"we'll stay in touch, soldier."
"I'd be happy to not but I don't have an option, do I?" Michael said looking at Fury.
"no. where do you plan to go?"
"maybe....Nepal." he answered thinking about his conversation with the girl at HYDRA base the other night.
They both had their last hand shake before Michael left the tower, he looked at it one last time before making his way to his long journey.
'ask them to teach me what they know?'
.
"her body is working fine just like before, as we anticipated all the systems are working well, we don't really see any difference here." Doc explained looking at the monitor which had my reports, while I was laying down on some scanner thingy, I didn't know what it was called but it was scanning my body from beneath.
"let's check her blood then." Mr. Stark said tiredly as he was watching my blood sample besides Doc.
Our attention was then shifted as I was staring at the monitor on my left, it was showing my blood cells, now here's the thing, I wasn't a big scientist like them but as a science student from high school and a current student of pharmacy I knew basics of human anatomy, and I could very much tell that my cells looked normal to me.
"there's nothing wrong going on what so ever." Mr. Stark said
"that means it didn't change anything physical in her body, but rather something in her mind that allows here make those crystals."
"sounds....interesting." I whispered uninterested.
"that's it, you can get up now."
I sit back straight while my short legs didn't reach the floor as they were just swinging above,
"gentlemen, did we find something?" we heard Fury's voice as he was coming inside the lab,
"not a whole lot."
"so there's still something."
As the scientist duo was explaining everything to Fury I was staring at the monitor which was showing my RBC sample with a frown never leaving my face, wondering about how I've changed, if I'm even myself anymore, wondering of my parents would scold me for getting myself into this mess.
"can we treat it?" I came back to reality and looked back at them as Fury asked this question,
"there's nothing to treat here, this isn't some illness this is....enhancement. it's like evolution, it can't go backwards. it's not meant to be reversed." Doc told him.
So that means...
"she'll have to live with it forever." Doc said looking at me with a sadly.
"is there any way to control it?" Fury asked.
"we haven't been that far in it yet...It'd be nice if we had a sample of what she creates. We didn't get to bring any because of that accident." Mr. Stark went.
"you want to go back?" Doc asked.
"unfortunately that won't be needed, agent Coulson went back to inspect the area, the place is all cleared with nothing left behind. Except some broken ruins of course."
"so it all disappeared?" Doc asked curiously.
"indeed."
They seemed rather interested in this topic wanting to know more about it, me on other hand didn't like it, I didn't want this 'ability' in me, I wanted to go back to being normal, which is impossible at the moment, or forever.
"doesn't seem like a big problem, she's right here we can just ask her to make something." Mr. Stark suggested.
"out of the question, we've seen she has no control over it, if it goes wrong we'd be in trouble." Fury said.
He was obviously cautious about this, and a bit conservative about me using this ability. I guess he was scared about me accidently doing something similar to that base, honestly it didn't bother me, he was right at his point. He was just being carefully as he should be. I also didn't want to repeat that incident.
They continued their bickering for a little longer as I was swinging my feet backward and forward out of boredom. I wanted this to end quickly.
"Solanki." Fury called me bringing me back to reality again,
"hmm?"
"you don't have to say anything?"
"there's...nothing much to say..." I said in almost a whisper but loud enough for him to hear, "...can I go now?"
They all share a look before turning to me again, "it's alright, we'll take it from here." Doc said with a faint smile, I tried to return it but it was so weak it was barely visible at all, I didn't really have the energy for this.
I got my feet on floor again and walked out, I was feeling bad because they were working and doing this all for my sake and yet I wasn't even trying to be involved, I was feeling selfish but at this time my mind was unable to take any rational decisions. I guess I'll just apologize later.
My pace was extremely slow with my left hand sliding along the cold wall surface lightly, as I said before I didn't have any energy, nor a good mood. I was feeling like all the emotions just flushed away from me, I never felt this empty before. What was I supposed to do now? I wanted to feel an emotion. something. Anything. be it happiness or sadness. I was like a burnt tree, dead from outside and hollow from inside.
