You, who are still bewildered from his question, only answered a quiet "I won't."
It's all Ray needs before he erase the distance between the two of you and make sure he is warping his hands around you in a way that isn't crushing or anything unpleasant. His left hand is resting behind your waist while the right hand, which thumb was caressing you earlier, is tugging your head to lean on his chest.
You've lost the glimmering glint in your eyes, once that was lively like your soul. Ray fully grasps your condition now and he won't repeat the same mistake he did last time. He will never leave you, he will help your healing until your lively spirit comes back, even if it means he has to put all the shred one by one.
"It was all the past, Y/N. The Ratri clan won't be able to land their hands on you ever again," said Ray.
He slowly leans his head to you. "You have us to protect you too, me, Emma, and everyone. Just like Emma said."
Ray is willing to do anything what it takes to bring back your old self again. For achieving that goal, it only can be possible if you also willing to open yourself for him too.
The little flower who has lost its track, but it isn't yet to wither and struggling to survive. As long as it's still alive and someone can pour it water, the flower still can bloom into a strong beautiful creature.
"Talk to me, please."
You clench your fist above his jacket. The barrier you made to defend yourself is nearly destroyed to the dust, the only left is the thin walls around your heart. This is the last chance for you to retreat, pulling yourself back and taking your time to build those barrier again.
Or to finally surrender to what is it you truly want, not what you thought should've been the correct one.
"You will hate me if I told you." Your sight has been getting blurry, the air is suffocating and your voice is trembling. You are already in the verge of crying with the last remaining massive skepticism.
But Ray answered without missing a beat or any hesitation, "I won't."
"No, you don't understand. What I did was terrible beyond any forgiveness, no matter how hard I want to repent, it's going to haunt me for the rest of my life. That's ... just how intolerable it is, even if it's from you."
"There's nothing that I can't tolerate."
"How can you be so sure?!"
Ray moves his right hand to your cup your face. He turns your face to face him, locking your eyes to him. Even if you practically yelled at him, his reply is soft as he whispers.
"Because it's you."
Behind that soft whisper of his, you are able to clearly feel how serious he is with his words. Ray's not offering you empty reassurance and his strong gaze is enough to emphasize it.
"You can tell me even the most hideous thing a person can do, and I will still tolerate it because you were the one who did it. Tell me and I promise, I won't budge even a little."
You sure you didn't breath as long as he spoke as you weren't able to. At the end, one question has spoken out from your lips, "Why? How can you trust me that wholeheartedly?"
You don't deserve it.
The corner of his lips is twitching a bit, showing a simple yet genuine smile. "I know you, you won't do those without proper reason."
His answers strike like a light during a day. It warms your chest in a way you don't imagine. The feeling of being trusted.
"You're right, I don't understand a damn thing what you were thinking, what's weighing your mind and what's not." Ray stops for a bit when a leaf is falling over your hair. With a little chuckle, he removes it.
The chuckle sounds cuter than you thought.
"I don't know a thing so enlighten me, make me understand thus I can help you."
Everything is warm.
The blowing wind, the feeling on your ears, the tension over your chest, the skin on your jaw where Ray touches you, and all of them are pleasant. Not only that but it also feels prosperously safe.
Your mind wonders for the last time whether opening up to someone new—to Ray—is the right choice. What will happen if you tell him, what things that can be changed, you never really know as you can't foretell the future.
However, you know what it's that you want, one thing that both your heart and logic can both agree.
You want to trust him. As much as the trust he bestows upon you.
You sigh a shaky breath beforehand, without giving him any warning or whatsoever you said, "I killed those researchers in Lambda for our escape."
As how hard to finally say those words out, it leaves a strong bitterness too when it went through your tongue. Yet you fully understand you can't stop only at that and so you continued. "S—Smee said t—that no witness, nobody should left the site at all cost in order for our escape to success."
Unconsciously, you fist the front fabric of Ray's jacket because jitteriness is taking the ton out of you. You force yourself to keep looking at Ray's eyes the entire time, waiting for his reaction and if he hold his words.
Just as Ray has promised, his expression is remain indifferent. You notice his eyes are widen for the slightest bit but it backs again after he blinks.
He really hold his promise.
