TRIPLE UPDATE!
read chapter 88 before this one.
(this probably won't make sense otherwise)
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" it escapes from my hands into moonlight "
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harry styles.
Wherever she went, I followed.
Always within an arm's reach. Just in case I'd dare to test reality, I'd brush his fingertips against her skin to ensure she was truly here and not lifeless in my arms once again.
But my star seemed so distant, maybe we both were from the grasp of reality. The shower poured over my head, like rain, drenching me until I could breathe again.
My stubborn girl, finally letting me help her for once. I scrubbed the blood from her skin, ever-so-gently, watching as it swirled down the drain. Careful of her novel wound, yet another scar to hold her hostage to the past, she merely hugged herself with her back to me.
I regarded the way her tired eyes shut as I washed her scalp, dragging my blunt nails through her raven hair silk under my touch. And finally, rinsed the two of us clean.
Drying her hair, I left her be for a bit to gather clothes. I changed, leaving my towel resting over my shoulder before she wandered out into my bedroom. She tucked herself into her fresh set of clothes, her injured arm getting stuck in the sleeve to which I carefully aided it through.
"Do you want to come with me to get the car? I was gonna go get Leo and his things on the way back," I murmur down to her. She begins rummaging through her things for the bags that once carried her belongings here in the first place.
"I can start packing while you're gone ... or do you want me to come?" She asks, head tilting a bit as she gazes up at me.
"Are you okay packing on your own?" I disguise my inability to be without her with a simple question, and she adamantly nods.
There she is.
I knew I wouldn't get away with it all.
I close out the space between us, "stubborn girl," mumbling under my breath as I layer a kiss on her scalp. "I'll come back," I assure her, to which she nods before brushing me off.
I head down the stairs, unable to warp my brain around the concept of ever leaving the only place I've been able to call home in the last few months. I grab my keys, lock the door as I leave, and head down to the ground floor. I trek off into the city, hailing a cab to take me to the repair shop.
And force a smile through it all, settling the deal on the original paint job from black to cherry red. Slick on the murky sunlight filtering through the storm clouds, the crimson stains the mustang that I've always owned — now carrying a piece of her with it.
With a handshake and a bid goodbye, I don't tell him where we're all going — just that we are. And I drive out, racing to Griff's place to Leo.
Parking beneath their building, I take the elevator up with shaking nerves rattling my system at just the thought of stepping back into the place without them.
The door slides open, allowing me entrance to apprehensively step in. And I'm met with the familiar sound of paws skittering across the wood. I instantly crouch down, embraced by the onyx puppy with its tail wagging at someone's return. I cup his face, smiling ever so slightly as I scratch his silky fur.
He begins frantically looking around, whining as he realizes — dogs always tend to just know.
"He's not coming back, buddy," I whisper, hugging him against me. I kiss his little head just as Ace does. His little whimpers spring tears I've withheld in my eyes.
I softly pet his fur, staring into his sweet eyes as tears matte against my skin.
Fuck, I wish I could damper them somehow and tuck them away in my pocket again. I wish I didn't have to comprehend the emotions I feel because I don't know what to do with any of them — I wasn't taught what to do with them in the first place.
Now they just dwell within me, haunting me like ghosts.
And now, as I stare down at this precious puppy, who lost just the same, I have no other way to express the built-up ache within me than these tears rolling down my face.
Leo's quick to lick them away, eliciting a slight huff from my chest. I lift myself back upright and dry my momentary tears. I pour out some food and fresh water in his bowls, but he just sits and stares at it — hardly picking at his kibble.
Meanwhile, I gather his things, packing away his various toys scattered across the place and his food all while he just trails quietly at my heels.
My feet slow at the wide-open doors to his office study, a place that harbors worse than the best of our times together. I dare to step through the threshold, swallowing thickly as I clench my fists while I enter the hollowed-out place.
I sigh under my breath as my fingers curl around the frame, lifting the picture up to stare down at their content little family.
Impulsively, I gather them all with me, tucking them away into my pocket for her. I glance down at Leo, solemnly laying at my feet with his head lifting up to meet mine.
"Come on, buddy, let's go," I murmur, guiding him back up on his paws. And he trots along with me, allowing me to willingly guide the leash onto him with the rest of his things packed away in two massive bags.
I throw them over my shoulder and I call up the elevator. With one last glance around, we step into the elevator and it descends to the ground.
After letting him out for a moment, I shove his things into the backseat before he takes up a place in the passenger seat on his own. And I start up the car, letting the window down a bit for him before driving out to go back home with this certain sadness weighing down over my chest.
He simply curls into a little ball in the leather seat, laying his head down. I drive through the city, heading back to my girl.
