Madinah.
"Ya aisha na gaji." (I'm tired.) I whined for the umpteenth time.
She flat out ignored me and passed me a wrapper, then dragged me out of my room down to the guest room where the lady was.
Today is my wedding eve. I have been going through the torture that is called gyaran jiki since my wedding date was set. We started daily with the sugar waxing followed by an algae mask, dilke (turmeric based scrub), some other potions, hammam (full body steam) and then durot (full body steaming done with incense).
I am pretty sure that I do not have that much hair on my body, but ya aisha especially would not hear of it.
"This is supposed to be done for two months but we only have less than two weeks so quit complaining!" Well thank God for that.
I greeted the lady and sat before her, going through three hours of my daily torture. After, she went into the bathroom and prepared me a milk bath that was filled with so many different perfumes. The strong scent of roses hit my nostrils as I went into the bathroom. I soaked in it for nearly an hour before she came back in and got me out.
My biggest problem with the whole thing was how much she aimed to see me naked, or maybe I was being a little dramatic. But it cannot be normal for her to have access to every part of my body. In the beginning, I vehemently refused to take off the wrapper. Maama Sarah had to get involved, after which we compromised that I leave my underwear on. I did so with crimson cheeks all through.
"Take these. These ones here are scrubs, these ones are face masks, and these here are perfumes. Use them at your leisure but make sure you use the perfumes atleast twice weekly so the scent never disappears. Today is our last day together, but you can call me anytime." As if.
I smiled at her, "nagode, aunty. I will use them." And then I sprinted to my room.
I probably would use her scrubs but the incense would be of no use to me since I already had a scent I used frequently.
I got to my room with every intention of finally resting, that plan flew out the window because I met Ammal there.
"I almost thought you weren't coming today." I went to my wardrobe and pulled out a sleeping gown even though it was broad daylight.
"Are you trying to send me away?"
"What? no! You're just late is all." I faced her, she chuckles.
"You're such a people pleaser madinah, you need to lose that." Then she walked out of the room saying, "Zara and I are going to go get your dress, you can sleep before we come back."
I sighed in relief, I haven't had a proper night's sleep in almost a week. Mostly due to anxiety and half because I spend the whole night praying and have zero time to myself during the day due to the planning. Although I have done little to nothing, my friend and sisters handled almost everything. By now they must have noticed my lack of enthusiasm, maybe they equated it to me being my boring self.
On a more serious note, fear has been eating me alive. I was not this scared when Abbie told me, or even when the date was set. But now that it was so close I could taste it, I wanted out.
People often called it wedding jitters, but mine must be worse cause i am sure 'people' don't get threatened by their groom on their first meeting. My main consolation was the fact that Abbie chose him, he would never choose anything he doesn't personally believe in. And I often replayed that day i went to the office in my head, he saved me and then he made me a promise. He had to keep his promise.. right?
These were the thoughts that plagued me every night. Today I pushed them back and closed my eyes.
*************
"The lady said she'd be done with the traditional outfit in three weeks, so you have to go for three fittings."
I listened to ya Ummi as I munched on my Apple. Zara got up and opened up a beautiful pink fitted lace dress that was heavily beaded and a white alkyabba with golden embroidery. It was my outfit for tomorrow and it was beautiful, even I thought so.
Everyone gushed over it even though they'd seen it already, "go try it on." Ammal and zara pushed me into the bathroom.
I tried it on as they'd said and came out to meet them, they gushed some more, "That general won't know what hit him." I glared at zara, I'm sure my cheeks were as crimson as humanely possible.
I let them decide what shoe and jewelry would go more with the clothes out of the millions they'd bought and then changed out of the dress.
"Madinah baba came back today so I can't sleep with you, but I'll be here as early as possible tomorrow." Ammal tells me, sporting a guilty look on her face. Baba- her dad- was not too strict but he was not a fan of sleep overs so ammal rarely slept over when he was around.
"No problem, who's taking you home?" I picked up my Apple from the chair I'd left it on and carried on where I stopped.
"Call Ayaan please, I can't get through to the driver."
I nodded and rang Ayaan, he picked up after three rings. "Ayaa please come and take Ammal home."
As expected, his reply came, "Am I her driver?"
"She can't get through to the driver." I reasoned with him even though I knew he was only saying it and was probably already on his way.
"All that energy she uses to torment everyone, she should use it to walk home."
