Summary: After trying for a baby for many years Patton and Logan finally succeed. However it is soon revealed that they're having twins - and Logan is nothing but a worrier over his lover.
TW - Mpreg, anxiety and a little bit of self-blame, fertility issues/IVF (I don't know how fertility help is done in the US so we'll just pretend Logan and Patton are British/have national healthcare the same as the UK), stillbirth and miscarriage but ends in two adorable baby twins
I also don't know if Felix is a British cat food brand but it's cat food. Apparently it's a good brand as my cat's obsessed with it XD
Words: 3787 (this one is very long too XD)
"What are we going to do if this doesn't work again Logie?" Patton chirped as Logan changed gear to reverse, preparing to park at the IVF clinic. They were going to have an early ultrasound after undergoing IVF - at first the pair believed they were lucky as because Patton was AFAB and Logan was AMAB they could have children naturally rather than going through the financial struggle of adoption and surrogacy. Unfortunately that was not how life went though, and they had to undergo IVF after Patton failed to carry a baby quite a few times. This was their third try which meant it would no longer be free if this time also failed.
"I... We'll come to that choice when we come to it." Logan responded, trying to keep his emotions in check, grabbing Patton's hand as he applied the break. "If we come to it." He corrected himself, putting on a hopeful smile to his partner who only nodded. "Ready?"
"As ready as I'll ever be." Patton murmured, and the pair walked out of the car and towards the fertility office. Logan had his hand around his partner and tried to distract himself from where he was by reciting the book he finished last week. He wished he didn't have to be here. Why couldn't he just spend a few nights away from his work and with his lover and get a child out of it like in other relationships? Well, he knew why... This was the one area in his life he could never succeed in.
"Patton, you can come in for your ultrasound now." A nurse poked her head around the corner at the couple, Patton's hand was on Logan's leg and a look of worry was plastered over his face. Logan put a smile on again and held his partner's hand to take him to the ultrasound room.
The couple made as much small talk as they could handle while the sonographer prepared the ultrasound. Logan didn't let go of Patton's hand of course and kept his eyes on Patton's stomach as his shirt was lifted and his skin was covered with jelly. After a few minutes of small talk Logan just stopped responding, only dragged out his thoughts when he heard Patton gasp.
"It's OK Patton-cake..." Logan automatically filled his mouth with reassuring words expecting the worst news, but was automatically silenced by the smiling faces surrounding him and Patton's happy tears. The small screen scanning Patton's stomach had two dark black dots. "What... What does that mean?"
The sonographer smiled softly. "Two of the three eggs stayed - you might have to expect twins."
Twins... The word echoed in Logan's head as if he'd never heard the word before. Of course he did, his best friends were identical twins so he knew exactly what they were. He should know exactly what was happening and how to react but he just... didn't. He felt even more lost.
But Patton looked so darn happy. His smile was wide and he held such excitement in his eyes Logan hadn't seen since they started trying for a baby six years ago. Logan couldn't help but smile too, reaching down to give Patton a kiss. His heart started to beat quickly again just like it did on his wedding day. This was the moment the couple prayed about several years ago, they finally could be parents.
*****
Logan faced his book as he sat on the sofa, a cup of tea beside him as he read. As an optometrist, optician and nerd Logan read a lot of textbooks and research about optical health when he wasn't at work with patients. It was an early morning about an hour before he needed to leave for work so he was just relaxing - until he heard Patton's scream.
"LOGAN!" Logan raised his head like a meerkat at the general direction of the voice, expecting Patton to emerge from the bathroom with bloody pyjamas like what had happened several times before. But this shout seemed a bit happier, and Patton emerged with a happy face which reassured the worrying husband. "Logan - I'm showing!"
Patton turned to the side and held the loose shirt he was wearing tighter around his body, revealing a small bump at the bottom that immediately made Logan burst into a goofy smile. "These are our babies Lo-Lo... you'll be Dad, I'll be Rennie... We'll be parents!" Patton continued speaking into the air, tears in both of their eyes at this small change. Such a small change was a big achievement.
"You're making me cry Pat you know I hate that." Logan eventually interrupted Patton's monologue, turning back to the book he was reading and sniffling. Patton giggled and sat next to him, his head leant on his shoulder and he looked down at an eye diagram Logan was comparing to previous research he had read. After a small silence Patton whispered and put his hand on his husband's knee.
"Are there any pretty eye themed names you know of?" Patton asked, his hand becoming warmer as Logan's hand fitted perfectly on top. "It would be great for our babies to have a special link to their Dad and his fascinations."
