Episode 1: SO THIS IS MY CHRISTMAS PT 1
Snow had just started falling and instantly it raised Clare's spirits. She looked at herself for the umpteenth time in the mirror; she loved her dress but she hated how she looked in it. It wasn't much of a secret that Clare had added a few pounds within the last few months. It seemed that everyone had noticed her sudden increase in cup size much to the boys' liking of course. However, it wasn't half-bad how the entire school reacted and her long-time boyfriend had understood though he kept her from the third plate of anything whenever he could. She had been compulsively eating since the heart-breaking tragedy of her parents' divorce and the incredibly painful break-up with her ex. She really tried to control herself but she was honestly just hungry.
She smiled earnestly, trying desperately to avoid her pudgy arms. She wasn't exactly fat but she was definitely not the same Clare she was last year either. She was planning on making a new year's resolution to stop her binging. It has been over six months since the divorce and believe it or not she was actually quite used to it by now. She lived with her mom throughout the week and spent the weekends with her Dad a few hundred miles away in his new condo near the lake. She dreaded living like this but at least she saw both of them often even though it was quite tiring keeping up sometimes.
She gave a huge sigh. Why was she so nervous about tonight? Suddenly, a dull pain erupted her stomach and as soon as it came it went. She held her stomach and grimaced. This wasn't the first time this has happened, in fact her mom made it clear that it was the side-effects from over-eating. As soon as the pain subsided she glanced herself in the mirror, squeezing her tummy, "Why am I so fat?"
"Clare!" her mother's voice broke into the room like a sudden gush of wind, "You're going to be late."
"Coming mom!" she called and quickly dashed for her handbag on the bed and was out through the door. She honestly was hoping that the night would go just as perfect as the weather. She couldn't wait to see what Christmas had in store for her.
[Theme Song]
The entire parking lot was filled to capacity and Clare's mother was more than ready to protest, "I'm glad I don't have to stay." She stepped out of the car and walked over to the other side to join her daughter.
"I don't want an escort," Clare admitted matter-of-factly.
They walked to the entrance of the school whose doors were decorated with green and red stickers and trimming and fake snow. However, inside was a feast to the eyes; everything was perfectly in place. Clare led the way to the main hall which wasn't being used for assembly tonight but after all the very first real party since the lockdown; no monitoring, no rules and most importantly no restrictions.
"I'm so proud of you, honey!" Her mother beamed with pride as she looked upon the room's makeover. It resembled a Christmas wonderland complete with falling snow and huge gifts under just as big a Christmas tree.
"She's the best," agreed Connor who had erupted from behind them. He was nearly two feet taller than both the women and looked lovely in a red suit. Clare leapt into his arms and hugged him affectionately.
"You kids have fun," eyed her mother, "But not too much fun."
"We'll try," Connor promised half-wittedly. He had a good relationship with her mother and loved playing along with her antics.
"You can always call if something comes up," she said as she retreated amongst the large oncoming crowd of teenagers.
It made Clare smile to see genuine joy on her mother's face, something she has been missing for quite some time and she was glad that she had appreciated her handy-work. She was responsible for the planning and implementation of the party, much to the pleasure of Principal Simpson; she was finally back in his good books.
Quite a few total strangers came up to her and gave her claps on the shoulder in regards to the tremendous effort she had put into the project. Her confidence was boosting out of this world; all her hard work had paid off and now she was more than ready to enjoy it with none other than her knight in shining armour Connor.
!-0_0-!
The night was going so perfect she felt as though she would be permanently grinning. She felt like the luckiest girl in the world and she was safe in the arms of Connor, who felt so warm and comfortable against her cheek. The quick songs were interrupted by a very thoughtful D.J. who realised the many couples out on the dance floor; a mellow, slow Christmas tune was more than needed. The song came to a romantic finish and Clare and Connor decided to call it quits at the moment. They had spent their first thirty minutes since their arrival enjoying the music.
