"Hey Shawn, can you hand me a water bottle?" I asked. It's been about a week since our first date. Andrew has been forcing us every day to hang out in Shawn's hotel room to help us bond, but let's just say it has not been working. After our first date, I thought maybe we were getting somewhere, but then the whole Camila thing happened, and now we are right back to where we started.
I waited for him to respond, but he didn't. Most of the time when we hang out, he's ignoring me. When he does talk to me, it just ends up in a fight between us. At this point, I'm starting to get frustrated.
"Shawn?" I tried again. "The mini fridge is right next to you. Can you hand me a water bottle PLEASE?" I asked annoyed.
Nothing.
"Shawn?!" I tried once more, raising my voice.
"Can you shut up? I'm trying to watch the Leafs game. Get it yourself." He suddenly barked at me, then turned his attention back to the hockey game playing on the hotel tv.
Rather than let my growing frustration get the best of me, I just stayed quiet. I'm over it. How the heck am I going to help this guy's reputation. I don't think it's possible.
Think of the opportunities this will bring, I remind myself. Think of the possibility of achieving your childhood dream. So many people would kill to be in this position. You can do it. I took a deep breath.
"Actually, can you walk me back to my apartment like Andrew said? I'm getting tired." Yeah, tired of his bullshit.
Andrew is making him walk me in case there's paparazzi. The more we get photographed together the better apparently. Shawn of course protested, but Andrew said that he was going to check with the hotel staff.
He huffed before giving me a "Fuck that. I'm only walking until we get around the block so the hotel workers don't see, then you can walk the rest of the way."
"Fine by me." I turned my back towards him and to the door. That's the best thing he's suggested since I met him.
He grabbed my hand when we exited his hotel and we put on a lovey dovey show for anyone who may be watching, though all I wanted was to be away from him.
Once we got around the corner where no one could see, we ripped our hands away from each others and went in our separate directions, neither of us even saying goodbye. I hope Shawn's not dumb and just went back into the hotel. Andrew would find out. All I could do was hope.
Whatever. I put on my headphones and want on my way.
When I got back to my apartment, I showered, changed, and decided to call my mom. This boy is annoying the absolute hell out of me. I need to rant.
She picked up after 3 rings. "Hey Cass." She spoke my childhood nickname into the line.
"Mom. I can't do this with him. I can't." I cut straight to it. It's only been a week since I met the guy and it's already taking a toll.
"Hold on. What's wrong? What happened?" She asked, already knowing what I was going to say.
"He's just so frickin rude. I can't talk to him! He hates me for no reason and now I hate him too. A year is way too long. I shouldn't have let you talk me into this." Tears started to prick at my eyes. I was so frustrated. And just thinking about how I'm going to be in this for a whole year was too much.
"Cassie you haven't given it any time. It's only been a we-"
"I know!" I cut her off. "It's only been a week and I already want to pull all my hair out! I hate it!" Tears were running down my face. Why did they pick me? I don't want this anymore. It's not worth it.
There was silence for a split second. "You need to calm down and take a breath, okay? Everything is going to be okay. I know it's hard right now, but he's still adjusting and so are you. I'm not trying to make excuses, but you have to think about this positively." She tried to reason.
I did what she said and closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath. Letting this all out felt good. I needed to cry.
"I'm okay." I sighed, assuring myself more than my mom.
"Yes. You're fine, and you're going to keep being fine, okay? You're going to experience some really cool things throughout this process. Aren't you going to be able to go to award shows? And didn't Andrew say a possible MET Gala? Just think about those opportunities that not just anyone gets to experience. Focus on the good rather than the bad. This isn't only about Shawn, it's about you. You've always said how you're life is 'too boring'. I disagree, but this is just about as exciting as it can get. You can do it. You can get through this rough patch."
Hearing my moms voice was so soothing. I missed her. Next time I'll be able to see her is Thanksgiving. Just a few months.
But until then, I'll have to deal with the devil. My moms right. This isn't just about Shawn. It's about me too.
"You're right mom. I know you are. It just sucks right now. I wanted to rant and get that out for someone to hear. I'll try to think about this differently." I rubbed my face with my free hand.
