Dear Kookie,
No words can explain the pain, sorrow, and grief I felt when I saw you leave that room with that painfully emotionless face.
I still that day when I was told that an angel has saved me, I despised you, I hated you so much for saving me. I hated how you decided to stay in that suffocating hospital for three whole days and took care of me when I was unconscious. I hated how when I was finally escaping the hell you dragged me back in.
But then...
Because of you... I got the love of my life... at least someone who I thought was the love of my life...
All of a sudden, I was grateful to you...
And then the next moment you were there... standing in front of me... crying about how you were sorry to make me feel uncomfortable and angry and trust me when I said that...
I was so confused but there was this blooming feeling inside me.
The longer I was with you...
The longer I felt happy...
The longer I felt worth it...
It was you Jungkook... the one I truly adored...
The one I truly held affection for...
It's you Jungkook...
It has always been you...
The part of my life where I had you will forever be my favorite...
I sleep...
So that I can meet you in my dreams Jungkook...
Because it's you who have my mind
My heart
My dreams
My soul...
Always remember Jungkook...
My heart holds you when my arms can't...
I fucking lost it Jungkook...!
When I lost you...
Something about you made me feel more alive and far less lost...
I miss you so much Jungkook...
I still see you sitting beside me laughing, giggling, and talking about everything.
No one has ever made me feel as beautiful as you have Jungkook...
No one...
I still have it
That painting...
Namjoon almost destroyed it but I managed to keep him away from it.
I am willing to die but I refuse to let someone even touch that painting.
It's the only thing ever that makes me feel happy and feel worth it.
You have always made me feel happy and worth it.
Only you make me smile at my lowest
With you Jeon Jungkook... I feel peace...
I fell in love with you because you loved me when I couldn't love myself Jungkook...
I love you so much...
So much that it hurts...
You make me happy in a way no one else can...
You know Jungkook? I hated piano...
I started hating it when I started to play in front of people...
I thought they will understand the pain I feel...
But they smiled, they laughed and they clapped...
When they should be crying, weeping, sniffing.
It was you who understood it Jungkook...
It was only you...
And for you... I want to grow strong and heal myself so that I can play again...
There was a time I was wishing that I will lose consciousness and finally leave this earth but now I am here laying down on the bed.
Miserable than ever wishing to live...
So that I can play and you can paint...
For you Jungkook...
I am willing to live...
Thank you for loving me when I still tasted like ashes and depression
You know what my biggest fear is Kook?
That eventually you will end up seeing me as I see myself...
So I guess it's for the best you're away from me...
Thank you for your love, Kook...
I also love you and will forever do...
From your Yoongi Hyung