You can't feel the relief, however. Ray is keeping his promise but you're anxious for his later reaction, what will he say and how he will proceed the new revelation.
The fear grows worse as the time goes and Ray is still remained silent.
Desperate and scared, you asked, "Can you actually tolerate it?"
You don't know how exactly long does Ray keep his mouth shut, but it is twice or more longer for you. All your surroundings are becoming insignificant when your head is enveloped in thick cloud of constant regret and anxiety.
I did a mistake, didn't I? I shouldn't told him, should I?
These repeating question are circling your head to the point you felt your head ache from every corner. One thing comes to your mind.
Run.
You have to leave before you're drowned in another self admission of guilt.
No matter how hard you want to trust him, your self conscious is always throwing everything upside down at the end.
He lied, he won't be able to tolerate it. How silly of you. Of course no one will ever can tolerate a murderer.
But before you even can move a step back, you see Ray's body is getting closer to your view and you feel something is touching your forehead.
It was for a brief moment, yet you clearly comprehend what just happened.
He just kissed your forehead.
You lift your head up, searching for his eyes and for answer of what did the gesture mean. Despite of answering your curiosity, you then surprised by two consecutive peck on each side of your cheek. You gasp and flinch in his hold, face is getting unbelievably red.
As if he doesn't know that three actions almost give you a heart attack, Ray is drawing his head back and said, "I didn't expect you to carry such burden, I'm sorry."
"...Ray?"
"If only our original plan go as planned then both of you didn't need to survive that experiment plantation."
"But you guys escape at the end."
"Without you." Ray brings you closer.
You feel his hands is claiming again the spot on your face, burning your skin from the sensation of how gentle and desperate his touch is. As the second goes, both of your face is getting closer than you can ever imagine. You can even feel his breath over your lips, merging with your own short yet raged one.
His eyes never leaving you even a second. "I won't ever let you go again, you've promised me."
When your nose brush with his, you see Ray closes his eyes and you followed short after. At the latest, his lips meets yours, brushing all the unnecessary worries away in an instant. Your head is at the lightest it ever been, even between the intense flutter and goosebumps all over your skin.
All you can see is Ray. How soft his lips against yours, how it brings a very tingling and exhilarating in your stomach and then absolutely invading your senses.
Unfortunately, it's over too fast before you can relish it even deeper since Ray draws his head back, making you feel the new of need that won't disappear even after you swallow a tight plump in your throat.
You need a second longer to rearrange your thoughts. "You're willing to accept me? Even after what I've done?"
"For whatever you've done. I will accept everything. As long it's you then I won't mind"
The second he finished that, you pull him to connect your lips for the second time and Ray reciprocate it with the same eagerness, or more even.
He tilt his head to the side and even if he lightly bumps your nose in the process, none of you pay it any attention as Ray is deepening the kiss in a way that makes you lost the power on your knees and curls your toes. While his hands is now holding you close on the waist and the other one is behind your neck, you are clinging your hands around Ray's neck and higher between the locks of his hair. You're afraid if you're not hanging into him, you afraid you maybe fall on your knees.
It's like a dream come true and you can't mind the other things around you, or the fact that you still have another duty inside the shelter, or the fact that you're currently far outside the forest safe zone.
But it's okay, and it's fine.
You never felt this safe or secure and if Ray doesn't reminds you, you probably even totally forget this much of pleasure and peace are exist.
"I love you."
When you break the kiss because of the lack of air, and when you utter those three words, your mind is becoming clearer than ever and all the burden free from your shoulder even for a moment.
Later, you find out what you truly want and you decide what you see as the right option to achieve it.
Ray is returning your gentle gaze, as he leans his forehead against you, he whispers in such a sweet tone that melt your heart even more.
"I love you too, more than anything."
〰️
It was an uncalled coincidence, if she can be honest.
Emma was strolling in the garden with her hand is yet released from the bandage Anna reapplied that morning. When her eyes accidentally found Norman, she saw him in his usual working attire and layered with his signature cloak. Their eyes locked for the very brief moment and neither of them were able to greeting each other. Norman who was in a hurry so early in the morning and Emma who was being held due to her self-esteem.
It doesn't mean Emma has grudge for him because the other day. He is Norman, her best friend, and Emma simply can't hate even an ounce towards the boy. No matter how bad his hatred for the destruction or how he conceal your eyes and ears from her and Ray.
