A/N Wished by landosfineline. I hope you like it (:
BOOKS with him:
Learning to Love
Redamancy
WARNINGS: /
WORDS: 2013
It's the day of Imola qualifying and Lando did a good job, well except for the exceeded track limits which have cost him P3 and flushed him back to P7. I am sure that he is not happy now, but I wait for him in his motorhome with open arms, willing to hug him tightly and give him some comfort but I couldn't have known that everything will happen a lot differently.
"Fuck!" Lando yells as soon as the door falls close behind him and he throws his helmet into a corner of the room, making me flinch. He is angry and he is not going to hide it, but he needs to calm down a bit because probably the whole McLaren staff can hear his angry behaviour and I know that he would be ashamed of it afterwards.
"Lando..." I approach him and he only then seems to realize that I am in here too. His head snaps into my direction and his eyes are ice cold. "No, don't speak to me now!" He growls at me, making me shiver unpleasantly because he rarely is speaking that harsh to me. I decode to stay silent, watching how he paces up and down in the small room, clenching his fingers in his hair.
"I ruined it, I fucking ruined it!" He shouts and kicks his sneaker and some other stuff which is laying on the ground, possible hurting himself and I decide to interrupt him. "You didn't ruin it." I mumble, trying to get closer to him again but his stern look makes me stop.
"Haven't I told you to shut your mouth?!" Lando yells at me, making me flinch. There is no hint of his normally loving gaze and just anger and frustration in his eyes. I need to swallow down the tears which prickle in my eyes, and I can feel a lump forming in my throat. But before something could happen that one of us might regret, I leave the room, slam the door close behind me.
I have the feeling that everyone looks at me when I bring distance between myself and Lando while looking onto the floor. Someone touches me gently by the arm, making me stop and finally look up. Charlotte looks at me a bit worried because I just left Lando's room whit the dramatic touch of a loud bang.
"Are you okay?" She asks me, letting a thumb stroke softly over my shoulder. "Yeah, he is just emotional." I mumble and I am a bit surprised how shaky my voice sound. Biting on my lower lip I look onto the ground again, not wanting to expose how Lando just behaved, hoping that he wouldn't do it again.
"Yes, we heard that. If you want, you can sleep in my room." Charlotte says, making me sight softly. Great, they heard everything. I just need to think about this offer for a few second before I nod, I don't want to share a room with Lando tonight. Yes, I love him, but he should calm down first before we speak about what happened.
"Thank you, Charlotte." I mumble feeling exhausted from the day and she smiles at me softly, probably still worrying over the state of my emotions. "Anytime." She promises before she hands me her key card for the hotel room so that I can go back and calm myself down a bit. Charlotte will do the interviews with Lando and probably give him a lecture on how he should treat girls before she would come to the hotel too.
In the evening we order room service to avoid meeting people and chat about everything just not about Lando. But our silence was ruined when my phone starts ringing constantly and pling after pling fills the rooms indicating new messages. I sight when I see Lando's name on the screen but then decide to mute the phone, not wanting to deal with him now. Charlotte gets some calls and notifications too, but she doesn't answer them either.
I know that this is a bit harsh and that Lando is probably freaking out right now, not knowing where I am, but he needs to learn this lesson. The only hope I have is that he still gets a good night of sleep because I would make myself accusations if he were not at a hundred percent for tomorrows race.
After a rather short night I wake up with the ringing of Charlottes alarm clock, groaning when I turn to my back, not feeling awake at all. I couldn't really sleep and had constant thoughts about Lando, probably worrying too much but I just hope that everything is going to be fine again. It is silent between us for a few minutes until Charlotte speaks up. "I send him my room number. He said he needs something, but I think he knows or at least thinks that you are here." She informs me, making me sight softly.
"That's okay, maybe we should talk before the race, maybe not. I don't know Charlotte; can I decode this spontaneously after I heard his voice?" Gnawing on my bottom lip I look to the older one who just nod and gives my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. Shortly after our conversation there is a knock on the door and Charlotte stands up to open it while I remain on the bed.
"Where is she?" Lando asks, no good morning or anything else. Just this question. He sounds a bit exhausted his voice hoarse but that could also be because he just woke up. My heart is beating faster, and I still don't know if I want to have a conversation with him yet or if it is better to wait for a bit longer.
