Quick TW for mentions and depictions of gore, torture, and violence
CYCLE THREE-CYCLE ENG
Every half a cycle, they had a meeting. On the 13th and 25th sun of the cycle, they would gather and give updates. Of course, most of them knew what was occurring. They were all friends and updates between crew efforts were often shared but it was a needed formality. Kaia and Xyra took notes and identified common themes and issues to be solved at that meeting and at later points. The meeting Theo was at marked their fourth one and marked the end of their second cycle at Niveal. In the morning, they would be entering their third.
Iona had just finished her overview of training. Every sun, more and more people were undergoing vanguard testing and being added to the list of fighters they had on the crew. Others were settling into other areas of the crew. Instead of taking a recruit's word for it, however, their skills were rigorously tested before they were assigned a duty. Theo could never forget the girl that slipped from her hands in the storm after being somewhere she should not have been. Skins had been doing a good job with that. She had hung up her hat as quartermaster but was still interacting with the pirates on a sun to sun basis, placing them in their job roles.
Skins explained her progress next, including mention of how much she had saved them that cycle alone when supply shopping. Cooker piggybacked off of Skins, updating them on the preparations that two of the galleons were undergoing before they were sent to The Twins and Dove Island to attend to Scorned Woman business there. Blue was heading one of those ships and Iona would be in charge of the other one. The training of the vanguard would be taken over by Theo and Cooker. Many combinations of captains were suggested to ensure they had a good crew on both of the ships but it was settled that Iona and Blue could lead the first wave of ships that were sent out.
Everything was operating smoothly. The onboarding process for new recruits, payment for the pirates that were on land, preparation, and planning for a new island once Navi returned with the information were all coming along great. The presence of both Navi and Tuni was missing from the meetings, the healer having joined the dangerous mission to scout a good haven for them. There had been no updates or letters but that wasn't unusual, it had only been a cycle and a few suns since they had left.
Theo dismissed the crew once there was no more business left to discuss. Promises of meeting back up later in the evening were exchanged. They hadn't gotten to do their traditional Nivelean bender. It didn't feel appropriate when they were missing so many and Cooker was trying to avoid using hard drugs. Instead, they had agreed to go out the night of meetings. Anyone was welcome but it was usually confined to those that attended the meetings. Everyone else had plenty of time to party and didn't make a big deal out of it as the officers did.
Theo stood up and began to pick up the drinks and food that were left scattered in the pirate's wake after the meeting. Xyra stayed to help and Kaia held up a letter.
"This got delivered this morning while I was on the ground floor," Kaia said and held up the letter, "pretty fancy seal."
Theo's head snapped up and she walked over, taking the envelope from her hand and placing it inside her jacket pocket. She could feel Xyra staring at her.
"Who's it from?" Xyra asked.
"None of your business," Theo shrugged, "I am allowed to do things without passing it by everyone. It's called having a personal life."
"Is it from Red?" Kaia asked.
"Why would it be from Red?" Xyra walked over in front of Theo, "Have you been in contact with her?"
"No, I haven't," Theo said, "If you must know, I am getting a custom suit and it's a bit more than I budgeted for it and want no judgment about it."
Xyra didn't look convinced and Kaia took her cue from Xyra, also looking unconvinced.
"It's not from Red. I already tried that with Kaia's help and it was a dead-end," Theo shrugged, "it's something personal I rather not talk about. It doesn't affect the crew or anyone."
Xyra nodded and shook her head, "Very well, keep your secrets."
"I do have news of Ava," Kaia tacked on, "I mean since we are talking about it might as well bring it up, right?"
"What is it?" Theo asked but played it cool, turning back around to the table and picking up the mess.
"She's been spotted outside of the estate, walking the poor areas of town and helping the no-namers there," Kaia crossed her arms and watched the others clean up, "and her father has just announced that taxes from the greater houses sent to noble houses will decrease and greater houses are to use that extra money to ensure there is no starvation in their areas of control."
"It came from the office of Vaith?" Xyra asked.
"From The Center, the Council agreed on it but the person who put the resolution forward was Vaith;"
"It wasn't Vaith," Theo stopped cleaning and stared at the table. She had a feeling that Ava was behind it. That didn't seem like something Umbar Vaith would do out of the goodness of his heart. Ava suggested it, and Vaith found a political silver lining. But that could only mean that somehow, Ava had cozied up to her father, "Is that all?"
"Aye," Kaia nodded, "will you be coming out tonight?"
"Do I have a choice?"
"You can act at least a bit excited about it," Xyra hummed as she finished stacking the glasses for easy clean-up.
"What a joy! I'm going to get fucked up tonight and have a headache tomorrow," Theo faked a grin, "Are we done? I have to decide what I'm wearing."
"I think I detected a bit of happiness there," Kaia teased, "did you hear it, Xy?"
"Very subtle notes of it," Xyra played along.
Their conversation was interrupted by Cooker, who reentered the room with a bit of a pant, "Hey fuckers, I'm not partying tonight."
"If I have to go, you have to go," Theo shook her head.
"Can't," Coker shrugged, "just promised Agnes I would take her to get some stuff for the girls tonight."
"What stuff?" Xyra asked.
"Stuff for Maise's ment."
"Why didn't she ask me?"
"I offered," Cooker shrugged, "just stopping by to tell you not to wait for me."
Cooker patted Kaia on the shoulder, the person who was closest to her and then ran back out. They all stared at the door she left from.
"They've been spending an awful lot of time together," Theo mentioned, crossing her arms.
"Saw them getting breakfast together too," Kaia pointed out, "for several mornings in a row, actually."
"Are you suggesting they are sleeping together?" Xyra frowned as both of them looked at her.
"I'm just making an observation," Kaia said.
"I'm suggesting it," Theo laughed and Xyra pushed her shoulder.
"That's my sister. It's not fucking funny," Xyra rolled her eyes.
"Well, your sister is fucking Cooker," Theo shrugged with a laugh and picked up the stack of glasses, "see you all tonight."
She didn't stick around to witness an angry Xyra. She just dropped the glasses off at the bar and left Marian's heading to the ship to get changed. She caught a ride with a bunch of other pirates. She helped row them back to the lightbringer, one of the new men on her crew who was accompanying them began to sing and the time went by faster. He was clearly drunk but his voice wasn't too awful. Once she reached the deck, she quickly slipped into her room and removed her coat.
Before getting changed, she made sure the door was locked and pulled the letter out of her coat. Theo hesitated. Apparently, Ava was doing great at home. Swaying her father, playing the game. The letter was from Jona. The J on the seal was the giveaway, She was afraid of what was inside. Maybe it would be true, she would get confirmation that Ava was working with her father. Or, Jona would say it was all a front and Ava was miserable. Either way, she wouldn't like the answer. But she had to know.
She popped the seal open, unfolding the letter inside of the envelope.
Captain,
I passed your message along. She knows where to receive and send letters if she wishes to communicate with you. She didn't seem enthused by the idea when I brought it up to her. Dare I say she looks comfortable amongst the court, she's got a natural charm. The suitors are lining up. I will return in a few cycles and the terms to our arrangement can be further discussed.
J
Theo folded the letter back up and closed her eyes. There was no winning. She knew that the news was bound to be bad either way but she still wasn't prepared. There was a sting in her heart, a nagging pain at the thought that Ava didn't immediately jump at the idea that she could have a way out. She tore up the pieces of the letter as she walked to her balcony. Looking around to make there were no eyes on her from the other ships in the fleet, she tossed the pieces into the ocean. She watched them be taken by the waves and disintegrate in the water. When there was no more evidence in sight, she turned and walked back into the comfort of her own quarters.
—------
CYCLE FOUR- CYCLE PART
"There is nowhere to run, Captain Theo," Ulises whispered, "just tell me what I want to know."
