This morning, I wake up late. Perfect, I think. What a great way to start the day.
It wasn't a nightmare that kept me up—it was Levi's words. They've been looping in my head, making me think about everything: the past, the future, all the what-ifs. I've run through countless scenarios, imagining every possible reaction, but none of them feel right. And of course, I can't predict what he'll actually do.
Still, today I'm determined to take a step forward. I'm going to apologize for my behavior. That's what Levi would want. Maybe it'll help ease this constant, simmering anger I've been carrying—anger toward him, but also toward myself. Holding on to it can't be good for either of us.
I can't forget what's happened between us, but I have to admit, he hasn't been terrible to me since I arrived. If anything, I've been the difficult one. Apologizing doesn't mean we'll become friends. It's just about letting go of this tension that's been building up for so long.
But what do I really want?
On the way to school, I'm quiet, lost in thought. My brothers notice, of course. Jason keeps glancing over at me in the rearview mirror, while Diego doesn't even bother with subtlety. He asks outright why I look so weird and tired. I mumble some excuse about staying up too late, texting with Emma. They don't buy it, but eventually, they let it go.
The car ride is filled with music, but I can't help feeling like they can hear my thoughts—they're so loud in my head. Jason gives me another worried look when he notices me nervously rubbing my hands together. I shrug, pretending everything's fine, but I can tell he's not convinced.
By the time we pull up to school, my anxiety has doubled. I didn't even know that was possible. Why am I so stressed about this? It's not like apologizing is going to change my entire life.
But you hope it will.
Shut up, stupid conscience.
We split up, and Jason and I walk to our lockers together. To my dismay, the cause of my anxiety is waiting for my brother at our lockers. And of course, he looks annoyingly attractive today, like a model posing for a back-to-school ad.
Get a grip, Ava. You're supposed to dislike him, remember?
Our eyes meet, and in that moment, I know what I have to do.
Run. Far away.
And that's exactly what I do—well, I don't actually run, but I walk away quickly, in a way that's probably super suspicious. I'm sure it catches the attention of more than one person, especially my brother and Elias. I can almost feel their curious stares burning into my back.
People still haven't recovered from yesterday, when I somehow made Levi laugh during lunch. So now I'm getting even more attention than usual, and it's throwing a wrench into my plans.
I need a quiet moment. Somewhere less crowded, less suffocating. Maybe then I can pull myself together. After all, what could possibly go wrong with a simple apology?
***
Later, I head to the cafeteria, hoping to find Camila and Peter. The perfect moment to apologize still hasn't presented itself, and it's weighing on me. Maybe today just isn't the right day. But then I feel Levi's gaze on me from across the room, burning a hole in the back of my head. I have to stop overthinking. It's not doing me any good.
When I spot my friends, I send up a silent prayer that they're not sitting with him. But of course, my luck being what it is, they're at his table. Great. Just what I needed.
I scan the group, and then I see her—Mackenzie Roberts, clinging to Elias's arm like it's a lifeline, batting her long eyelashes at him. My blood boils instantly. It's not about her looks, or the fact that she's a cheerleader. It's just... her. Her mere presence makes me dizzy with irritation.
Typical.
Mackenzie has been a thorn in my side since day one. She thrives on competition, always needing to feel superior, and she's not above crushing anyone who gets in her way. She hates me, and the feeling is mutual. But I've never wanted to play her games. If she needs to feel better than me, she can have it. I don't have time for her nonsense.
Except today, my brain seems to malfunction. My feet move on their own, steering me away from the lunch line and straight toward their table. Before I know it, I'm standing in front of Elias, and the words are spilling out of my mouth before I can stop them.
"Can we talk? Somewhere else?" My voice comes out harsher than I intended, but right now, I don't care.
He nods, and I feel Mackenzie's icy glare on me, along with the curious stares of everyone else at the table. I flash them all a tight smile as Elias stands and follows me to a more secluded spot.
This isn't going the way I'd planned. Please, let this at least end well.
We sit down, and the silence that follows is unbearable. I fidget with my hands, and I know he notices. Finally, he breaks the quiet.
"So? What's so important that you had to pull me away from everyone? You never talk to me unless you have to, and you've made it pretty clear you don't want anyone associating us." His voice is edged with something I can't quite place—exasperation, maybe, but also something else.
"I-I..." I stammer, suddenly at a loss for words. "Look, I don't really know how to say this..."
"Go ahead, I'm listening." There's a flicker of something in his eyes—hope?—but I can't be sure.
"I just wanted to say... I'm sorry. For how I've been treating you. You haven't been awful to me, so I shouldn't act like you have." I force myself to meet his gaze, trying to read his expression, but it's unreadable.
"That's it?" he asks, and when I nod, he sighs, pushing himself up from the table.
"Look, I don't know why you're doing this. I don't know if Jason put you up to it or what. But if you're only apologizing because someone told you to, you don't have to. I'd rather you hate me than come here and say things you don't really mean."
I open my mouth to protest, but he cuts me off. "Seriously, if this is just a way to ease your own guilt, fine. But it's not doing me any favors. I've been trying to understand you these past few weeks, but I don't get it. And if this is just Jason's idea, I'll tell him you did your job." With that, he walks away, leaving me speechless.
I watch him return to the table, where everyone is bombarding him with questions. He looks irritated, and honestly, I'm even more pissed than he is.
My mind goes blank, and my nervousness morphs into anger. Without thinking, I march back to the table, not caring who sees or hears.
"Let me rephrase that," I say, my voice cold and sharp. "You're the real fucking pain in the ass. Next time, I won't bother trying to be nice. You're not worth it."
I turn to storm off, leaving the entire table stunned. But before I can get far, someone grabs my arm.
"Way to go, Ava," Levi says, disappointment heavy in his voice.
"What, are you going to lecture me now? You're not my father." The words come out harsher than I mean them to, and I yank my arm free from his grip, a little too forcefully.
"You're the pain in the ass!" I hear him call after me as I leave the cafeteria.
Mission accomplished.
ELIAS
What the hell just happened?
I'm confused. No, I'm beyond confused. First, she comes up to talk to me—in front of other people, no less. Then she apologizes for treating me like crap. And when I question her sincerity, she snaps and storms off.
What the hell?
I sit back down at the table, still trying to process everything. Maybe I was too harsh. Maybe she was sincere. But if she really means it, she'll come back and talk to me again. Right?
I hope so.
Jason's voice breaks through my thoughts. "What was that all about? Did you do something to her? Because as much as I like you, I'll gladly punch the hell out of you if you hurt her. You know that, right?"
I nod, trying to find the right words, but I've got nothing. "I want to understand too, man. I really do. But I think I just messed up."
The table falls silent. Too silent.
Jason gives me a look. "Probably. But you know I'm going to get an explanation, whether it's from you or her."
I nod again, barely paying attention as the rest of the group starts speculating about what just happened. James is the first to voice what everyone's thinking.
"Did Levi just defend you?" His comment is met with a chorus of gasps, followed by a heated debate about whether Levi actually defended me, or if he was just giving Ava a hard time for snapping at him.
I tune out the conversation, my thoughts drifting back to Ava. There's so much I don't understand about her—about us. Yesterday, she made him laugh. Really laugh. And during practice, she hugged him. Hugged him. What the hell is happening?
And why does it hurt so much to think I might have just ruined a chance to make things right with her?
I'm hopeless.