— CHAPTER FIFTY TWO
❝AM I MEANT TO STAY?❞
— JUDE —
IT'S ALL over in a few days. The month we have left has run down and now there's a matter of days left until the contract is over.
Since Harmony's birthday trip four weeks ago, we've both been distant. We've only been together when we had an event and there was barely any. I've seen her a total of two times in the last four weeks. We haven't texted, haven't called. Nothing at all.
I've missed her like crazy. At my games. Sitting in the passenger seat of my car while we go on drives. Hanging with Gio and Chloe.
I got an earful from Chloe when we got back from the trip. Still get an earful from her everyday. She reminds me daily how the times running down and if I don't say anything now it'll be too late. That it's not as complicated as I'm making it that she'd understand that I'm not ready but at least tell her I love her.
It makes sense. And it seems all so easy. And then my brain does this weird thing that makes me doubt everything everyone's saying and I start to think negatively again.
I'm on my way to her now. She texted me to come and pick up my hoodie I gave her three months ago. On one of our little midnight drives that became a tradition, she got cold. So I gave her my hoodie. She looked so cute in it. Told her to keep it. Guess now there's no use for it.
I feel sick as I stand outside her door. So many things in my head. So much I want to tell her. I ring the doorbell and instantly she opens the door. I've missed her face. Her gorgeous perfect face that I absolutely adore. That I could stare at forever.
"Hi, come in." She says stepping aside to let me in. Not even looking me in the eye.
"Hey. Thanks." I shoot her a small smile before I walk in.
Her apartments the same as I remember it. More plants though. I spot Aussie, still going strong. Happy she still has it.
"Still have Aussie then." I comment taking a seat on the couch.
"Yep." She says shortly.
"Good. I'm glad." I say awkwardly. I just want conversation with her. About anything.
She doesn't respond or continue on the conversation she just nods.
"I'll get your hoodie." She says walking into her room
"Okay." I nod.
She returns, hoodie in hand. Comes over and gives it to me. I go to take it, look at the ring I bought her that's still on her finger. Think it's a good sign. She still wears it. Smile a little at seeing it still on her finger. A piece of me still attached to her.
She catches my eyes looking at her ring. Drops the hoodie into my hand and then fiddles with the ring so her fingers are covering it.
"Thanks." I say. Stand to my feet. Trying to drag out this interaction as long as possible until I'm ready to say what I need to say to her. Have to tell her.
I walk to her door slowly. She follows. Stand there at it and stare at her. Look around her apartment because it's the last time I'm going to see it and the last time she's going to be there.
I notice her suitcase by the door. Don't know how I didn't realise when I came in. Probably too focused on her to even realise anything around me. Heart feels heavy because that suitcase makes it all the more real. I know the contacts over in a few days but I didn't expect her to leave right away. But then again why would she stay.
"So you're leaving right away then." I note and she looks at me confused.
I nod my chin at her suitcase.
"Oh." She says
"Yeah. Flights booked for Friday." She blinks. Looking into my eyes.
"Not wasting anytime are you." I chuckle. Feel a little hurt that she's leaving so quickly. But I can't blame her.
"Nope." Pushes her hair behind her ear and crosses her arms.
"Am I meant to stay?" She asks and it catches me off guard. I look up at her and she's already looking at me. Her eyes are soft compared to her body language. Can't hide your emotions with your eyes. They always tell the story you're not ready to say.
"Do you want an answer to that?" I ask. Hearts burning.
She shrugs. "Yes?"
"I can't...I can't tell you to stay harmony." I look down at my feet. Don't know what the fuck I'm doing. But a part of me feels like, if she wanted to stay she would. I shouldn't have to tell her. Call me prideful but that just makes sense to me.
"Right." Her voice breaks. She looks down. Wipes her eyes. I think some tears have fallen and it hurts me.
"You know, just for future reference, if you want someone to stay in your life. All you have to do is say it." She looks at me with teary eyes.
"Shouldn't the person leaving just stay if they want to? They're an adult after all. They have to make their own decisions." I glare at her. Yes I should of told her how I felt. But she hasn't even told me. How am I meant to wear my heart on my sleeve on a whim that she feels the same way? Get humiliated and for what?
"Maybe they're not sure if they should. Maybe the other person hasn't made it clear how they feel about them." She jabs back.
"Maybe they haven't because you haven't!" I shoot back at her.
She blinks rapidly. "What?"
"Nothing." Turn away from her. I just keep getting myself into it more and more. I just get mad and say stupid shit I don't mean.
"Have a safe flight." I say. Turning away from her and walking out of the door. I don't look back once.
I drive around a lot. The whole conversation with Harmony on my mind. I just don't know what to do anymore. Feel like I've fucked things up too much to repair.
I go straight to Gio's house, hoping he can sort through this mess I've made and help me.
I knock on his door repeatedly. Desperately. He opens it giving me a confused look. I dart in. See Chloe on the couch and say a quick hello to her.
"What's wrong with you?" Gio asks confused
"I've fucked up. Bad. And I need to fix it because she's leaving. She's gone in a few days and I should of just did it. Should of just told her I loved her but I didn't I got mad and got upset with her. She asked me. She asked me if she should stay and I didn't fucking say yes and now she's gone!" I ramble panicked. Pacing up and down.
"Jude!" Chloe shouts
"Relax. Sit down." She says gently.
"I need to fix this guys! I really do!" I say frantically looking between the couple.
"Just tell her!" Chloe exhales
"I will. But I need to get her in a room with me. Need a plan." I say rubbing my forehead.
Gio then starts beaming as he looks between us.
"I have a plan." He grins
Chloe and I look at him expectantly.
"We go on a trip."
Chloe and I look at each other hesitantly.
"A trip?" She says
"Yes. We go to a ski lodge. You invite her say you wanna spend a few days with her before she goes back home. When she gets there, Jude's there." Gio grins. The plan is actually genius.
"Bring Aaliyah too. We'll need her." Gio finishes.
Chloe and I look at each other and then Gio.
"That's....actually really good." I say with a laugh
"Yeah. I'm proud of you babe." Chloe laughs aswell.
"Why thank you." Gio grins
"Just don't fuck this up." Chloe shoots daggers at me.
"Scouts honour." I laugh feeling a lot more calmer now there's a plan in store. I won't fuck it up. I can't.
— told you guys it's worth it 😽