Niall is the first one to look up once Marie and I step out of the bedroom. His eyes trail up and down me, a smile breaking, lighting his eyes.
"You look better in that skirt more than Marie ever did," he teases, earning Marie to hit him on the arm and flip him off. He laughs, pats the empty seat between him and Louis.
Louis looks up, eyes drawn down, looking sad like a puppy cold and lost in a forest. It hurts to see him like this, but to be honest it's his own fault. I itch to just touch him, feel his warm skin gently touch the pads of my fingers.
I slide into the stool between the two, Zayn having Liam aid him with piling food onto plates and handing them out.
"There you are, H, I made sure to add a little extra cheese in there, just the way you like it," Zayn says, winking at me when he hands me my burrito.
Despite everything, Louis gives me an encouraging nod, taps his toe against my foot in order for me to know that I've got this. It makes my heart feel a little warmer, chipping at the ice glazing there.
I pick it up with two hands, pieces of mince falling out the bottom. I take a little nibble, and Louis finds that it is his cue to take a bite as well, matching my chews and swallows.
"That skirt suits you," he mumbles under his breath, not giving me any direct eye contact, though I can tell he's wanting to.
I can't help but blush, pink dusting my cheeks. "Thanks," I bumble back, patting the side of my lip with a piece of kitchen roll.
Niall sighs dramatically. "Oh come on, you two! Hug it out, c'mon, the awkwardness is quite literally strangling me to the point where I'll be fine with death knocking at my door." He takes a huge bite of his burrito the same time Liam nudges him with his elbow and shakes his head. Niall flings his arms out as if to say what?
Louis looks over to me then, gives a weak smile. "I'm sorry, H," he whispers, leaning in so that his breath tickles my ear.
I don't want all these eyes prying my way, so I simply nod, leg beginning to bounce on its own accord.
"Would you lot stop fucking staring and pick up your own conversations? You're making him anxious!" Louis snaps, making me slightly jump.
All the eyes that were on me, look anywhere but, lips thinning and tightening as if a piece of thread was clamping them closed.
I feel his hand rest on my knee, stilling my leg momentarily. I look over to him, and his eyes tell me things he hasn't said out loud, things we're not quite ready to say yet. I've never been able to read people, but here and now, I'm able to recognise that Louis always tells me what he cannot say by just his eyes, as if they're an open book themselves; letters pouring from the page to form the words, wrapping delicately around my heart and nuzzling there.
I heave a slow sigh, nodding slowly. I lean my head against his shoulder, despite my better judgement to continue being petty and let him wait longer.
"Okay," I mutter. "I'm still pissed off that you told your therapist, though," I quietly admit, hoping the others cannot hear. Probably not the best place to talk things out, but they're all trapped in their own little conversations now so it doesn't matter.
He sighs. "You can be pissed off at me for as long as you please, but don't use that as an excuse to ignore me. I like you, H, more than anyone and I just want to be by your side no matter what."
I trace a pattern into his thigh, watching the way his even breaths expand and retract his knitted clad tummy.
"Okay. But don't do anything like that again," I warn, looking up at him through my lashes, head positioned down slightly to where his lap is. If we weren't having dinner, I'd climb right into it and snuggle into his chest.
I grab my burrito, tummy asking for more. My legs kick under the table, head bopping side to side now that my moody phase is pretty much over.
The rest of dinner goes smoothly and I'm able to finish all my burrito and a cookie, only feeling slightly guilty over it after it's finished.
We are in the front room when Niall sheepishly creeps over, rubbing the back of his neck.
"H," he mumbles, biting his lip.
I look up, head against Louis' chest, feet propped up in Liam's lap. The look on Niall's face makes me feel slightly worried.
"Yeah?" I question, sitting up slightly.
He points a thumb over toward the bedrooms. "Can I, erm... can I talk to you for a moment?" I've never heard Niall sound so quiet and fragile.
It makes me feel slightly sick, thinking maybe I've done something to upset him.
"You alright, Nialler?" Louis asks, brow quirked.
Niall nods quickly. "Yeah. Just wanna speak to H about something."
I slowly get up, Louis gives my hand a light squeeze before shifting toward Zayn so that he can snuggle up to someone.