While the page turned Logan thought of all the terminology he knew that was actually pronounceable. "Maybe iris? It's the part of the eye that's coloured... I believe it also means rainbow, which really is perfect for us." Logan whispered back just as his alarm rang signifying he needed to stop reading and prepare to walk outside. "I need to get going, my boss said I'm on the track for a promotion."
"Ah, great!" Patton said with the tone of voice as if he wanted to say something. Logan slowed his movements down to give him time instead of rushing. "By the way Logie... How do you feel about me maybe being a stay at home parent? Daycare's expensive and I really want our babies to have us around."
Logan paused what he was doing and glanced back at Patton for a second, calculating. Patton worked at a daycare/kindergarten so didn't make the most money - but he loved his job and hadn't mentioned quitting before. He did definitely love their kids more, and they would still be making profit without the extra income. "I, um, when do you have to send your notice in?"
"By April." Patton mumbled back as Logan folded his shirt collar, Patton focusing on holding his bump close. It was late February, and the twins were due in September. "We don't need to decide now, we have time, don't fret about it..."
"No, it's fine Pat. I think that's a great idea." Logan gave his partner a peck on the lips and grasped his hand quickly, giving a smile. He then rushed into his car, started the engine and drove.
Unsurprisingly Logan started thinking again. He'll have to check they could actually support themselves and two infants on one wage, they definitely weren't the richest parents out there and two kids were a lot more to consider than one. And what if this didn't work out? What if Patton turned in his notice and then had a miscarriage or a stillbirth so his only previous distraction from what happened would be gone? So many things were zooming through Logan's head and he couldn't articulate it all.
He mustn't tell Patton his worries.
*****
"I don't think Bo Burnham is beneficial to our babies' development Remus!" Logan shouted up the stairs at the loud-enough-to-deafen tune of 'White Woman's Instagram' coming from his and his partner's spare bedroom. Logan's childhood friends, Roman and Remus, who were interior designers and painters by trade offered to decorate the nursery for the soon-to-be-parents each time they got the news of a possible new family member - only this time they took up the offer. The music soon stopped and changed to a 'Best of Disney' playlist presumably started by the other twin. "Well at least it's more tasteful." Logan mumbled to himself before hearing Patton's giggle.
Patton was lying on the sofa on his back with a book of baby names in his hands and his growing belly uncovered. A happy smile was on his face that Logan couldn't help but kiss. "No luck with names, can you feed Cupcake?" Patton chirped and ushered towards the fat tabby sleeping on the pregnant person's ankles. Cupcake was the couple's cat they originally adopted just in time for their first baby... 6 years ago. Now Cupcake was an obese, spoiled and very loved adult cat.
Logan stood and ushered the tabby to his side with a simple question as if he'd been trained: "You want some Felix Cupcake?"
As Logan opened the packet of cat food in the kitchen, his jeans probably covered in orange and white fur, he heard a shout from the living room. "Is it weird to name your baby after cat food Logie?"
"A little, yes." Logan shouted back as he placed the food bowl on the floor. When he walked back into the living room Patton was pouting with a mischievous grin. "Do you actually really like it or do I have permission to veto?"
Patton sorted through his book again in silence for a moment. Logan sat beside his feet with a smile as he rolled his eyes. Soon he spoke through the book with a grin. "Aww Logie, Felix means lucky! And we are! It's so cute Lo-Lo please?" And Logan couldn't resist his partner's puppy eyes, so just grabbed his lover's hand and nodded. As he glanced at Patton's hand he spotted the growing belly separating Logan from his lover's lips. It had quite a few veins and stretch marks and was bigger than Logan had seen in a while. Their kids were in there, their babies. "You can touch them Lo." Patton chuckled, his own hand on one side of his belly. Logan only watched for a moment, his small smile almost disappearing until he was distracted.
"The reveal is ready!" Roman's sing-song voice echoed from upstairs. Patton smiled widely again, standing up quickly but cautiously and holding Logan's hand again as the couple went upstairs.
Remus was waiting by the open door with a wide smile, dramatically gliding his hands around the room and then ducking out and closing the door behind him. The entire room was almost completely white apart from one blue wall with white fluffy clouds, and grey birds were flying towards the blue wall. Against the blue wall were two white cribs with light blue blankets hanging on the edge. The entire room was full of pillows and fluffy seats for night feeds and playtime.
The door slowly opened again as Logan started tearing up, looking down to avoid embarrassment. Patton was babbling about how good the room looked and fantasised about where he'd cradle the kids and what toys they'd keep in the bedroom, Roman and Remus laughing along until Logan felt a hand on his shoulder.