"Finally came up for air," a familiar voice greeted them. It was Jenna who looked radiant in a black and gold dress that enhanced her curves. Her beady, blue eyes gave away her suspicions of them and they immediately showed their guilt. It had been long mentioned that they were much too wrapped up in each other to give their friends a moment's notice.
"We're taking a break," Connor answered sheepishly. He found it quite embarrassing whenever someone mentioned how close they were.
"For now!" added Clare mischievously.
"The guys are over there," Connor directed over to Dave and Wesley, "Care to join them?"
"Maybe I'll spend some time with Jenna for a bit."
"No worries, Clare-Bear. We see each other everyday, don't we?" Jenna answered and was gone with the wind with a smile that could light up the world. Clare and Connor gave each other quizzical looks. What was she so happy about?
"Don't mind getting me a drink? Maybe something to eat too?" she asked with pleading eyes. She knew how concerned he was about her diet.
"Sure," he answered with a stern look.
"Thanks," she smiled and turned around to walk in the opposite direction towards the boys.
She barely moved a couple of inches when she felt herself being pulled away from the crowd. She spun carelessly into a dark and empty corridor being used temporarily as the emergency exit if necessary. She was not very forgiving as to who could have done such and her tone matched her frustration.
"What's the big deal?" she said but when she finally came face to face with her kidnapper, she forced herself to be polite, "Oh, it's you."
"Merry Christmas to you too," answered Eli in a frank yet sarcastic tone.
"Isn't your girlfriend on the search for you?" asked Clare jokingly. It was definitely no joke that Jenny was the green-eyed monster especially whenever Clare was in the mix.
"I wish I could say she's standing right here with me!" he said hopefully, looking at her with a look that could melt the very snow outside.
"You know what," she said excitedly, "It's time to put you on the right track, once and for all."
"It's about time," Eli answered smoothly, hoping against hope that this was the moment he had waited for, for so long. The moment when Clare finally came to her senses and begged him to take her back.
"I've been avoiding you for too long," her voice became soft and concerned. She lowered her head, not daring to see his face as she continued, "I found it easier to handle," she paused, searching for the right word, "everything by not being around you." She finally looked at him and watched the disappointment in his eyes grow, "I'm sorry, Eli. I've forgiven you a long time ago - I told you that - it was more me I had issues with."
Eli turned his head from her and stared out the window looking at the downpour outside. He had endured that same speech for too long; even now he wasn't sure what he was doing wrong. But, apparently, he had done something so terrible that they eventually broke up - but everything was perfect between them, wasn't it?
Clare took a deep breath before continuing, "I finally accept your offer." She outstretched her hand towards him and he turned in surprise and stared awkwardly as it drew closer to him, "Friends?"
He smiled. All he ever wanted after the sudden demise of their relationship was to make up for whatever it was that he had done. He had pleaded to become friends with her which in his mind was the beginning of his plan to win her back.
"You know I want more than just friends," he answered boldly.
"Eli, I can't," she said, a little taken aback. He had made his feelings very obvious to her over the last six months but she was with Connor now, who understood and accepted her, perhaps in a way Eli never could. Somehow, in the pit of her stomach, she knew she still had strong feelings for him but she was determined to put them behind her and to do so was to end this rat race.
"Friends it is," he answered quickly seeing how uncomfortable she was. It was a start and before too long he would make sure that she was reminded of the good times they had shared. "Wanna go for a walk?" he asked expectantly.
"Don't push your luck," she admitted with a smile and walked away. The snow definitely was magic just like she always believed. Christmas definitely was the time for forgiving and letting bygones be bygones. She had been through quite an ordeal since the breakup but if it wasn't for Connor, she didn't know where she will be. She was happy as she rejoined the party; she was on fire all of sudden. She spotted Connor with his friends and greeted him with a powerful embrace.
"I love you, have ever told you that?"
"No, but I'll like for you to repeat that," Connor teased. She tapped him on the shoulder and then he replied with all sincerity shining in his eyes and evident in his voice, "You know I love you, Clare."
"What about us?" called Wesley jokingly, after taking a swig of punch.