I take Niall into my room, neither of us speaking a word. I sit on my bed, picking up my pillow and hugging it to my chest.
As soon as Niall closes the door, I blurt out, "alright, what have I done?"
He shakes his head, hands up in surrender. "No, no! It's nothing to do with you specifically. You haven't done anything, I just needed to chat to someone."
"Why me?" I ask. Surely he'd want to speak to one of the other lads that he's been friends with for practically life.
He gives a weak smile, crashes onto the bed with his legs propped beneath him. "Because the others have practically come out queer since they climbed out their mum's wombs. You're new to this too, feel like you're easier to talk to about this. We are experiencing this shit as newbies. And I know you won't judge me."
"The others wouldn't judge you either," I point out.
He sighs. "I know. But they've known me for years as the funny guy that likes crushing over girls. Their views on me may change, and I'm not sure if I'm ready for all that."
I lean over toward him, placing my hand in his. His are cold, slightly clammy, but they're familiar, feeling like a safe blanket. I give it a reassuring squeeze.
"What's it you want to chat to me about?" I ask calmly.
He chews on his lip, tracing patterns with his free hand onto his jeans. "Well... you know the guys that I went to see earlier? Well, I think..." He puts his head in his hands. "I think I'm crushing over one of them."
"Okay... what makes you think that you're crushing? You getting the butterflies?" I ask, smiling, knowing the feeling whenever I think of Louis and those wings flutter in my tummy.
He groans, flops flat onto the bed, one arm outstretched, the other arm covering his face. "Yes. Jesus, Harry. I'm getting the fucking lot. It's like a herd of butterflies! Is it a herd? Hive? I don't fucking know. But not only that, my mind won't stop thinking about him and whenever I see a text from him, I feel like I could melt or collapse with excitement." He fakes a sob, frown deepening on his face.
I pat his knee, giggling. "You've fallen hard."
He swats my hand away, daggers thrown my way. "Oh shut it, Princess, says you. You quite literally had an angry episode with Louis all because of your jealousy as you thought he was fit."
Okay. Maybe Niall is right. That whole hating him thing, I think was just me not being used to the new feelings wrapping around my insides. I was angry for so long whenever he would sleep around, and I think Niall is right. I thought Louis was fit the first time I laid my eyes upon him.
"No need to rat me out like that," I mumble half heartedly.
He cackles. "Oh stop the frown, H, I was only joking."
I roll my eyes. "So who's the lucky guy you're now finger deep in?"
He grabs the pillow from me and smacks it across my head. "Fuck off. You've spent too much time with Louis, you're starting to sound like him. You're getting too big for your boots."
I giggle into my hand, not being able to contain it. I won't admit that I feel a little flustered that he says I'm sounding like my boyfriend. I won't tell him that it makes me feel all giddy inside.
He shakes his head, breaking out into a grin. "Promise not to tell anyone?"
I nod. God this feels like one of those teenage drama sesh where the girls are giggling and telling their secret crushes to each other.
He sighs long and hard. He chews on his thumbnail, looking down to his lap, before meeting my eyes again. He mumbles the name under his breath but I don't quite catch it.
"Huh?" I wonder.
He rolls his eyes dramatically. "Shawn."
My brows furrow. "The coach?"
Niall splutters, "w-t-p-no! Mendes. My friend Shawn Mendes." He falls forward, head hitting my chest harshly, making me grunt.
I pat his shoulder. "The brown eyed boy?"
Niall nods, his hair scratching against my top, tickling my nose as well. "Yeah," he mumbles. "Yeah, honey-like eyes as if he just got dipped in the fucking hive and coated in chocolate."
"Like a Crunchie," I state.
Niall slaps me upside the head gently. "Yes like a fucking Crunchie!"
I pout. "Does he feel the same way to you?"
Niall shrugs.
"Is he into guys?" I ask.
He shrugs again, begins tracing patterns into my leg. "Your legs are very smooth," he notes quietly.
I go to coil myself up after that statement, but he's quick to stop me.
"It's not a bad thing, H. It suits you, bud." He pats my cheek. "I don't know if he is or not. But he has on occassion make comments where he initiates it." When I don't reply, waiting for more, Niall heavily breathes through his nose, making his nostrils flare ever so slightly. He climbs into my lap, flops his head onto my shoulder. "So like, the other day, we were joking about Ed having a bondage kink–"
"What?" I snort.
