Numb.
I hate numb.
But thats what losing someone does.
It forces you to turn off all of your emotions just to feel human again.
For if your emotions were on you would feel Alien, because all u know, is grief.
Anger.
Sadness.
Regret.
The past is an anchor tugging you down trying to drown you.
"But you cant let it."
But what if I want it to.
I want to be down in pitch black sea with all the beautiful low laying creatures.
Not on the hot sand thats burning my toes as we speak.
No.
I want to be with the sharks, the whales, the algae.
Anywhere but here.
Because here doesn't have you.
I would rather be down deep in the sea, struggling to breathe, falling asleep, slowing drowning.
Than up here in the breeze, between all the weeds, lost in the trees, can't feel a thing.
I hate numb.
But numb loves me.
And how am I expected to remember you without feeling everything?