⚠️ Death and Suicide Attempt Warning ⚠️
A.N - Sorry this is a bit of a long one!
Y/N started awake, her heart racing and fear digging its claws in to her, as beads of sweat rolled down her face. It was the third night in a row that the nightmares had disturbed her sleep and Y/N felt like they were bad omens. A distinct reminder that her past was never going to let her be happy for long.
Wanda stirred next to her, reaching out a hand to touch Y/N's arm softly, knowing that she was struggling.
"The nightmares again?"
"Yeah... sorry I woke you up" Y/N sighed as she looked back at Wanda.
"You don't need to apologise baby, it's okay. Do you want to talk about it?" Wanda asked, her words were gentle and soft.
"I don't think... I can... I feel like I can't breathe..." Y/N admitted, she felt defeated by the fact that she couldn't control these memories that kept coming back to haunt her.
"Okay, well why don't you let me see instead?" Wanda said, she had been hesitant to suggest the idea, knowing from past experiences that not everyone liked their mind being entered.
Y/N bit her lip unsure if she could let Wanda in like that, to be completely vulnerable it scared the hell out of Y/N and she wasn't sure how Wanda would look at her afterwards. After she saw the dark and twisted parts of her that she had spent years burying. Maybe Nat had been right and Y/n was still stuck in the dark twisty place no matter how hard she tried to act like she wasn't.
"Are you sure you really want to see?" Y/N asked her voice breaking slightly.
"I want to understand you and I promise that I won't see anything that you don't want me to, okay?" Wanda assured Y/N as she moved to sit in front of her on the bed.
"Alright..." Y/N nodded giving Wanda permission.
Wanda took a deep breath before lifting her hands to either side of Y/N's head and summoning delicate ribbons of her power, connecting with Y/N's mind.
**
Wanda found herself stood in an office and as she turned around the door opened and three adults walked in, followed by a young girl. One of the adults Wanda realised was Tony, they were at what had been one of the Stark Industry office buildings.
The other male who had come in started shouting at Tony, they were arguing about a military contract and how the weapons were being mishandled. The woman also joined in with the heated argument saying that it was unacceptable and they had never signed up for this. The young girl, who looked no older than ten was stood to the side her blue eyes glancing between the group of arguing adults as she clung on to a stuffed bunny.
Wanda moved around the office, listening and watching the memory unfold, she realised that the two adults must have been Y/N's parents and the young girls was Y/N herself. She hadn't known that Y/N's connection to Tony had stretched so far back.
Y/N's dad slammed his ID card down on the desk saying he would no longer work at Stark Industries and turned around, scooping Y/N up and carrying her out of the office. Closely followed by her mum after she had also handed over her ID card and told Tony how disappointed she was.
The memory blurred and shift, Wanda found herself sitting in the back of a car. To her right young Y/N was sat and her parents were in the front. They were arguing with each other now, blaming the other for not having realised sooner what was happening with their research. Y/N was trying to ignore her parents arguing, nervously playing with the ear on the stuffed bunny,
"Mumma please stop shouting" Young Y/N said, her hand reaching out to try and get her mums attention.
Y/N's mum was in the drivers seat and twisted in her seat to look back at Y/N smiling at her and telling her everything was going to be okay.
"Amelia!!" Y/N's dad yelled as a lorry swerved into their lane from the opposite side of the road.
Wanda gasped as she experienced the terror Y/N felt as the car was hit, sending it crashing over the barrier. It felt like time had frozen and it was only as Wanda looked out the window that she understood that they had been driving over a bridge and the car was now plummeting toward the water below.
The car smashed into river and Wanda felt like she couldn't breathe, but she was experiencing what Y/N felt as water had started to fill the the sinking car quickly. The memory blurred and lost focus, as the car sunk deeper. Then an arm smashed through the back window and grabbed hold of Y/N pulling her out. Now Wanda found herself stood on the bank of the river and Tony was there in one of his early suit designs with Y/N in his arms.
Wanda let go of the memory, her heart breaking for Y/N, she knew what it was like to lose your parents at a young age and she understood why this memory was haunting Y/N.
The scene changed and Wanda now stood back on the bridge, but it was different, rain was pouring down and as she looked around she saw a teenage Y/N standing there, looking over the edge, tears streaming down her face. She was soaked through from the rain but appeared to not be bothered by that.
Wanda wanted to reach out to comfort her but knew it wasn't possible, the immense wave of emotion coming from Y/N slammed against Wanda and she struggled for a moment to keep hold of the memory. Y/N was moving, she was climbing onto the barrier, standing there looking down at the water. Wanda gasped, as she heard Y/N's thoughts, she wanted to jump, she wanted to die, to not feel the guilt and pain she held, believing that it had been her fault her parents had died.
A red car screeched to a stop on the bridge and a woman jumped out, it was Nat. Wanda felt relieved knowing that Nat had been there for Y/N. Nat spoke to Y/N telling her that this wasn't the answer and that she had to stop blaming herself for what had happened, it had been an awful accident and there was nothing that she could have done. Tony had tried to save her parents but it had been too late.
Y/N eventually allowed Nat to pull her down from edge and get her in the car.
Another shift and the memory changed. Now Wanda was in the SHIELD HQ and beside her Y/N was walking across the foyer. She was clutching her pass and seemed happy. Nat and Fury appeared at the top of the stairs and welcomed Y/N, congratulating her on her recent graduation from MIT and securing the position with the SHIELD research dept.
The three of them walked through the building, chatting generally and explaining protocol to Y/N before they reached the research labs. Fury departed, leaving Nat and Y/N in the room. A knock on the door interrupted their conversation and Wanda turned at the same time they did to see who it was and there stood in the door way looking extremely cocky and smug was Lexa Steele.