I pull over the curb, leaving Leo's things in the backseat to allow the rest of our things space in the trunk. And I head out first, opening up the car to grasp Leo's leash as he curiously hops out of the car onto the pavement.
I guide him inside, heading up the stairs to unlock my place once more. Leo steps in while I shut the door behind us and crouch down to him, glancing around the hollow of the place to find no sign of her.
And the instinctual panic floods my system as I unclip his leash, "Ace?" I call out.
There she is, wandering out of the studio I set up for her in hopes of a long time here with her. Just the two of us, lazy days in the loft and dancing around the kitchen.
Her inky hair is now braided back with those strands draping around her grave face, and she swims in my sweatshirt.
She instantly crouches down just as I did, embracing Leo as he hops to her. "Hi, sweet boy," she cradles the puppy against her while I gravitate towards her – like magnets of opposite poles.
And the two of us end up on the floor, gazing down at Leo with our backs slumped up against the back of the sofa. He snuggles onto Rory's lap with his little head laid on her thigh. I pet his head, perceiving the side of her head resting against my shoulder.
"I don't want to leave," I admit to her in the silence.
She turns her face, burying a kiss into my muscle. I tilt my head down to lay my cheek on top of her head. "We don't have any other choice," her voice thick with amicable grief.
"I thought we'd have more time, this is all moving so fast–" I ramble, dismissing the reality that awaited me on the other side of the country.
"We have time, Harry."
I grit out a frustrated sigh at my own inability to string together my thoughts, "fuck, I know, I just—" I huff. And her hand meets my arm, mindlessly rubbing my skin as I find the right words.
"This was the first place I could actually call home." It wasn't even so until recently — until her.
"So we build it together, you promised?" She whispers up at me.
I adamantly shake my head, ricocheting the thoughts of my insecurities through my mind. "And I'm just walking back into her life again ... how do I know she even wants any part of me anymore?"
Her head slips out from under mine, tugging my face down to meet her exhausted eyes. And her thumb drags across my cheek, leaning ever-so-slightly into her touch that feels like an oblivion of eternal starlight.
"If I know anything right now, it's that she loves you just as much as I do." I kiss her palm, "expect disappointment and we won't get disappointed, alright?"
I pinch her chin, tilting my head enough to brush the tip of my nose against hers. And I carefully kiss her, for what feels like the first time in the longest time. Our lips delicately mold together, sitting alone on the floor with the company of our newfound puppy.
"I love you," I mumble against her mouth as I draw back, gazing down at my girl — broken just the same as I am.
A faint smile crosses her lips as she lightly chuckles, "to the stars or something like that, right?"
I dip my head down, sealing my lips against her cheek with a firm peck that has her grasping at the side of my neck. "As long as the stars exist, that's right, baby," I kiss her cheek once more and she eases into me.
I hum in satisfaction, wrapping an arm around her shoulders to hug her to me as Leo just stares up at us like he's just caught us red-handed. A small chuckle puffs from her lips as she cups his face, tapping a fingertip against his nose to regard it wiggle under her touch.
"Come on, let me get some stuff into the trunk." I murmur with a parting kiss to the top of her head.
The two of us get up off the floor, "I packed most of your clothes," she tells me as we head upstairs. Leo trails behind us, hopping up each step. "I was looking through some of my art supplies, and if it doesn't all fit, we can just leave it here ... I don't need it." She lies through her teeth.
"Liar," I call her out, and her pointed glare meets my glittering eyes. "We're not leaving without it all," I assure her.
She just shakes her head as we part ways, clipping up my curls that incessantly fall over my forehead. I begin shoving the rest of my belongings into suitcases and duffel bags designated with our things. She gathers things from our bathroom, and my eyes catch on the last of the items resting on the rack high within my closet.
The second my fingers grasp the pink material, my throat closes as I stare down at the little blanket. The bunny blanket, a bit dusty and torn from its consistent use, but that pastel pink and satin ribbon still as sweet as she was. I brush off the dust and tuck the last bit of my baby sister into my duffel bag — right at the top.
Ace captures my lost attention, carrying bottles from the shower with her arms full. I curse at her, grabbing at the things as they tumble from her arms. I tuck them away, glancing around the emptied-out place.
"Let me put these in the car, Leo's stuff's already in the backseat," I murmur.
She hums, "I'm gonna fit what I can into a box from the studio," she tells me as she helps take down bags with her good arm. Leo takes a tumble down the stairs but is quick to shake it off with his fur and continue along with us.