Theo's eyes snapped open and she felt enclosed, trapped, too hot. Turning her head, she found her culprit. Cooker's mouth was ajar, her leg was crossed over Theo and half her body was draped over her, crushing any hope of breathing. Slowly, Theo shimmied out and pawned the gangly creature off to a sleeping Xyra. Theo sat up in bed and took a few deep breaths, preparing herself for the morning to come and attempting to recover from her dream. The more seconds passed since she woke up, the more the dream became a fleeting memory; too hazy to remember.
Things were getting better. The dreams happened less and less. The stress on her plate began to alleviate and compared to the first cycle in Niveal, she felt like she was doing nothing. The flow of recruits was slow and they were never too overwhelming to process. The first few ships had been sent on raids and had returned with money and supplies for the island. Iona and Blue had written with nothing but good news.
She was beginning to enjoy Niveal. She hated being a land-dweller but the city was starting to grow on her. A consistent supply of good, fresh food was hard to beat. Regular baths. A sizable amount of space to stroll around. She was also learning to move on from events in the past. She laughed a bit easier and stayed longer for parties. It had taken three full cycles at sea and three full cycles in Niveal but the fog was starting to lift. It was always there, still threatening her. But the suns that the fog caught up to her were outnumbered by the suns where it was bright and easy.
Theo finally got up out of bed, careful not to make a sound as she sat down at her desk. Even if other things were beginning to slip her mind, like her time with Ulises Vaith, thoughts of Ava never faded. Ava had to have seen someone about cursing Theo because she couldn't get her out of her mind. It was sad. It was pathetic. But, it was poetic. Theo had done this to herself, there was no one else to blame. She had conducted herself with the maturity of a little boy.
Yet, she was still shocked when no letters arrived for her from Ava. Three letters had gone unanswered and Theo was about to send a fourth. Perhaps one sun, Ava would be ready to write and Theo couldn't risk not having new letters awaiting. Theo opened her drawers and began to set out her supplies and before she put the quill to the paper, she looked up to make sure both of her guests were asleep.
Sure enough, Cooker had found a new person to latch onto and Xyra didn't seem to mind one bit. Theo got distracted, watching them for a bit. Xyra's face was scrunched, even in her sleep, she looked concerned. The vacation was good for her, but it was only a matter of time before she surrounded herself with work once again. But this time, it was different. Others probably didn't notice, she was still aggressively on task, a perfectionist, and did not mince her words. But there was a calmness underneath, one that hadn't been there in a while. Xyra didn't just seem collected, she was collected. And, she had been a huge help with Cooker.
Theo wished she could have the ability to help Cooker the way that Xyra could. Could make her open up the way the eldest one could. She wished she had a grasp between when it was okay to be harsh and when I wasn't with Cook. Theo wasn't an amateur, by any means. But Xyra was the expert. A few suns after arriving, Xyra had caught Cooker using Loli. There was a lot of yelling that night, mostly between Theo and Cooker but Xyra was there to mediate. After that, Cooker had taken a leave of absence for half a cycle. A guide took her to the jungle to flush everything out of her system.
They had both kept a close eye on Cooker since then, at first it was difficult. Cooker was irritable and unpleasant to be around. But it was getting easier for her and she had been granted much more leniency and free time. Even when Cooker was given the okay from Xyra and Theo to be able to sleep in her own room, without supervision, she decided to stay. Xyra had also decided to stay with them and it had been them three in a room since then. It was a familiar comfort and knowing she could come home to a bed that wasn't empty always helped her.
Of course, privacy was sorely lacking. It was times like then when she wanted to write a letter that no one could be privy to, that she wished she had a room to herself. They had both entered late the night before so Theo could drop a book on their heads and they wouldn't wake up. She dipped her quill in the ink and began to write.
Red,
I feel as if my life has been lived through letters these past few cycles. Whether I am waiting for one or waiting for mine to send, letters s have been a constant. As you know from previous information I have sent, we are based in Niveal. I have enough ships and crew at my disposal to find a way to get you out of Aubermase if needed. We have gotten word about some initiatives your father has begun. No one knows whether you are behind them or not.
I'll have you know, Cooker has been very critical of these policies. She says they aren't doing enough. I suppose you'll have to debate her about that in person. You are still welcomed here. The crew misses you.
I miss you. Theo avoided writing that.
Oceane is still missing. I hope that if you have received these letters, you have honored my request to search for her too. I know you owe me nothing but this is not for me. There is nothing to say that I haven't already said in other letters. I hope you are safe.
T
Theo let the ink dry then folded the letter, taking some wax and sealing it. She used a random seal, nothing to give away that it was coming from a pirate crew. Theo got up and slipped the letter in her coat that was hanging off the chair. She got dressed and ready for the morning ahead then pulled on the coat. Xyra stirred a bit and opened one eye.
"Going to get the mail, then check on some of our shops," Theo whispered and Xyra gave her a nod before closing her eyes and turning over.
Theo made it across town, opting to use the mail office in the residential area of Niveal to avoid having their usual mail carrier see her send a mysterious letter to Elox. It was the fifth letter she had sent to Ava since making the deal with Jona. All she had to do was walk in, place the letter on the counter and walk out. The man knew what to do and he was paid handsomely for it. 10 gold. The most expensive letters ever sent.
After dropping it off, Theo saw to it that those businesses that had put in protection requests were attended to. There were two stores that had set up a meeting with Theo. Yet, the meetings went well into the aftermorning. The first one was because the woman's hospitality was unmatched and the second, well, the storeowner couldn't have been less hospitable. Theo still hadn't collected the mail by the third hour of the aftermorning and she really should have done that first. Xyra and Kaia had already been suspicious of Theo being up to no good and any slip up would just confirm their assumptions.
Luckily, she ran into no one familiar on her way to their regular mail office. All crises were avoided as Theo successfully picked up the four letters that awaited them. Right outside Marian's was Cooker, sitting on the floor with a toddler in her lap. Theo laughed as she walked over and stood in front of Cooker.
"You are blocking us," Cooker squinted up at Theo.
"From what?"
"Well, King Flo here is trying to watch the people."
"Did you lose the other one?"
"She's at school," Cooker bounced Florence in her lap.
"Where is the King's mother?" Theo chuckled, "you are supposed to be at work."
"Well, she's taking her vanguard test today," Cooker said and a frown appeared on her face.
"So soon?" Theo looked towards the docks as if she would be able to see the test being conducted.
"Apparently her training with Xyra during their time together in Nefriti has prepared her well," Cooker scoffed.
"You don't seem thrilled."
"Yeah, well, she's a mother and I don' think we should be letting her take on a risk like that," Cooker snapped.
"You're the one that insisted I change my policy about mothers on the crew all those lengths ago," Theo pointed out
"To no avail," Cooker rolled her eyes.
"You like her," Theo teased, "and you're scared she'll get hurt."
"I'm not scared," Cooker scoffed, "and I don't like her. She's my friend. And Xyra's sister. You should care too."
"I do care. I am happy for her. She seems like she's enjoying pirate life," Theo shrugged, "give me the child. I will find someone to watch her."
"You can't. Gianna is waiting for you inside, she wants to talk," Cooker said.
"You know what it's about?" Theo asked.
Cooker nodded, "Let's just say, I think I'm going to get my way after all."
—---
Theo leaned back against her chair, "You're pregnant."
"Yes," Gianna nodded.
"How far along?"
"Healer says three, maybe four cycles."
Theo nodded, "Are you aware of your options?"
"Yes."
"And?"
"I want to keep it. And I want to raise it," Giana answered.
"Do you know who the other parent is?"
She nodded.
"Are you planning on telling them?" Theo asked.
"He knows," Gianna took a deep breath, "It's Dal..."
Theo had to hold in a laugh. Fucking Dal. Their first recruit that was a man and he had already caused trouble. She didn't laugh though. She nodded.
