I woke up today with a heavy heart, and I immediately knew what was going on. An anxiety attack.
I had these since I was five, and it never got better. Now I know a few things that can help me calm down sometimes, but when it's really bad, I usually have to take a pill that knocks me out.
Placing my hand on my chest I feel my breathing getting faster and my heart too. It's about five a.m. and it's not like I can call someone to help me. I'm alone.
Whenever I have these attacks, really bad thoughts come to my head and I only get worse.
I sit up on my bed and close my eyes as tears start falling.
"Just breathe, it's okay, you're okay, I got you." I usually say this to myself to calm myself down.
It's not working.
Opening my eyes and checking my surroundings, I start shaking.
"Just breathe, Elise. Breathe." I can't breathe, I can't, I can't.
I start feeling so dizzy and nauseous. Everything is spinning and I can't fucking breathe.
Out of nowhere, I hear someone knocking on my door. Looking at my clock again, it's now 7:30. How did time pass by so fast?
I open the door and try to hold my tears. My hand is still on my chest and I bite hard on my lip. Controle yourself, Elise.
"Hm, yeah?" I ask opening the door.
"Darling, are you okay?" Vincent is on the other side and has a concerned look on his face.
"Yes, yes, I'm okay... I'm... I... I can't." I start crying again.
Vincent enters my apartment, and holds my face trying to see what's happening.
"What's wrong, bella? Are you hurt? What happened?"
"I can't breathe!" I cry loud like a baby.
He looks at me, and picks me up. Vincent takes us to my bed and lay me down.
He then takes his shoes off and lays next to me, holding me tight, protecting me.
"It's okay, Elise. I'm here, I got you." When those words leave his mouth, I take a deep breath.
The first thing I can smell is his perfume. My head is on his neck and his smell is so... calming.
My heart beat starts to settle down and I close my eyes to focus on my breathing.
"That's right, breathe, baby." Vincent starts caressing my hair.
"I'm so sorry." I tell him, allowing one last tear to fall. A tear of embarrassment.
"There's nothing to be sorry for. I got you, darling."
When I'm completely calm, I close my eyes and drift back to sleep.
*****
I wake up alone in my bed. I start to feel lonely, but soon hear Vincent on the phone just on the other room.
"Yeah, she's okay now. Don't worry, I'm taking care of her. I'll talk to you later. Bye."
I clear my throat behind him and look at the ground.
Vincent hurries to my direction and hugs me.
"How are you feeling?" He asks.
"I'm better, thank you." I bite down on my lip. "Please forgive me for this. I'm embarrassed that you had to see this."
He let go of me and I look at the ground.
"Don't ever apologize for this." Vincent grabs my hand. "What happened?"
I sigh.
"Just some stupid panick attack. I have those since I was a child and when it's really bad, I usually fall asleep after because of how much energy it drains. Nothing triggered it, I just woke up this way. It lasted for hours before you showed up... thank you."
"You're welcome, darling."
"Damn it, I missed college!" I slap my forehead and Vincent chuckles.
"It's okay, Aaron said he'll tell you everything later today."
"Today? But I thought we only had training on Friday."
"We do, but we thought maybe we could continue our movie session." He smiles and I blush. "But now, let's get you some breakfast."
*****
We were now at Vincent's place. Both Caden and Aaron were already here when I arrived.
"Hi! I'm so excited!" I tell Caden when he approaches me.
He chuckles and I hug him. I've come to really like these guys, and really enjoy their company.
Aaron is next and he hugs me tightly.
"You scared me today, petit oiseau." Aaron pulls away and looks at me deep in my eyes. One hand goes to my face, caressing my cheek, and the other took a strand of hair out of my face.
"I'm sorry." I look at the ground. "It was just something stupid."
"Panick attacks are not stupid, dear. Does it happen often?"
I shrug.
"Sometimes I get triggered, like extremely crowded places or when I'm sad and start to think bad about me, but sometimes it just happens for no reason."
"Well." Aaron pulls my chin up to look at him, and I do. I meet those gorgeous green eyes and melt. "Whenever that happens again, you call us. Any of us. All of us. Whatever you prefer, but please do. We care about you, Elise."
I frown a bit at that.
Why would they care about me? I'm no one.
"I made popcorn." Caden says sitting on the couch with a bowl of popcorn.