Jihyun P.O.V
Salt Lake City, Utah.
The sound of skates hitting the ice had never seemed so jarring and annoying. From the moment that I stepped into the training Arena, I felt out of place. As if I didn't belong in this world anymore. All of my days blended in a montage of nonstop workouts, media appearances, and nonstop questions about my former fall. My emotions were still playing an out-of-sync symphony of sadness, and for whatever reason, I couldn't get completely locked into coaching. Katie Folds was extraordinary in every way, and she didn't need any guidance; my presence was a mere formality.
Sighing, I sipped my coffee and signaled for her to take a break.
"Let's take twenty!" I said. She nodded and skated over to me.
"For the record, I watched you all the time when I was younger," she said. "I've saved all of your competition tapes for inspiration. Well, you and your mom's. You two are my favorites of all time."
"That means a lot to me, Katie. Thank you."
"Want something back from the food corner?"
"Lemonade."
"You're welcome." She nodded and slid a bag over her shoulder.
I waited until she was gone before sitting down and giving in to my emotions again. I'd thought that I could break my record of six hours without thinking about Jimin, but it was no use. He invaded my daydreams, stormed through all of my thoughts, and I had to resist the frequent urge to pick up my phone and contact him. He was, by far, the hardest breakup I'd ever had in my life, and I hated having to deal with it by myself. Without my best friend.
"You know a 'goodbye' would've been nice. Actually, I would've settled for an 'I've changed my mind about flying to the compound to coach' text message. That way, when I came back into town from my mini-coaching stint, I wouldn't have been itching to file a Missing Persons report." Areum suddenly stepped in front of me and took a sit next to me.
"What are you doing here?" Tears pricked my eyes as I looked up at her. "No, no, no, The person who booked a flight without paying her part of the rent can't ask me any questions right now. The better question is, why are you crying?" she said. I didn't say anything, "Frenemies talk to each other, Jihyun. They tell each other things." she said.
"Jimin broke up with me."
"WHAT?" Her eyes widened.
"He asked for space, and he also cheated on me." Tears fell down my face.
"Where'd you get that latter thing from?" She tilted her head to the side.
"I lost my boyfriend and my best friend in one fell swoop. I just reacted and picked up everything and left. I'm sorry that I didn't call or text ... I didn't know what to say. Now I'm here and this doesn't feel right. I mean, I want this more than anything, but the timing isn't right, you know? And I feel like the one person I want to share it with isn't here to celebrate the chance with me." I didn't feel like addressing that topic right now. She sat next to me on the bench, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. I sobbed so hard that my chest and stomach ached even worse than they did last night.
"I have to vomit," I said, rushing to the bathroom. She followed and held my hair back just in time.
"Hold on, let me get some tissue."
"Ewww! There's vomit in this other toilet already. Whatever food is being served here, don't you dare offer it to me." She scoffed.
"Sorry, I forgot to flush that one an hour ago. That's how upset I am. I've been crying every day." I said.
"Have you been vomiting like this every day, too?"
"Yeah. I've never been like this after a break up before. This is so beyond awful that I don't think I'll ever get over him." I took the tissue from her.
"I bet. I don't think everything you're feeling is due to the breakup, though." She leaned against the wall.
"What do you mean?"
"I think we need to get you a pregnancy test ... "
***
Namjoon: Since you want to avoid my phone calls, I'm in town. Meet me for lunch. Now.
Me: Where? And what's this about?
Namjoon: Bon appetite 43, woodland.
Namjoon: You know what the fuck this is about.
I stepped into the café and took off my hat, stopping when I saw that all the shades in the room were drawn shut. The tables sat untouched and clear of silverware, and a brunette stood alone at the hostess stand.
"Good afternoon, Miss Kim. Thank you for choosing Bon appetite 43 tonight. Can I show you to your reserved table?" she said.
"Sure." I followed her to a booth at the back of the room.
