"Can you please, drive me home?" I ask, Joey.
"I want to talk to you about what just happened." Nick says, desperately.
"I don't want to talk to you. I don't think I ever want to talk to you again." I tell him.
The door handle shakes, and then someone pounds on the door. "Hey, who's fucking in there?"
Joey opens the door and quickly ushers me out, Nick is close behind us.
The guy looks at us with a suspicious smile. "Damn, what we're you three doing in there." He asks, while we are passing him.
"Drugs." Joey says, flatly.
"—And no invite?!" The guy, laughs.
"Next time, bro." He replies, patting his back and moving forward.
We get to my car and I pass Joey my keys. He stops and stares at my car.
"Really? You're going to make me drive a Prius?" He says.
"Oh my god, what is wrong with my Prius?" I say, frustratedly.
I go to get in and Nick is right there at my side again.
"So, you're just going to leave, on these terms?" He asks, looking pitiful.
"Yes." I tell him.
"Can I at least drive you home, so we can talk?" He questions.
"No, why don't you go back inside and find that girl. I'm sure she'll let you drive her home."
"Liliana, I don't give a fuck about that girl." He replies.
"God, you really are so charming, Nick."
I get into the passenger seat and sit down, he holds the car door, not wanting to budge.
"Were you ever going to tell me the truth about Trace?" He asks.
"I don't know, but I honestly didn't have to tell you anything, if I didn't want to. It doesn't matter now." I stare up at him, hoping he would just give up at this point.
"It matters because in football we are all integrated and I have to be around him. The fact that you wouldn't at least mention you and him were together and you were pregnant with his kid... is a little bewildering to me, Lili."
"I'm not obligated to tell you anything." I say, blankly.
"—But its human fucking decency."
"I don't think you have a clue what human decency is, Nick. In fact, you might be heartless."
"Seriously?" He asks, looking me in the eyes.
"I really don't want to sit here and listen to you guys argue for an hour so, can we get this show on the road?" Joey asks.
"Let go of the door, Nick."
He gives me a look as if he's been completely gutted, but this time I didn't care. He shuts the car door and stands there watching as we pull away.
*
Awhile into the drive I notice how slow Joey is going.
"Why are you driving so slow? It's a 40 speed limit right here and you're driving like, 20."
He softly, chuckles. "Yeah, give me a break. I'm still a little high."
I join in laughing with him because it was really funny, he looked like a little old lady gripping the steering wheel, but soon my laughter turned into tears and I start crying out of no where.
"It's going to be alright, Lili." He says.
"I know." I tell him.
"You might think your fucked up, but we are so fucked up too, believe me."
"—Oh I believe you." I say, wiping away tears.
"Did Nick ever tell you about how our uncle use to beat the shit out of us as kids? He thought it made us tough which, he might have had a point, but I think Nick took it harder because he was younger and just starting to go through puberty. I think it fucked him up a little."
"He didn't tell me." I answer.
"Yeah, I think the mental abuse was worst, though. He use to relentlessly make fun of us for liking anime. Especially, Nick.. he constantly would call him gay. It would piss me off so bad because that was my little brother, you know? I wanted to protect him, but I was still a kid myself. I think that's why Nick works so hard to be the strong guy."
"Yeah, that makes sense." I reply, knowing all of this was really helping me to understand why Nick was the way he was. Typically, people who are abused as children grow up to be abusers, but he also had possession issues and an intense need to protect.
Though, none of this excused his behavior.
"I mean, there's a lot more than what I'm telling you, but I shouldn't say anything else. I already got myself into enough trouble for telling other peoples secrets." He says.
"Yeah." I snort.
My apartment.
We arrive at my apartment and he passes me back my keys.
"I'm going to order an Uber really quick." He says.
"Actually." I turn to look at him, he watches my face carefully. "I kinda don't want to be alone." I tell him.
"You need me to come in for a bit?" He asks.
"Can you just spend the night with me?"
That question looked as if it caught him by complete surprise. He sits for a moment quietly.
"Uh, I don't know if that's a good idea, Lili." He finally, says. I could tell he got a little flustered thinking about the idea because his breathing changed.
"Please? I have some wine." I smile.
He smiles back. "Alright, you got me at wine."
We get into my apartment and I pour us a glass of wine. He quickly takes a drink of it, he seemed nervous and it was kinda cute.
"Fuck." He chokes. "This tastes like shit, Lili."
I laugh. "Sorry I don't make enough money to buy the expensive kind."
"No, I didn't mean it like that. There's a lot of cheap wine out there that tastes better than this."
I hold up my glass next to his. "Let's just chug it, it'll start tasting better in awhile."
He laughs, clinging his glass against mine as we both down our glasses.
"So, want to help me make a blanket pallet on the floor?" I smile. I knew his 6'5 ass was definitely not going to fit on my twin bed.
"Oh, for me?" He asks, awkwardly.
"For the both of us."
He breaths out, grabbing the bottle of wine and pouring us two more glasses full.
"If that's what you want." He replies.
I go get two pillows and plenty of blankets from my room and bring them out, he helps me as we lay them on the floor. We stack each one, making a fluffy little square in the middle of my apartment floor.
We finish are second glass of wine and decide to lay down. I turn out most of the lights and turn on the tv. I lay down next to him. His breathing was even more amplified now, as I scoot in closer to him.
"Can you hold me?" I whisper.
He doesn't look at me or say anything, he just scoops me into his arms. Our bodies were utterly close now, I lay my head on his shoulder.
I guess he didn't need me telling him twice, I thought. Softly, smiling at the things that could possibly be going through his mind.
"What's wrong with me?" I ask, quietly.
"There's absolutely nothing wrong with you, Liliana." He responds.
"Even if I'm thinking about fucking you?"
He swallows deeply. "Don't say that, please."
"—But I am."
"You already know how I feel." He says, in a deeper tone.
"Mmhm.." I reply.
I start to run my hand down his stomach, but he catches my hand in his. "Don't." He breaths.
I turn my face towards his and he looks down at me. "Don't you want to fuck me?"
He groans. "Of course I do, but I can't do that to my brother." He says.
"So, you were all talk?" I pout.
"Yeah, basically. Do you know how demented I'd have to be to do that to him?"
"He broke up with me, Joey. He was getting a blow job from another girl just hours ago."
"He wants you back, though. He really does love you, Liliana. Do you know how awkward that would be if I fucked you?" He says, in a louder tone.
"What if I don't want him back?" I ask him. "Honestly, I don't think I do."
"Well, we'll cross that bridge when we get there." He says.
I quickly, plant a kiss on his lips and he pulls back a bit stunned. He then, returns the kiss, moving his tongue into my mouth and rolling it across mine.
He pulls back again. "Fuuuuckkk..." He groans. "This is not okay." He gets up and paces around for a second. "I can't stay here, I'm so sorry. If I do I don't have the strength to keep my dick in my pants."
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