A/N: This is a sequel to 158. Twoset La Mort. Roles reversed !!
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Brett checked his clipboard for his next appointment and groaned when he saw the all too familiar name at the top of his list.
Eddy Chen.
Brett took a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself down as he opened his office door and called out into the waiting room;
"Next waiting, please... Eddy?"
"Yeah, thanks."
Eddy entered the room.
Gosh doesn't he look fabulous... if only he....
"Hi Brett, how's it going?"
"Oh, yeah, I'm okay, what about you?"
"I'm okay.. well, workwise though not so good, otherwise I wouldn't be here I suppose."
"Indeed. So how are you going, Angel?"
Eddy frowned.
"Please Brett, I really despise being called that."
"Well, what else am I supposed to call you? ...Cherub?"
Eddy recoiled in horror.
"OMFG that's worse!! Can't you call me something that sounds a bit more... rugged, like Guardian? It makes me sound tougher."
Brett rolled his eyes.
"Eddy.. it might sound somewhat tougher I suppose but it still means Angel, y'know."
"Yeah I know... Look, Brett, it's not like I don't like the job. I just don't like the employee benefits.. or lack of it... and their stupid, stupid administrative regulations."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, for starters, I hate their uniform."
"Ooookay... I kinda noticed that and it also says here that you've been sent to me because this is your 3rd uniform breach. Like, look Eddy, there is absolutely no doubt, you look fabulous, I mean, you took my breath away when you walked in here..."
Eddy perked up and smiled.
"Really? Oh Brett, thank you so much!! See, I had to visit so many op shops, market stalls and hardware shops to find the right clothes and accessories..."
"It's stunning. The whole outfit you put together really suits you. The accessories really show a lot of personality....it's just that.."
"Just what?"
"IT'S NOT WHITE AND YOU HAVE CHAINS DANGLING EVERYWHERE!!"
"Oh c'mon Brett!! Why do I have to wear white and what's wrong with wearing a bit of metal!?!?!"
"BECAUSE YOU ARE A FRICKIN' ANG... GUARDIAN!?!?"
Eddy smiled.
"Hey Brett, thank you so much for calling me that, it does make a difference y'know. Sounds heaps better than Angel...."
"Oh for goodness sakes, will you please focus for a nanosecond!!!"
"But Brett..."
"NO!! I'm sorry, I've even contacted your HR, they said they would accept your rather unorthodox apparel if it satisfied most of the description of their uniform. But wearing skin-tight BLACK LEATHER with enough chains to stock a small warehouse is just not on!!"
"But Brett, white is so not my colour. It makes my thighs look fat, I hate it. And that frickin' organza!!! I'm not a ballerina nor bride y'know. I can't work with that stuff swooshing around me like a f*cking curtain !! It's bloody embarrassing."
Brett face palmed himself as he shook his head.
"Eddy.. look, you guys have an image to uphold as ang.. guardians, y'know? I think the white outfit without the chains would make you look.. a bit less... um intimidating ?"
"Oh c'mon Brett, don't be one of those moronic people who judge books by its cover!!"
"Eddy.. don't get me wrong, once people get to know you, they will soon realise you are as sweet as pie, but this outfit doesn't really do you any good for first impressions...People do take first impressions seriously, y'know."
Brett peered through his fingers. Eddy was pouting. Brett let out a little groan.
"Eddy.. look, I really want to help you. So that your suspension is lifted and that you don't become frickin' unemployed...!!"
"Okay, okay, I get it. I'm sorry.."
"Look, your HR even said you could wear blue. Would you consider that? I mean, it would have to be a light shade of blue, but at least it's not white?"
"Really? I could work with that."
"Now I'm warning you though. You have to promise me that there's not gonna be any attempts to wriggle through loopholes.. like when they say on the uniform guidelines that accessories are permitted, I'm certain they meant you could wear a cross on a chain but you aren't supposed to have multiple chains dangling from your skintight leather pants and I don't want you wearing a blue outfit studded with metal bits and stuff. No fancy modifications!"