"What are his thoughts on the matter?"
"I love him, Captain," Gianna admitted, "and he is happy with the news."
"Are you?"
Gianna rubbed her palms off on her pants, "I'm coming to terms with it."
Theo sat up, "Are you being forced to make this choice?"
"No," Gianna answered, quickly, "nothing like that. It was just unexpected. He's a great guy..."
"But?"
"This is a good job, I make good money. I have a family here. I know I could raise this baby around the crew and I would be cared for here but I know the rules. Xyra read them to us when we were recruits," Gianna looked down at her hands then back up.
"Those rules were in place when we had one ship and we were always at sea," Theo acknowledged, "if someone was pregnant and intended to give birth, we couldn' risk them being on the ship. Not when danger is always around and the necessary medical supplies are not present. Things have changed."
"So, we can change the rules?"
"We can amend them," Theo nodded, "no missions involving raids and no hard labor. You are free to work as long as the healer clears you. I want you going to get a checkup every half a cycle. I will see Miss Yurwa about starting a fund for families. We'll get you what you need to keep you healthy."
Gianna smiled, "I have some money saved up, Captain, I don't need that."
"We've got more money than we know what to do with," Theo shrugged then smiled, "Congratulations, by the way."
Gianna sighed a bit, "Thank you. Thank you for understanding."
"If he ever steps out of line..." Theo warned.
"I know," Gianna nodded, "Dal couldn't hurt a fly. Even if he tried."
Theo laughed and stood up, "Go find him and tell him you are both in the clear."
"He thought you would kill him," Gianna stood up too, a hand on her stomach.
"Make sure he knows it was an option, I just chose to spare him," Theo teased and walked Gianna out of the office.
—---
CYCLE FIVE - CYCLE ERDO
"You have a letter," Xyra walked up the stairs into the main room on the second floor.
"That's nothing new," Theo looked up from the tiles in front of her and over to Xyra, who was shuffling through the stack of mail she was carrying. The table was tapped and Theo's attention was called back to the game. It was her turn. She placed a few wooden tokens down and then joined one of her tiles with that of another player. Then, she flipped her five remaining tiles with a smirk.
"Pay up," Theo said as she was handed the ravci cigarette that was going around.
"I'm starting to actually think you have a gambling problem," Kaia laughed and handed the pot of tokens over to Theo.
"It would be a problem if she ever fucking lost," Skins mumbled.
Theo let out a malicious laugh, "Loser is not a word that is in my vocabulary."
"Theo, this is serious," Xyra interrupted, "we should go to your office to discuss it."
"What's serious is practicing this so I can win a Galleon off McParry," Theo passed the cigarette to Skins.
A letter was thrown on the table in front of her, a winding snake on the seal.
"It's from the rebellion," Xyra spoke up.
Theo looked up from the envelope to see the room staring at her. Skins, Kaia, Iona– who had since returned from her mission– and Cooker.
"Well, fucking open it," Cooker prompted and stood up from the table, trying to lean over to grab it but Theo snatched it first.
She didn't want to open it. She shouldn't have been so stubborn and allowed Xyra to talk about it with her privately. Half of the room wanted to join the rebellion and the other half were indifferent. The only person who agreed with her hesitancy with joining was Xyra. She waited for a few seconds trying to delay the inevitable.
"Theo, I'll kill you and pry the letter from your hands," Cooker warned.
"Fine," Theo laughed and opened it. Her eyes scanned the page, "they want me to meet at a trader island with them to discuss our involvement in the rebellion."
Cooker stood up from her side of the table and walked over behind Theo, leaning over and scanning the letter. She nodded to confirm the contents.
"What now?" Iona asked, "Are you going to meet with them?"
"I will write back and tell them what I told them before. If they want to talk, they can come to meet me. Should be relatively easy now, people know where we are," Theo shrugged and tossed the letter onto the table.
Kaia picked it up and looked it over, Xyra right behind her reading it too.
"And when they come?" Kaia asked, "Are you going to have a discussion, or are you going to reject them outright?"
"That is up to the crew," Theo fidgeted with the tokens in front of her, "regardless of how I feel about it."
Theo wasn't trying to hide her dislike at the thought of joining the growing rebellion. It had become a topic of conversation in the past cycle as small uprisings and skirmishes had been taking place across Safriti. Her position was made known, so was Cooker's, Iona's, and everyone's. People knew where she stood, and it was against the majority. For once in Theo's captaincy, she was on the losing side of the votes.
Well, this time and during the naming ceremony. Hopefully, the names could work as an advantage. Who would want a commander of the navy that lorded over a fleet with Tits N Ass and Dick N Balls as ships amongst the ranks?
She cleared her throat, "Alright, I've distracted everyone long enough. I'm sure everyone has work to do before the aftermorning is up. Gambling time is over."
Theo clapped her hands as she stood and everyone began to gather their things and disperse.
Xyra was the only one who took a seat. She started to open the other letters in her pile and Theo took the initiative to rearrange the room back to how it was supposed to be when they opened Marian's to the partygoers. Kaia, however, didn't follow the crowd out. She hovered.
Theo looked over, "Need something? Have an opinion on the rebellion?"
"No, actually, I do not," Kaia smiled a bit, she had stayed quiet about the topic thus far, "I wanted to know if I could take a few suns off to head out of town. Xyra already said she'd do double shifts to cover for me."
Theo tilted her head, doubt creeping in about trusting her. Since their run-in at Xyra's room, Theo hadn't caught Kaia doing anything compromising, and Theo had been keeping a close eye. Her gut said Kaia had been telling the truth about everything but her head told her to look at the facts.
"Sure. Take as much time as you need," Theo nodded.
"Thank you," Kaia nodded before leaving the room, heading down the stairs.
"Do you know what that's about?"
"I do," Xyra looked up from the letters, "why?"
"Just wanted to know if you could provide any insight," Theo sat back down at the table.
"She thinks you do not trust her," Xyra looked back and opened the seal on the last of the letters, having laid them all out, "and I can see why she would think that."
"If you know what I did, you wouldn't be so trusting," Theo crossed her arms.
"What? That she snuck into my room to try and get information?" Xyra chuckled, "she told me about that. It was cycles ago, that is in the past, Theo."
"I liked you better when you were untrusting and unfeeling towards others," Theo mumbled.
"I am positive you are the only one that feels that way," Xyra handed a pile of letters to Theo.
Theo took a second to look through them. It was updates from shops under her protection in Safriti reporting back that they were safe. They had sent out correspondence at the news of scattered rebellions to make sure everyone under their watch was safe. She set them down.
"Can you tell me what it is?" Theo asked, "where is she going?"
"I think she's going to camp out in the cliffs for a few nights," Xyra said.
"Why?"
"To honor the ment of Ty."
"Who?" Theo tilted her head.
"Her partner, who died," Xyra elaborated.
"How do you know their name?"
"I know a lot of things."
"She told you their name? And that she was honoring them?" Theo frowned.
"I already knew their name but she did tell me she was honoring them," Xyra said.
"Who were they? How did they meet?" Theo didn't know why she hadn't thought to ask Xyra for Kaia's file. She had just assumed that Kaia was secretive with everyone else and no one would know about her. Apparently not.
"If this is not something you know, perhaps I should not spread her business like this," Xyra cleared her throat and looked back at the mail.
"Are you serious?" Theo scoffed, "Xy, come on."
"I am serious, T," Xyra shrugged, "it has nothing to do with ship business. You have secrets that you have not been sharing with anyone so why do others have to share with you?"
"Fine," Theo stood up, "be petty because for once in my life, I haven't divulged everything about what I'm doing."
"You worry me sometimes," Xyra hummed as she picked up one of the letters, "but do what you must."
