Did I listen to Bigger Person by Lauren Spencer Smith when writing most of this chapter? Yes, yes I did.
The teenagers stand quietly, eyes wide while Nova and I glare at them on our way to them. One girl steps back, trying to hide behind everyone else.
One guy is too focused on helping Wren out of the water and back onto the dock. She stands feet from me, shivering so violently I wouldn't be surprised if her lips turned blue. The same guy who helped her out of the water tugs off his blazer and wraps it around her shoulders.
I take in each of their expressions. "Who, the fuck, shoved her in?" I ask calmly even though my eyes hold a deadly promise.
One of the guys at the back chuckles to himself. Nova angles her head. "Something funny?"
He waves a hand dismissively, his chuckles echoing in the night. He's tall. Taller than both Nova and myself, and Nova's pretty tall. And we're in heels. "Yeah, you two are hilarious. Am I supposed to be afraid?"
My head leans back an inch as I take him in. Nova's jaw shifts. With quiet steps forward, the two girls standing in front of him move to the sides, giving me a clear path. "I don't know," I say lightly, a smile on my face, "you tell me."
He leans down until his nose is almost touching mine. I don't blink or move an inch. "I'm not scared of you."
In one movement, I snag my foot behind his, throwing him off balance, and pull my leg back, watching him fall into the lake. He screams until he hits the water and the sound is swallowed.
Nova snorts. Wren stares at the water quietly. A few seconds pass before his head pops out of the water. "You fucking bitch."
Giving him an unimpressed look, I check my nails. "Wow, good one, really cut me deep." He swims over to the edge of the dock and grips the last plank. Picking up my foot, the bottom of my heel touches the top of his fingers and I press down lightly. He sucks in a gasp. I smile down at him. "I never expected you to be afraid of me, you're an idiot," I say, watching his face contort in silent pain as I apply pressure, "but take this as a lesson. Don't fuck with me or my sister."
He tries to pull his fingers away but I keep them there with a little more pressure. "Do you understand me?" I ask slowly. He glares up at me. I wait patiently, ensuring I don't actually break his fingers, I don't need to go to jail tonight. "Would you like me to repeat myself? Slowly?"
He hisses, shaking his soaking-wet head. "I understand," he squeaks, treading the lake water.
Brightening up, I smile cheerfully. "Wonderful." Removing my foot, he snatches his hand away, glaring up at me some more. "Now," I clap my hands, "which one of you girls shoved my sister in the lake?"
They scramble further away, closer to Nova, who stands there waiting with Wren. I stare them down, watching their movements for any signs of guilt. One girl looks like she's either about to wet herself or burst into tears.
I place my attention on that girl, she'll fold the fastest. Doing nothing but looking at her, she starts to fidget on her feet in her too-tall heels. She keeps accidentally making eye contact and then quickly looking away.
She lets out a frustrated noise and points to the shortest one of them. "It was Bailey, she did it."
Bailey whips her head around to face the girl who ratted her out. "Carmen," she hisses.
"She just shoved Tanner in the lake, Bailey. I am not covering for your ass because you're jealous of a dress," she replies, stumbling back another step, intending to leave.
"What the hell is going on out here?" A feminine voice demands from the beginning of the dock. With a subtle glance over Nova's shoulder, I see my mother making her way towards us with a deep-set frown on her face. "Why are two of you wet?"
Looking to the side, I note Tanner, the lake swimmer, has just climbed up onto the dock. He stays far away from me. Good.
Wren goes rigid, clutching the blazer around her shoulders tighter to herself. My mother's eyes land on me. "Perrie, what the hell?"
"Just a simple disagreement, Mom, nothing to worry about," I say casually, shrugging with a smile.
Tanner scoffs. "Tell that to my fingers," he grumbles, rubbing them gently.
Turning my head to face him, I bare my teeth as I threaten, "You're lucky I didn't break them."
"Break them?" My mother demands, eyes wide with horror.
Brushing my hair over my shoulder, I say, "I accidentally stood on his fingers while trying to help him out of the water," I blink up at Tanner with a pout, "I feel terrible." He scrunches his face.
My mother narrows her eyes at me, sensing my bullshit from a mile away. "And how did he end up in the lake."
Nova perks up. "He tripped," she supplies, "look at him, he's all gangly, I'm surprised a soft breeze couldn't blow him over." That comment makes me snort because Tanner is very clearly jock material. He looks strong for a high schooler.
My mother sighs, nodding once before turning to Wren. "And how did you end up in the pool?"
