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-Kit-
Seeing Mark out of it, drunk and tipsy, I don't know, but it just tugged at something in my chest. I was just standing there, watching him cling to Wayu and Jew as they led him back to the hotel. I knew that he already had help, but I couldn't help myself from wanting to step ahead and help him myself.
I did follow them though, walking along with the group so it didn't seem so obvious I was hurrying. I couldn't look away from him, the way he seemed so frail but he was still laughing and cackling like crazy. He was talking too, saying things that were too far for me to hear.
But I managed to take my opportunity, though. I had watched them until we made our way to the reception. And when I realized that Jew was going away, for whatever reason- I didn't even care, I had stepped closer to them, offering to help. At first, Wayu declined my offer politely, informing me that Jew was helping them out.
But I insisted. I didn't care. I just wanted to be one of the people that helped him.
And so... when I was the only one leading Mark into his room, I was a little bit dazed, wondering how I managed to get to this level, to begin with. I would have expected his friends would cling around, but they didn't. And here I was, with drunk Mark, in the confinement of his room.
I honestly don't know what I had expected, because I have never been with Mark when he's drunk before. But when I found myself trapped under his body, his arms hugging me, I was more than startled. In fact, I was panicking. I don't even know why.
"Mark, get the fuck up. I'm trapped and you're heavy."
I was doing everything in my will not to make my voice crack. I was really panicking. He was so large and heavy on my body, he was pressing up against everything, especially my chest. I couldn't breathe.
"So you admit I'm heavy.." He murmurs into my shirt.
"With you against me like this, yes, you're heavy. Get off me, you drunk oaf!"
"Mmm... I.." That's when he lifts his eyes to meet mine.
I don't think I've ever paid attention to someone as much as I paid attention to Mark now. I was already tense, and my heart was rattling in my chest like a bell. But his eye contact... it was too much. And he was way too close.
"You're so stunning."
I bite strongly at the inside of my lip, forcing myself not to react to his words. I can feel my breaths getting a little uneven, and I had to get him off me right now. Right... now! He's saying my name, but at first, I can't hear him. He was getting closer to me, his face closer to the opening of my shirt.
"I want your consent."
His nose traces against my collarbone, and I gasp out, my hand flying to grasp at his shoulder. I couldn't stop myself in time. I was taken off guard.
"...You're as drunk as ever, and you're asking for my consent. Mark... why are you like this?" I just about mumble. I'm trying so hard not to react, not to move, not to even breathe. I needed to calm down first, and then move him off me carefully.
But that's when his mouth makes contact with my skin. His lips press softly where my collarbones lie, and my hand trembles around his shoulder in surprise. Shit.
"...Answer me."
"No, Mark, it's not appropriate of me to answer you. You're drunk, don't you understand? I'm not... this isn't.." I'm stammering for a response, "This isn't right. You're not thinking straight."
"P'Kit..."
He's slurring his words, sounding heavy and drowsy. I could sense him limping against me. He makes another sound, this time even lower.
And then he lets out a snore.
Did he... did he fall asleep?!
"Mark?" I shake him, being gentle just in case it wakes him up and heck I don't need him to wake up right now, "...Mark?"
Silence.
He really fell asleep. On me. With his arms around my body.
Fuck. What now?
I can feel him taking steady breaths as he dozed, his cheek pressed against my neck like a baby. For a few moments there, I stare at him. He looked so fragile... so soft. He's really- he's really just a kid. Why am I so harsh on him sometimes? Why...?
Why can't I be... sweeter? Does it scare me? Does it scare me to expose myself in front of him? Is that why?
I probably lay there for ages, just watching him sleep. But frankly, it takes me even longer to slip out of his grip. I wiggle my way backward, knowing that I'll probably fall smack on my back once I'm released, but I didn't have another choice. I take it step by step, carefully detangling our limbs and his arms away from me.
Little by little, I almost make it out-
"Oh thank heavens."
I breathe out a sigh of relief, my hand gripping at the couch's armrest as I stare down at Mark, panting my lungs out.