"Whatever. I'm going to go get measured for a suit. I was invited back to the Mithren Gathering in a few suns and need a new outfit by then," Theo walked towards the stairs.
"Be back for training," Xyra called out, "it is in a few hours!"
Theo waved her off and jogged down the stairs. She slipped into the alley and began to take back paths to her destination. She wasn't getting her measurements taken. News had arrived that morning that Jona Ammyrett had docked the night before. She needed to find him before he tried to come around Marian's. At that time, there was only one guard to get through and a small bribe of two gold allowed her entry into the castles that lined that section of town.
Theo was once again escorted through the tall hallways of the Amyrett mansion and sat in a room, different than the last. She sat in wait for a half-hour, in that time she was offered snacks, tea, and drinks but she turned it all down. It was taking far longer than she had intended, all she wanted to do was get an update and leave. Finally, Jona opened the doors to the room in a robe. He clapped his hands together and laughed.
"Captain Theo, don't you look so dapper!" Jona went straight toward the drink cart, "apologies for my attire. I just arrived last night and the people of Niveal can't get enough of me."
Theo stood up, "I'll let you get back to your company. Just wanted to come to check in on our deal. I need advance warning about your plans for your family."
"It's so drab in Aubermase this time of lengths," Jona turned around and fell into a couch, "and everyone is so obsessed with formality there, the drabness carriers inside to the court as well."
"I'm sorry to hear the dinners served to you on a golden plate were accompanied with dull conversation," Theo sarcastically lamented.
"Actually," Jona chuckled, "the dinners were quite fun. Aided, in large part, by your beloved redhead."
"You told her what I asked you to?" Theo confirmed.
"I let her know that you were in Niveal. That you had written letters to her. How she could access those letters," Jona shrugged, "I held up my end of the deal."
"And I will hold up mine when the time comes. Like I said, I need advanced warning," Theo said.
"Fine."
"Fine," Theo nodded, "I'll be off now."
"There's nothing else you want to know? I was there for a few cycles, I got an inside look into all the noble secrets," Jona took a sip of his drink, "I take it that she hasn't reached out to you. Aren't you interested in why?"
Theo should have walked away right then. Whatever the reason, Theo wouldn't have been content with it. Either she was kept so close under guard that she couldn't leave or she had no interest in communicating with Theo. Nothing good could come of the news except for hurt on Theo's part but she had to pay that price for what she caused.
Theo crossed her arms, standing by the door, "Sure, what do you know? Make it quick, I haven't got all sun."
"Well, it seems like she missed the luxuries of noble life," Jona swirled his drink around, "the court was always enthralled with her presence. She told captivating stories of her time as a prisoner of a pirate ship. Very believable."
Theo looked around the room, leaving his statement unanswered so he continued.
"The court loves her. From recluse to socilate. She's often in meetings with her father or going around Aubermase tending to the needy," Jona recounted, "at night, she mingles. She dances. She laughs. She enjoys herself."
Theo kept a neutral expression even if her heart pinched at the news, "How did she react when you told her I was trying to reach out?"
"She didn't seem fazed," Jona admitted, "But, that could have been a show. She's very sly, that one, I couldn't quite pinpoint what she was up to. She intrigues me."
"Leave her alone," Theo found herself saying.
"Oh, I'm afraid it's too late for that," Jona chuckled, "see, it's been hinted that she is to take her father's title once he passes. A fact I was very happy to find out. She and I have entered into certain... arrangements for the future."
"Are you marrying her?"
"No," Jona shook his head, "I'm afraid she has not found a suitor yet. I know it's because she's a nox who is dragging her feet about it, even if it's a political union. Everyone else thinks it's because Lady Vaith is being picky selecting a husband for her daughter."
Theo nodded and let her shoulders release some tension.
"Don't look so relieved," Jona smirked, "her bed is still being kept warmed by other suitors, not of the men's variety."
Theo looked to the vase a few feet away. She could throw it at his head. She wouldn't get very far before she was found by his guards but at least it would be cathartic.
"Glad she's having fun," Theo cleared her throat, "that's all I need."
"Our mutual friend, Vivexa, has been tasked with watching her," Jona stopped her once again, "they've taken quite a liking to each other."
"Thank you for the information."
"Well, you can put those pieces of intel together to figure out what I'm suggesting," Jona laughed a bit, "goodbye, Captain Theo. Lovely to see you again."
Theo didn't look back as she resumed her exit. Once she left the doors, she was once against escorted out of the building. Theo took the same route back to Marian's. Focusing on nothing but the path in front of her as she walked back.
"Xy!" Theo walked in and loosened her belt, pulling out her shirt, "I'm back! I wanted to go over some of the training maneuvers we are covering this aftermorning!"
Theo walked over to the bar and poured herself some juice, hoping to get the sour taste of a morning with Jona out of her mouth. Who knew she could have physical nausea for so long after a conversation. She just needed training to happen so her mind could be taken up by something other than thoughts of Ava. She didn't know what the angle was. Was Jona lying? Was he being honest? Was it a mix of both?
"Why were you by the guarded residences?" Xyra walked into the room.
"I wasn't. I was getting my measurements done," Theo lied.
"Right," Xyra walked to the bar, "which would be understandable if I did not know that all your favorite tailors already have your measurements."
"It wasn't one of my favorite tailors."
"And why would you not hire your favorite for a big event you are excited about?"
"What do you want?"
"Where did you go?"
"I can't believe you followed me," Theo rolled her eyes and instead of juice, poured herself of a shot of rum.
"I would not have if you did not lie to me," Xyra crossed her arms.
"Leave me alone."
"I tried that. For a few cycles actually, But now I am actually worried. It is not a joke anymore," Xyra cornered her behind the bar.
"Xyra, I told you this doesn't hurt or affect the crew."
"Does it have the potential to hurt or affect you?" Xyra asked and Theo didn't answer. Xyra shook her head, "then it not only affects the crew which is of interest to me but it affects you, and whether you fucking like it or not I am a part of your life and will get involved when I spot something shady."
"You can't intimidate me into a confession."
Xyra shrugged and took a few steps back, "Fine, I can find out myself."
"Xyra, leave it alone!" Theo said as she followed but she was ignored.
Xyra walked up the stairs and into the upper levels and Theo let herself slump into a chair. Covering her tracks was impossible, there was nothing to cover. She would just have to be careful the next time she met with Jona. She was a fool to think Xyra would simply let her sneak around. She was also foolish for getting her hopes up about Ava. She was foolish for not assuming Viv wouldn't try and ingratiate herself with Ava to benefit from her power. She was foolish for assuming that Ava would sit in a room, captured, instead of attempting to climb the political ladder.
Theo put her arms on the table and used them to cradle her head. She was slumped over, trying to will herself to think about the training to come. Except, all she could feel was heartbreak. She had once again hit a dead end yet she didn't want to stop. She had to find a way to make it right. Now, she understood Kaia. She was guilty that she made her choose between closure and a home. That is what Theo needed, she needed closure. But if there was one person in the situation undeserving of it, it was her. A decision that tore Morgana and Tuni apart, one that diminished the trust of her crew in her, and one that put Ava in a position to have to work with her father.
"Where is my sister?"
Theo lifted her head up and looked to the entrance, "Fjord?"
"Where is she?! You wrote to me six cycles ago telling me she was missing and you were trying to find her and I haven't heard from you since!" he entered the room, anger clear on his face.
Theo stood up, "We've been looking for her. We have people we know following up with our requests to search for records of her. We've had no luck."
Fjord shook his head, "I will search for her myself. Tell me what you know."
Theo walked over to him, "Sit down. I can tell you all about our efforts to locate her... There is no one to blame here, Fjord. Anger will only get in the way."
"My father is dead. My sister is missing. There is plenty to be angry about," Fjord answered and took a few steps away from Theo, "you and your crew took both of them from me."
