accepting californian earthling
pairing: matt jackson x asexual!reader
plot: you coming out to him as asexual
genre: general
warning: n/a
author's note: while doing research as well as talking to my friends who are ace, i learned that it's very much a spectrum where some people are just ehh about sex whilst some are sex-repulsed, that's why i made this piece pretty vague so wherever you are on the spectrum, you're able to see yourself. if there's anything written here that is inaccurate or presents asexuality in a bad light, please do not hesitate to let me know so i can edit it and educate myself. i want this blog to be a safe space for everyone.
also, i hope you see what i did with the title
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you've been with matt for a few months now and though it may not be considered by some as a long amount of time, lots of other couples have also started to take their relationships to the next stage and on a few occasions, matt has let you know that he was very much interested in that next stage. although he was as gentlemanly and respectful as one can possibly be when making those comments, it still made you nervous. it really wasn't something you were eager to do and you knew it was a topic of interest in your relationship.
at this point in time, you already trusted matt as even before you and him started to go on dates, you were already friends so it wasn't like you thought he was going to leave you or disrespect you once you came out to him. you knew he was still going to accept you either way, but it would change some things up from what he expected prior and it was definitely something you had to tell him now better than later. sex life - or lack thereof - is a big part of a relationship and you wanted to let matt know where you stood when it came to that.
matt just got off the phone a while ago is currently watching a basketball game and you sat with him, sitting next to him and leaning your head on his shoulder. his eyes didn't leave the television when he wrapped his arm around you and pulled you closer to him. this probably wasn't a good time to come out to him, but you were feeling very anxious about it. you were afraid that if you didn't say it now while you had some semblance of confidence, you would just chicken out later.
when the game gone into commercial break, you cleared your throat so you could get his attention and much to your delight, it worked. he looked beside him, right at you and smiled, humming before moving his head to kiss your cheek, "what's up?"
you laid your hand on top of his while you returned his glance. "i have to tell you about something serious."
anybody in the room with you could basically feel the air shift when you uttered those words. all of a sudden, it became rigid, unpleasant, dense. matt didn't know what to expect.
"what is it?"
you couldn't help but break eye contact with him and look away. "i'm asexual," you admitted, starting to fiddle with your hands. "i hope you don't take it personally or something because it really is not you. you're a very attractive man, matt, but i just don't feel sexual attraction," you shrugged.
"i hope that doesn't change anything."
you gave matt a few seconds to process that, looking down at your hands, yet also sneaking a peak at him every now and then. his face didn't reveal anything. he just looked like he was still thinking about it. he didn't look mad or disappointed or anything.
"okay then," matt finally spoke up. his voice piercing through the silence of the room startled you-- the room wasn't actually silent, as the tv was still on, you were just lost in your thoughts. "that doesn't change a thing about how i feel about you." he hugged you.
"i still think you're cool, and i still want to be your partner. thank you for trusting me with that. you know i'll accept you regardless. i always have your back, sweetheart." he grinned at you.
"honestly, whether you're asexual or not i still wouldn't pressure you to do anything you aren't comfortable in doing, but now that we're here, what are your boundaries?"
the basketball game has now been forgotten. matt reached for the remote control on the coffee table and shut off the tv before he turned all of his attention on you as you told him what you were comfortable with.