Niall cackles. "–don't, it's so obvious." He waves his hand as if to clear the air around us. "Anyway. We were there teasing him over it, and Shawn made a comment saying that his kink was fingers in his arse."
"Fruity," I comment, making Niall's blue eyes lighten with laughter.
"Exactly what I thought. But maybe he like, you know, just enjoys girls shoving their fingers into his arse to get him off instead of BJ."
I raise a shoulder. "Who bloody knows."
There's a comfortable silence for a while, but I feel as though I need to break it.
"Thanks for trusting me, Ni. Not many people tell me things so I've never really had a secret to keep. I guess people just don't trust me."
Niall's brows crease. "You're the most trustworthy person I've met, H. Hence you're the one I wanted to tell!"
I coo, jokingly kiss his temple. "Thanks, darling."
"I want to kiss him, H," he admits on a sigh. "I want to kiss his plump lil lips and taste him."
"Then do it!"
"No, are you insane? He'd kill me and hate me for life."
I shake my head. "You're lying to yourself, Niall. Don't waste your time thinking and dreaming it, and actually go chase it and grasp it. Life's too short to waste away. Tell him how you feel, man!'
He gets up. "Not yet, too soon. I– no. Nope, I've only just kissed Zayn for fuck's sake, I am not going to put Shawn and I's friendship on the line too." He goes toward the door. "I'm done with this conversation now. Want a beer?"
I get up too. "Sure, why not." I brush down my skirt, skipping toward him and out the room, he goes to the kitchen whilst I turn into the front room.
I crash into Louis, snuggling my nose into his neck, enjoying the vanilla tones that sleep there.
"What was that all about?" he whispers into my ear, breath warm and tickling my skin.
"Can't say, it's private," I mumble back, pecking small kisses to his neck, making him slightly shiver.
I look up to him to see a pout on his face. "Is it something bad? Have I done something or sommet?"
I shake my head. "It's nothing to do with anyone here, besides Ni himself. It's nothing bad anyway, it was just something to do with sexuality, that's all I'm letting you on. He's trusting me to keep it hush hush for now until he's ready."
He slowly inclines his head in acceptance, before shuffling down further into the sofa, the spring beneath creaking at the movement. He begins playing with the end of my hair, taking a few pieces and begins braiding.
"I like your long hair. You gonna grow it out?" he ponders, the slight tugging from where he breaks away a few knots, tugs a feeling in my tummy.
I nod. "I think so. I quite like being able to style it."
"'S why your last name is Styles," he jokes and I groan.
"That was such a bad joke."
He scoffs. "Not as fucking bad as your dad jokes. What was the one you said earlier? What's the difference between a piano and a fish. You can tuna piano but not a fish?"
I chuckle at that. "It's a great joke!" I defend, darting my tongue out to taste his neck. It doesn't taste like the vanilla scent he has there, which is pretty unfortunate.
He pries my head away from his neck, plopping it onto his shoulder. "Stop that, you're gonna turn me on otherwise," he hisses half heartedly in my ear.
I lean into his ear. "Maybe that's what I was trying to do."
"Jesus fuck, guys, innocence here, there's innocent people here. Save it!" Liam says from beside Louis.
Louis snorts. "Oh shut up, Li, you're the one that's bloody been at it with Zayn most nights now. Poor Niall having to hear that."
Liam heats red, dusting the tips of his ears.
"Oi, Lou, you're one to talk with the whole sleeping around before H came about and set you straight," Zayn argues back, patting Liam's hand protectively.
"More like set him bending backwards," Niall mumbles, sipping at his beer.
Marie giggles from behind her phone, shaking her head. "Jesus fuckin' Christ, Ni."
Niall puts his hands up in surrender, grinning ear to ear. He catches my eye and gives me a wink.
A/N- HELLOOO
hope you enjoy this chapter, sorry it's a bit short.
Hope you're enjoying the story so far!
I have a cold :( and I'm hungry, haven't eaten all day haha just waiting for dinner to be ready.
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Stay Safe xxooxxoxo