I rolled my eyes, "please it's getting late."
He ignored me at first and then he said, "Come with us, I want to talk to you."
I ended the call and got up, threw a hijaab over my head and pulled Ammal out to his car, leaving my sisters to their wedding planning.
This was the most time I'd spent with them my whole life, it was so sweet and warmed me up how they were all there.
Once we got to the car, I got in the back and let them bicker together in the front. We dropped Ammal first and I went back to the passenger seat. Ayaan took a route I did not recognize at first
"Where are you kidnapping me to?" I teased him, he ignored me so I added,
"You can't even get anything from kidnapping me because you would be billing yourself for ransom."
"That what happened to your father?" He retorts in sarcasm
"Well depends on who gets contacted first." Ayaan simply laughs in mockery.
"But would you actually pay my ransom?" Ofcourse sensitive me got butt hurt.
"Well if I think you're worth the amount, sure." He continues to laugh even when I punched his arm that was on the steering wheel.
"Wai keh matar soldier koh? You're so violent."
I rolled my eyes at him and ignored him. Five minutes later we pulled up to an icecream shop. Not just a regular one, it was where mommy always brought Ayaan and I.
We were basically the axis of her world, all her attention was always on us. Each day she'd pick us up from school with the driver and we'd go on outings on the weekends. May Allah forgive her, I internally prayed.
I looked at Ayaan and smiled, he always tried to avoid things or places that reminded him of her. We haven't been here since she passed, him coming here today I'm sure took a lot from him.
We got down and got in, the place was filled up. Ayaan joined the line while I sat on one of the chairs arranged for customers who wanted to take in.
He got us our icecream and came to meet me.
"Can we take it in the car?" I asked him when I noticed two girls come to sit beside us.
"Why? Jealous of all the attention I'm getting?" I rolled my eyes and stood up, he followed suit and we walked out to the car.
As Ayaan drove us home, he broke the silence. "It's still not too late."
I knew what he meant so I looked at him incredulously, "for what?"
"You can still back out, I will support you."
Today, I actually considered what he was saying. My anxiety was getting the best of me, what if I just forgot everything and everyone and chose me? All the embarrassment I would cause Abbie, the disappointment I would cause my sisters, what if I just forgot it all?
That would make me someone else, not the madinah who had never chosen herself before, selfless madinah who cared more about other people than herself. It was a bit pathetic, but it was who I was.
"No Ayaa, I will go through with it."
"Are you sure? You don't even know him."
"I know more than you think, that day he brought me back home," I blushed a little "he caught me being almost assaulted by someone and he broke his hand and then he fired him. It was a bit unsettling to watch, but he did it for me.. he saved me."
Ayaan looked at me warily, "That is the bare minimum." Then his eyes darkened, "i would have killed him."
"Is your girlfriend teaching you girl language?" I joked. He sounded so much like Ammal saying that. Once in college she had an admirer who sent her a hundred roses everyday for a week and she called it 'bare minimum'.
"Seriously maaya, your 'damsel in distress' mentality worries me."
He was not wrong.
Once we were near the house, he parked the car and faced me,
"If this is what you truly want, then so be it madinah. But I want you to know that no matter what, as long as I am alive, you will always have me to fall back on. Whether or not I share your opinions, i will support them fully. There will never be a day on earth that I will not be right there, all you have to do is look for me."
The first tear dropped from my eyes, he reached out to wipe it, "We came to this world together. When mommy passed, we grieved together. We have done and overcome every single thing together and this will be no different. I have tried my best fulfill the promise I made to mommy to always protect you and I will continue to do so always InshaAllah."
Now I'm fully crying, I broke down as he pulled me into his arms and hugged me. As much as the car would let us anyways.
"You have done everything for me Ayaan. Mommy would be so proud of you." I tell him in between tears and hugged him tighter.
He let me cry and cry and cry until my eyes dried up. We spent so long in the car before he finally drove in to the house.
He sat me on the kitchen island and made his 'special' as he called it, it was just pancakes and Nutella.
"Wallah I'm so anxious, I don't think I can sleep." I tell him as we washed the dishes.
"I'll stay up with you— I'm sure that's what you expected me to say."
I punched his arm again, he groaned, "I hope you don't take this nasty habit to your house, because if you're asked to frog jump one day ba ruwa na." (It's none of my business.)