"We love you too," answered Clare and Connor in jest. He directed her to the nearby table which had her promised punch and a slice of chocolate cake. The two guys took up their seats but Connor stopped her from taking hers. He had a very pressing issue at hand and he felt now was the time to go for it especially after finally revealing how he felt about her. What was the worst that could happen, except that she'll say no? And he was more than willing to accept no but he had to ask first.
"How about we go somewhere after the party," he whispered in her ear and he became more serious with the next words, "Just the two of us?"
Clare looked at him in surprise. Here she was in the same position that ruined everything with Eli but Connor was different. She had learnt in all her self-punishment that God forgives all sins and if He could forgive her parents for divorcing, what she was doing was not much worse. This time, however, she felt as though there was more to it than ever before. There was no other reason but love; no dead ex to compete with and no risks to take to keep alive a relationship. She was ready, really ready. She smiled at him coyly and nodded. "OK," she whispered back.
"OK?" asked Connor in shock. After everything she had been through, he wasn't expecting such an easy approval. His friends had been pressuring him for months to get some 'alone-time' with Clare, which was the furthest thing from his mind altogether, but over time he couldn't keep such desires out of his head.
"OK," she repeated, more confidently than before. They sat down to their meal but was soon interrupted by Clare's sharp cry.
"You OK?" asked Dave, who erupted from his chair and over to her side.
"I'm fine," she reassured but it was clear that this was a lie as she winced.
"No, you're not," Connor said, holding her, "Maybe you went too far this time."
"I haven't eaten since lunch, I swear," she answered through gritted teeth as another wave of sudden pain burst into her abdomen. She knew that these attacks were caused by her over-eating or so everyone at the table thought, especially Connor. The pain finally subsided; she had never had an attack as awful as that one before. "I just need some fresh air."
She got up before anyone could protest and disappeared among the large crowd of students at the rear of the building.
!-0_0-!
Alli Bhandari was frantic as ever; she couldn't wait to see her best friend in the whole world once again. She was fighting her way in through the same crowd that Clare was now passing on her way out. Little did she know that they were parallel to each other but obviously there was no way of telling. She had never seen such a party in her life, at least she wasn't expecting it. Her brother, Sav, made it very clear how boring things had become since the lockdown, even his graduation was a total drone.
She was wishing she had entered from the front instead, until finally she made her way through. She stopped to stare at the beautiful scene; the first sign of life and excitement she had had for a long time. Clare had explained to her on the phone how she was part of the planning committee for the party but was so astounded to actually see it. She smiled to herself now, she had to see Clare. Instead she spotted another close friend of hers to the far side of the room. Jenna would know where to find her.
"I'll go get us some drinks, 'kay?" Drew Torres smirked and walked away with a smile. Jenna blushed despite herself, things were definitely looking up for her; she had a new guy in her life and nothing was going to ruin it.
"Jenna!" squealed Alli from behind her.
Jenna slowly and fearfully turned around; she was sure she had heard a familiar voice, "Alli?"
The two hugged for a while longer than she had hoped. "You look amazing," she complimented. It was really the first time she had seen her friend all dressed up since the birth of her daughter, six long gruelling months ago.
"You're here!" she said awkwardly. If she dared found out about Drew at all, it was game over for all of them.
"Of course I'm here!" Alli replied excitedly, "I missed you guys so much."
"Why you're doing here?" asked Jenna strangely, fighting away her shock.
"This is the best school in the world," answered Alli and this definitely made Jenna nervous now.
"What about Beechwood?" Jenna asked, "And your obsessively strict parents?"
Alli had left last semester due to the revelation of her very tarnished record before her parents. She had decided it was time to turn over a new leaf and doing it within these halls was not the place to do so as she believed then. If only she knew what was awaiting her at Beechwood she would never had given leaving a second thought.
In the corner of Jenna's eyes, she noticed Drew returning and she was beginning to feel rather uncomfortable. She was about to do something quite crazy, anything, to get rid of her when luckily Alli asked, "So where's Clare?"