"Chin up Calculator Watch, your babies will be here." Roman whispered lifting Logan's chin up slightly. Logan only sniffled and wiped his face, a small genuine smile escaping as he looked around some more. "We better be godfathers after this, got it?"
"Thank you..." Logan managed to choke out before feeling his best friend's hug trying to calm him down. "Thank you so much Ro."
"Fudging saps." The voice of Remus caused Logan to laugh again, maybe because this was the first time Remus had properly censored himself after Patton gave him a slap last week for saying 'damn'. Roman stuck his tongue out at his brother before whispering more encouraging words about how Logan will be the best father and the kids would love their new room.
In the evening Logan and Patton were cuddled together on the sofa watching a movie, Cupcake on the chair opposite them. Patton had his hands on his belly again while Logan's fingers grazed his partner's shoulder and he focused on the TV. "Did you tell them Robyn was on our baby name list? It's really cute how they made the birds fly all around the room..." Patton was chirping and chatting about nothing, being so carefree now he was almost in the third trimester. This was the furthest the couple had got in the pregnancy without complications that didn't result in a stillbirth or miscarriage. After a few minutes Patton raised an eyebrow. "What's the matter Jammy?"
Logan glanced at his partner for a second, watching his arm being pulled down closer to the belly. "Nothing, just... watching..." Logan murmured, but instead of watching the movie on the TV he was watching his partner desperately trying to get his hand to touch his stomach.
"Can't you touch our babies Lo-Lo?" Patton almost begged, his head quickly turning to his husband who looked almost surprised. Without responding Logan just watched his hand, very close to Patton's belly but dangling just beside it. "I want them to know their father's touch before they're here..."
Only bad things had happened when he touched Patton's pregnant belly before. He knew it was illogical, but he had started to believe it was a bad luck thing. Maybe he pressed on the belly too hard, maybe the strokes he used to do with his thumb were too rough, but it always ended in the same thing. That's why he hadn't touched Patton yet, or at least tried not to at every opportunity.
Eventually Patton did manage to get Logan's hand on his belly, but said nothing about it. Logan tried fiddling with Patton's t-shirt instead of touching his body, but couldn't resist after a while and laid his hand gently on the belly without moving it.
Again, what was going on in his mind he mustn't tell Patton about. He mustn't worry him.
*****
Logan was woken up one night by some tugging on his t-shirt. He mumbled slightly under his breath and opened only one eye with a yawn. He couldn't see anything because of the mixture between the darkness and the lack of his glasses - but he could make out Patton looming over him with a desperate look on his face. "What's the date sweetheart?"
After taking a deep breath with his nose Logan turned on his phone. It was 2am on the 20th of August. He showed his partner his phone and tried to resist falling asleep again. "Is everything alright Patton-cake?" Logan mumbled, giving Patton a kiss but the usually cheery person moaned a complaint and sat up.
"I'm getting a little pain, like waves..." Patton whispered, grasping his bump again. This sentence immediately woke Logan up, he knew what that meant, so he stood and offered to help his partner up from the bed. But Patton just looked confused, tilting his head with his tired eyes glowing. "What are you doing Jammy?"
"I'm taking you to the hospital, have you counted your contractions yet?"
Patton's face became more worried after that question, and he shook his head. He looked down at his bump and stroked it, avoiding his husband's gaze even when Logan held out his hand to help him stand up. He could feel the kicks and movements each of them made - they were luckily very active so Patton never needed to worry about complications until this moment. This moment was big.
"What's the matter Pat?" Logan whispered, his voice raspy because of the time. He reached over the bed to put his own glasses on and then put Patton's glasses on him - the clearer look of Logan with messy hair and tired but excited with concerned eyes made Patton's heart beat fast and for a moment he forgot about his pain. This man will be the father of his children, whatever happens. "Have they stopped moving? The quicker we get to the hospital the quicker the midwife can find out why..."
"They're moving, but isn't it too early? Aren't we due in September?" As Patton tried unloading all his worries about the current situation Logan started to pack their hospital bags, glancing at the small onesies the couple had bought with a fondness and excitement. Patton was almost fully convinced their onesies will be empty. And the thing that would reassure him, that Logan hadn't done the past 8 months, would be for Logan to finally lay his hands on the belly. He instead relied on Patton to say if everything felt right.
Logan's soft lips hit Patton's and his hand cupped his cheek. "The midwife said twins usually come early, they're still viable now. Do you need help up?"
Patton burst into tears again, trying to go into a ball although that was nearly impossible when he had a large ball attached to his waist. His husband stepped back with only a short nod to try to reassure him. It was as if he didn't remember what had happened to several of their kids during labour before.
