I sat outside the hut with my arms hugging my legs around my chest. Arjun was inside bidding his brothers' goodbye. I didn't want to face him with tears in my eyes, he would not like it and it might divert his mind from his goal. I heard his footsteps and faced the other side, he came and stood behind me. I gulped and felt a lump in my throat, I couldn't see him going, no. I got up and went to water the flowers in the small garden outside. Though tears blurred my vision and I knew I didn't want him to go, I could not let him know that.
He brought his gandiv, the weapon he had treasured more than any of us.
"Panchali", he softly called behind him. I didn't turn but still heard him sigh. "Panchali, won't you bid me goodbye or wish me luck, I am going. And I don't want to leave with you being mad at me." He said again.
"I-I'm... I'm not mad with you. I-I...", but my voice broke off in mid sentence and my throat chocked up. He gently placed his hands on my shoulders, "Then why don't you look at me? Is my Panchali crying?"
He made me turn towards him and cupped my face with his gentle hands. I did not meet his eyes because I just couldn't. I didn't say anything as I was in no position to stop him and neither did I want to let him go.
"You need to be strong, love. I have to go and there is no choice. I have to go so that I can become powerful and avenge all the humiliation and shame they hurled upon you. You have to sacrifice something if you want to see a better tomorrow, right?"
I nodded, "Ju-", I took a deep breath to compose myself. "Just take care of yourself and I love you so please don't do anything stupid which would make me lose you, alright?" He smiled and nodded. "Oh! Yeah I made food for you, you want me to pack it for the journey?"
"I can't take anything, its a penance not a trip. I have to make sacrifices and fast, spending all my days in prayers near the mountains."
"Oh", I said a little disappointed and worried. We looked into each other's eyes for a brief moment and he then tenderly kissed my forehead. "I will come back as soon as possible, for you..... and for me." He said as he left me outside our hut towards his destiny. I knew I would somehow wait and spend all the time he was not there. Like everything else, this period of separation will pass and I had my other husbands with me. It wasn't like all of them had abandoned me at once. I will spend time with others, especially Yudhisthir. I had neglected a lot of my duties towards him but no more. He deserves my love as much as everyone else, no matter whatever he had done. He was my husband after all.
***********
"Aarya, what are you doing?". I asked Yudhisthir as he sat on the steps of the hut with some dry straws and rope there. He looked at me and surprised me with a smile like I had surprised him after talking normally with him after such a long time.
"Oh nothing much! I just saw that your mat was wearing off so I decided to make a new one for you. And it's been long since I did something good for you, right?" He raised an eyebrow.
"Aarya! No! Don't say that! You have done so much for me, you have always cared for me even when I didn't behave properly with you." I said.
"Is that one of your sarcastic comments regarding the dyut sabha?" He asked me frankly for the very first time.
"No! Why do you keep saying that? Aarya you are making this new mat for me even when I didn't ask you to. And that's a gesture I really appreciate. Even after how harsh I have been on you, you never stop following your duties. I-I am so sorry I said whatever I did, it was just that.....you know...I.."
"It's okay Priye, I understand. It's not even your fault", he smiled and how easily he had forgiven me. He could be so generous in matters where I was involved and yet I didn't value him like I should have. I regret everything and promise to love him with all my heart. I wish I could turn back time and stop myself from uttering all those humiliating words to him. But what has happened has happened, I can't do anything about it now.
"Won't you teach me how to do it?", I asked as innocently I could manage to. "Of course why not!". And he started explaining me each and every step. But I just couldn't take my eyes off his face. Though he had aged a little, he hadn't quiet lost those handsome looks which all the brothers seemed to possess naturally. It wasn't just me who found them beautiful but everyone. And this thought gave rise to another fear in my mind, will Arjun marry another woman by the time he comes back? No, of course not. It was stupid of me to think so, he wouldn't do that....right? Well I hope not. I was amazed of my own silliness and focused on Yudhisthir as he taught me.