"Check her BF," answered Jenna, relieved at her good luck. She watched Alli dissolving in the direction she had pointed and was greeted by a passionate kiss from Drew.
!-0_0-!
Alli was sure she was on a wild goose chase by now. In this crowd, it was hard finding anybody. Finally she spotted whom she was in hunt for dressed handsomely in a black and red suit with a cheesy but sweet Santa tie.
"Hey, Eli," she greeted. He stopped his conversation with a tall brunette and spun around in awe, "Alli?"
"Why's everybody so surprised?" she asked jokingly. She had deliberately gone out of her way to make it the biggest surprise ever. She had felt a million and one stares on her on the way in, but she couldn't wait for the real surprise when Clare finally saw her.
"So, where's your girlfriend?" she asked with a huge grin.
"Uh," said Eli unsure, "she's right here." He motioned over to the brunette next to him who had suddenly crossed her arms in anger.
Alli had not even noticed the girl and she was not liking to his humour.
"Clare, you dufus!" she said giving him a quizzical look, knocking him on the shoulder.
"You're funny," he said, laughing goofily as the brunette walked away, "Now I'll have to be making it up to her all night. Thanks a lot." He turned to go after the girl and left Alli lost in thought for a few minutes. Eventually she found herself back over by Jenna who was in deep conversation with Drew which upset her at first but she pulled her away without warning.
"Ha, ha," she said, feeling as foolish as ever, "Who's Clare's now boyfriend?"
Jenna pointed in the same direction as she had before but this time she was definitely pointing at Connor. Alli was shocked but nevertheless followed the directions clearly this time.
"Hey, guys," she greeted rather coyly.
Connor turned around when he saw the guys look up.
"Well, look who the wind blew in!" he said.
"Quite a greeting," she said as she giggled and greeted with a warm hug. She had never thought that she would miss any of them this much. It made her more anxious to see Clare. All she wanted was for things to be back to normal again. She hugged Dave and Wesley respectively before returning to Connor. "So, you and Clare!" she said through a teasing grin.
Connor was unaware of the arrangement Alli had had with her parents. She was allowed a minimum curfew after she attended Beechwood; as if going to an all girls' school without her friends wasn't bad enough. She had only kept up her conversations via phone and internet and chipped in every now and again at their homes or parties (with the lie that she went over to study of course, but not even this she was allowed too often). As a result, she barely saw Clare or Jenna or anybody else and now more than ever she felt like she was home again.
"We've been going six months now," Connor answered, rather confused that she did not know.
"Six months?" Alli almost choked as she repeated the words. She had been gone eight. What else has she missed out on? She had decided that all conversations on boys were to be kept on a minimum. Hearing how wonderful their love lives were when she basically left because of one was too much to bear and they had graciously understood. But, why would Clare keep her breakup with Eli and her sudden newfound romance with Connor a secret from her?
"You didn't know?"
"No," she said, trying to catch her breath. She didn't mind them together, just the fact that they were together for so long and she didn't know about it. "Where's Clare again?" she finally asked. She couldn't wait to give her a good tongue-lashing for making her feel so foolish.
"She went out for some air," he said.
"Thanks," she said and was about to leave when he stopped her.
"Hold up." He excused himself from the table with the guys, "I'll come with you. She's been gone for quite a while."
"Good to see you again, Alli," called Dave sheepishly with love-sick eyes.
Alli modestly waved at him as she left. She couldn't believe that he still had a crush on her after all this time.
[ads]
After a while, the school seemed suddenly bigger as they tirelessly looked for her. Connor was sure she hadn't gone back in. So where could she be? They rounded the bend near the parking lot area which officially was the last place to check. Connor had a crazy idea and decided to call out her name.
A petite girl stopped talking to her friend and offered some much valuable information, "I saw her go that way." She was pointing to the far corner of the school which had cast a very large shadow. "She seemed rather upset."
They couldn't quite understand why she would go somewhere so isolated. However, they had obeyed and was busy searching the area. On the verge of giving up and finally returning to the party, they heard a weak groan.
