Sophie was reading a book
"Sophie, your Father and siblings are going to the basketball game" Claire said
"So?" Sophie looked at her mother
"She means you need to greet us" Alex said
"Why?I'm going to see them tonight, and for the rest of my life"
"And you're lucky, now greet them"
"Bye Dad, bye Luke, bye Alex. Happy now?".
"Yes"
"Whatever makes you sleep at night" Sophie said before going back to her book
"You know that you're rude sometimes?" Alex said
"You know that you're annoying, alway? " Sophie said making Alex send her a fake smile and then Phil greeted everyone and closed the door
Later, Claire was looking at the steps when Sophie and Haley walked up to her
"Mom can I-why are you looking at the stairs?" Sophie asked her
"That broken step. It's gonna ruin our whole family portrait. Your father was supposed to fix that step"
"Mom, you're obsessing over the tiniest little thing-" Haley said
"Yeah, plus Dad needed to fix that step years ago. And it's really small" Sophie agreed
"So you do see it, yeah"
"What is the big deal about this one picture?" Haley asked
"Okay,um sweeties, I don't expect you to understand but when your a Mom, everything goes by so quickly. In a minute,Luke's gonna be shaving, Sophie is gonna be at the end of college,Alex is gonna be off at college, and you're gonna be- you'll be doing something great. I just wanna freeze this moment as it is right now. You know?"
"I do.I know I don't show it, but this family's still the most important thing-" Haley started
"Screw it. I'm gonna fix the bastard. I mean, seriously, how hard can it be?" Claire interrupted her
"If your father can do it, I can do it. Right?All right. I just need to... lift-" After saying that Claire broke the step
"I see it now" Sophie said and Haley nodded
Later, Sophie and Haley were on the sofa and Claire was still trying to fix the step
"Okay, I just made it worse. I'm not freaking out though" she said walking in the living room
"I'm gonna call your Dad, and he's gonna tell me how to fix this"
"Omg, it's Dad" Sophie said poiting to Phil in TV
"Where?" Claire asked
"Right there, behind Kobe"
"Oh,I see him" Haley said
"Oh,Kobe?How weird is this!" Claire said and got the phone ready to call Phil
"Quick. Quick, tell me something to say that will freak him out"
"Tell him one of us is pregnant" Haley suggested pointing to herself and her sister
"No,not gonna say that" Claire said and then called Phil
"Okay, here we go.How funny is this!" Claire told them, then they saw Phil on TV looking at his phone ringing and putting it back in the pocket
"Hey, it's Phil. You know what to do" The voicemail spoke and Claire was shocked
"Well, that was pretty funny" Sophie said turning her attention back to the book
Later, Sophie and Haley were looking at the stairs
"Let's just do the picture another day.I think I'm getting a pimple" Haley said
"No.Do you know how long it took me to book this photographer?I'm gonna see if we can have it at Uncle Mitchell's house" Claire told her and went to call Mitchell and Cam
"Hey,Mom,problem solved?" Sophie asked when Claire came back
"Yes,we're taking this pictures at your Grandfather's house"
"Okey-dooky"
Later, at Jay's, Sophie went downstairs wearing a white dress
"Sophie" Claire called
"Mhm?"
"Don't you dare to get your dress dirty"
"I know, I know"
"Dad, can you call them again?" Claire asked Jay
"I just did. They're on their way. Game went into overtime"
"I know, but we're losing the light, and the photographer's gotta get to a bar mitzvah in 10 minutes"
"You know, honey, I think you're getting a little too uptight about this" and after Jay said that Luke came in wrapped in plastic
"It's hard to breathe"
"Oh, you're fine" Claire told him
"What'd you do to him?" Sophie asked
"In this way his clothes will stay white" Claire said
"You're crazy" Sophie said and then Phil, Alex, Gloria and Manny came in
"We're home" Phil and Gloria said
"Oh, thank God"
"Manny, let's go change" Gloria said
"Hey, there's my beautiful wife.I know you're mad at me, and I know this foam finger can't make up for everything" Phil said
"Honey, you just go change, and we'll talk about what you did later"
"The picture can't happen today.My pimple's getting worse" Haley said
"Oh, honey,I am so sorry.Can you stand?" Claire asked
"Yeah"
"Well, then the picture's happening"
"It's all anybody's gonna see" Then Gloria came down wearing her dress
"I wouldn't be so sure about that.Did you get a look at her dress?" Claire asked Phil
"What? Why would I look at her dress?I love you"
"Uh, Mrs. Dunphy, the sun is setting" The photographer said
"Okay. Yeah,this is happening. Everybody,come on. Let's go"
"Be careful.I stained some furniture out there this afternoon"Jay said
"Of course you did, Dad. Anything else I need to know about?" Claire asked as they walked out to the backyard and went to walk across when the sprinklers came on
"Oh,my God! Are you kidding me?"