"Oh Brett, that sounds fabulous..!!"
"OMFG Eddy!! Do you ever listen to a complete sentence of anything I say !??"
"Um... well I've been told that I have selective hearing..."
Brett sighed.
"Look Eddy, for what it's worth, I think these uniform regulations aren't as important as getting the actual job done."
"I wholeheartedly agree Brett. Have you seen my stats?"
"Yes, admin is baffled. You are the most successful Ange.. I mean, Guardian in our heavenly world. You have a 100% turnaround rate for those who had once strayed. Your repeat offender rate is 0%. These are incredible statistics."
"Yeah that's cos I take 'em on a tour."
Brett furrowed his brows.
"I.. beg your pardon?"
"I go take them on a little tour to the afterworld to show where they'd end up if they don't pull their socks up."
"YOU DO WHAT !?!?"
"Brett, these guys who have stepped off the good path, ya think they're gonna listen to a dude wearing white or pastel pink organza? I have to show up with a bit of metal for them to take me seriously. Often they've wronged their path because they've been wronged by others. I gotta go beat those guys up for them as well."
"YOU DO WHAT !?!?"
"Oh Brett c'mon, just a figure of speech, y'know"
Eddy winked. Brett didn't think Eddy was speaking figuratively. He knew the ang.. guardian trained in various martial arts and for his slender build you would not expect the damage he could execute with his bare hands.
"You see Brett, that's the main reason why I don't like wearing all white and I don't wear that stupid company-issued halo. I mean, what kinda punk is gotta take me seriously when I show up in that company uniform and tell them to clean up their behaviour? I'd say even I would've beaten myself up if I visited myself dressed like that!!"
Brett kept taking deep breaths.
"Okay.. okay Eddy.. just back up for me please.. so you were saying.. I'm not gonna even bother questioning you about you being reported for leaving your halo in your office locker, what's this thing you do about taking them on a tour..? So you actually go take them to have a glimpse of the horrific afterlife they will end up in if they don't change their ways? I mean, how would they even believe you are their... guardian.. without you wearing your halo??"
"Oh that's all for show anyway. Only prissy goody-two-shoes like wearing that thing above their fake smile."
"...Okay... right. So, Eddy, the tour that you do...?"
"Oh yeah, so I tell them I've got tickets to this aMaZiNg gig and they're initially impressed with all the flames and stuff, raves on how the pyrotechnics are dope, then I tell them they could choose to spend eternity here and I give them a glimpse of the actual party participants.. if ya know what I mean. Almost all of them sh*t their pants. I then take the time to talk to them, like really talk to them and they come to the conclusion that it's better to make a change for the better. All my clients have said that they were glad I visited them rather than some all-in-white-organza goody-two-shoes with a stupid fake grin under a halo, I mean that thing so useless, I may just be able to use it as a frisbee, if you ask me."
Brett gazed up to the ceiling in exasperation.
"Eddy.. look, while your methods are unorthodox, to say the least.. I actually don't see any direct breach of .. industrial protocol.. and ..I can't believe I'm saying this.. it seems to be working well..."
"I'm telling ya Brett, if HR didn't hate me so much, I would've been awarded highest productivity 4 years running since I started with them..!! But instead, I'm always on suspension!!"
"Eddy.. I know.. Look, c'mon, you are sent to see me more than anyone else.. I
"Oh but Brett, you're so nice. Most of you lot are a bunch of know-it-alls that tell me what to do. You're actually the only appointment that I keep. You are so good at your job Brett."
Brett was momentarily speechless.
"Um.. thank you Eddy, that really makes my job as a careers consultant worthwhile.. it's just that I must not be very good at my job if you keep coming back to me?"
"Oh no, don't feel bad about that. I can explain. You see, I don't show up to any of my other appointments and they're onto me. They must have looked up all my previous intervention appointments and noticed that I only come to yours, so now they slap me onto your books whenever I'm in trouble."
"I... see..."
Somebody help me, please.
It seemed Brett was now stuck with the most problematic employee in the heavenly world.