Wow, I've been terrible at replying to comments on the last couple of chapters! I'll focus on replying this weekend because I just love reading your thoughts and responses!!
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Taking a tentative sip of my steaming cup of coffee, my friends crowd closer to me, watching me with careful eyes. Nova and Hallie sit on either side of me. Jonah and Charlie are on the other side of the booth while Nico and Levi sit in chairs at the end of the table.
What they're doing here is lost on me. But I'm too tired to ask.
The pounding in my head drowns out any noise from the quiet diner. Paulie, the owner, sits behind the counter, doing some paperwork, his glasses on the edge of his nose as he stares down.
H this wife, Debbie, was the one that found me sitting outside of their diner earlier this morning. She ushered me inside even though I had no money. I must look terrible. Unable to stop my hands trembling from the cold, I tuck them under my thighs.
My eye hurts like a bitch. And from the way Nova dips a napkin in the glass of water on the table and starts dabbing at my face, it's clear that I probably look a little more beat up than I thought.
That's what happens when you fall out of a moving car, I guess.
Nova glances down at the dirty napkin, blots of red mixing with the mud, and looks up at me. "Do you need to go to an Urgent Care or something?" she asks, her fingers pressing and prodding different body parts, looking for any broken bones.
I just lean my head on her shoulder, relishing in her warmth. "I'm okay, no broken bones," I murmur.
She sighs in relief. "Good." And then punches my arm. My jaw drops, my hand moving to rub the sore spot. "You had me worried sick," she slams a palm on the table, most likely in restraint from hitting me again, "I had to beg Madison to tell me what happened, I can't believe you hung out with that fucking bitch, seriously."
My lips form a pout as my head falls back onto her shoulder. "She guilt-tripped me."
Hallie shakes her head in disappointment. "I'll set her hair on fire next time I see her."
A weak chuckle comes from me and I pat her thigh in quiet thanks. "It's not her fault," I remind her, "I'm the one that disappeared first."
"And we're going to talk about it later, don't you fucking worry," Nova says but it comes out less reassuring and more threatening. Being a relatively smart person, I sink further into the booth seat.
Jonah rests his elbow on the table and points at me. "Yeah, we're going to need a little more info on what happened there, do we need to chain you to a buddy on a night out now? You never disappear on us."
I stay quiet for a moment. I barely even remember last night. After Madison guilted me into going for a drink with her, I remember being in O'Connors and she'd ordered us drinks.
But then she started flirting with a guy two tables away. And he had shots sent over and Madison told me me we'd look rude if we didn't drink them since they were already paid for. I must have heard the word free somewhere between that and just threw them back like water.
Madison ended up making out with a different guy but she was so busy with him that I sat there alone, wallowing in my depressing thoughts. The guy who bought us the drinks sat across from me and asked what was wrong.
And it all came out of me. I hadn't been able to tell anyone else what was spiraling through my head, I'd deflected my friend's questions the whole week, letting them believe I was still sad about the break-up. Which was completely true. But the reality of how shitty my life is hit me harder than the alcohol.
I was more than likely going to fail two of my classes this semester, my parents are the poster parents for people to not have kids, and I broke up with the first guy who showed a genuine interest in me and not one of my gorgeous friends. He wanted to get to know me, who I am, and what purpose I have in life.
Seeing Levi for the first time since we broke up makes the hurt in my chest fresh like we're back at that day, throwing insults at each other until it all came crashing to a halt. Also wouldn't suck if I looked at least halfway decent instead of resembling something a pack of wild animals had gotten hold of.
Peregrine Lancaster, meet rock bottom.
And there go the depressing thoughts again because who the fuck was I? I brought nothing into this world and I had no plans for the future. Life sucked when I put all my focus on school and now that I'm free of that, I don't have anything going for me except having a bit of a social life.
Glancing up at all of them sitting around me, after having to drive hours, I realize I have these people. They'd do anything for me, have done anything for me since we met in freshman year. They taught me more about love than my own parents. Because they loved me.