"Clare?" asked Connor in shock as he noticed her plump body curled up on the cold grass. Where she was lying was barely touched with the snow because of the ledge overhead.
They helped her up to her feet which was actually quite a challenge for she was complaining that she was in a lot of pain. They hurried her over to the nearest bench they could find as carefully as they could for she seemed to have had trouble walking. She was taking deep sighs as she tried to fight the torment she was facing as she sat on the snow-covered bench. They held her as best they could but both were skeptical as to what to do.
"What happened?" Alli asked, fear evident in her eyes.
Clare struggled to answer, "I think I'm bleeding or something." And through gritted teeth she added, "A rush of something warm just gushed out of me." She looked fearful as she directed towards her stomach. Alli knew it couldn't be severe cramps with the oncoming of a new menstrual cycle, after all Clare wouldn't be making such a scene out of it, right? She couldn't understand what else it could be, other that her best friend whom she longed to see was in fact dying? She didn't know what else to think.
It so happened that the lone couple within the area was Eli and Jenny who were caught up in some intense whispering. He suddenly looked up and saw the frantic trio on the bench and dashed over in seconds. Jenny shook her head noticing who he was going towards and walked away stubbornly.
"What's going on?" he asked suddenly in a panic.
He took off his jacket and swung it over Clare's bare shoulders.
Neither answered him as he had to repeat the question as he knelt before Clare trying to make sense of what was going on. He was infuriated that Connor, whom he was staring at angrily now, had not replied. He seemed to be mumbling something to himself and behind his thick glasses his eyes were lost in deep concentration and suddenly he got up.
"I think I know what's going on," he said quickly. His eyes widened with fear, "I'm going for help." He was gone to the tune of Alli pleading him to stay and that she didn't know what to do.
"You'll be OK, Clare," she said more to herself than her friend who was clutching at her stomach so much tighter now. Her piercing screams were too much to bare.
"So, we're just going to sit here and do nothing?" Eli asked furiously.
Eli pulled out his cell phone in one bold move and was suddenly yelling to the receiver where he was and the emergency at hand.
"Now we wait," he said as he returned the phone to his pocket.
!-0_0-!
Connor was searching hysterically over the crowded party before he finally spotted her. He dashed between dancers and couples without apology and landed with such a thud at her table that her drink shook.
"I know you can help me, we've gotta move now!" he said, gasping for breath.
Ms. Winnie Oh looked questionably into her young student's eyes and suddenly became worried. What was it that a New Media teacher could possibly do to help a frantic teenager at a party? She had feared the worst, along the lines of a fatal fight or an incurably drunk student but she somehow knew it was beyond that for he seemed to specifically choose her.
"It's Clare," he said desperately, "I know you can help her. I know you can...."
Ms. Oh looked up at the male colleague she was having a quiet conversation with and excused herself from the table but as soon as she got up Connor had pulled her through the thick crowd without warning. When they finally got outside and nearing the bench where Clare was, Ms. Oh finally escaped his clutches. "Are you crazy?" she yelled.
And then she saw Clare and watched her curiously; the last time she saw this was less than a year ago, but she had left that profession behind for good. How exactly did he know that she was the one to call? She looked at Connor with a wondering gaze before rushing over to the girl's side. She directed the guys to help move Clare through the miraculously opened door near the area. They led her carefully down the hallway and into the empty gym.
She looked at the small group of terrified teenagers around her and then at the tormented Clare who was looking at her in confusion despite her pain. She knew she had to take over control now.
"You," she said as she pointed determinedly at Alli, "Bring that mat."
Alli did as she was told and with help from Eli was able to get the blue mat safely before her. Then they helped her lift Clare onto it.
"You," she pointed at Eli, "I need a sharp scissors and alcohol."
"What for?" he asked, both scared and confused.
"Just do it!" she yelled. He scrambled to his feet and quickly found a nice pair of scissors and a bottle of surgical alcohol. He handed it over to her, watching her as she ripped off a piece of her own garment and splashed some of the liquid on it. She then continued to clean the scissors with the now damp cloth.
