We made it to the theater and I went straight to my designing room and started working on Jefferson's costume. Jefferson was by far my favorite costume in the entire production.
It was loud, bright, and it made a statement. All while it was sophisticated and shows personality.
Daveed and I were the only ones in the theatre until I heard a knock on my dressing room door, and it wasn't daveed. It was Lin.
He was leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed as I crossed my arms and leaned against my designing desk.
"Hello." I said.
"Y/N you're an adult." He said with a straight face.
"Yeah...I'm aware."
"You're allowed to make your own decisions"
He said almost cutting me off.
"Yes. Where is this going?" I responded.
"Although I have no say in who you date, when it comes to this show, you have to be careful. I can't risk there being drama or tension, I need everyone focused. I have worked my ass off to get here today and I don't want you messing it up."
"I won't. I'm being careful, I promi-"
"Y/N I don't think I want you to be our costume designer anymore."
He said before taking a deep breath.
"You're kidding. That's hilarious Lin, really."
"Listen to my reasoning. If something goes wrong with you and Daveed, then there's gossip and tension and drama. This is something that I've worked hard for and I need to do what's best for the sho-"
"What about what's best for me? I have worked hours upon hours on choreography and costumes and now you want to fire me. I sent myself into a panic attack because I wanted to make this perfect for you. Lin, I know how hard you've worked, but I've worked hard too. Just to make sure that you're happy with how everything is going. And now you're firing me? That hardly seems fair."
"You're right it's not fair. But I have done so much for you and right now I'm doing what's best for me and my show. God you're so selfish. I'm the one that took you in when you came back from Chicago, I'm the one that put you in counseling, I'm the one that trusted you to help with this show, and now you're ruining it!"
That's when I saw the regret in his face, the instant disdain in his eyes and the hurt in his words. He knew he was wrong for saying that and there's nothing he can do about it now.
But I couldn't be hurt about it. I can't just loose my job. Not to mention I love this cast, and I need a job.
"So whose gonna design costumes?" I said.
"I'll find someone else. I'll do it myself if I have to."
"You're just making this harder on yourself."
"Maybe. But at least I'll ensure that everyone will stay happy."
"You said that you don't want tension, but what will happen when everyone finds out why you fired me? What's gonna happen to Daveed?"
I said.
I wanted to cry, I wouldn't but I wanted to. I refuse to cry in front of Lin.
"I heard my name." Daveed said while peering his around the doorway.
At this point Lin had slowly walked toward me so now daveed was the one in the doorway.
"Don't worry about it, everything is fi-" Lin attempted to speak but I cut him off.
"Daveed can you drive me home please?" I said.
"Yeah. Is everything okay?"
"Everything is fine." I said while grabbing my sweater and house keys from the desk.
Leaving my sketches behind me on the desk along with Jefferson's unfinished costume, and I walked away not daring to look at Lin.
-
The car ride was silent. Daveed knew better than to ask questions, he just drove me home. I was holding his hand while fighting back tears. Every once in a while he would squeeze my hand to let me know he was there, but I couldn't squeeze back. I was numb. Something I hadn't felt in a long time. I felt depressed, and dare I say suicidal.
I mean honestly what's left for me anymore. I can't be with daveed and have Lin be happy. I can barely sew costumes. I just lost my job. I have my family. But I'm just a burden. Lin's right, I moved in with him, I rely on him, I burden him. Maybe this is my fault.
I'm a few more minutes we pulled up to the front of the apartment and Daveed gave me a kiss on the forehead.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" He asked before I stepped out of the car.
"No" I said quietly and let go of his hand, and walked into the apartment.
But I didn't go upstairs. I waited until I saw him leave, then I went to my car.
I went to my car and drove. Just drove. Not a particular place in mind I just needed to clear my head. I needed a second to process everything. To think about what just happened.
Then I heard my phone buzz.
It was the groupchat:
Pippa: Y/N, where are you today?
Leslie: yeah we miss you, I also need help with my choreography on wait for it.
Renee: honestly girl. And when are we gonna get to see the costumes, I'm so excited!!!
That's when I tuned off my phone and threw it in the backseat.
I drove around for hours until I remember where I used to go when I was a teenager. It was me and Lin's secret place.
If you went to the forest, you could follow a certain path, and find a lake. The most sparkly, magic like lake you'd ever see. When Lin and I were around 16 we would drive here and just sit and talk. It was peaceful.
So that's where I went. I sat at the lake admiring nature. It was warmer outside so I took off my sweater with my phone it in, and set it down behind me. And just admired nature.
I rolled around in the green grass and just sat there. Lost in thought. And soon, I fell asleep.
-
I woke up and it was still light outside. I picked up my phone and it was 3:30. There were 30 messages from the groupchat. 17 messages from Lin. And 5 from daveed.
I didn't open the groupchat messages but instead Lin's.
11:00 a.m
Lin: where are you?
11:02
Lin: y/n?
11:05
Lin: Okay, I know you're pissed but seriously where are you?
11:07
Lin: N/N (a/n: N/N=nickname)
11:10
Lin: daveed says he doesn't know where you are.
11:13
Lin: ?? Are you okay. Just let me know that you're okay.
11:16
Lin: Vanessa said that you never came home.
11:19
Lin: I'm coming to find you.
...
And the texts went on like that.
Until the last one that said:
Lin: y/n please don't do anything stupid. I'm sorry please just stay here.
I know what he meant by that. And that's when I texted him back.
3:37
You: I'm fine
I replied. Not even a minute later he responded with
Lin: where are you.
I didn't answer him, but I went back to the car and started driving again.
After another hour of driving I opened Daveed's texts.
11:30
Daveed<3: hey lovely, Lin let us go home early. are you okay?
11:47
Daveed<3: do you need anything?
12:00
Daveed<3: Lin just texted me and said you're not home. Where are you?
12:02
Daveed<3: Y/N? I'm going out to find you.
12:30
Daveed<3: okay you're not anywhere near the apartment. Where are you?
4:37
You: I'm okay
I replied and kept on driving.
-
A/N: hi. Gonna try to write more in a few minutes but no promises