Formula 1 One-Shots (I)

Callum Ilott [33+39+40]

A/N This one is for Cookiegirly18. I hope you like it (:

WARNINGS: /
WORDS: 1281

My relationship with Callum isn't the same as it was before. We argue more often than just spending time with each other and slowly doubts overcome me. What if this relationship isn't meant to be? Would it be better to break up and leave this toxic environment behind me or should I try to fix it and talk with him trough my feelings?

The problem is, talking had led us to many fights in the last weeks and I feel exhausted from all the arguing and shouting. Non of us had ever mentioned a possible break up but maybe we should think about it. Maybe it is the best for us to take separate ways.

I open the door of Callum's apartment with my spare keys and take of my shoes before I search for my boyfriend even if I do not know for how long I can name him like this. He is in the living room, seated on the couch and looking into the distance. Around his eyes are some red patches and I gulp when I realise that he must have been crying before I arrive.

"Why are your eyes so red? Is...is everything okay?" I carefully ask him and walk to the couch to take a seat beneath him. Worries that something has happened with his family, or a friend overcome me, and I just hope everyone is okay. Callum looks at me for a brief second before he rubs over his eyes.

"Yeah, just some allergies." He mumbles and is now facing away from me, not daring to show me his face again. I sight without a tone, there is our problem again. No talking and just being silent about things that happened.

"Cal, you don't have allergies." I want to guardedly show him that he can talk to me, but it is like a switch flips inside of him and he locks me out again "Fine, I don't want to talk about it." He snaps and slides a bit away from me while crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"And this is why we are fighting all the time. Because we do not talk anymore, not like we used to do." Sighting I try to look Callum in the eyes, but he keeps avoiding my gaze. I am here for barely five minutes, and we are fighting again. This is tyring me and that Callum is so stubborn and just ignores the truth does not make it easier.

"Just accept that I don't want to talk about it now." He nearly growls and shoots me a poisonous glance over his shoulder.

"Well, if you don't want to talk about this you maybe want to talk about us?" I know that I am push him more into a corner with these words, but I want to get this weight of my chest and finally breath free again without having constant concerns about what the future is bringing for us.

"No."

"Callum, we can't keep fighting all the time." I try to show him the fact that we are at a point of no return. Either we will talk trough this now or our end is coming nearer and nearer.

"I don't love you anymore. Okay?" What a slap in the face. My breath gets hitched in my throat and I can feel some tears rising to my eyes, but I try to blink them away. I do not want to cry I just want to get out of here and away from Callum.

"Darling, no. Stop please." Callum grabs my wrist as soon as I jumped up and want to leave the room. His fingers nearly dig painfully into my skin to hold me where I am, but I still try to get out of his grip.

"Let go of me!" My voice sounds weak and trembles a bit. Please let go of me Callum, I think and look at him with pleading eyes. Why can't he understands that I do not want to be near him anymore.

"Let us talk." He softly says and loosens the grip of his fingers a bit not wanting to force me to stay here anymore. But I stay, not willing to leave without at least trying to speak at least a bit.

"Oh, now you want to talk?" I laugh sarcastically and can see how Callum flinches at my words. Normally I would never sound so bitter in a conversation, but he just had let my heart shatter into little pieces and hurt me deeply.

"When did you stop loving me?" Is my next question this time I just sound sad, oh so heartbroken and I can observe how Callum's face is showing a really soft mimic and normally I would fall for it, but I can't trust the little piece in me which is screaming to just jump into his arms and hug him tightly.

"I, I didn't mean it like this." Callum tries to talk but I stop him immediately. "That's not true Callum and we both know it." I let my head hang and look at the ground instead of looking at him. His eyes always make me weak, and I do not want to feel weaker like I am doing anyway.

"I still didn't want to stay it. This is not how I feel towards you. There are still these butterflies and everything I felt in the beginning, but I don't have the strength to show it to you." He promises and carefully intertwines out fingers with each other.

"I love you and I hate myself for hurting you. It feels like I am so close to lose myself that I can't treat you the way you should be treated. There is nothing that I can say to make it better or for you to understand me but..." Callum stops in the mid of his sentence and sobs, gasping for air and he covers his face with both of his hands, cutting the last connection of us.

"I...I think we both need some time to think about this situation, about us." I mutter and crouch down to be at his height. Softly I grab his hands and take them away from his face to look into his eyes. Tears stream down his face and his lips quiver a bit. In my own eyes the tears are gather but I try to stay strong and fight against them.

"Goodbye Callum. I hope we see each other again." I mumble and kiss his lips featherlight before leaving the living room and then his house. The sob I could hear before I closed the door shattered my heart in even more little pieces than it was before, but this is the best for us. At least that is what I am thinking now.

With the clicking of the door, I lost the battle against my own tears and just let them stream down my face. I walk away from Callum's apartment before I pull out my phone and dial a number, hoping the person would pick up. Before the other person could even say "Hello" I start to speak.

"Marcus. Can you go to him?" My voice is barely understandable, and I practically choke these words out while trying to suppress my sobs. I wrap one of my arms around my body, trying to hold myself together because I have the feeling to fall apart every second.

"What happened?" The Kiwi asks, sounding concerned and I can hear his keys rustling in the background. I take a deep breath, mumble the next words, and immediately press the red button afterwards.

"I think he needs his friend."