"Good." She spoke, "now get a good nights sleep so you can power through tomorrow. Just take it one day at a time."
"Thanks, mom. I needed to hear that. I'm going to do just that and head to bed. I love you and I miss you."
"Love and miss you too. And if you need to talk again, don't hesitate to call. Honestly, I'm sure you could talk to Andrew too. He's had his fair share of tiffs with Shawn." She pointed out.
I chuckled at her use of the word 'tiffs.' "You're right mom, bye bye."
I hung up the phone and laid back. My mom is so right. I just needed to hear the voice of reason. I can do this. Award shows, MET Gala, parties, launches; I get to do all these things for the next year. Not many normal people can say that.
I'm cool as fuck.
I gotta keep telling myself that. My new mantra.
And just like that, I went to bed, determined to make it through this year in one piece.
•
I woke up the next morning to a call from Andrew. I couldn't tell what his tone of voice was, but he wanted to have a meeting with Shawn and I in an hour. So I got up and got dressed.
Just as I was about to leave. I looked at myself in the mirror.
I'm cool as fuck, I thought to myself. I smiled at my reflection and walked out of the house. It was such a nice day out. August in NY this year wasn't too hot. The sun was shining but there was a cool breeze; it was perfect.
Once I got to Shawn hotel, I said hello to the lady at the front desk. She gave me a knowing glance, which I furrowed my eyebrows to, but didn't give it a second look.
The elevator ride took no time at all and before I knew it, I was in front of Shawns suite. I took a deep breath, telling myself to brush off whatever rude comments Shawn will make today, before knocking on the door.
I was met with a not-so-happy looking Andrew. I gave him a confused expression.
"Come in, Cassie." He didn't even greet me. Oh no. What did I do?
I walked past him and into the apartment. Shawn was already seated on the couch. I took a seat next to him. He didn't glance at me either, but that, I wasn't surprised about. He's just an asshole like that.
"So-" Andrew began, "what happened last night after you spent time together in this room?"
This time Shawn and I exchanged glances. "What do you me-" Shawn began.
"Did you walk Cassie home." He cut him off. I gulped. How did he find out?
Shawn answered immediately. "Yes." Damn he's a good liar. His eyes never left Andrew's. I was shocked by his confidence, but I nodded along.
"So then are you telling me that the woman at the front desk is a liar?" He hissed. "Because she told me she saw otherwise when I asked."
Shawn replied again, quick. "I don't know what she thinks she saw, but I walked her home. Right, Cassie?" He looked at me so I nodded, not looking Andrew in the eye. Those as hard. Andrew is usually so nice.
Andrew looked from Shawn to me. Then he just chuckled. He chuckled. I gulped. I was scared to hear what he had to say next.
"Okay so then what about the doorman at Cassie's apartment? Is he also a liar?" I closed my eyes. No way he confirmed with my apartment complex.
At this point, we both knew we were caught.
"I-I-" this time Shawn was at a loss for words. I guess he's also surprised that Andrew double checked.
"Yep. I also asked to make sure. Do you guys know why we plan to do things the way we do? It's all for your benefit! Did you see this?" He showed us something on his phone.
When Shawn grabbed the phone from him, I looked over this shoulder. It was a picture of us walking our separate ways yesterday, both of us looking angry.
"Now scroll to the right." Andrew commanded.
Shawn did. It was a screenshot of a few tweets with similar pictures asking if our relationship was even real. Oh shit.
Our mouths dropped open. That fast?
"We tell you to behave certain ways to stop stiff like this from happening." He pointed at the phone. "You're lucky we got this picture taken down as soon as we saw it. There's a whole team right now that have been scouring the internet for the past 12 hours looking to see if this picture has been used in any tweets or in any articles. THAT'S why we tell you to behave a certain way. THAT'S why you have to listen to me. I know you've been at each others throats for the past week, but it ends today. You both are going to go into Shawn's room and I'm not letting you out until you figure out how to be civil with each other. Got it?"
"But-" Shawn tried to protest.
"No. Now." Andrew spit. I got up immediately, scared of the way Andrew was acting, but I know he's just stressed and disappointed.
Shawn got up slowly after me and together we both solemnly walked into his room. Once we were in, Andrew slammed the door shut.
This is going to be interesting.