Tears prick the corner of my eye and my nose starts to tingle. God, I can't cry again. I already cried in front of Paulie and his way of comfort was to hand me a plate of fries. Didn't soothe me for shit but it sure as hell tasted good after throwing up all morning in a field.
A soft throat clears from my right. Nico watches me with a guilty expression. "I'm sorry about yesterday, Perrie," he says softly, his eyes wide like a puppy being scolded. "I shouldn't have gotten involved in—," his eyes dart to Levi sitting next to him before he cuts himself off, offering a sheepish smile.
Giving him a side-ways glance, a small smile appears on my lips. "Forgiven, Bestie, I can't fault you entirely for thinking you were helping," I explain, leaning over and patting his hand softly.
He grins, relief shining in his eyes. I could hold a grudge like nobody's business. But Nico is one of the best people I know. Yes, he does stupid things but after last night, I'm the definition of someone doing stupid things. We're human, we make mistakes. Plus, he drove two hours to come to make sure I was okay.
My eyes trail to the man next to him, sitting with his long legs scrunched together so as not to bother anyone and keeping quiet the entire time. His fingers are clasped together, thumbs rubbing against his skin. "Thank you," I tell him, making his head snap up. Our eyes connect and I smile, "For coming here."
His chest expands with a breath. "I had to make sure you were okay," he says in a whisper. I nod in understanding. If he were in my position, I'd do anything to find him and make sure he was okay.
Jonah leans forward and pokes the skin around my eye. I suck in a gasp and smack his outstretched hand. "Ow, asshole."
"You have a bruise there," he comments simply, shrugging, "Wanted to see if it hurt."
I brush the skin around said bruise. "Yeah, no shit it hurts." He reaches forward again and I smack him again.
"Did you get into a bar fight or something?" he asks, tilting his head. "You've got a couple of scratches on your face too."
The rest of them nod in agreement at the scratches on my face. My face heats up, embarrassment washing over me. "I did something stupid," I mutter, my fingers tapping against the table.
Jonah snorts, shaking his head. "Figured. Do we need to go beat someone up?" He glances at the end of the table. "I'm sure Nico would go beat them up, huh? He's a hockey player, they love a good brawl, don't you?"
Nico leans back in his chair, a smug smile on his lips. "What's their address, I'll kick the crap out of them." He winks for extra flare and I roll my eyes.
"Unless you feel like kicking the crap out of the ground, you're shit out of luck," I say pointedly, running a hand through my knotted hair.
One by one their attention locks on my face. Charlie's head twitches and he blinks in confusion. "The...ground?"
With raised brows, I nod. "Yup, I stood up while in the back of a pickup truck as it pulled off and I fell over the tailgate onto the dirt, hence," I gesture to my whole face.
It wasn't my best impression on the random people I'd befriended last night. But we laughed and laughed for about twenty minutes after it happened so that's one positive.
Nova's brows furrow, her hand raising in the air. "Who were these people you were with? And why the fuck, were you with them in the first place?" She crosses her arms and rests them on the table, turning to face me, and giving me her full attention.
The others sit quietly.
"They were football players here for a skirmish or something?" I glance at Nico and Levi and they nod in understanding. "There were like eight people altogether. One of them bought Madison and me some drinks and it kind of spiraled from there."
Levi swallows roughly. Nico blinks. "Wait, you hung out with football guys from a different college? Do you know how some of them can behave, and it was just guys?" His eyes widen. "Did any of them touch yo—."
I hold up a hand, stopping him mid-question. "Stop thinking. It wasn't just guys, some of them had their girlfriends there too and none of them laid a finger on me, they were actually really nice," I inform them with a smile.
Until they forgot me when we stopped so the guys could relieve themselves on the side of the road. Everyone but the driver was plastered, drunk off their heads...including me. It was early morning, probably around six.