I was walking around aimlessly until I found myself near the kitchen area, I remember this was the place I first cooked for Mr. Stark and Ms. Paper on my second day here, I remember being so happy, it was an emotion I couldn't describe after meeting these heroes for the first time. this feeling of nostalgia...I liked it, it reminded me of the happy times, I wanted more of it, like a tree thirsty for water, although no amount of water could revive a dead tree this craving for more attracted me inside the kitchen, I needed more energy anyways, I could use some food.
When I entered I found out I wasn't alone. Cap was sitting at the counter all alone staring at thin air, he seemed to think about something serious as he looked worried even though his face was blank, part of me guessed I was the reason. A few days ago I would have loved to run to him and talk but now...I was trying to avoid anyone possible, I didn't have the courage to talk to my heroes after what I've done. I was feeling like a total stranger all over again.
He hadn't notice my presence yet, so I decided to come back later, I stepped back and turned around, as soon as I did cap came back to reality and saw me about to leave,
"kid?"
Shit.
I looked back at him to find him already smiling at me, I didn't know how to respond and just stood there awkwardly for few seconds before waving at him slightly,
"what are you doing here?"
my eyes started scanning the room rapidly, it's just one simple answer to the one simple question but I forgot how to function until I saw the fridge, I pointed my finger at it hopping he'd understand, his gaze followed my direction and thankfully he got what I was trying to say.
"oh, So I guess all lab work ended."
I nod my head to a 'yes' looking anywhere but at him, he didn't say anything further while I was still standing there silently, I assumed he was not going to leave and if I left now it'd look stupid so I made my way inside at the end, I kept my eyes down at floor as I reached that fridge and opened it trying to find something, my back was facing him and I didn't know where his attention was, maybe on me or maybe back to whatever he was thinking before. It was painfully awkward.
To my luck I found mango flavor ice cream, I took it out and turned around to find cap standing right behind me, it surprised me a bit as I flinched a little,
"sorry, didn't mean to scare you, I was uh...leaving." He said calmly. Guess he felt the awkwardness too or figured out my intention of wanting to sit alone before and decided to leave the place.
I should be relieved because I wanted to avoid everyone but something inside me thought otherwise, I kind of didn't want to sit alone anymore. I wanted him to stay here.
As he turned around and started walking away I instantly grabbed his sleeve between my index finger and thumb while my hand was in a fist. He stopped in his way and turned to me, I was looking at my feet and shook my head to a 'no'.
"alright then."
I started walking towards the counter to sit tagging him along with me, he tried to retrieve his arm back to put it on my back but I tightened my grip and didn't let him move his hand. I heard him chuckle lightly as I was feeling embarrassed.
I let him go before sitting down on a chair beside him, I dipped my spoon in the scoop taking a small piece to eat. The ice cream melted in my mouth as sweet mango flavor lingered on my tongue, it felt like heaven made its way down here on earth. It was perfect, I couldn't resist taking another bite quickly, scooping a big piece this time and shoving it in my mouth. It lifted up my spirit until I heard another chuckle beside me and crashed back down. I side eyed him with raised eyebrows in confusion, it was then I realized I was unconsciously smiling while eating,
As I stopped smiling out of embarrassment before scooping again I felt a hand on my forehead and I froze in my place from surprise except my eyes which were looking upwards trying to see his hand,
"at least your fever's better now..." he said before retrieving his hand, "...you know you know eat something healthy for a while."
I frowned and scooped a bigger bite before side eyeing him again but glaring slightly this time making him sign,
"never mind."
I took another bite in victory and slight smiling again. I was eating in silence then found him staring at my ice cream, I glanced at my bowl then back at him and again at my bowl, I pushed it a little toward his side for him,
"oh no, I'm fine." He said making me push it again, he gave in and took out a spoon before joining me to eat,
"you like mango?"
I nod my head to a 'yes' and kept eating,
"you chose the same flavor that day, when me and Natasha were hanging out with you outside, remember?"
I remember vividly alright, it is a core memory for me and it happened pretty recently just few days ago, it was one of the best moments of my life and I will cherish it till the day I die. Although it was just few days ago it felt an eternity away because on the same night I got- shhh. Don't think about it. It is over.
Before I could doze off again I nodded my head again and continued my eating trying not get it off my head.