"I don't want to lose them Lo-Lo..." Patton finally screamed in absolute desperation, visions of the couple's previous babies tormenting him as he begged these twins wouldn't be one of them. But he had begged before - it didn't help most of the time. Loss and failure seemed inevitable when it came to Patton having a family with the person he loved.
"Hopefully we won't." Logan whispered back, sitting opposite Patton on the bed. He then turned back to Patton, probably thinking about their previous babies too but trying to distract himself with the current two. But Patton's expression didn't change, he was still thinking the same thoughts, he wasn't good enough at labour for one baby - let alone two.
Patton's thoughts were disturbed again by Logan gently placing his hand on Patton's stomach. "Are you scared?" Logan whispered again, and his partner nodded. "Well... Hopefully, we'll have our babies soon. We'll be able to hold them and they'd cry and scream and grab things and..." Logan had stars in his eyes, and he began to tear up as he felt a small kick from one of his babies. "And we'll be great parents. Trust me on this..."
"How are you so calm about this?"
Logan chuckled. "I am not. I'm petrified." The other hand stroked Patton's cheek, and he brought him in for a kiss. "I've been thinking about labour and finances and how we're going to take care of two at once and whether they're healthy in there... But at this point I'm starting to not care. We're not going to let our past troubles with this hinder what we have now." A few of Patton's tears were caught in Logan's thumb and eventually he started to smile again. "We have a family now Pat."
Patton nodded and slowly stood, wincing in pain again. But Logan was there to hold everything and help him walk - and soon they were walking together out the door with the one plan of going to the hospital and having their babies. "Are you ready Patton-cake?" Logan reassured, giving his partner a kiss.
"Ready as I'll ever be."
*****
It was early in the morning, Logan had work in an hour, but he couldn't leave the nursery. He was just glancing down at his son, Felix, with a look of absolute adoration. The baby was kicking his legs rhythmically to the music Patton had put on and chewing on a strawberry shaped teething toy with small mumbles.
He was definitely still in the honeymoon stage of fatherhood over a year later. He just felt like the luckiest man in the world to be blessed with two amazing babies: a boy called Felix and a girl named Iris. And even better, they both looked exactly like Patton with infinite little curls in their hair and freckles covering their little round faces. Logan could never stop looking at them.
"You want one more cuddle Fe-Fe? My little Iron Man..." Logan whispered, picking Felix up and holding him even though he should really be getting his coat on and preparing to battle the winter winds by now. But who could leave this baby alone like that? He was giggling and making random sounds and was just the most adorable kid - well, his twin was also equally adorable of course. "Should Rennie take you to the park today? I know you love playing with Remus' kids..."
Patton's giggle distracted Logan from his one-sided conversation. The cheery parent held Iris in one arm and a couple of toys in the other ready for some early play-time. "Shouldn't you be getting to work Logie?" Patton chirped and gave his husband a kiss. The kiss lasted a little longer than expected due to Logan's joy.
"I'm the luckiest man in the world." Logan mumbled, placing his free hand on Patton's stomach again. This was also another reason why he was lucky - although it wasn't planned around 7 months after the twins came into the couple's lives Patton had some more news to share: he was pregnant again. While he was still high risk Logan and Patton tried keeping their hopes high and by whatever luck given to them Patton was now 8 months pregnant with their third baby, and all was going well. It was only one child luckily, and it would be another girl.
Logan glanced at the white clock in the nursery with a sigh realising he couldn't just stop time and stay cuddling his partner and kids like he wanted to. "I should be getting to work, yes." He sighed, kissing Patton and then cuddling Felix, picking up Iris with his spare arm and cuddling her, and then placing both of the twins on the play mat and waving a rattle to get some more of their wide eye cuteness at the world. "Call me if anything happens, I'll be here as soon as you need me." Logan whispered one last time and gave Patton one last kiss, placing both his hands on Patton's belly and stroking the skin with his thumbs.
Of course Logan didn't leave quickly, he watched Patton slowly sit on the floor with a little bit of grunting and sighing before chatting in baby voice at their babies. Felix was trying to stabilise himself to stand against Patton while Iris was crawling after one of her teddies. As the door was about to close both parents heard a voice they hadn't heard before - one of little Iris shouting 'Dad!'.
So Logan didn't leave for work for another twenty minutes of course, he needed to congratulate his daughter on saying a big word with lots of cuddles and snacks. He probably would have skipped work for the entire day if Patton didn't drag him out the house after twenty minutes so he could 'support his growing family'.
And he was so glad, after all this time and all the struggles, his family was finally growing.