I don't remember waving them down or even noticing them driving away. I just remember walking for what felt like ever afterward until this diner finally came into view. Not going to lie, I did shed a few tears. Swear to God I thought I was going to be lost walking along those fields forever.
My phone died long before the incident but I doubt there's much reception in this area anyway. It seems extremely deserted, especially since not one car drove past me this morning.
"I promise, I'm fine," I say firmly, looking each of them in the eye after filling them in, "My feet are killing me from walking for a while but I'm okay."
Nova glares at me. "You could have been abducted for fucks sake." Her sigh is deep and emotional. "I know we've been joking around here but I'm serious," she stares in my soul, "so many bad things could have happened."
Shrinking in my seat a little, I nod softly. "I know, I'm sorry."
"I've been quiet the last week but this stops now, it's escalated to a point where you're endangering yourself," her words are heavy and thick, the emotion clawing at her throat. Her eyes are glossy and in turn, it makes my vision blur. She crumples, wrapping her arms around me. "I can't lose you." My fingers grip the back of her t-shirt, pulling her closer to me even at this awkward angle. In a few seconds, our friends disappear from the booth, giving us some privacy. "I should have said something sooner," she murmurs into my hair before pulling back. She places her hands on either side of my face. "You cannot keep using alcohol as your crutch, it's not going to fix anything, Perrie."
A silence settles within me. One that knows she's right, she's always right but this time her words hold a sense of finality to it all. A part of me wants to brush it off, what she's trying to tell me.
Maybe I do drink a little more than most. So what, we're in college. We're here to make mistakes and enjoy life. I'm living.
That's what I tell myself, that I'm not a hazard, that although I drink a lot, I can handle the alcohol well enough. But clearly, I can't after last night. Do I need alcohol as a constant in my life? Absolutely not. But do I rely on it to keep out the wave of negativity I experience in my day-to-day life? Maybe.
A finger taps my temple. I blink, looking up at Nova. "Where did you go?"
I shake my head lightly. "Just thinking." She quirks her mouth. "Internalizing," I say dramatically, falling back against the booth. "Maybe you're right."
"I'm always right," she shoots back. Patting my head affectionately, she nudges my leg with her own. "Come on, we can talk about this later, let's get you home, showered, and in bed for the rest of the day."
Together we meet the rest of our friends at the door. I hug Paulie and his wife goodbye, offering to pay them for their time but they wave me off, claiming one of my friends already took care of them. An inkling feeling sits in the back of my mind but I shelve it for now.
On our way to the cars, a hand brushes my wrist. "Perrie," Levi begins, staring at his thumb lightly rubbing against my wrist, "Can we talk for a second? Last time we spoke..." he trails off, not needing to say more about the last time. We were both there. We know. "I'm sorry, for what I said to you."
I don't say anything except nod.
"You were right, about the control over me," he continues, scratching the back of his head.
"I didn't mean to be so argumentative," I tell him quietly, "I just wanted you to see what I did. I'm sorry for that."
His lips twitch at the corners. "I needed it. If it hadn't been thrown in my face who knows how long it would have taken me to realize."
"Perrie, come on!" Nova calls from the driver's seat. Hallie's wide eyes watching us through the window make me chuckle.
I step away from him. He sees my movement and goes to reach for me. "We'll talk?" he asks hopefully.
Straightening my back, I lift my chin to face him, pulling my hand away from his. "I have some things I need to focus on right now," I glance down at myself, "clearly." He chuckles softly. "Turns out some of the things you said weren't exactly incorrect, that's my bad. But it's only been a week, Levi, we need time to process everything and one week isn't enough."
His head dips down. He doesn't say anything but nods quietly. Unable to resist, I reach forward and squeeze his bicep reassuringly. "Have a good winter break, Superstar," I tell him with a soft teasing smile before turning away.
"You too, Peeps," he replies but I don't turn to face him.
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Favourite song right now?? Mine is Exile by Taylor Swift feat. Bon Iver
Until next time,
Sammipott xx