Cap was a little down because I wasn't speaking back properly, but he didn't want to rush it, he assumed I just needed more time to get back to normal, HYDRA did give me a hard time inside, while I was busy with my ice cream his gaze went to my wrists, which had bruises from those belts that held me down, that wasn't the only visible bruise he could see, I had one on my forehead too from when a soldier hit my head with his gun, I tried to hide it with my open hair but it didn't work very well. his mind wondered back to those clips that they saw, he knew very well how I got these by now.
But good thing it ended now, although there will be some scars that will never heal, because physical scars on body can heal but scars that were carved in mind don't. those memories will always stay.
I saw him staring at my wrists and understood why, I instantly retrieved my hands and put them on my lap turning my head away. I grabbed my own fingers tightly, my shoulders tensed, my feet didn't reach floor otherwise I'd dug them deep inside.
"I know it hurts, kid..it's alright. It will disappear after few days..." I heard him say before I felt his comforting hand on my head, patting gently, "...it always does." My shoulders visibly relaxed and I let go of my fingers as I turn my head back.
Seeing it work he smiled and tried to change the subject,
"it's a...nice weather today."
Seriously?
Well he wasn't wrong, it was indeed quite nice today outside, the evening sunlight was making its way inside the room through glass wall, it was the perfect balance of beautiful and comforting. The whole place was glowing with orange hue. I was so gloomy this whole time I didn't even notice it before. A genuine smile appeared on my face realizing I was back here. I was finally back at my temporary home.
Maybe my negative time was actually over, things won't get any bad from here.
Right?
"that dress is nice too, looks cute." Hearing that made my face red like the sunset outside, my attention went back to the loose dress that Nat gave me earlier, dark blue color with spaghetti straps and flowy skirt that ended above my knees. I wore a shrug and thigh high socks even though I never wear them to cover all bruise marks. I know he said that in a fatherly way but I don't take well on complements, I covered my lower tomato face with my hand and turned away again.
"aw don't be like that.." he said laughing, "...you won't talk to me now?"
I glanced back for one second before looking away shaking my head.
"alright, I'll leave then." He said jokingly, but before he could even move I grabbed his t shirt from side in a tight fist since his hand was still on my head. Even though I was not facing him he could see red hues on my ears.
At this point he was laughing loudly and started ruffling my hair, his Chris was showing again
"I'm just kidding, I'll be always here....till the end of the line." he said calmly in a low voice, I let go of him and turn back to him giving him a smile.
I decided to eat ice cream again picking up my spoon but felt the heaven leaving earth as I found my bowl empty. I signed from disappointment and thought of getting more but Cap read my mind, he took my spoon and empty bowl then put it aside far from me,
"okay no more of that, your fever's not completely gone."
I pout at him before making puppy eyes, but he looked away before he would fall for it, he was acting like my mammi now,
"pretty please?" I murmur,
He turned to me a little surprised after hearing me speak finally,
"I won't fall for it this time..." I slumped my shoulders and hung my head low hearing that, "...but we should just eat a proper dinner, it's getting late." I instantly lift my head up in excitement.
.
Now that I was full and in a better mood, my mind came back in its right place, I decided it was about time I head back to lab and apologize as I thought earlier, cap was also coming with me, it was already dark outside and they were still in lab working so I decided to bring some food for them.
On my way there I glanced at my dress one more time, I do love it, this style reminded me of Wanda, and I got a compliment from cap. I wish I could meet the twins before I leave, but that day is too far away and I might not be here anymore.
When we entered I saw not only the scientist duo but all the avengers together, I put the plates on desk as everyone turned to us,
"finally, I was starving." Mr. Stark said taking one plate of spaghetti followed by Doc,
"thanks, kid."
"nothing for us?" Clint asked.
"I uhh didn't know everyone were here so." I tried explaining,
"you could have just said you don't like us as much as Stark here."
"Wha- No, I really didn't know."
"he's just messing with you, we ate already." Nat jumped in.
I breath in relief hearing that making them chuckle,
"did you make it?" Mr. Stark asked.
I shake my head before answering, "Cap did."
"he can do that?"
"um...about earlier...I'm sorry. I should have..stayed."
"and do what?"
"I...just thought I should have stayed here since you guys are busy because of me."
The duo share look before looking at me again,
"you know what kid, you can't really do anything about it except just sitting through the whole process, it's our work, we'll handle it." Doc tried explaining.