Wren says nothing. The girls shuffle on their feet but Wren just keeps staring at Bailey with a blank face. Her lips are a pale shade of blue. Crap, we need to get her inside. "Just felt like a late-night swim."
Bailey's eyes widen, probably wondering why Wren didn't rat her out. But none of us will, Wren, Nova and I know better than to tattle on others.
"You wanted to go for a swim in the middle of winter at a very important party?" Our mother asks, practically hysterical. "Come on, let's get home, we can't have the guests seeing you like this." She starts walking up the dock, stopping to make sure we're following. "Tanner, you should get warm. I'll go get your mother."
Bailey, curling in on herself, steps over to Wren. There's a pinched expression on her face as she looks up at my sister. "I'm sorry for pushing you in Wren. I was just so jealous of the attention you were getting and you refused to react to my comments that I snapped without thinking." The apology sounds almost sincere but the reasoning behind it is so stupid I want to shove her in the lake now.
Wren stands there, eyes bright in the darkness. "Eat shit and die." So casual. So fucking cool. Bailey's mouth drops open. Without another word, Wren turns on her heel and goes after our mother, rubbing the sleeves of the blazer, trying to warm herself up.
Nova performs a general gesture that loosely means 'fuck you' before following after Wren.
Starting to walk backward after them, I keep my eyes on the group of teenagers. The one who gave Wren the blazer is looking in the direction of the deck, his eyes more than likely following Wren's movements.
"Touch my sister again and I will drown you in that lake. Do you hear me?" I ask rhetorically, glaring at Bailey. She nods quickly. I retreat further. "And you, dipshit," I call and Tanner looks up at me, "Undermine me again and next time I won't be so friendly. Fuck all of you." And with a turn so graceful and spectacular that even a catwalk model would tilt her head at it in appreciation, I walk up the dock and follow after my family.
|| ✨ ||
The highlight of my evening may have been Henry's reaction to us walking back into the venue with Wren leaving a wet trail behind her. His face flushed, which is impressive against his dark skin. You could almost see the steam coming out of his ears as he demanded what happened.
We gave the same excuse to him that we did Mom, oddly enough, he seemed to believe us more than our Mother did.
The five of us left quickly. Henry and my mother making quick rounds for their goodbyes while Nova and I got Wren in the car and the heater on.
Now, she lay sleeping in her bed, wrapped in blankets after taking a twenty-minute bath to warm up. She sniffled a bit while Nova blow-dried her hair in the mirror but no tears. Hopefully, she wasn't coming down with something although with that gross lake water and the freezing cold temperature, it was inevitable.
The house was quiet. Everyone tapered off into their own spots once we got home. Henry disappeared into his office and my mother put Dove to sleep and I hadn't seen either of them since.
I sat at the kitchen island, munching on some chocolate cereal with only the stove light as my only light source. Nova is asleep in my bed, exhausted after having to travel most of the day and deal with drama at night.
I rub my eyes, fighting off the tiredness weighing on my bones. Too much happened today, and my head can barely gather its thoughts.
The kitchen light flares to life and I twist in my seat seeing my mother standing in the doorway, her hand still on the switch. We make eye contact. "Oh," she says softly, "I didn't realize you were in here." She turns to leave.
"You do know this kitchen is big enough for two people, probably more," I call out jokingly, "plus it is yours." Technically Henry's but still.
She nods her head absentmindedly, her hand resting on the doorway like something is bothering her. Probably me. Her brows scrunch in thought. "Who were you on the phone with earlier?"
My lips pinch together. "Phone?" When was I on the phone? "You mean at the party?" I clarify. She nods. "A friend." Like hell I'm telling her about Levi.
"You were smiling," she remarks.
"Yeah, I do that sometimes."
"You were practically giddy. Was it a boy you have a crush on?"
My face twists in discomfort from the words she used to describe me. "Let's not go that far, he's my ex and it was an awkward 'Happy New Year' conversation."
She takes a step into the room. "Who broke up with who?" She asks curiously but keeps her face neutral. "Was it the boy that was here a few months ago?"
I shake my head, shutting it down. "We don't need to do this." She could be curious, genuinely wanting to know about my life but more often than not I've learned that she just likes having ammunition for our fights.
"I don't understand you sometimes," she comments with an exasperated sigh, shuffling into the space on her fuzzy slippers. The underside of her swollen belly shows from her pajama shirt. Never would I have thought that the woman standing in front of me could ever be capable of having four children in one lifetime.
Shoving another spoonful of cereal into my mouth, I express, "You've never understood me, Mom."