"Your father isn't dead," Theo explained, "we have confirmation that he is in Drokian jail."
Fjord shook his head, the angry frown turning into a confused one, "He's alive?"
"He is," Theo nodded, "and we haven't quite figured out a good time to go get him but the time will come..."
"My sister," his ire returned, "she's still missing. Most likely dead too."
"As of four cycles ago, your sister was alive."
"You know she's alive but haven't gone to get her?"
"We know she's alive, not where she is," Theo finally got close enough to put a hand on his shoulder and she guided him to the bar, "you've traveled a long way."
"I came to kill you or join you," Fjord admitted.
"Well, one path is easier than the other," Theo shrugged and poured him a drink, handing it over, "which are you going to choose."
"Joining you. I was only going to kill you because I thought they were all dead..." Fjord stared down at the wood on the bar.
Theo stopped as she set the bottle back in its place. She could see the anger slip away and be replaced with fear, loneliness, and grief. The emotions that were worse than anger, the burdens that Fjord had to deal with.
"We haven't forgotten about her," Theo filled his glass again when she saw him drink it in one gulp, "we send and receive mail every sun trying to dwindle down her whereabouts. Our best guess is she is in prison somewhere in Elox. Most likely in The Center."
"Why can't we go get her?" Fjord looked at Theo, "Don't you have like a fucking fleet now? We can't just storm them and get her?"
"We'd all die in the process," Theo shook her head, "and we don't even know where she is for sure. We all miss her. No one wants to see her hurt. Oceane is still gone but not for lack of trying on our end."
"But you're going to go after her when we find her, right?" Fjord asked, "You are not going to just leave her rotting in prison like you've left my father?"
"Fjord, I promise. Once we locate your sister, we will rescue her," Theo walked over and squeezed his shoulder, ignoring the jab.
"Even if it's not convenient? Even if there are other things going on?" He crossed his arms as he faced her.
"Even if it's just me and a rowboat," Theo smiled sadly, "but it won't just be me and a rowboat. When we find her, an army will be waiting to go retrieve her.
"Fjord?" someone asked from the open door.
Fjord looked over, "Skins."
Theo turned to look between them, "Right on time. Skins, we have a new recruit. Set him up with a room, some gold, and give him the run down."
"Aye, aye, Captain," Skins walked over, "great to see you, mate."
"And when you're done. Take him to see Blue," Theo said.
"You gave him the next five suns off because he just got back," Skins said.
"This isn't a visit I think he will be opposed to," Theo nodded.
Skins, as she did with most people, easily made Fjord more comfortable. Theo watched them leave Marian's before she took a deep breath. Oceane's dad was alive and in jail. Oceane was most likely in the same situation. They were both in that situation because of her, indirectly but still because of her.
Theo walked back behind the bar and poured herself a drink. It was hard not to have thoughts like that. Each person who had died under her command had begun to increasingly haunt her. She couldn't remember when things had gotten out of hand, when she had accumulated so much responsibility. When it stopped being about raids and keeping the crew happy with the share they were getting. It wasn't always simple to give a command or purchase a necessity for the crew. Now it was, now she had hundreds of people that were on her payroll, awaiting her command, giving their lives to her whims.
Of course, she wasn't ever truly alone in that. Xyra had reminded her of that plenty of times. Death amongst the crew was a shared responsibility. It meant a failure of the whole chain of command or even just a random inevitable demise. It didn't make the stress of responsibility any easier. Neither did having an ache in her chest from having given Ava straight to her family again. If Ava truly was enjoying her noble life, really believed she was making change and playing into her father's wishes then Theo was to blame for forcing her into that situation. That was the one fate that fell entirely on her shoulders.
—---
"Did you watch how I did it?"
Xyra nodded as a tool was placed in her hands. Small pincers. Her chest heaved up and down, nerves and fear.
"Go on then, girl," the voice said as it nudged her hand forward.
She hesitated and if there was one thing she was learning was that hesitation was unacceptable. It was met with punishment. Her shoulder was turned to face the man and he leaned in.
"Do you think your captain is paying me to train you to be a weakling? A pissant who's three seconds away from crying?" the voice asked as they placed a hand over her shoulder. Xyra shook her head, trying to keep the tears at bay. The hand squeezed her, digging a thumb into her shoulder, "answer me."
"No, sir!" Xyra said and tried not to shy away from the pressure on her skin.
"Now, do what I showed you," he let go of her shoulder and pushed her forward to face the man tied up in the chair.
Xyra stepped forward and did what was asked of her. The man went from having ten nails, to far fewer.
"Beg," the man instructed, "beg her to stop. Don't stop begging. Let her hear just how much this hurts you and maybe I will allow the healer to come wrap up your hands when this is over."
Xyra shook her head in shock as she looked up at her trainer. He put his palm over the top of her head as he wrenched it back in the direction of their captive.
"Please!" the man began to beg. The pleading didn't stop, it burrowed into her ears and even when the man had gone unconscious from the pain the cries were still echoing in her ears.
A shriek awoke her, breaking through the endless cacophonies of sobs begging her to stop inflicting pain. Xyra sat up in the large bed she was in just to be pushed back down onto the mattress by two little kids attacking her. Xyra laughed a bit and sat back up, this time with her two nieces squiggling in her arms. She yawned and took an extra moment to open her eyes again, blinking them open to find Kaia in the room.
"Morning," Xyra nodded.
"You didn't seem to be having a great time in your slumber which is why I let the rascals jump you," Kaia chuckled as she walked to Theo's desk to set down some paperwork.
"Why do you have them anyway?"
"Offered to take them off Agnes' hands last night and she never came to get them," Kaia said.
Xyra frowned and stood up from the bed, tossing the little ones back on the mattress as she stretched, just for them to attempt to climb her.
"She just left them with you?" Xyra caught Maise before she tripped on a stray shoe on the floor and set her on her hip.
"I told her I would watch them as long as she needed if the night managed to go well."
"Do you know what she was doing?"
"She said she was going out with a few of the girls but I think she ended up spending the night with Cook."
"Any proof of that?"
"Pure speculation," Kaia laughed.
Xyra didn't share in the humor. That was her sister, not just another of Cooker's conquests.
"Would you mind keeping them for a bit longer? I can't take them right now," Xyra loved them but she couldn't handle two children and work.
"I didn't come to pawn them off to you," Kaia bent down to pick up Florence who was jealous she wasn't being held, "I came to give you news of Avery Vaith. Theo gets weird when I bring her up. She always takes the news better when it comes from you."
"She just senses that you are not fond of Red and takes a bit of offense to it," Xyra explained.
"What's there to be fond about?" Kaia asked.
"I felt that way at first, but she grows on you. She is a good person," Xyra smiled a bit at the memory of Red, "I know everything we've heard about her suggests she is working with her father but there has to be another angle. Something has got to give."
"What makes you so sure?"
"Nothing. I have no way of knowing if we are right about her," Xyra shrugged, "which is why Theo takes offense, I think. Just another person that doubts Red. She feels responsible for this outcome and so feels responsible for all the negativity everyone seems to have towards her lately."
"Well, this news doesn't help your case for her," Kaia said.
"Who?" Maise asked.
"No one you know, love," Kaia chuckled then looked back to Xyra, "Apparently, the future head of the Vaith household is spearheading economic and political rights for women."
Xyra titled her head, "It was announced that she is succeeding her father?"
"No," Kaia put Florence down, "but it's only a matter of time with these changes. Backing these reforms so publicly and supporting her father is just posturing for a smooth takeover a few lengths down the line. And they just managed to pass the legal statutes needed for her to do so."
"Context would be helpful," Xyra set Florence down too and they ran back to the bed to jump on it.
"Women can now hold land titles. They can be appointed the head of the family. They can represent their family as delegates sent to greater houses to vote for the noble they want on the Council," Kaia listed, "can't forget protections for women from abuse and sexual assault."