Now, why did that take longer than expected? Oh, I know. He's just heavy! He was younger than me, but his build was quite large and lean. With all those muscles, I don't know why I'm even surprised...
Wait.
Kit, why are you thinking about his muscles? This isn't the time to-
"P'Kit?" I hear suddenly Mark whine out, his hands patting around for me, "...Where did you go?"
Oh, you got to be kidding me.
"I- I'll-" I stutter, trying to keep him unmoving so he hopefully falls asleep as fast as he had woken up, "I'm going to wash my face and I'll be back." I lie.
I'm standing by the table that's located by the front door. I don't know if it was too obvious where I was going, but I'm sure Mark can tell I'm lying if he saw me. The bathroom is nowhere next to the door anyway.
"You're... leaving?"
I cursed under my breath, grimacing, but I quickly look over at him. Sure enough, he's sitting up, a look of drowsiness on his face.
"No, P'Kit, why are you leaving?" He whines, and he's beginning to stand up. He's quite wobbly at first, so I resist the urge to spring forward and catch him, but he manages to steady himself in time, "P'Kit!"
"I just..." I wanted some excuse to stall time, "I think I left my phone on here, so.."
"Oh?" He's walking towards me, perking up like a puppy, "I'll wait for you then, na."
Fuck, fuck, fuck. Kit, get out of here. Now!
"Great, haha." I fumble for words, "Um."
I quickly look away from him, staring at the mirror right in front of me, watching my own nervous expression. I pretended to pat my hands along the table, looking very immersed to the point that I wished that he would think I'm already busy.
God, why can't I just open the door and bolt? It's not like it's difficult. The door is literally right there. I could simply just open it and shut it behind me and run. He's too slow to catch up with me right now anyway.
"Listen, Mark, I-" I begin.
I suddenly freeze completely. Mark was slipping his arms under mine, his body pressed up against me, and he hugs me close.
"P'Kit..." I hear him murmur as he rocks our bodies gently together, swaying them as if we were slow dancing, "P'Kit, what are you doing to me?"
I couldn't speak. I could barely breathe. I kept my eyes frozen at the tabletop, my hands gripping at the edges.
"I've never seen someone so gorgeous before. I've never..." His voice is lulling deeply, going a bit hoarse, and I feel his face come closer to my neck. I was feeling the warmth of his body radiating, even though he yet didn't make contact with me, "P'Kit, P'Kit..."
My first reaction to him placing his lips on my neck, I found myself closing my eyes tight, humming slightly in my throat. I'm unconsciously pushing myself backward, inviting him.
"I don't understand how... what.. how you're capable of doing things like this to me... so, so fast."
This time, I had to hold back my surprised whimper as he began placing butterfly kisses at the back of my neck slowly, causing the heat to erupt through my body like wildfire.
"I don't know why my heart can't stop beating faster when I'm around you. Please Phi.. help me understand."
What is he saying? What is he confessing? I don't...
"Mark.." I resist the burning urge to tilt my neck to the side. I, admittedly to myself... want to give him all the access he could take. I think I was going crazy but I... wanted to feel more of him. But...no, I can't. We can't. "Mark, please, you're drunk. Keep yourself together."
"My heart is beating so fast right now."
Mark was already such a direct and honest person. But this.. this might have been too honest for the sake of my own composure.
"Stop me, Kit. Stop me... I don't know what I'm doing. I'm asking for your consent... but I also want you to stop me."
I'm trying, Mark.
But I couldn't bring myself to speak. I couldn't bring myself to stop him, despite how much I knew this was wrong.
He's coaxing me to tilt my head to the side, and I compile, my hands trembling. I could pinpoint the exact moment the gentle pressings of his mouth turned into the soft, almost subtle sucking of my skin. And I knew that was bad. I knew it was going to leave a mark, for I knew my sensitive skin more than anyone did.
But...
I could hear myself breathing harder and harder. I kept my eyes shut right, directed towards the tabletop and only the tabletop. I didn't even want to dare to look at my own reflection in the mirror.