Back and forth trips to the car commenced. And I fill up the trunk until it overflows, merely taking what we need. Niall texts me mid-way through, asking if I needed the help he offered but I refused. I head back up, catching just the top of her head behind a massive cardboard box overflowing with art supplies — just the way it came.
"Ace, fuckin' hell," I swear, taking the box from her hands. And she huffs at me, "you've got everything?" I mumble to her.
Solemnly nodding her head, "will you get Leo's leash then?" I request as I hike the box further up.
She clips up his leash and I take the moment to gaze around the place, there's been no place like the solace this offered. I flicked the lights off with one final glance upwards to the night sky that's always listened to me.
The two — well, three — of us wander out. She locks up the place before we travel down, and that crimson car glows under the moonlight. "Red?" Ace's lips part with her wide-eyed gaze fixated on me.
My lips twist into a smile, "it's growing on me, babe." I throw the last of her things into the minuscule space in the trunk, tucking away her first painting.
She shakes her head at my remark, but her attention catches on four butterflies fluttering in the wind. They prance over her, tickling her cheek as they glide past.
She blows out a soft raspberry, and my chest saturates in agony at the bittersweet reminder that they're here – but only a figment of an intangible reality.
She cautiously slides into the passenger seat with Leo, hiding away her grief into the confines of the car.
I follow, like always.
I shut the door and settle into the seat with a heavy sigh. I start up the engine, thrumming under us as Leo patiently sits in her lap with his head and pointed ears drooped.
We just sit here for a moment, staring out the streetlights that we once walked. "Maybe we can stay in Chicago? You know, we can stay under the radar–" she begins to panic herself in the momentary frenzy of our leave.
"Ace," I reach over, smoothing a hand over my bouncing thigh to gently curl my fingers into her muscle.
Her frightened eyes meet mine. Every time they collide with mine, it seems to be a slap in the face. "I don't have anything else," she thickly whispers, her brain convincing her she won't be enough for me through this grief ... that I'd grow sick of her, like that piece of shit, Kian, did.
But I couldn't, even if I tried. She's too far woven into my soul, her glittering stars illuminating across my own galaxy.
"Open the glove box," I suggest with a gentle nod of my head, if that's what she was worried about.
Her eyes widen a bit as she does so, carefully grasping a thick envelope. She peeks into the envelope, her lips parting in shock as she stares down at the stacks of twenty-dollar bills.
"I believe you threw all of those at me," I smile as she glances back over at me, "if you wanted me to strip, you could have just asked, Ace."
She shoves at my arm while I pull away from the curb, softly chuckling to myself – the sound foreign as it falls from my lips. Huffing in disbelief, she tucks the envelope back away. "You're absolutely insufferable."
"Unfortunately, you're stuck with me it seems."
A gracious smile twists onto her lips as she leans the side of her head into my arm propped up on the armrest.
And I drive off into the night, glancing over as her head tips back with the city lights illuminated across her face. I take a turn, heading to one final spot before we have to say goodbye. I drive into the empty lot of the planetarium, parking my car before looking over at her with her brows furrowed in confusion.
"One last time?" I request, and her face falls at the mere thought.
We slide out, taking our newest little friend with us as he curiously walks around. She reaches out, grasping at my hand to click our rings against each other as we approach what feels like the beginning of our end. But I give her hand a light squeeze, and she reciprocates it before I unlock the place.
I guide her in with a gentle touch at the small of her back, and the door seals in the cool air conditioning against my skin. We trek through the place, my eyes tracing all over the place as if engraving it into my memory. But even the walls seemed to know I couldn't forget this place.
We sneak into the planetarium, the dome above coated in inky darkness with just the glow of the steps guiding us to the center. She takes up her spot, and Leo sits beside her while I gravitate to the switchboard.
With a few familiar switches, I flicker the very night sky up onto the dome above. Leo softly yelps at the stars projected above in surprise, and I lightly smile for once. And I leave the key.
I settle beside her, leaning back onto my hands to gaze up at the stars and everything they have to offer. My head tips back, immersing into the glittering stars fabricated across the onyx blanket to my own reality. Ace's head rolls against my shoulder, my own star, and I blink down at her staring up at the night sky with the same awe-struck gaze.
"I fell in love with you here, you know?" I reveal it to her.
And that wide-eyed gaze and sweet disposition of hers lifts upwards, lips parting in shock. A faint smile crosses my lips as she surges my mind, "oh, yeah?" She whispers with a smile blossoming on her cheeks with a blush even I could see under the silvery glow from above.
I hum under my breath, my eyes tracing every bit of her draped in this starlight. "Because you felt like this," I nod my head upwards, "you felt like the stars."
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last chapter next !
damn it's been a good run, folks.
i love you,
h.