"now go to bed or you'll get white hair early." Mr. Stark said shooing me away.
I chuckled before turning around to leave, but I accidently stubbed my toe on desk and gasped from sudden pain, what I absolutely didn't want was crystal spikes rising from floor around me, they were almost my height and some pierced through the desk near me, cap who was standing near me backed away in time but they almost hit him, I tensed looking around but they were covering my vision from every direction like a wall.
"Diya!!!" I heard a yell from the other side,
I didn't know what to do and started panicking,
"I-I'm so sorry I didn- I was-" I tried but couldn't make a proper sentence,
Everyone ran toward me, the crystals didn't have any color so I could see their silhouettes infront of me,
"kid, get out of there."
"How?"
"try dematerializing it."
"I don't know how!!!" I said still panicked,
"little one, stand back." I heard Thor, and saw them all backing away from him and so did I, he called Mjolnir and started hitting the crystals with all his force but nothing happened,
"it's not working." He said frustrated.
"kid, you have to try." Cap said.
"but-"
"just concentrate, I know you can do it."
I listened to him and closed my eyes and tried focusing, thinking about them going away but it didn't work so I put my palms against them and tried harder, surprisingly it worked, I opened my to see them dematerializing in thin air, I started taking long breaths and looked around to find everyone tensed but relieved at the same time, I crushed the desk and computers on it and not to mention there were people around me,
"I'm...I-I'm so sorry, I didn't m-mean to do t-that."
"it's okay we know." Nat said.
"n-no I almost hurt you." I told cap,
"I'm not hurt, we're all fine." He replied walking closer carefully,
"Don't come close to me." I tried to keep my distance,
Everyone tried reassuring me coming closer but I backed away raising my arms to keep a distance, unknown to me several sharp crystal blades materialized behind me pointing at them,
"Little one, be vary of your surroundings."
Everyone's eyes got wide watching them and got in a defensive mode,
"now listen to us and be very careful, you have to step aside from there right now." Cap said keeping a calm tone, as he was afraid I would be in the danger zone too,
A silence took over and the only thing I could hear was my heart pounding rapidly in my chest along my heavy breathing, everyone's eyes were on me that felt like hundreds of daggers piercing me, I brought my hands down to my sides clenching the skirt, still unaware of the danger behind me,
"......Fury was right...I'm...I'm a threat." I said slowly walking backwards looking down, The silence continued as everyone were thinking about my statement, until Mr. Stark came forward to me,
"just calm down and listen-"
"just stay away!" I exclaimed covering my ears and closing my eyes tightly, as the blades started shooting away like bullets, Nat pushed doc to the floor under her, Clint hid behind another desk near him, Thor jumped away to safety, cap and Mr. Stark too tried to duck down but unfortunately not fast enough as one of the blades pierced Mr. Stark's shoulder, wound not deep but enough to bleed.
I stood there in horror realizing what I've done, I cover my mouth with both of my hands on verge of a break down as I stare at the scene, sharp blades pierced everywhere, and one thing that broke my heart the most was that Mr. Stark was hurt. Because of me.
I hurt him.
My hands and knees started shaking, my legs about to give up any moment while he was holding on his wound on floor as everyone else rushed to him,
"Stark?"
"are you alright?"
"yeah just...it just touched through my skin." Mr. Stark said grunting,
It didn't take long for them to turn back to me with shock visible in their eyes,
I couldn't take it, I couldn't take any of this. Before I could do more damage I turned back and ran away from there, I didn't look back even once and didn't stop on my tracks until I reached my bedroom and closed the door behind me before resting my back against it, I slid down to floor and folded my knees to my chest and hid my face in my palms.
Oh how I wanted to cry out loud but tears wouldn't make their way to my eyes as I was sobbing dry.
What were they thinking of me now? Would they hate me? would they just throw me out for Fury to deal with? Would Mr. Stark even forgive me? he had been nothing but kind to me, a complete stranger and this is how I pay him back?
Just when I thought it wouldn't go wrong anymore it went worse.
On my very first night in this very room I wished if this was a dream I didn't want to wake up from it, but now I wish to wake up, I want it all to go away and wake up to reality. I want this nightmare to end.