She sighs heavily. "Can we not do this tonight? You forever pick fights with me and it's exhausting."
I rest my chin on my fist. "Sorry, I pick fights with you because whenever you're around, I immediately go into fight or flight mode," I reply, pushing my cereal around in the milk.
"I am not a bad person, Perrie," she states, pouring herself a glass of water.
I shrug. "Never said you were."
She turns away, placing the water jug back in the fridge before facing me again with an unimpressed expression. "Don't lie. You've painted me as the villain since you were little."
I breathe in deeply, calming my racing chest to stop myself from yelling. "Have you ever wondered why I acted that way? Maybe because of the things you did?" I ask the last question rhetorically, throwing an arm up.
The glass slams onto the marble counter and I'm honestly surprised when it doesn't shatter into a thousand pieces. Her grip on the glass is so tight her fingers turn pale. "I was seventeen when I had you, Perrie. I made difficult choices to make sure you got everything you needed."
I scoff, pushing off the stool. "You cannot be serious," I say with a sarcastic laugh. She shushes me from being too loud. "What about when you were pregnant with Wren?" I demand. "What about the shit you did knowing you were having another kid you didn't plan on? Huh?"
She breathes harshly through her nose, staring me down with a fiery gaze.
"I hold you accountable for the shit you put us through because you seem to think marrying a rich man suddenly forgives you for screwing us up—fuck, Wren was shoved in the fucking lake tonight, Mom," I burst out, running hands through my hair. "All because she wouldn't react to a fucking teenager's comments."
"What would you like me to do about that, Perrie? Go back in time?" She asks with raised hands, helpless.
"I want you to admit that you did something wrong for once in your life," I practically beg, feeling a tightness in my throat, "You've never admitted that you did something wrong when we were kids."
"So what, you want me to admit that I was sick when I had Wren?"
My mouth drops open. Pure shock and disbelief from her words. "Sick? You were a drug addict, Mom. You were pregnant with my little sister and high all the fucking time," I choke out, pressing a hand to my mouth. Tears prick the corner of my eyes.
"You don't think I feel guilty enough about that?" She asks, gripping the marble counter. "Because I do, every fucking day." She rounds the counter until we're standing in front of each other. "The fact that when I look at my daughter and know that she will never be able to smile or cry haunts me every fucking night, Perrie."
Four-year-old me remembers the look on the nurse's faces after Wren was born. They kept mumbling that she hadn't cried, didn't make a sound when she was born, and how peculiar it was but not uncommon. And then the seizures came. One after another. One was so bad they didn't think she'd make it through the night.
Some things are ingrained in your brain for a reason. And sixteen years later we're still dealing with the consequences.
"Then why do you treat us like shit?" I ask, defeated. The fight drains my body. "What did we do wrong?" I whisper.
She sighs, resting a hand on the stool I perch on. "I was a teenager when I had you, Perrie. I was young and stupid and made terrible decisions. Your father abandoned me with a kid for the college experience and my parents disowned me. All I had was my college savings and a baby. the two babies." She leans a hand on her lower back, resting an elbow on the counter. "I've been clean for fifteen years, you know that. There is no way I can make up for what I did, I know that and I accept it but this," she rubs a hand over her swollen belly, "this is my second chance. Dove is my second chance." She blinks up at me with tears in her eyes. "I'm trying to make it better."
Her words are a blow to my chest, that small piece of my heart that held onto the hope she would come to her senses, shattered. My head dips. "They're not your second chances, they're your backup after screwing up the first two," I tell her calmly. There's no anger left in my voice. "They're your excuse for not holding yourself accountable for the things you did in the past. A second chance would be trying to mend the relationships with Wren and myself, it would be apologizing and admitting you made mistakes. It would be trying." Picking up my bowl of cereal, I take it over to the sink and dump the milk down the drain. My mother remains silent. "They're not second chances, they're redos so you don't have to feel bad about the past."
She lifts her chin, not one ounce of guilt or remorse on her face. "You're my daughter, Peregrine, I'll always care for you and Wren, whether you want me to or not."
"If the way you've treated us over the years is your version of caring, then I don't want it," I inform her, brushing the tip of my nose. "Henry's more of a parent than you've ever been. He wants to get to know us, to spend time with us. We deserve to be loved not tolerated."
"You're right," I say, looking at her over my shoulder, "You'll never make up for it." I walk to the stairs, making sure to leave a wide berth between us. "Goodnight, Paige."
|| ✨ ||
Whew, tension.
What did we think??
Until next time,
Sammipott xx