"How do- how do you turn the sprinklers off?" Jay asked Gloria
"Ay!Of course!Because I'm Latina,I'm supposed to know everything about gardening and sprinklers!"
"You were here when they installed it"
"Ay,yeah.The box is across the yard"
"You mean your now-soaking-wet yard?That's great. We are screwed" Claire said
"No, we're not.We haven't unwrapped our secret weapon yet. Luke walks over there, Hurt Locker style flips the switch,and boom-or not boom-water off. Put the "he" in "hero" Son" Phil said
"Oh. Hurt Locker?It's more like Squirt Locker.Really?That wasn't funny? I actually pity you guys" Cam said, the Luke ran across the yard to the box flipped the switch and turned the sprinklers off
"No time to celebrate! Stop it!. We don't have a lot of time" Claire said asthe photographer got the camera ready
"All right, everybody.If I can have the little ones down front-" The photographer started
"You know what,sir? If you don't mind, I've got this. Come on, people, let's get out here. Sophie,Haley, Alex,I need you to unwrap your brother"
"All right,I need the Dunphys over on this side"
"Dad, you're in the middle. Mitchell,Cam,Lily on this end. Okay"
"Listen" Phil started
Claire:"Uh-huh?"
"Honey,I screwed up,but if ever you're in my arms again-"
"Phil, not now"
"Yes, now.I don't want to look at this picture when I'm 80 years old and you're long dead and know that you were angry at me when we took it"
"Phil, we'll talk about what you did later"
"Okay,everybody. Eyes over here"
"I didn't do anything.She kissed me" Phil said
"What? Who kissed you?"
"Gloria"
"What?" Jay said
" It was the kiss cam" Gloria explained
"Why did you kiss Cam?" Jay asked
"No, I kissed Phil.He told me I had to"
"Was this before or after you ignored the phone call from your wife?"
"You saw that too?"
"Could we please just take the damn picture?" Jay asked
"Okay.Everybody, one more time"
"Just so you know,I am angry with you" Cam told Mitchell
"I knew it!"
"Oh,damn it!" Claire said
"It was a big day for me, and he didn't want to go because he doesn't like small talk"
"Would it be terribly inconvenient to just postpone this hissy fit for a few minutes?" Claire said
"Maybe some of us don't want to take a picture today" Mitchell told her
"Thank you"
"Finally" Sophie and Haley said
"And please,Claire,don't try to make Mitchell do something he doesn't wanna do"
"Oh, shut up,Cam"
"Okay, stop it!Stop it! Everyone, listen.This took me forever to put together, so I don't really care who kissed who and who's got a pimple on her head...and who is wearing an outrageously inappropriate dress. We are gonna get together and act like a normal family for one-tenth of a freaking second, and we're gonna do it right now" Claire said
"Ah, this is ridiculous.You're both uptight about everything.You didn't want to go to a wedding with him because you didn't want to make small talk? That's how I met Gloria. Do you remember the first thing I said to you?" Jay asked
"Yes". I like chocolate, I like fruit, but not together" Gloria said
"You couldn't come up with that, lvy League?" Jay asked
"And you.You would be a lot happier if you weren't so obsessed with everything being perfect. Look at us here all in white. What are we,a cricket team? News flash.Life is not perfect,Claire.Have some quick-and-easy fix,why don't you just give it to me right now?" Jay then grabbed some mud and threw it at Claire clothes and everyone gasped
"Jay!" Gloria said
"I- I got this, baby" Phil said and then threw mud at Jay's
"No.What did-what did you do? Now two people are dirty"
"Okay, you know what?" Cam said and then threw mud at Mitchell
"That's for"kitschy"
"Mud fight!" Luke yelled
They all threw mud at each other Alex putted some on Sophie's dress, Sophie at Haley's, Haley at Luke and Luke at Alex
"No. Don't do that.No,no,no! Stop it! Everybody get back in line. Come on, guys, stop. Damn it. Damn it! Guys!" Claire yelled
"Excuse me. Are we still doing this?" the photographer asked
"No. No, we're not" Claire said then grabbed some mud and putted some on Gloria's dress
"Now we are"