"You," she said to Connor who was shaking as he watched, "Get some clean towels and soak them in warm water. I need at least one dry one. Now!"
Connor obeyed immediately and disappeared into one of the changing room stations.
"What are we doing exactly?" asked Alli crying, thinking the worst was about to happen.
"The ambulance will be here any second," reminded Eli.
"How long ago has her water broke?" Ms. Oh asked seriously. The two women watched as Eli's face twisted from shock to intense anger before he suddenly got up and exited the gym.
[ads]
"How long?" she pressed on as Alli watched the leaving Eli with worry.
She returned her attention to the teacher and her feeble voice finally responded. "Water broke?" She couldn't quite come to terms with what she heard. She held down her head and cradled it before finally answering, "She said she felt something like that about maybe twenty minutes ago, but it can't be that."
"I was right. This is going to be a fast one," answered Ms. Oh more so to herself as she touched Clare's stomach as though searching for something. She was an expert in her old field and knew more than enough that they had very little time. She hoisted Clare's gown and pushed it up towards her.
"What are you doing?" Clare finally spoke up through gritted teeth. She did not hear the conversation that they had nor did she realise that Eli had left the room, though she heard the door slam shut. She was becoming increasingly worried and the more she worried the more pain she bore; it was like a never-ending tidal wave of upset-stomachs all at once.
"Clare, I'm going to want you to trust me," Ms. Oh said as she looked into the devastated eyes of the teenager. "I need you to push now," she said sternly.
"Push?" Clare did not entirely understand what was going on and from her position flat on the mat she searched as best as she could and saw a devastated Alli who held on tight to her hand. Then she looked at Ms. Oh again, "I don't know what you're talking about." She shook her head nervously.
"You have to, it's time. You're going to have to trust me."
"I'm in a lot of pain," Clare pleaded, "I just need to lie here and wait till the ambulance comes." It was a reasonable and logical statement but what she heard next was not.
"This baby is coming now whether or not you want it to."
Clare remained silent for a while and seemed to be making up her mind whether or not to obey until she finally croaked, "I don't know how to."
"With all your might, use every single muscle in your body and direct it towards the stomach."
"How am I suppose to do that?"
"You just have to. It comes naturally - just do it."
After what felt like the longest moment, Clare held on tight to her best friend's hand and shook with the enormous effort it took her to use all her muscles. She gave a heartwrenching scream as she did this. "This hurts even more," she moaned and shook her head, "I don't want to do this. I'm not having a baby, that's crazy."
"That was good, we need more of that. Another big one."
Clare didn't want to believe that this was happening but she feared if she didn't do as she was told that the terrible pain she was experiencing would linger much longer than it needed to.
With tears falling down her cheeks, Clare screamed out loud once more as she dug her nails into Alli's palm.
"I see the head," Ms. Oh said, "You're doing good - keep going."
Clare obeyed, crying loudly now and persisted to scream with every push. She paused to gasp for breath between each one but persisted more determined each time.
In a few minutes time, that seemed to pass like hours, powerful cries filled the room. However, they were nothing but tiny shrills of a newborn baby that resounded off the walls of the gymnasium. Ms. Oh cut the umbilical cord with the scissors whilst perfectly balancing the baby in her arms. Connor had suddenly dashed into the room and dropped the warm cloths into her lap where she then used them to clean the crying child. She took one of the dry cloths and wrapped the baby in it and stood up, smiling, "What a handsome, bouncy boy you have!" She stepped closer towards Clare, who was looking up at the sight of the two of them, "You're ready to meet your mommy."
Suddenly Alli felt Clare's hand slip out of hers and she noticed her now still body.
"I think she just fainted," Ms. Oh reassured Alli as the uproar of loud shrills filled the atmosphere. Through the windows of the room, red and blue flashing lights lit up the place almost mimicking the Christmas lights festively parading the party.
Music for this episode: So This Is My Christmas - Chrissi B.*
Tune in next week:
Episode 2: So This is My Christmas Pt 2 - Clare entrusts Drew with a burdening secret
*original title