My eyes widened, he wouldn't. Id never envisioned myself being married to a soldier. All my life I've pictured someone kind and patient and sweet.
Adeel did not even talk to me. A wave of sadness washed over me.
"I am coming to your room and we are going to play video games." I tell Ayaan, he doesn't answer me, but we did just that. We played video games until I eventually fell asleep on his carpet while he was sound asleep on his bed, rude.
***********************
The next time I woke up was during subh, my brother and I prayed together and he let me know that he'd be taking me home later.
Home sounded weird.
Nevertheless, i walked to my room and attempted to go back to bed.. it was impossible.
So I took a shower, reluctantly using the scrubs I was given and drenched myself in jasmine and coconut scented mists. I prayed salatul- duha and prayed my usual lists of prayers and a thousand more. I prayed for my future, for the life i was getting into, i prayed for my marriage.
It felt so strange to say, but I had complete intentions of giving it my best. I even read a marriage manual-ish but I couldn't get through half of it because I got to the chapter about intimacy and it was uncomfortable to say the least, or maybe I was just a prude. But I am fine with being a prude.
I let my thoughts occupy me long after I'd finished saying my prayers and soon after, Ammal barged in together with zara.
I glanced at the wall clock in my room to see that it was already past eight am.
"Good morning bridey!" They both crushed me in a hug. I simply smiled at them,
"The makeup artist is going to be here by 10." Zara let me know.
I really had no intentions of applying professional makeup today cause it was just the nikkah and not an event. Abbie even told our extended family not to bother coming till the following month so they wouldn't have to come twice.
However, my sisters wanted to make an album for the entire wedding, so they booked a photographer to take some pictures of us in our outfits today. I would do the makeup now and wipe it off later, that was my conclusion.
True to Zara's words, around 9.50am the makeup artist came strolling in behind her.
"Good morning!"
I greeted her back and sat on the high chair she set up, she turned on her ring light and got to work. To my surprise it only took about two hours. My sisters and Ammal had a different makeup artist doing theirs, they all came in to meet me one by one when they were done and they looked beautiful!
My sisters were wearing the same thing, it was a sparkly royal blue material sown into a fitted dress with feathers at the top of it. Zara and Basma's own had a long train while ya Aisha and ya Ummi's was just a straight dress.
Sisters anko.
Ammals dress was more toned down, it was a pink fitted dress and it was beautiful.
Ammals dress.
How they managed to get all these including my dress in less that two weeks is beyond me. Ya aisha was the last to come to show me her makeup,
"Look at youuu! My beautiful sister." She shrills, i chuckle at her childishness. She had two children but she was as chirpy as ever.
Speak of the devils, her two babies walk/crawl in behind her, Inaayah and saadiq.
Inaayah who was three and so so smart for her age and saadiq was only a baby at eleven months. He was crawling and standing already.
"Maaya!" He crawled as fast as his tiny knees could take him towards me. It was through him i understood why Ayaan started calling me maaya, it was easier to say for babies.
Ayaan also walked in at that moment and picked saadiq up. The baby was about to start crying when he realized who it was, "Ayaa!" He used two of his little palms and slapped his face.
Ayaan groaned, "Of all the things you could have inherited from your aunty maaya, you chose her violence?" Everyone asides me chuckled.
"Zara please take the kids to grandma, she needs to get dressed." Ya aisha collects her baby from Ayaan and hands him to zara along with Inaayahs hand.
Ayaan turned to me, "you look beautiful maaya, almost at my level of hotness."
I rolled my eyes at him and patted his Babban Rigga.
"I cant argue with that." I tell him instead of creating a comeback.
He leaned in and kissed my forehead, "You both are cute and all, but get up and get dressed madinah! We have to take the pictures before Ayaan and Abbie leave for the mosque which means we only have about two hours."
A stressed ya Ummi was not a sight! We scrambled to do as she said, Ayaan left to go wait in the living room where the photographer was. Ya ummi left to go check on Laila and the twins to see if they were ready, ya Aisha went to get my jewelry while Ammal and the makeup artist helped me into my dress.
It was an all-through white fitted dress adorned with pink hand crafted baby flowers, very dramatic mesh sleeves also covered in flowers and a mesh detailing from the chest to the waist that gave off an hourglass illusion.
Brides dress.
"You are so so beautiful it makes me wanna cry!" My overly dramatic friends actually started crying, i almost laughed because I rarely saw Ammal crying.