"Fuck."
"I know."
Xyra just stared ahead and blinked for a few moments then snapped back to reality, "Apologies. I was just bracing myself for the world to implode after the impossible has just occurred."
"It's something we've been waiting for since the beginning of Baethos," Kaia crossed her arms, "so why doesn't it feel good?"
"Because it will not actually change anything. Because it's a convenient way to dissuade the spread of uprisings. Because rules being reformed does not change attitudes on the subject," Xyra noted solemnly, "but, I will leave the political commentary to Cooker. I am sure she will be crafting an essay critiquing the policies soon enough."
"So, will you pass the news along to Theo for me?" Kaia asked.
Xyra nodded, "I have to go find Cooker and let her know she is due down at the docks to complete inventory on the new loot the raids brought in. I will pass by Theo's when I am done there."
"Better hurry over to Cooker, you might be able to catch her with your sister," Kaia teased.
"This is not funny," Xyra repeated.
"I'm not making a joke," Kaia laughed, "they've been close for cycles and no one has been able to catch them together. Go, be our savior and quench our thirst for gossip."
Xyra narrowed her eyes and walked over to the bed, giving her nieces kisses on the tops of their heads before heading out in search of Cooker. It wasn't hard, however, because once she made her way down the stairs, Cooker and Agnes were on the ground floor. Cooker was leaning against a table, recounting something to Agnes who threw her head back with laughter. Xyra cleared her throat and walked over.
Cooker was still smiling as she looked over, "Morning, Xy. You slept in late."
"Agnes, your children are upstairs," Xyra said.
"My little loves, I should go take them off Kaia's hands," Agnes smiled and stood up, walking past Cooker and giving her arm a light squeeze, "see you later."
Xyra stopped her before she could walk past them, "Where were you last night?"
"Having fun, Belle," Agnes smirked a bit and reached up to pat Xyra's cheek, "you should try it sometime."
"Anyone would be surprised to know that you are the older one," Xyra rolled her eyes and stepped aside, "Cooker, you need to be at the docks to do inventory."
"Already done. Been up for a long time, actually," Cooker pushed off against the table.
"You did not come in last night," Xyra crossed her arms, "where were you?"
"Last I checked, I completed the required supervisory period and I am free to spend my nights how I want," Cooker said, "I was at Fingen's talking about the new policies that were announced last night. Do you not trust me?"
Xyra shook her head, "I was not accusing you of going out to do drugs."
"No, just of sleeping with your sister," Cooker laughed.
Xyra wasn't amused with the situation. She just blankly stared at Cooker.
"I'm not," Cooker cleared her throat and looked down at her feet, "I'm not messing around with your sister, Xy."
"You have been constantly around her these past cycles," Xyra pointed out.
"Just as friends."
"There is nothing friendly about the way you two have been with each other," Xyra shot back, "you do not have to lie to me. I just want to know."
"I'm not sleeping with Agnes," Cooker insisted, "now, I have work to get back to."
Xyra reached out and grabbed her wrist, "But you want to."
"Want to?" Cooker tilted her head.
"You want to sleep with her. That's why you've been hanging around her so much."
Cooker frowned and pulled her wrist away gently, "I've been hanging around her so much because she's nice and I enjoy helping her... She's your sister, Xy, I wouldn't cross that line."
Xyra furrowed her brows. Cooker didn't seem like she was lying about not crossing the line. But Xyra would have to be unable to see if she were to miss the way that Cooker looked at Agnes or the smile on Cooker's face when she was around.
"You like her, though," Xyra said, which caused Cooker's eyesight to shift away, "I can tell, Cook. Because I've never seen you look at anyone that way before. It's different."
"And she's your sister..." Cooker met Xyra's gaze and her voice sounded pained like it was something she thought about a lot, "And I am me. An addict with a less than normal relationship with romance, and someone who is the antonym of what people think of when they think of parental instinct."
Xyra couldn't stop the overwhelming urge to slap Cooker out of her self-loathing. Instead, she stepped forward and pulled her into a hug. It didn't take long before Cooker was wrapping her arms tightly around Xyra's waist.
"I haven't overstepped with Agnes and I won't," Cooker promised into Xyra's chest.
"Cook, I have no control over who my sister wants to be with," Xyra whispered, "and as long as you are doing alright, you can be with whoever you want."
"Ah," Cooker pulled away and shrugged, "you know me. I'm not the relationship type. I'll let the crush fade naturally and avoid sleeping with my best friend's sister."
Xyra laughed but she knew there was a serious undertone to Cooker's words. She had entered the conversation ready to chew Cooker out for even laying a finger on her sister but things had quickly changed. Xyra decided she wasn't going to get involved, either way. She was scared of what it meant for Agnes to be with someone after what occurred with her ex-husband. She was also scared about what it meant for Cooker to finally have feelings for someone rather than simply preferring to have a quick affair and then leave. But Xyra could only control so much and neither of those things was stuff she could prevent or help avoid. Sometimes, people just had to learn for themselves, and getting hurt was a part of that process. Perhaps, no one would get hurt.
Xyra was attempting to keep a positive outlook on life. Something she had been advised to do during her stay at home. Some wise wisdom imparted on her by someone she couldn't even remember the face of.
"I do not want to see either of you hurt," Xyra smiled down at Cooker, "you are new to anything over a one-night stand and my sister is... Well, she's new to women. But I will keep my reservations to myself and I will not be standing in the way of anything. Have fun, crazy kids."
Cooker laughed and Xyra frowned.
"That's not very kind of you. I was trying to be supportive and give you whatever blessing you have clearly been fishing for," Xyra snapped.
"I wasn't laughing at you," Cooker cackled that time, "I was laughing at the fact that you think your sister is new to women."
—---
"Wait!"
Xyra turned around to see her sister running towards her.
"Let me row back to the ships with you," Agnes slowed down once she reached Xyra at the end of their dock.
"Where are the kids?" Xyra asked.
"Before you criticize my parenting, I didn't leave them with anyone," Agnes caught her breath, "Skins wanted to take them out for pastries and then was going to take them to the beach with some of the other girls."
Xyra nodded and held her hand out to help Agnes into the boat, "I was just wondering. I was not judging."
Agnes stepped inside, "I promised Kaia I would pick something up from the Galleon that Cooker had forgotten to grab when she did inventory. Figured we could row there together."
"You mean, you didn't want to row yourself so you thought it best to come with me so you could get a free ride," Xyra chuckled and stepped inside, untying them from the docks.
"No, actually, I wanted to talk to you," Agnes said, "and I wanted to get you somewhere that you can't run away."
"You should have saved that information until we were at least ten minutes away from the docks," Xyra said but continued to row away from the island.
"What did you tell Cooker this morning?"
"Why? Did she say something about it?"
"No. But I'm spending time with her tonight and I'd rather know if an unpleasant conversation awaits," her sister laughed a bit.
Xyra couldn't help but smile, "We are our father's daughters."
"Well? What did you say to her?"
"Just asked her what had been happening between you two," Xyra shrugged, "what I found was very interesting."
Xyra dropped her tone into a disapproving one, hoping to fish a confession out of Agnes. Perhaps a different account of what had been occurring between them.
"That I am the one person in all of Baethos that Cooker has refused to sleep with," Agnes rolled her eyes, letting out a huff and placing her elbows on her knees.
Xyra laughed a bit, both at her sister and out of shock that it was actually true and a torrid love affair wasn't being kept from her, "I am a bit surprised. She has never made her attraction to you a secret."
"What did she say when you asked about us?"
"She said nothing had been going on between you two," Xyra smiled a bit, "there was more that was said but I think it's best you hear that from her. It is not my place."
"I'm your sister. You are bound by blood to gossip with me," Agnes nudged Xyra's foot.
