YoonGi's POV
"Stop... NO... AHH...." I woke up screaming, sitting up in bed, drenched in sweat pulling at my own clothes. 'I can't breathe.' Tears streaming down my face. I can't catch my breath. "Sh... Its okay." The voice was soft but its so hard to breathe. My hands are shaking. There are black spots clouding my vision. "I.. I ca... I can't bre...breathe..." Next thing I know JungKook has both his hands on the sides of my face trying to get me to look at him. I can't think. I can't breathe. It all hurts. He's talking but I can't make out what he's saying.
JungKook's POV
I was woken up by YoonGi's screams. It broke my heart to see him like this. I turned a light on in my room and tried calming him down but its like he can't hear or see me. "You're having a panic attack. I'm hear. You are okay." I tried to keep my voice calm but he has me worried. He use to have anxiety attacks when we were first starting out but he has been doing so well. I've never seen him look so scared. He's drenched in sweat but I'm not sure if he'll let me take some of his layers off or not.
There was a knock on my door. I knew the screaming was bound to wake at least one of them up. "JK. Its Joon. Are you guys okay?" NamJoon asked in a low hushed voice. "He had a bad dream Hyung. He'll be okay." "Are you sure? Jin said he can make some tea." NamJoon called through the door. "Actually that's a good idea. My door is locked but go ahead and use the key to come in. I'll stay with him." 'Maybe some tea will help calm him.' "Okay JK." NamJoon quickly responded. "Hyungie I'm going to take your hoodie off. You're drenched in sweat." YoonGi doesn't respond to me, he's still struggling to just catch his breath. If he can't get his breaths to even out soon he'll pass out. I pulled his hoodie up over his head and he doesn't fight me or say anything. I tossed his hoodie onto my floor and after looking at him again I decided he was going to need all new clothes.
I quickly got up and grabbed some fresh clothes from my closet. Knock Knock. I'm sitting on the edge of my bed with fresh clothes when NamJoon slowly opens my door carrying the tea that Jin made for YoonGi. "I brought the tea. Do you need help? Shit Kook. He doesn't look good." NamJoon quickly set the tea on the nightstand next to my bed. He kept his voice low and as quiet as he could although, I'm not sure YoonGi could even here us if we were loud. "Yeah sure. I have to change his clothes. They're drenched." "I... I can't... I.." "Hyungie don't try to talk. Just breathe." I grabbed his face again and had him look me in the eyes. "Just breathe with me. Okay. Breathe in 1...2...3...4...5...6...7. Now breathe out 1...2...3...4...5...6...7. Just like before. Do it again. Breathe in 1...2...3...4...5...6...7. Breathe out 1...2...3...4...5...6...7. Okay?" I asked while looking him in the eyes. YoonGi's eyes fluttered closed. "Oh shit." NamJoon said while catching YoonGi as his body fell over to the side. "Should we call someone?" NamJoon asked looking up at me with worry written all over his face.
I checked his pulse. "I think he'll be okay. He was having a panic attack and couldn't catch his breath. Now his breathing is starting to go back to normal. I'm sure he's exhausted so help me hurry up and change his clothes. I already got his hoodie off. He's wearing a lot of layers though." I responded to NamJoon remembering how YoonGi use to have such bad anxiety attacks back when we were first getting started as BTS and how Tae and I use to always be one of the first to notice. NamJoon's voice then broke me out of my head. "Okay. I'll get his shirt off, you get his pants." I nod in agreement. NamJoon pulled YoonGi's long sleeve shirt off revealing even more bruises, bites, and scratches. "Shit." NamJoon mumbled under his breath. "I'll just pull his tank top off and put the clean one on him." Again I nod my head for fear my voice would fail me. My chest felt tight and my heart ached seeing My YoonGi like that. NamJoon pulls the tank top on over YoonGi's head and then I striped his pants off only to look up at Joon with tears rolling down my cheek. "Fuck." I mumbled under my breath. Joon had a look of pain and hurt in his eyes. We both knew what must of happened seeing the bloody bandages and old scars on his inner thighs.
NamJoon had YoonGi's head resting on his lap, he was looking at his face with concern and running his fingers through YoonGi's his hair. "YoonGi has an appointment at the hospital tomorrow afternoon and he's also being set up with a therapist." NamJoon whispered to me. "He's going to be okay, right?" I couldn't help but ask. "I really hope so Kook." He looked up at me then back at YoonGi. "Hurry up and change his underwear. I don't want to wake him up now that he seems to be sleeping. We can heat up the tea later when he wakes up and he needs to eat. He's been dropping weight too fast. You can already see a loss in muscle after he had worked so hard to gain all that muscle when we were serving." NamJoon continued looking down at YoonGi while his fingers carded through his hair. "Its a shame for him to lose it now." "You're right Joon Hyung. We'll make sure he eats breakfast tomorrow." We both nod in agreement.