Wanda realised this must have been the first time Y/N had met Lexa, who had now entered the room and was talking to Nat. Though in-between her conversation with Nat, Lexa kept glancing over at Y/N and smiling at her, which was causing Y/N to blush and attempt to look busy organising the papers on the desk. Wanda felt immensely jealous of the whole situation and seeing the way Y/N was behaving around Lexa.
The memory changed again and now Wanda was stood in an unfamiliar apartment. She turned as she heard voices and Y/N walked into the lounge with Lexa, whose hand she was holding. They looked so happy and comfortable with one another as they sat down on the couch beside one another. Lexa was talking about a mission she would be leaving on in the morning and that she needed to as Y/N something before she left. Y/N had smiled told Lexa to ask away.
Then Lexa moved off the couch and was on one knee in front of Y/N. Wanda felt her heartache as she heard Lexa ask Y/N to marry her, producing a makeshift paperclip ring from her pocket. Wanda was glad that the memory faded, not sure she could bare to see the way Y/N had looked at Lexa with pure adoration.
The next memory was back at SHIELD HQ and Wanda could sense the anguish filling the room and it was all coming from Y/N who was sat crying at her desk. Nat was there and trying to reassure Y/N that Lexa would come back, that it was nothing to worry about and that it was likely just a temporary loss of comms. Y/N shook her head and told Nat that this always happened, she was always losing the people she loved.
Wanda knew she had asked Y/N to let her in but it didn't make it any easier to see and feel the way Y/N had felt about Lexa. She took a deep breath and reminded herself that this was how Y/N used to feel and that it wasn't how Y/N felt now about Lexa.
The scene shifted again and Y/N was in a lab though it wasn't the same one as it had been in the other memories. Y/N looked worn out, dark circles under her eyes and her lab coat hung loosely off her. Y/N was talking to one of the other scientists when alarms started going off, causing them all to stop what they were doing as the sound of gun shots and fighting started. Y/N shouted for everyone to get down just as the doors to the lab were blasted open and a number people in black uniforms came rushing in. They all wore masks but their uniforms were those of SHIELD agents which had the people in the room looking relieved and moving to get up but as they did the agents started shooting.
Wanda gasped in shock as she watched the people collapse as bullets found their targets. Y/N was on the floor, a stray bullet had hit her in the shoulder, she was trying to get under one of the desks when a figure stepped in her way. The figure looked down at Y/N, before lifting a hand to pull off the mask, it was Lexa. She stood there gun pointing at Y/N, her finger on the trigger. Pain and anguish flooded Wanda, the feelings spilling from Y/N at the realisation that the woman she loved was committing the ultimate betrayal.
Lexa moved the gun slightly and fired, the bullet hitting the ground mere inches from where Y/N was. Then she turned and walked away, ordering the rest of the agents to move on. She didn't even look back at Y/N.
The memory ended and Wanda was struggling to process everything she was seeing and feeling. Whilst she'd herd Y/N talking about these things to Nat, she had never realised the toll these events had taken on Y/N.
Things shimmered and faded before refocusing and Wanda stood in the corner of a run down motel room. There were multiple empty bottles of alcohol around the room and there was Y/N sat on the floor with a bottle of whiskey in one hand and in the other a large amount of pills. Y/N's phone was on the floor, the screen lighting up with notifications and then it rang and Wanda could see Nat's name on the screen. Y/N was ignoring it though, lost in her despair, broken and hollow. Wanda watched in horror as Y/N took a swig of the Whiskey and then took all of the pills.
Having had to watch Y/N nearly die once, Wanda struggled to stay in the memory her own emotions colliding with how Y/N was feeling. Y/N was slumped on the floor now and before the memory faded, Nat and Tony came crashing through the motel room door and rushed to help Y/N.
**
Wanda opened her eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks as her hands dropped away from the sides of Y/N's head. The ribbons of power dissipated and Wanda looked at Y/N, she didn't know what to say, there didn't seem to be any words that were right.
"I told you I was broken..." Y/N finally said as she got up from the bed. "I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to turn and run now."
"Y/N..." Wanda shook her head, she knew that Y/N was trying to push her away.
"It's fine Wanda, really. You've seen what happens when I love people" Y/N grabbed a hoodie and tugged it on. "I'm going to go for a walk."
"Please Y/N stay" Wanda got up from the bed standing in front of Y/N.
"I just need some air" Y/N stepped around Wanda, avoiding eye contact and walked out the room, she couldn't handle talking right now. Reliving the memories so vividly as Wanda had used her powers had reopened every internal wound Y/N had tried to patch up.
Wanda watched Y/N leave and more tears rolled down her cheeks. She wanted to go after Y/N but understood that Y/N needed the space right now. Wanda sunk back down on the bed, wiping the tears from her cheeks.
"Hey Wanda, have you seen Y/N?" Nat appeared in the doorway of the room.
Wanda looked up and Nat frowned when she saw that the other girl was crying and looked devastated about something.
"Wanda, what's happened?" Nat asked as she stepped into the room.
"Y/N let me in... She showed me her memories..." Wanda explained as she wiped her cheeks again, fresh tears rolling down them as she thought back to each of the memories she had seen.
"Shit" Nat muttered, her fears of Y/N not really being okay were more than confirmed now. "I need to go and find her, are you alright?"
"Yeah, I'll be okay" Wanda nodded even though it felt like her heart was struggling to cope with the mixture of emotions bubbling inside of her, she didn't want to lose Y/N again.