I was afraid of what I might see.
I knew I had to stop right now. I had to stop him. I had to stop myself. Hell, he's not even sober. But everything he's saying... it's like he's confessing to me. Confessions, a sort, that I would never have the courage to chase. It's bravery I applauded and admired.
"Will you come to bed with me?" I feel him speak against my skin, once his lips released me.
"W- what?"
The question took me off guard, I couldn't help it. He got me faltering like a fool.
"I want to sleep with you in my arms."
"Mark."
"I want..." I hear his voice trail off, again.
His weight is suddenly heavier against me. For a moment, I pause to catch my breath. And then I turn around, holding him strongly so he doesn't fall.
"You're such a silly kid." I murmur under my breath.
He's sleeping, eyes shut and arms still holding onto me.
I take him to the bed. I don't even care anymore. He falls lifelessly against the mattress, a soft snore escaping him. He then starts making himself comfortable against the pillows.
Fuck.
I stand up, looking down at him with a hand on my neck for a few seconds. It was as if I could still feel his prickling heat. I finally move to the mirror again, turning around to check the back of my neck. And sure enough, there was a very light, but obvious against my pale skin- a little pink mark.
...Fuck.
I feel warmness arising in my face, and I quickly adjust my collar to hide myself. Then, I left Mark's room, making sure to dim the lights before I leave.
It took me forever to fall asleep that night.
***
"P'Kit! Hey- thanks for saving my seat!" Mark said cheerfully as he flopped on the empty seat next to mine, not realizing that he sat on my hand, "Do you-"
"Ow!"
"Shit- oh my gosh! I'm sorry!" Mark sprang up, quickly realizing that my poor hand was probably broken now, and he took it in his grasp, "Here, let me kiss the owie away."
"No!" I pulled my hand away from him so quickly, I averted his attention to the panic in my tone, "I mean... no. It's fine."
"Oh... okay." Mark deflated for a second but brightened up as quickly as he did, "I was going to ask if you wanted any snacks. I stopped by the vending machine and I was wondering if you'd like anything specific before we go."
"Uh... honestly, just water."
"I'm ahead of you, Phi." He fished into a plastic bag he was carrying, handing me a bottle of water, "Anything else?"
"Nope, that's about it." I smiled meekly, thanking him, before averting my attention back towards the window.
We were on the bus, about to leave. There was something I had promised myself I would do before anything, though. I will act completely normal, disregarding all events that happened yesterday night out of my brain. All events that happened after I took Mark to his room, I no longer remember them.
And the mark on my neck, it had faded away. I made sure it did, because I triple-checked this morning. I should be thankful that he didn't kiss me too hard... or else I know it will be a deeper red.
It's not like I had to worry about remembering anything anyway. Mark himself didn't seem to remember. Ever since I saw him this morning, he was his usual bright self. He joined me for breakfast at my table and he seemed normal. He was chattering away, talking about the most random things so enthusiastically, I almost forgot that I was trying to eat.
So yes, I guess... it's something that we both decided to put behind us. That's most wise, though! Or else... or else- I don't know what would happen.
"I'm going to sleep for a little while, okay? Don't be too noisy." I instructed Mark, turning my face completely away, "And wear your headphones."
I was so tired. I couldn't get any sleep last night at all.
"Yes sir!"
I hum under my breath, closing my eyes.
Don't think, Kit. You're okay. Everything's going to be alright. You'll go home, you'll go to sleep, and you'll wake up on a brand, new day.
I think this was the moment I had jinxed myself.
***
I was standing in front of Mark's dorm room, watching him as he unlocked the door. He gestured me to step in, to which I did, before he dragged his suitcase inside, shutting the door back close once more.
"Right, I promise it won't take too long. I would just really love to hear what you think of it." Mark babbled as he passed me, rushing over to his bedroom, "Bear with me, Phi!"
"Yeah yeah, whatever!" I called out, slipping out of my shoes and moving over towards the couch. I flopped onto it ungracefully, sighing, the tiredness crippling all over my body.