I quickly finished changing his underwear while looking only at his face hoping he doesn't wake up and freak out on me. I put some of my old shorts from when I was smaller on him. My clothes are big on him but it'll be okay for now. Joon layed him back down on the pillow he had previously been sleeping on, he grabbed the tea he had brought in and headed to the door. "JK?" "Yes?" I managed to whisper back. "Let's not say anything to the others about what we just saw. Not until after he sees the doctor. That way we'll know more about what happened. This is going to be hard enough for him." "Okay Hyung. I agree." NamJoon then walked out of my room, locking my door and closing it.
I crawled back into my bed, pulling YoonGi into my body, and gently ran my fingers through his hair. "I'm not going anywhere Gi. Please please don't hurt yourself anymore." I whisper to him even though he's already asleep. I can feel a tear slowly roll down my cheek as I kissed his forehead and held him close until I finally drift back to sleep holding him in my arms.
-Next Morning-
YoonGi's POV
"Ugh..." My head is killing me. I try to get up but that's when I realize I'm laying in someone's arms. 'I'm home right? I'm not back with Jay am I?' My breaths become ragged and my chest feels tight again. "Sh.... Gi I got you. You're okay. Sh... Its okay Gi." His voice was soft and sweet. His hands were in my hair, his fingers gently playing with locks of my hair. "I...I... Kookie?" My voice was barely a whisper. Our legs were intertwined. His arms were wrapped around me. "Does anyone else call you Gi?" He asked gently. "No." I whispered back. "I was just..." "You were just...?" He questioned me. My arm was wrapped around his waist and I couldn't help but pull him in close. This might be wrong but for the first time in years I feel... safe. "You were scared and panicked?" He gently asked. I took a few seconds not sure how I should answer then I decided to go with the truth. I whispered back to him, "Yes."
JungKook lowered one hand down my back rubbing small soothing circles and whispering in my ear. "I got you Gi. You are safe. I am here." I pressed my face closer to his neck and inhaled deep. 'God this man smells like... home. He feels like... home.' My head is killing me and my body hurts all over. I really just want to stay here in JungKookies arms all day.
"I'm sorry." Barely a whisper the words slip through my lips. "I'm so sorry." I can feel my tears building in my eyes. I burry my face into JungKookie's chest trying to hold back my tears threatening to escape yet again.
'So fucking weak.'
'I know...'
'Pathetic.'
'I really am.'
"No Gi. You have nothing to be sorry for. You didn't do anything wrong. Gi look at me." He placed his hand under my chin lifting it and making me look up at him. 'I just hate myself so much right now. I never deserved to have Kookie.' "Gi what's wrong? Please talk to me." My tears have started to spill and I can no longer hold them back. JungKookie pulls me in close again. "Its okay Gi. I'm here when you're ready." He kissed the top of my head and held me close, almost like he was afraid I'd disappear. I wrapped my arm around JungKook's waist clenching onto his shirt and holding him close I close my eyes trying to forget about all the physical pain I feel, trying to stop my mind from wandering all over the place, and trying not to think about the fact that I probably seem so pathetic right now.
JungKook's POV
"I'm not going anywhere Gi." I spoke softly into his ear. I don't want him to feel alone. I wish he would talk to me but I know this is hard for him. For now I'll just hold him and make sure he knows he is safe here.
I noticed that YoonGi had fallen back to sleep and I'm not too far behind him. I closed my eyes to be woken up by a knock on my door. "JK, its Hobi. Jin said breakfast is ready." "Okay Hyung. I'll be out soon." I lay in bed holding YoonGi for a few more minutes then I slowly untangle myself from him not wanting to wake him up yet. I make my way downstairs to the table for breakfast. Everyone is looking at me then at the stairs leading up to our bedrooms obviously expecting YoonGi to come down. "He had a rough night. He didn't sleep well so I thought we could give him another hour or two before we woke him up to eat." I quickly explained. They all nodded in agreement. HoSeok was sitting next to me and nudged me with his elbow a little. When I look over at him he directed my attention to my phone. I decided to check it.
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Hobi Hyung
Hobi Hyung:
I know YoonGia really well and
I know how much he tries to put up
walls and be strong for everyone.
He doesn't take care of himself
but he is always right here taking care of us.
I believe you want to take care of him.
If I'm right, I will help as much as I can.
You will have to be careful with him though
and it won't be easy.
JK I believe you love him and I believe
you are strong enough to help get him
through all of this.
JK:
I do love him Hyung.
How did you know?
Hobi Hyung:
I'm really glad to hear that JK.
Mini made a few comments that
made me think you might and
I've noticed the way you are with him.
Don't worry though Mini didn't say anything.
I'll help you with him as much as I can.
JK:
Was I that obvious?
Hobi Hyung:
Yes and no.
I just really paid attention.
I'm not too sure if anyone else
would of noticed.
JK:
So you don't think I'm crazy
for wanting to be with him.
Hobi Hyung:
Not at all.
I would love to see you guys
finally be happy together.
JK:
Really?
Awe... Hyung... Thanks!
Hobi Hyung:
Of course!
I'm always here for you guys.
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After Hobi Hyung and I finished our quick little conversation through text I felt better. Kind of like some weight was lifted off my chest.