NO ONE'S POV
[PRECIOUS LOVE PLAYING]
***I must have been blind for hurting you, I can't believe I made you cry when you are the only person I looked at***
Nayeon spends most of her time spacing out, today at work everyone was going crazy with these 9 pretty girls who seemed to have conquered the world with their talent. One of the heads of production loves to play there a song in between of their tapings.
***When you left and the darkness came, that's when I knew I needed you.***
Sometimes Nayeon finds herself singing along with them. One of the girls awfully reminds her of her wife. Tall, short hair, and silly.
***You have no idea how much I regret letting you go. Please come back to me, forgive me because it will never happen again. I think I took your love for granted, please come back to me, into my arms.***
No offense to the girls, Nayeon loves them but most of their songs just hit home. It's like every song they had made speak to her in a personal aspect. Every lyric feels like it was written for her, giving her the feels.
-
Though there are only a few people who knew exactly what happened between the Yoo's. The majority of the public wished they would make things work between them.
Some say she should've run after her wife. That she should've chased and ask her to come back. Nayeon would do it, she'll even beg if she has to. She wishes it's that simple but the thing about her decision was it wasn't something she just did on a whim. She thought about this real hard, she used all the time she needs and sadly this is what she ended up with.
Nayeon chose to let go, she chose to let Jeongyeon go.
She knows that what everyone said was right but Nayeon has her reasons. She can't trust herself, she knows there'll be a time in their life that she'll be stupid enough to hurt Jeongyeon again. Sacrificing is part of loving too, that's what she thought.
Nayeon just wanted Jeongyeon to be happy even if it's not with her anymore.
*KNOCK*KNOCK*
SN : "Unnie, we're almost starting. So just sit down until they call you and the girls are coming to have dinner. You've been avoiding them they just want to make sure not gonna run away from them."
NY : "Arraso."
SN : "Uhmmm and I already told Mina you signed your paper. She told me she'll let Jeong know, she also said that it'll probably take a while since Jeongyeon is stubborn."
NY : "Gwencaha." She answers with a straight face.
SN : "Is this really it?"
Sana didn't have to ask Nayeon because she have asked this question to herself every single day. In the morning when she wakes up, in the night before she goes to sleep, and in between everything. Nayeon asks herself if this really is the end.
NY : "She'll be okay. She'll learn how to live without me."
This is really it.
Cold as it could be but that's really what she has in mind. She knows if she does it now, it'll be painful for the other girl but it'll be just one time. Unlike a lifetime of pain. The only thing that sucks with this plan, is the part she didn't have any chance to talk to Jeongyeon before the end.
Saying goodbye without actually saying it, just made it a lot worse.
Sana just looked at her with the same sad eyes and a fake smile that always greet her whenever they see her. Nayeon knows this look, the one that hides pain on it. Everyone has been looking at her with those same set of sad eyes.
SN : "Arraso, I'll leave you on your own for now. I'll call you once your up."
NY : "Gomawo."
At least after today, she can focus on herself, after today she doesn't have to come to work for a while. After today she can drown herself from the pain. One last taping and she can finally let herself lose but she doesn't even know how is she gonna do this. She knows it's gonna be hard to finish work especially when it's all about a magical ending to a wonderful story. Opposite from what she's going through right now, a tragic ending to a wonderful story.
Nayeon thought how everything between them just happened quickly, how they started, and how they ended. Both came in a blink of an eye. She never realized that loving someone so much would hurt this good.
*RING*RING*
Out of nowhere, she hears her phone ringing, she doesn't really have the will to move especially with the heavy dress she's on. It's not like Jeongyeon would call her now, she hasn't reached out to her after that message she sent about finding happiness in Tsushima.
But if it's her, why now?
Nayeon shakes off the idea, she reminds herself that she had made up her mind. Whatever it is whoever it may be it's not gonna change her mind. So she just let it go through her voice mail.
*BEEPS*
"Hey, it's Jeongyeon." Nayeon's eyes grew bigger with the greeting but even with the sudden call, she suppress herself on answering the phone.
"It's been a while, I just hope you haven't forgotten my name." Of course, she didn't, Nayeon knows this is a name she'll live with until she dies. The older girl starts tearing up, she wants to cry but she knows it'll just ruin her make-up.
"Well, I just called to tell you how wonderful Tsushima is, it's a place I'm visiting at the moment." Jeongyeon continues. "It's hard at first because of the language barrier but I knew a few words thanks to Mina, Sana, and Momo. After some time things start becoming better. Who would have thought it'll feel this good to walk around without any worries, without the thought that someone might be following me. They would call me but not because they wanted a picture or an autograph. They would call me because we became friends. Ohh and I did make friends with an Obasan here, she owns a farm and she makes ice cream the old fashion way, all fresh. You should visit whenever you have time, I'm sure you'll love it."
Nayeon gets it Jeongyeon is happy and she has nothing against it but hearing it still hurts in some sort of way.
"And thank..." The taller girl paused and cleared her throat. "Thank you for loving me. I just thought I always tell you I love you but never about how thankful or grateful I am to have you. I know, I know." She chuckles. "You're gonna say you didn't do anything, you're always been like that. You always think that everything you have was given to you, it's never been the other way around. You always think that you don't deserve anything even though we both know you've worked hard for it. In truth you never realized how selfless you are, always thinking about others. I should've known sooner, you've been working too hard for me, right? I realized that what you've been doing was all for me, for us. I should've been more patient. But Nayeon even if you think you didn't do anything, even if you just sit next to me and do nothing all day, I'm still grateful. Because that's the only thing I want, the only thing I need was you next to me.
But we both know it's not the case anymore. I'm still happy for the short time you've chosen me. Uhm Jihyo did tell me you found out what happened that night, even tho I'm still sorry. But we both know that's not really what brought us here, we never really got to talk about it but I guess it's just we did things too fast it almost felt like we were rushing into something like somehow the end will be with us soon. I would probably regret things from now on but being loved by you would never be one of them.
Haha, I'm all over the place, I don't even think I'm making any sense right now." Jeongyeon makes this awkward laughter and it just broke Nayeon again. "Well, I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I'm glad it was you after all. It doesn't matter how quickly things happened between us nor how we ended.
I'm happy it was you, Nayeon.
I also called to let you know I'm signing the papers, Mina told me you've made up your mind. I know, there's no need to call for that. I just thought I should tell you I'm not mad, probably upset because it means I can no longer grow old with you but if you think this is how it should be then I'm okay, I guess? I mean if it's really something you want then I can make do with the pain. Mianhae, I've been talking for a while, I should go. You're probably busy doing something."
And out of nowhere Nayeon just got up, she walks towards her bag where her phone was. But she stopped in front of it hesitating.
"What did that guy said again? The one from your favorite movie? Oh right! "You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world but you do have some say in who hurts you." Did I get it right?" Jeongyeon chuckles. "He was right, this is my choice and I like it."
"Don't say it. P-please don't say it." Nayeon said as her lips tremble. A tear dropped from her eye but she quickly wiped it off.
"Be happy and live well. Goodbye Im Nayeon." Jeongyeon said.
And she thought she have made up her mind. Hearing Jeongyeon's voice after a while just made things complicated in her mind, it made everything irrelevant. The concrete plan she had was broken down into pieces. Nayeon starts to doubt herself nor her decision. Quickly she picks up her phone.
"Jeong?" It's been a while but the name in her lips tasted sweet just like the first time it came out of her mouth.
*BEEP*BEEP*
But Im Nayeon was late, just like she always has.
---