Why was I here, exactly?
Well, we had just gotten home. The moment we had stepped out of the bus, Mark had me ushered to his dorm instead of mine. Why? He was insisting that I would check out this presentation he had prepared for his university for this following Monday. At first, he wanted us to meet by the cafe so I can check it out, but I rejected that, telling him that I was drained. Which really wasn't far from the truth. Upon that, he suggested I pop by his dorm for a few minutes to check it out there instead. And well, that didn't sound too horrible as I could immediately go home afterward and sleep again.
"I just don't see why it's so important for me to give you an opinion on it, Mark. I don't even qualify in that subject, to begin with." I spoke out once Mark approached me with his laptop in his hands.
"It's too late to argue now, Phi." He said, to which I rolled my eyes at, "And anyway, I like your opinion the most."
"Fine, let's just get this over with." I got closer to him, leaning forward to look at the laptop's screen, "Is this it?"
"Yes, click that, and this arrow... there."
"Mm."
I watched the screen quietly, not saying anything for a few moments.
"...Well?" I heard Mark's anxious-sounding tone, "How is it?"
"It's, uh..." I clicked my tongue, leaning back, "It's definitely a presentation."
I'm not the one who compliments anything so easily, ha.
"What? Is it bad?" Mark's eyes turned as big as saucers as he snapped his head to look at me, "I'm supposed to be turning this in tomorrow!"
I finally sighed, shaking my head, "It's fine, Mark. It looks alright. Don't worry too much."
"Oh... okay." A flash of relief fell upon his features, "Don't scare me like that."
At that, I couldn't help but snort.
"Well, if that's all, I'm going to get going now, okay?"
"Alright na."
I started getting up, stifling a yawn that was about to escape me, but then I stopped upon hearing Mark speak again.
"Wait... P'Kit, before you go, um, can I ask you something?"
"Yes?"
"Yesterday... did I do anything weird?"
I swear I felt my heart drop to my feet.
"No? Not that I can think of?" I responded calmly, "Why are you asking?"
You don't remember anything, Kit. And nothing had happened.
"Wayu told me that I was pretty drunk." Mark looked up at me, watching my eyes as if observing me, "And then, well, you were the last person I was with. So I was just wondering if I did anything... strange or embarrassing or..."
"Oh, yeah well, you were flopping around like a dying fish, if that answers any of your questions. But then you went to sleep pretty quickly so I left."
Mark hardly flinched, "I... didn't do something to you, right? Or say something? I don't know... I just remember, well- very vaguely, that you... I was.."
What do you remember? I thought you forgot!
"...Nevermind." Mark looked so visually disappointed in himself, I felt a flash of guilt run across me, "Sorry, Phi. It's all a blur. I just know that you were with me and that's all. That's why I'm worried. I was scared to ask you because I know that I probably did shit I regret. But... I don't know, judging from your answer and reaction- I guess didn't do anything, right?"
I opened my mouth, trying to answer, but I couldn't.
I couldn't lie.
"You... kissed me."
I don't even know what expression was on Mark's face right now, but it wasn't pride.
"Wh- what?!" He shot up so quickly, I was startled, "I kissed you?!"
"It was on my neck, but..." I stuttered, taking a short step back from how sudden he was loomed up against me, "But I knew you were drunk, so I didn't really care."
He had a hand over his mouth, staring at me with the most mortified look on his face.
"Did I say anything?" He finally whispered, "Did I..?"
I didn't reply, so Mark sat down again, holding his head between his hands.
"...Fuck."
I could hear it in his voice, the fear, the anxiety, the frustration.
"I'm sorry, P'Kit. I'm so sorry."
I don't know what I was doing, but I found myself sitting back next to him, looking at him. There was... this odd feeling of sympathy creeping up in my chest- almost suffocating me.
"It's okay."
And he had his arms around me, hugging me.
"I'm sorry.." He repeated, gentle, "P'Kit."