"I don't know what you are talking about." Charlotte answer, pretending to not know who Lando is searching for which is a straight lie. Her poker face is great, but I don't think Lando will accept her answer before he has taken a look into this room himself.
"Come on Charlotte, I know she is with you...At least I hope so." The second sentence breaks my heart a bit. He sounds tired, maybe a bit desperate and this is the last thing I need to hear to make a decision. I sight almost inaudible before I take a deep breath and speak up.
"You can let him in." Almost immediately Lando enters the room, and I can hear vague that Charlotte gives us some privacy. Lando didn't make his hair yet, the strand hanging loosely into his face which is a bit paler than usually letting the dark patches under his eyes appear.
"Love." He mumbles, but I cross my arms in front of my chest, not willing to go back to normal directly. "Don't call me like that." I almost hiss, making him flinch and instantly I do regret my harsh behaviour a bit. Lando kneels in front of me, trying to catch my gaze but I avoid it event though it is hard for me.
"Please. I know I messed up yesterday. Shouldn't let all my anger out on you but I did and there is nothing that I can do to make it undone." Lando starts talking, admitting that he knows he did something wrong yesterday, but I don't know what to say, kind of waiting for him to continue his little speech.
"Love please." Lando mumbles, carefully taking my hands into his, making me finally lift my head and look into his eyes. He looks as tired as I feel and his eyes flicker nervously over my face, trying to find a hint what I am thinking about this situation. Suddenly a question comes to my mind, and I speak it out before even thinking further about it.
"What would you do if I didn't come back? If I have enough of stupid arguments and leave?" I ask him, nibbling on my lower lips, being a bit nervous about his answer. It's not that I want us to end but sometimes the best solution is to not come back after a harsh argument. Well, yesterday wasn't a straight up argument but he yelled at me without a real reason. Yes, his qualifying wasn't the best but that is not my fault.
"I don't know." Lando mumbles and his answer hits me like a punch into the stomach. He doesn't know. I take my hands out of his, feeling a bit hurt by his words. Why doesn't he know an answer to this question? Doesn't he want to do everything possible to make us work again and let us continue our relationship?
"So, I can leave and not come back?" My voice cracks a bit at my words, making me take a deep breath to control my feelings a bit. Lando's head shoots up, his eyes widen in horror because of my words. "What no!" He exclaims, apparently not happy with my words.
"But you said that you don't know what you would do if I didn't come back so it seems like you don't care if I am here or not." I explain why I get the thought of him not caring and his facial expressions get softer while he carefully grabs for my hands again.
"Don't even think this! I don't know what I would do because I am lost without you." Lando says, intonate the first sentence and he look me into the eyes during the whole process. His thumb drawing small circles on the back of my hand, making me relax a bit and I listen further to him.
"I would probably freak out, call my mom and ask her how I can fix it again, but I wouldn't know what I should do because I wouldn't be able to think straight anymore." Lando chuckles nervously during this confession, making me smile a bit because I can imagine him calling his mom while pacing up and down in a room, ruffling his curls and hooping that she has some advice for him.
"I love you and I know that sometimes my stupid side shows which seems to forget what an amazing girl I have, and I want to promise you that I will have myself under control in the future, but I don't know if I should. Don't want to be a liar when I do snap at you again." Lando continues and looks up to me, still being worried that I am mad at him. I like the fact that he is aware of his sometimes-stupid behaviour, and it is good that he wants to try to get better and controlling his anger. Plus, it is good that he doesn't promise anything because this will make it so much worse if it happens again.
"At least I know that you want to try to make everything better." Is the first think I say after Lando's monologue while giving his hand a soft squeeze. Lando sights and nibbles nervously on his lower lip, still not sure if my words are a good or a bad sign.
"So, are we good?" He asks, almost looking at me with puppy eyes, making me laugh softly. "Yes, we are." I confirm, making him beam widely with happiness. Before I can react further Lando pulls me into a hug, pressing me against his chest while a giggle leaves both our lips.
When the door opens again, we look up, seeing that Charlotte smiles at us, happy that we fixed things between us, and she no longer has to deal with a kind of fighting couple. "Come on, we need to leave, there is a race you have to deal with." She announces, making Lando smile widely.
"Perfect, I have a trophy to win so that I can gift it to my girl." He announces, making us girls laugh but how could we know that he indeed will secure a podium place today and will bring me the trophy afterwards but that is a different story.