Just wanted to say thank you so much for 22k reads on this weird little book <3
Tw: mention of abortion and, as you'll know from the first part, quite adult themes
"Unfortunately this is a possibility, even when you're undertaking hormone therapy" The doctor calmly explained, but Charlie was anything but calm.
He could hear the blood surging through his head and he felt like he was going to faint. This can't be happening.
"You do have options and, of course, I wouldn't want you to rush into anything"
The Doctor went on to explain all the options and what could be done, but Charlie couldn't focus on anything he was saying. It felt like he was underwater.
"Thank you" Nick said, but his voice was hardly a whisper, his mouth was so dry.
Without saying a word, Nick guided Charlie out of the room and they walked back to Charlie's in silence.
"Do you want me to-"
"No, it's okay. I'll um, I want some time on my own" Charlie muttered and Nick just nodded, turning to walk back to his house.
For the next few days, Charlie lived on autopilot. He couldn't remember much from that period because he was numb. He didn't feel anything, it was as if his brain had stopped working.
"What has got into you recently?" Tao asked one lunchtime, "Have you and Nick broken up?" He pressed on, subconsciously looking at the empty space where Nick usually sat.
Charlie just shrugged, "I don't know, there's a lot going on at the moment" He said truthfully, staring down at his full lunchbox.
"You know I'm like your best friend right, so you can tell me if something's up" Tao leaned in to be closer to Charlie.
Charlie's eyes shifted to Isaac who just lifted his book higher to cover his face. Isaac never had much to say and in a way that drew Charlie to him. Sometimes only having extroverted people as close friends was exhausting.
"I'm fine, sorry I'll lighten up" Charlie promised although truthfully he didn't know how. Maybe fake a few more smiles and laugh when something's meant to be funny?
He hadn't felt genuine joy in days. Nick hadn't even messaged him and he didn't know if that was because he was in shock, if it was because he respected Charlie's space or, what Charlie feared most of all, if it was because he was planning how to break up with him.
All of Charlie's worries were put to rest when he got messages from Nick at gone midnight a whole week after the Doctor's appointment.
The kiss was added cautiously. Charlie wanted Nick to know that he didn't hate him, there were no bad feelings, he was just so lost. He had no idea what to do, what to think. How many trans men had got pregnant and decided to keep the baby?
"I just don't understand because I haven't had a period for like a year" Charlie spoke, staring out at the busy park. Kids in different school uniforms made their way home in all different directions. Some on bikes, some on scooters, some walking with friends, others alone. Charlie's eyes darted around, looking at them all. Except he wasn't really looking, his eyes were just following them. He was too caught up in his own head to take in what he was seeing.
It was a sunny day and although they'd walked in silence to the bench in the park, Charlie couldn't stop talking now. He had so much running through his head. Nick was the only one he could speak to about this and not speaking about it for a week had exhausted him.
"So what do you want to do?" Nick finally spoke, Charlie had done all the talking so far.
"I don't know if I want to keep it" Charlie thought aloud, he was still looking ahead and hadn't noticed Nick's face drop slightly.
"But I can't stand the thought of getting rid of it, it's living- there's a living thing inside me" He reiterated, looking down at his belly and wrapping his arms around himself.
Nick, who had been surprisingly calm, also looked down at Charlie's belly and he was overcome with emotion. Tears filled his eyes as he stared, Charlie pulled him into a hug, "What do you want to do?" He asked, rocking slightly to soothe Nick who was crying now.
"I um-" Nick pulled away and cleared his throat, "I mean, it's up to you" He cleared his throat again, trying hard to compose himself, "But I-" He hesitated, he was staring down at the floor.
"Yeah?" Charlie encouraged, he had his arms around Nick's shoulders and was leaning to see Nick's full face from under his hair.
"I would want to"
Charlie's heart skipped a beat, were they really going to raise a child together?
"But it's a lot to-" He trailed off, "Like, all the doctor appointments - the scans" He added, suddenly thinking aloud, "And I want to be there, for all of it" He sighed, "But I-" He hesitated again, "It's a lot" Words had failed him.
There really was a lot to think about. Through all of this they would still have to go to school, unless Charlie started getting homeschooled and what would their parents say? Nick also had rugby which, of course he'd stop if he had to, but people depended on him for that so he'd have to at least try to make it work around 'the baby'. Even thinking that was odd.
Neither of them said much after that and then they went their separate ways again. They didn't even see each other for a couple of days. Both of them were still figuring things out; thinking everything through. Charlie was the first to message this time.
"So?" Nick questioned, shutting his bedroom door.
Charlie was sitting on Nick's bed with Nellie sprawled out on his lap. Having her to stroke gave Charlie comfort and he could almost feel the positive energy coming from her. As silly as that sounds; she's a dog for goodness sake!
Neither of them had spoken much on the way to Nick's house; just as it had been for almost two weeks now. Both of their hearts ached for it to be as it once was between them, but they had a lot to deal with. A lot to think about and process. It was a lot more than most people their age had to think about.
Charlie took a deep breath, reminding himself to be in the moment. Feeling Nellie's quick breaths on his lap helped with that and he kept stroking her ears as he composed himself.
Nick had sat on his beanbag. As much as he wanted to be close to Charlie, he also felt slightly awkward. As if they needed physical space between them when they were talking about something as serious as this.
"I want to keep it" He finally spoke and Nick looked up from his lap which spurred Charlie to keep talking, "I know it's going to be hard and people are going to judge me because, well, I'm a guy and guy's don't get pregnant but-" He paused, thinking about how to say what he wanted to, "We can have a proper biological child as a gay couple that-" He paused again, thinking for the right words to use, "That's like, unheard of - to have DNA from both partners" He added, trying to explain himself because Nick had a confused look on his face which made Charlie's smile falter, "What?"
Nick shook his head slightly as if to physically shake the thoughts in his head out the way so he could think straight.
"I um-" Nick's voice was croaky, like he'd been crying which didn't make any sense because he hadn't been. Charlie had watched him this whole time.
Nick cleared his throat, "I um-" he tried again, "Okay" He resorted to, not knowing what else to say other than okay. He agreed. He wanted to keep the baby too.
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