I was tensed up at first, but I slowly relaxed, letting him hug me. For this time, and only this time, I'll let him get away with it. After all, it wasn't his fault.
But it's the moment he pulled away from me, is when I felt shit get real.
I think it was his eyes. The way they stared at me with the uttermost concern. He was so focused on trying to analyze my expression, he didn't seem to realize how close his face was to me. But he was so close, I could see the mole under his eye... the other mole by his nose bridge. The furrow of his eyebrows, the smoothness of his skin, the parting of his lips.
Everything was falling upon me like a weight I couldn't carry. All the moments and memories I shared with him this weekend, were falling upon me. I was cursing myself, trying to stop thinking about it, but here I was. Helpless. So fucking helpless.
I winced at myself, breaking away from his gaze.
I have to leave. I have to leave right now, before I do something I might regret.
But I think Mark eventually realized how the air shifted. Because I felt him lean into me, the scent of his cologne reaching my nose, and he nuzzles into my neck, humming slowly in content, "...Like this?"
I don't know how in the name of hell did he know what I want. But it scared me that he did.
"I..." I didn't know where to begin.
It's not like I could even speak. He started to kiss my neck gently, and I felt myself tense in his arms. My eyes fell shut, I could feel myself biting at my inner lip.
Fuck.
"You're lovely, Phi."
The kisses were gentle, but they felt like fire to me. I was unconsciously brushing my knees together, my hands tightening against the surface of the couch. He was pulling me in, pulling me closer to him. I don't know when and how I started to comply. Mark was now sitting against the longer side of the couch, and my back was pressed up against his chest. And fuck, I don't know how the hell we got in this position in seconds.
I could feel myself breathing harder than usual.
No, Kit.. no! You're getting reeled in.. you're getting carried away.. you're getting swayed. Don't allow him. Stop him! Don't let what happened last night happen again! The boy doesn't even fucking remember what he did, and yet he's doing it again- in the same exact place. Stop him, Kamjornkit.
But I simply drew in a shuddering breath of air, giving in when he coaxed me to tilt my head. Another kiss was placed on my burning skin, and my eyebrows furrowed in both contentment and anxiety.
I couldn't relax. This felt so good... but I couldn't bring myself to relax.
Fuck... I shouldn't even be thinking of relaxing in the first place.
"Mark... enough now." I finally say, my voice coming out softer than I expected.
"..One more minute?"
"No." The dominance and sternness in my tone was subsiding, and fast.
"Please."
I don't say anything else.
I'll give him one more minute. But inside, I was wondering if I wanted that one more minute too. My breathing was getting heavier, and I was struggling to hide it. How did it come to this? When have I pushed my guards down so much? What is happening to me?
I couldn't help the low hum of pleasure escaping my lips, and it took me a while to even recognize my own quiet voice. I was completely leaning against Mark now, my neck in full exposure to his sinful mouth.
I am praying with everything I got left that Mark didn't hear that.
But as he's kissing me, I'm melting.
I've never wanted someone this way before, not that I've ever given a chance for anyone to want me this way before either. But I can't deny it. I wanted this. No matter how much I fought it, there was a desire inside of me, yearning for more. Just from Mark.
I admit, I was getting affected.
A bit more than I pleased.
But I slowly.. collectively, learned that the hard way.
I don't know for how long Mark was kissing my neck, for how long he made me feel so good. But there was this halting period of time, where the burn in my body felt hotter than usual. It was something like a delicious electric zap, running from the tips of my ears all the way down to the tips of my toes. It was... straining... almost painful.
I forced my eyes open in overwhelming shock, not even realizing I had them closed. I look down between my legs, my trousers feeling tight against my skin, and the realization of why my body was burning, was slowly trickling in.
"Mark, I command you to stop now."
My command was quiet, my voice trembling with shock. I'm looking down at my own body, as if it was a fucking traitor... and it was.
It betrayed me.
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●○● A/N: 25.03.22 cliffhanggerrrrr!!! can anyone guess what might happen in the next chapter now that kit's got himself an erection? LOL!