Over the years, I'd come to know this 'reserved table' routine very well. Whenever Namjoon wanted to criticize me for something, the idea of a public meeting was out of the question, so he made it look like he'd considered the idea. This was how he'd always handled being a big brother, and I had no choice but to submit. His way or no way. I flipped through the pink plastic menu and ordered a stack of pancakes and a coffee. Then, just like clockwork, Namjoon walked through the door alone. He handed the manager a clip of bills and made his way toward me.
"Hello, Hyun. How are you on this lovely Saturday?" He glared at me as he took off his jacket.
"You've never been good at small talk, Namjoon. Please don't try to practice now."
"What can I get for you today, Mr. Kim?" The waitress moved in front of us, setting down two coffees.
"I'll take what I discussed with your manager over the phone. Nothing more, nothing less." He kept his eyes on mine.
"Yes, sir." She stepped away.
"I really am interested in knowing how you're feeling today. Do you feel like hiding more things with Jimin or coming clean?" Namjoon said.
"Cut the shit, Namjoon. You don't have to treat me like a kid." I rolled my eyes.
"Fair enough. What the fuck were you thinking?"
"First of all—"
"Let me answer it for you. You weren't thinking. Because the idea of Jimin being someone worthy of dating should've never crossed your mind. You know how he is with women, and you've had a front row seat to his show for years. Did you honestly think he would change his character for you?" He interrupted. I didn't answer, "I'm beyond disappointed in you. I've taught you better than this." he said.
"You're not Dad, Namjoon."
"Good thing that I'm not. He wouldn't be this calm if he were here. And he damn sure wouldn't be okay with you dating Jimin. Trust me." He sipped his coffee. I gritted my teeth as the waitress returned to our table.
"Here you are." she said, setting down more than what I'd ordered between us. Another power play by Namjoon. He waited for her to leave before speaking again.
"Good thing the two of you broke up before things got worse or he got you pregnant."
"I am pregnant."
"Stop fucking with me."
"I'm eight weeks and yes, the baby is his." I said. He sucked in a slow, steady breath.
"Jihyun ..." He didn't finish that sentence.
Instead, he picked up his knife and sliced his pancake stack with such a slow and delicate precision that the nerves on the back of my neck stood up. The fear he'd filled in me over the years was still there.
"Whatever he promised you while you were dating behind my back is a lie. That said, I doubt he'll ever walk away from his child. Given his past, he wouldn't dare be a deadbeat dad." he said.
"I know that."
"You should also know that I've talked to him about how he should've never touched you. There's no future with him outside of co-parenting schedule. I won't allow it."
"You won't allow it?"
"I didn't stutter. He'll be there for your child of course, but he'll never be there for you in any other capacity. You should've followed my words years ago. I'm the only one who will always be there for you. You're all I have and vice versa." He glared at me.
My blood boiled at his blatant rewriting of history, at his ability to say that shit with a straight face.
"Speaking of being there for you—" He pulled an envelope from his jacket and placed it into my purse, "I've had this account in your name since I started MMA, and I planned to hand it over to you next year, but you'll clearly need it before then. By the way, don't be surprised if Jimin doesn't the baby is his for a while."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Exactly what it sounds like. I'll be there for you for the long-term, since he can't be." he said.
"You want to know who was really there for me when I needed him? Who showed up to every fucking competition even when I told him that he didn't have to, because just like you, he was working on his goddamn dreams?" My voice cracked. He narrowed his eyes at me, "Jimin, Namjoon." I hissed, "Jimin was there, and you were not. So, spare me the extra side of bullshit about being a fucked up white knight when I never needed you to save me."
"Jihyun—"
"You're so full of yourself that you can't even see it." I stood to my feet, "But you know what? You've always done a pretty good job avoiding me for months at a time. Do me a favor and continue doing that for the rest of the year."
"What?"
"I'll be there in the front row at your next competition Or, will I? I vividly remember you feeding me that very line when you first left me." I said.
"Sit back down, Hyun. I'm not done talking to you."
"I'm done listening."
I left the diner without another word, without telling him any of my plans. I had a plane to catch.