"And I'm bound by my word to keep gossip pertaining to Cooker a secret from inquiring minds," Xyra chuckled, "She is my sister too."
"Sisters who have slept with each other," Agnes poked, "quite disturbing."
"Our relationship is complicated," Xyra rolled her eyes.
"Does it bother you?" Agnes asked, straightening up a bit, "Because if it does, I'll back off. No questions, Belle. Say the word."
"It doesn't bother me," Xyra assured, "it scares me. You did not have a great experience in your last romantic endeavor and Cooker has never experienced being hurt by someone in that way before..."
"You were also scared to bring me here and look how well that turned out," Agnes said.
"How are you doing, by the way?" Xyra slowed down her pace with rowing, "I have not asked as often as I once did."
"For the longest time, I kept waiting for the regret. I thought I would regret letting you do what you did to him. I thought I would regret taking my daughters away from their home. I thought I would regret asking to come to a place where illegal is the name of the game," Agnes took a deep breath in then let out a sigh, a large smile on her face, "but the girls love it here. Maise loves her school and tutors. Our little house is perfect for us. I wake up every morning happier than the last. I miss certain things, Farrah and the boys especially. But, I get to spend time with you now."
Xyra smiled and ducked her head, keeping her steady rowing pace.
"We thought you were dead for so long," Agnes recalled, "when you came back that first time, I thought we were seeing three ghosts at once. You were all grown up but you had mom's face with dad's stern expression. Then, you were gone again, back to your life."
"I am sorry," Xyra often forgot that the people she had left behind had suffered her loss.
Agnes shook her head, "There is no need to apologize. I was never angry with you. I never resented you. I understood. Deep down, I wish I had had the courage to do the same. But I did miss you. Once I knew you were alive, I mourned the time I lost with you. My baby sister was all grown up and I wasn't there to guide you through life...But now I have you and it feels right. I don't expect regret anymore. I am beyond happy here."
"I am glad you have no regrets about letting me take you away," Xyra smiled, "and I am glad you are happy."
"Of course, I could be happier," Agnes hummed, "I could have your blessing to make a move on Cooker."
"You are both consenting adults, my blessing is not required. I already told you I have no objections," Xyra said.
"A passive acceptance is different from an active one. And I know how much your opinion means to Cook so maybe if I had your blessing, when I chose to make my move, it will be a lot easier."
"You have my blessing," Xyra shook her head, "but I care for her. Deeply. And I can't stand the thought of her being hurt. She's new to this so please, be patient with her. She's sensitive even if she doesn't show it. That's all I will say."
"I know she's had her struggles," Agnes acknowledged and cross her arms over her chest, "we both have stuff we drag along with us from our past but with her, I know I will be okay. It's a gut feeling."
"Love, perhaps," Xyra mused.
Agnes pursed her lips then nodded, "I think so..."
—---
"Captain!" Xyra called as she walked across the deck, "You said you needed me?"
Theo was standing in front of the room next to her quarters. She didn't turn around.
"Theo?" Xyra asked as she approached, "Is everything alright?"
There was still no response. Xyra stepped in front of Theo and she was almost catatonic, staring at the door. Xyra looked her up and down and spotted a bag in her hands.
"That's mine. Did you go into my room?" Xyra asked and placed a hand over Theo's arm, "You don't look good, T. What's going on?"
"I need you to do something for me," Theo said and tore her eyes away from the door.
"Of course, anything," Xyra nodded with wrinkles between her brows.
"Torture me," Theo asked.
"Anything but that," Xyra answered quickly, "Theo, what is going on? Are you okay?"
"No, I'm not. This room taunts me. It jeers at me when I pass by about how much of a coward I am," Theo looked back at the door.
"I don't understand how torturing you will make it better."
"Something was taken from me in that room. I just want it back," Theo whispered.
"Does this have anything to do with the news we got about Red?" Xyra asked, "I don't think asking me to mutilate you is the solution to bad news."
"Please," Theo shut her eyes tightly, "please. I'm tired of being scared."
"Theo, I don't think chaining you up and torturing you is going to make you any less scared," Xyra tried to reason, putting a hand on Theo's back.
"It will. It will because I used to never be afraid of pain or the thought of getting hurt and now I am. Because every time it's near, I feel trapped. But it's not the sensation of pain or knowing it's coming that's the problem. Every time I think of pain I am transported to a time where I had no choice, where I was being slowly killed, where I had no way out. It triggers my body into this panicked state I can't seem to shake it."
"I still cannot understand why you would want this? Wouldn't this just make things worse, T?" Xyra asked.
"I want control. I want to feel pain again, but on my own terms..." Theo shook her head, "I want to reclaim the memories of that room with my own."
"It makes no sense," Xyra argued.
"It does to me, okay?" Theo looked over, "I know this will help. I need to also be able to handle pain without going back to that mental place. I've been thinking about it for cycles, every time I pass the room. I am ready. I need this."
"Okay," Xyra didn't know why she was agreeing. It didn't seem like a great idea but she also wasn't Theo. For once, she didn't know what Theo needed, but Theo did.
Theo slipped her hand into her pocket and pulled out a key, placing it in Xyra's hand. Xyra took a beat, looking at Theo for confirmation to unlock the room but it was never given. Theo was staring intently at the door, as if in a staring contest with a drive to win. Xyra stepped in front of Theo and unlocked the door, opening it for her and taking the bag off her hands.
"Go inside. I'll be right back," Xyra whispered and pushed her inside gently, shutting the door behind Theo and leaving her in the pitch black.
—---
"Stop!" Theo screamed out, the sheer volume was enough to raise the hairs on Xyra's arms. Theo slumped forward, the chains clanking together as they held her up. Theo's shoulders heaved as she caught her breath. Theo lifted her head after a minute and pulled on the chains, preparing herself, "I'm good."
Xyra drew her leg back and kicked, slamming her foot into Theo's ribs; her good side. There was no need to break what had taken so long to heal. Because she didn't hear the request to stop, she kept going. One more kick. Then another.
"More," Theo wheezed out.
"Theo, take a breath. Calm down," Xyra tried to reason.
"More," Theo caught her breath, "the dagger."
Xyra swallowed past the lump in her throat and pulled the already bloodied dagger from its sheath, one she would have to throw away. Her hands shook slightly as the tip of her knife dug into Theo's back, right over one of her previous scars. Theo's chains rattled and were pulled on as more screams filled the air. As the blood poured down Theo's back, the tears flowed freely from Xyra's eyes. Xyra stopped for a moment to adjust her stance.
She could hear a slosh when she stepped, a mix of Theo's blood and the water she had used to drown Theo. They had been at it for hours and Theo was taking longer and longer to recover from each blow, from each slice, from each dunk into the bucket of water. But they were no closer to finishing.
"Stop!" Theo yelled, a sob accompanying the scream. Theo assumed her position, slumped over, and caught her breath.
Xyra had been good until then. She had limited her questioning of Theo's decision but she was getting more and more worried. The tears she couldn't stop from falling were an indication of just how much this was affecting her, worrying her. The thought of continuing into a point where Theo needed serious recovery was looming and she was afraid Theo wouldn't be able to stop herself from pushing too far.
"Please, T," Xyra whispered from behind, "let's end this now."
"No," Theo said and straightened back up, "more, Xyra. I need more."
Xyra nodded even if she couldn't be seen and she took her knife to Theo's back once again. A few lengths before and she would have been afraid to say yes to this because she would have been worried that she would cross a line or be too unfeeling. Now, she wished for that time back. Wished that this did not affect her so deeply. Xyra didn't hear Theo tell her to stop but there was only so much she could handle of carving into her best friend. She pulled the knife away, walked in front of Theo, and tilted her head up, bringing down a fist across her jaw.
Theo's head whipped to the side and within seconds, she was spitting out blood.