"I thought I was the sensitive one?" I hugged her to me.
"Honestly ma'am, you are so effortlessly beautiful and graceful." The makeup artist interrupts Ammals dramatics.
I smiled a bit too coyly at her and thanked her. Ammal released me and got the turban i was supposed to put on my head.
"Can I take some videos for my page?" The makeup artist asked as she packed up for stuff.
I smiled warily at her not sure how exactly to decline,
"Our bride doesn't even have her own pictures on her phone, she despises them." Ammal came to my rescue, it was not true but I still smiled in agreement.
She only nodded and tied my hair into a turban using what Ammal gave her.
Once she was done, she said her goodbye and left while ya Aisha came in and put my accessories. She put two statement gold bracelets on my hands and some dainty earrings and took me to the living room where everyone was.
"My beautiful girl!" Abbie exclaimed and reached out to hug me, i hugged him back and held him tight. Id never shared a very tight relationship with Abbie mostly because he was a very busy man, he only got his third PHD about a year ago.. he was hardly around, but he was a man who loved so fiercely! When mommy passed, I slept in his room for a week straight because I used to sleep with her when she wasn't with him.
While Abbie was quite religious, he was not so traditional, he loved us all so openly and that planted a sense of security in us all throughout our childhood. He was remarkable. I almost started crying while we hugged but I held it down cause I knew there was a lot of crying to be done later.
I released him and greeted maama sarah and Mimi. Maama Sarah was wearing a heavily stoned lace sewn into a kaftan dress while Mimi's dress rivaled my own, it was a gold colored corset dress. Even her makeup was bolder than mine was.
It took nearly two hours to finish taking the pictures, if felt like we took over a million. I took some with just Abbie, some with just my sisters, some with Ayaan, ammal, some with all my brothers, with my niece and nephew, some with maama sarah and Mimi and finally we took family portraits. It was tiring to say the least.
Around 12.30 pm, Abbie and Ayaan left for the mosque to pray Jummah prayer where the knot will be tied right after, I went to my room with Ammal and everyone else scattered to make preparations,
Despite Abbie telling family that it was intimate and they didn't have to come over, some of them still did. All my aunties, Abbie's sisters and Ammals mummy were present. Mommy's brothers were at the daurin aure with Abbie.
Mommy had three brothers, Baaba ibrahim had two daughters and two sons, his daughters were much older than me. Baaba Abubakar was their second born and all his children were boys so I did not really have a relationship with them, they were close to Ayaan though. Lastly there was uncle Bash- as he forces us to call him- he was the youngest and the only one mommy was older than. He tried to force his 'cool uncle' status on Ayaan and I, he was also our favorite. But he did not live in Nigeria. He lived in Manchester, England. As you'd imagine, him and Ayaan were quite close.
I spoke to him over a week ago on the phone where he apologized and told me he would not be able to make it but he'd make it up to me..
My train of thoughts was brought to an abrupt halt when I started hearing yodeling as ya Aisha walked into my room,
"An Daura!" My eyes bulged out of my face. It was not two minutes later when my room was completely transformed. It was filled up with so many people that ya aisha had to sneak me out and take me to maama Sarah's room where I prayed two nawafills and zuhr prayer.
"Madinah I just spoke to Ayaan, the groom is not coming here wai. And he said to tell you that he will take you in the evening."
She busied with taking off my turban and jewelry, the only reason I still had my clothes and makeup on was because they were counting on my husband coming to take pictures with us. I knew better so I did not expect much at all.
I nodded at ya Aisha and went into maamas bathroom to take a quick shower and wash the makeup in the process.
She was still in the room when I came out, now seated on the bed with a kasko in her hands.
"I want to perfume your clothes, where are they?"
"Ya ummis room."
She nodded and started to leave when I stopped her, "ya aisha I'm so tired, I want to sleep!"
"Okay, you have an hour. I will lock the room from the outside, but let me bring you food first, please make sure you eat."
I waited for her to bring the food and ate as much as my stomach would let me, then laid down on the bed. I had a short dream, it was about my mommy. She wore a white dress and sported a wide smile, it was all the assurance i needed.
Hi hii💓
Wedding scenes are not easy! We tried our best, sharpening our pens for the actual wedding. But not much to say today..
Let's take madinah to generals house, no time to waste!
Kisses💋