Jay greeted hugging her
"Hey grandpa" Sophie smiled
Later, Sophie was drinking a soda in the kitchen while Jay read the paper. She had to take a break after an hour because the living room was filled with clothes that came out of the 9 boxes Gloria filled.
"Hey, hey, Hey. And this is our dining room, where we eat. And this is our kitchen, where we also eat" Gloria spoke with a microphone as she entered the kitchen
"Who are you talking to?" Sophie asked
"It looks like you lost your tour. Or your mind" Jay commented
"The baby. Shorty's girlfriend, Darlene, sent it to me. She said it's for prenatal bonding. I love it. We took a tour of the house. We took a look at all my shoes" Gloria explained
"Come on, Jay. Say something to the baby" Gloria said handing him the microphone
"Darlene's an idiot" Jay said
"Well, aren't those the perfect first words?" Sophie replied sarcastically
"Oh, yeah, beautiful. Your first words to our baby: "Darlene is an idiot." Gloria added
"This is stupid. The baby's only two inches away. He doesn't need speakers blasting at him" Jay tried to argue
"Like in restaurants nowadays, where you can't even hear yourself think" Gloria replied
"Ah, you're gonna do whatever you want. Why do I bother?" Jay said and went back to his paper
"I think it's an interesting approach to the baby, Gloria" Sophie told her
"Ay thank you Sophie, was that too hard?" Gloria changed tone from sweet to mad
"I think by interesting she means useless" Jay said not looking up from the paper
"I hope you won't be like that when you become old" Gloria told the baby as she walked away, and that made Jay look up and Sophie look down trying to hide her smile
Later, 3 hours passed by and Sophie only managed to look through 4 boxes. She was now in the living room looking through the fifth one when Gloria started singing to the baby and not in a pleasant way, at all.
"Hush, little baby Don't say a word Papa's going to buy you a mockingbird. And if that mockingbird won't sing Papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring" Gloria basically yelled
Interview
" Papa'd buy 10 diamond rings to get that mockingbird to shut the hell up. But I wasn't gonna tell Gloria she was a terrible singer. That's just taking a bath with a toaster. Still, the thought of that poor little thing stuck in there like a hostage, listening to that racket days on end. I just couldn't take it" Jay said looking at the camera
End interview
"And if that billy goat won't push Papa's gonna kill the billy goat" Gloria kept yelling
"I'll tell you what Papa's gonna do. He's gonna take a turn on that mike" Jay said taking the microphone from Gloria
"Ay, really?" Gloria asked happily
"Yeah"
"Thank God" Sophie sighed in relief as Gloria frowned but Jay quickly took her attention back
"I've been thinking, if it's a chance to bond, I should take it" Jay added at his last sentence
"Ay, Jay, that's great. I think that the sound of my voice... shouldn't be the only thing that the baby should hear" Gloria told him
"If he can still hear" Sophie muttered while Jay took a moment to think about what Sophie said but scrolled it off and took the mike from Gloria.
"Breaker, breaker, Big Jay. Baby, what's your 20? Over" Jay spoke on the microphone
"Ay, that's so cute. You sound like Smokey and the Bandido. Go on. Go on"
"Hi, kid. This is your dad, Jay Pritchett. Uh, we're all pretty excited to meet you. Just a heads-up I might be a few years older than you're expecting. But on the plus side, we're very comfortable" Jay said and then Gloria tried to take back the mike
"What are you doing in there? You sleepin'? Are you sleeping?" Jay asked at the baby and Gloria tried to take the mike again
"Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! Still Daddy's turn...and now is Sophie's turn" Jay said pulling Sophie where they were and handing her the mike
"What?" Sophie asked
"Don't be shy" Jay chuckled forcedly
"Uh, hi...baby? I'm Sophie your nephew, as if it wasn't already weird having Manny as an uncle...and uh...i think your dad still wants to tell you something, so bye" Sophie said handing back the mike to Jay
"Yeah, that was Sophie, she will be very useful to you" Jay said sarcastically as Sophie made a playfully annoyed face at his sarcasm
Later, Sophie was still looking through the clothes while Jay and Gloria were sitting on the couch and Jay tried to come up with everything on his mind to say so Gloria couldn't speak on the mike
"...leaving 17 dead and thousands without power." Jay explained to the baby
"Ay, Jay, please! It's bad that the baby listens to such terrible things" Gloria told him
"I don't think that's the worst he heard all day" Sophie muttered
"Jay, do you know a good one-hour dry cleaner? And I don't mean the "Must be in by 10:00, only on weekdays, you need a coupon" kind. I mean a hard one hour" Manny asked getting downstairs
"Oh, hi Sophie" Manny said
"Hey Manny"
"This conversation feels like a hard one hour. And what do you need it cleaned for? It's spotless" Jay asked him
"There's mustard here from Reuben's Reuben. That's what happens when you put a narcissist in charge of snack day" Manny said
"Okay, it's my turn again. Baby, it's your mother again-" Gloria took the microphone from Jay
"Gloria? Why don't we give him a break? He probably needs a minute because he just learned about a deadly tornado" Jay told her
"Okay, stop calling him a he. What if he's a she, and you're making her upset?" Gloria said
"I told you. That's just the shorthand I'm using. Don't jump down my throat every time-"
"Ay, yeah. Because you always-"
"Do you really want your unborn baby to hear you fighting like this? Studies show it's unhealthy for a fetus to be exposed to a stressful environment" Manny told them
"Studies? You're 13. Read a comic book" Jay told him
"Sophie back me up here" Manny asked her
"Hey, I grew up in a stressful environment" Sophie said
"What time does your game start?" Jay asked Manny
"I have to be there at 3:00 for hitting practice. Batting practice"
"Not for me"
"Jay, I don't want our baby to think that he's coming into an unhappy home. Let's promise that we're never ever going to fight in front of him" Gloria said
"No fighting in front of the baby" Jay repeated
"Okay, good" Gloria said and went to start singing again
"Gloria, stop it! Stop it. No more singing" Jay stopped her
"Why?"
"Because you stink. You're a terrible singer. Come on. Let's get some lunch" Jay finally told her
"How dare do you tell me that I am-"
"Ah, ah, ah, ah! No, no, no. No fighting in front of the baby. We just made a deal" Jay reminded her
"Yeah, but that's not fair because I am always in front of the baby!" Gloria argued
"Gloria, you're as close to perfect as a woman gets. Nothing wrong with one tiny little flaw. Yours is when you start to sing, it sounds like something got stuck in the vacuum cleaner" Jay told her
"That's your-" Gloria started yelling
"Ah, ah, ah! No, no, no" Jay stopped her
"That is just your stupid, stupid opinion, Jay. But I am very angry at you, and I am gonna make a list... of all the things that I am going to scream at you... as soon as this baby is out of me" Gloria whispered in a threatening tone
Later, at Luke and Manny's game
"Two outs, bottom of the sixth" Phil said
"Tied at 4. This is it, folks. The whole game comes down to this"
"Manny Delgado, 0 for 3 on the day"
"Manny, stand up straight!" Gloria yelled
"But bend your knees" Jay added
"Widen your stance!" Claire yelled too
"Would you please let me ju-" Many tried to say
"Ooh!" Everyone yelled as he got the ball
"You did it! Run, Manny!" Sophie yelled
"I did it?" Manny asked surprised as he started running
"Yeah!" Luke yelled
"No, no, no, no! Not that way! Go this way! Why do I bother? He's gonna do what he wants" Jay said
"Manny! Manny! Manny! Manny! Manny! Manny!" Everyone yelled