"Again," Theo asked.
Xyra complied, striking her across the other side.
"Again," Theo clenched her jaw and then opened it, attempting to gain some relief from the soreness.
Xyra reluctantly raised her hand and knocked Theo across the face once again. That is how the next few hours passed. With Theo toeing the limit, forcing herself to be hurt and unable to escape. Theo went through episodes of sobbing beyond what Xyra had ever seen except that one time in The Grotto. She didn't hold in her screams of pain. She was methodological in her approach to her own torture. In the end, Xyra was the one that stopped it. She couldn't take it anymore.
Theo was shaking and asking for more but Xyra could tell it was time to stop. She couldn't give her captain everything she requested, not when Theo's state of mind wasn't in a good place hours into torture. Xyra called it quits in the middle of one of Theo's fits, screams and cries filled the air and Xyra couldn't stop herself from breaking down. She walked to the wall in front of Theo and curled in on herself as she heard Theo cry. Silent tears slipped down Xyra's own face as she gripped her knees to her chest, trying to keep herself from freezing up. Once the episode had passed, Theo finally looked up enough to catch Xyra's eyes. Xyra just shook her head, indicating she was done and Theo returrned her a bloody smile.
"Okay," Theo whispered, "I'm done. I'm done, I'm sorry."
Xyra got onto her knees and shuffled over to Theo, reaching up to undo one of her shackles but Theo flinched away.
"Theo, keep still," Xyra said, "I need to get you out of these so I can get you cleaned and sewn up."
"Do it here. Like this," she looked up at Xyra.
"No, I am going to give you something for the pain and we will do it in the infirmary," Xyra put her foot down and Theo jostled her arm keeping it away.
"Please. I know I am asking for alot but please," Theo asked, dried blood on the corners of her mouth and a nasty bruise forming over her eyes, "just this one last thing."
Xyra took a shaky breath and then nodded, shuffling back and taking a long look at Theo. Theo looked in pain, but not hurt. Out of it, for sure, but not in an empty way. There wasn't a distance behind her eyes. She seemed alive, invigorated despite having been beat for hours. In some fucked up way, maybe this had helped her. Maybe Theo was right and she had known exactly what she needed. In a weird way, Xyra needed it too.
She had not cried during an interrogation since she was a child. She had been taught to let go of all emotions. In fact, the last time Xyra had tortured Theo, she hadn't cried. Xyra was forced to do it to both Theo and Cooker, watching carefully to make sure she didn't react or get emotional. The other two were being tested on their resolve under pressure. She had gotten nightmares as a child after that, nightmares that they were older and Xyra was torturing them, hurting them for no reason and with no remorse. But her nightmares hadn't come true. She hadn't wanted to hurt Theo, she wasn't a monster. She had finally felt the pain of her actions. For the first time ever, she had let herself feel the full weight of what she was doing and it was cathartic.
The little Theo had divulged about her time as Vaith's prisoner had revealed to Xyra that Theo was most afraid of the lack of control, the helplessness that came from her time in that room. This experience had given Theo direct command over what happened to her, so she could feel empowered again. But Xyra was helped in a different way. For the first time, she was torturing someone and not trying to push back the unpleasantness she felt. Something inside her shifted, she was finally sure in the fact that she was not trained to be a monster, she had just been trained to act like one. Xyra could only hope that the feeling of absolution was there to stay; that somehow this experience would continue to help her in situations down the road. And she hoped, above all, that it had helped Theo.
—-
The door to Theo's quarters opened and Xyra turned her head to look over.
"You got here quick" Xyra said as Cooker walked into the room with a frown, "I told them not to send for you if they saw you were busy."
"What's wrong?" Cooker's concern was evident as she rushed over to the bed to take in the scene. Theo was in a sedative-induced sleep. She was wrapped in a blanket and curled up in between Xyra's legs, her head on Xya's chest. Cooker sat on the edge of the bed and ran a thumb over Theo's bruised cheekbone, "What the fuck happened to her?"
"She asked me to torture her," Xyra said and ran a hand through Theo's hair.
Cooker's eyes widened so much that Xyra wasn't sure how they didn't pop out of her head. She whispered harshly, "And you fucking did it?!"
"You did not see her, Cook," Xyra looked down at Theo for a moment before looking back up at her, "I said no, many times."
"What was the point?"
Xyra tried not to wake Theo with her shrug, "She wanted to face the past on her own terms, have control."
"Is she alright?"
"She was in control the whole time," Xyra nodded, "I did not push too far. Then, I got her cleaned up and gave her something for the pain."
Cooker's frown was still there as she reached a hand forward and put it on Theo's thigh, giving it a light rub.
"I'm sorry if I ruined your night," Xyra gave an apologetic smile, "I figured you would want to be here."
"I do... Thank you," Cooker stood up and took her clothes off, keeping her drawers and undershirt on as she climbed into bed.
"You looked nice," Xyra said, "did you have a good time tonight?"
"Aye," Cooker slid in next to Xyra and adjusted herself so that her head was on Xyra's shoulder, "caught a show at the Thravern with Agnes, and then I went off to Fingen's."
"To discuss the new policies?" Xyra asked.
"Aye, there were a lot of opinions to debate, I couldn't pass up on the opportunity," Cooker arms snaked in between Xyra's limbs and found a place to rest a hand on Theo, "what do you think of them?"
"Hard to form any opinions when my mind just goes straight to thinking about Red," Xyra said with a small sigh.
"You think she's fallen into her father's arms or it's all a ploy?" Cooker asked.
"I want to give her the benefit of the doubt," Xyra shrugged, "but the facts are that she was basically left for dead by Theo. Feeling betrayed and turning to her father's influence in hopes of making a difference from the inside makes a lot of sense."
"She was always quick to catch onto things," Cooker shook her head, "she would know she can't actually make a difference working with him. She's smarter than that."
"We are both smart and have managed to make some monumentally bad choices in our lives."
"Ah, yes," Cooker chuckled a bit, "I believe I have you beat on amount of bad choices."
"In all my lengths of being alive, if you counted all my mistakes they would certainly not even come close to the tally you rack up in one length," Xyra teased.
"I would be mad but it's true," Cooker shrugged, "see, if I was any smarter about my choices, I wouldn't have handed out my essay against the policies at Fingen's tonight."
"Cooker, you are supposed to be laying low," Xyra laughed quietly, "you have not published any essays in two lengths, and all of a sudden when you are not supposed to, you do."
"Well, alleged women's liberation merited a response."
"When did you even have time?"
"I found it," Cooker chuckled, "I have a strong will."
"Hm," Xyra nodded and reached over to pat Cooker's thigh, "you know, Agnes asked about you this aftermorning."
"What'd she ask?"
"If it bothered me that you two were getting closer," Xyra jostled her shoulder and caused Cooker's head to bounce up, "I said no."
"Oh."
"Not very enthusiastic."
"Wasn't really expecting you to be so supportive," Cooker admitted.
"Which is more cause for celebration."
"You've put a crick in my plan to use you as an excuse."
"An excuse to avoid being in a relationship," Xyra pointed out.
"Aye."
"Why? You clearly like her."
"I already told you," Cooker shrugged and put her head on Xyra's shoulder, "I am me, that is not good for her in the long run. I mean, you have to know that. Deep down, you agree with me."
"I don't, actually."
"Just tell her you like her already," Theo mumbled, "stop making excuses."
"Oi, butt out," Cooker sat up and looked over with a smile, "I thought you were asleep."
"I am drugged, not dead," Theo stayed in her place, "shush, the both of you. Didn't you hear? I was tortured."
"I'm disappointed I wasn't included. I have some unresolved anger towards you and a few blows could have helped with that," Cooker launched forward and swatted at Theo
Theo let out a sedated laugh as Xyra blocked Cooker's lousy attempt at an attack.