Emma wanted to greet him like usual, but thought about how Norman probably would turn cold into her just like before is unnerving. Seeing how Norman was quick to avert his eyes back to Vincent and taking account of his absent to check on her while knowing Emma is injured, Norman is maybe also avoiding her on purpose.
"Ha...." Emma sighed as she drops her head to the table. Their relationship is turning colder as the time goes, she should've at least called his name when they passed each other earlier!
"Are you going to give up now?"
Emma raises her head from the table in a second and answered immediately, "Of course not!"
Ray slams the hard side of the book in his hold, which Emma glances the title is "Mental Health Nursing", near her face to emphasize as he said, "Then do something about that certain silver-blonde smartass."
"I am trying, okay? I need time to think more useful confrontation!" Emma pouts. "And don't talk like that when you also have done nothing so far! Aren't you supposed to support me?"
"As a matter of fact, I actually talked to him two days ago."
"What?! When? Without me?"
"I have something to ask him in private." Ray's mind is wandering to you, then he remembers how he ended up pulling Norman's collar and yelling in front of his face. "A very normal boy's talk."
He quickly rotates the topic back. "But the thing is, what will we do next? A secret trip to The Seven Walls?"
"If we can't reach any agreement then we maybe even need to sneak out and search Mujika and Sonju in secret too," said Emma.
If Norman can't agree to any of her proposal then he definitely will proceed the plan to kill Mujika and Sonju as they're threat for his plan. Not only that but he will completely wipe out the demon's existence and seeing how smooth and well his preparations are, Emma can't prevent it when it take place not far in the future.
Emma shakes her head. "We definitely have to make him at least wait until we back from The Seven Walls!"
Emma doesn't really understand why Ray coughs after she finished her words, until he opens the door in her shared bedroom—one that she shares with the other girls but currently empty because the others are doing their activities outside.
As he open the door, Ray said, "About that, I think someone can help us compromise better."
Then, you're coming to the view.
"Eh, Y/N?!"
Emma's mouth is gaped on you who almost stumbling forward because you were leaning to the door before, trying to make out what Ray and Emma were talking about when Ray suddenly opens the door. You thought none of them detect your movement behind the door.
Ray smirked a bit playfully with the door is still between his grip. He said, "Until when you were staying out there, huh?"
As you're growing flustered by his words, you are focusing your attention more to Emma and the bandage around her hand. "How are you doing, Emma?"
Emma notices how you pointed her hand in particular, then she moves her bandaged hand freely. "I'm fine now! It's nothing, see? I can move it without problem!"
You feel yourself finally at ease. "I am really glad! I'm sorry I pushed you too hard that day, it was a mistake."
"No, it's alright! I know you didn't mean it. On the other hand you ..." Emma pauses a bit, slightly biting her lower lips to be carefully arrange her next words. "Are you alright? I tried to check your room yesterday but it's locked...."
She glance at Ray beside you, he's nodding his head in approval.
Ray told Emma a few days ago that your condition aren't fully well. He thought that you got some trauma from Lambda that gave unseen scars on your mental. He strictly advise her to not mention is explicitly in front of you, though. From those books Ray has been reading these days, it said that talking it too openly isn't comfortable for the patient.
"I'm okay now ... Much better compared to before, you must be surprised," you said.
Now that everything is almost all settled, the tension Emma felt before is partially disappear when the pleasant and carefree vibes are swaying the air.
It feels friendly, without any pressure.
"I've something to talk with you, Emma."
"With me ... Is it mean you're thinking of my idea before?"
You are thinking of the same fair point as Emma so you're nodding your head even though you're not agreeing 100% of her plan.
"What is it that makes you change your mind?" The second later, she feels the words she had picked didn't sound as nice as she ought to be. The girl is flustered while explain, "I'm happy you're in our side but why, so abruptly?"
"I lied when I said this isn't worth trying. I've reflected myself upon my decisions that day and you're right, Emma," you said.
You embrace yourself, internally. "I wish we can avoid fighting as much as possible."
"If your plan success then no one will be at any harm." No body have to fight in Emma's plan, this way your teammates will be much safer and far from any battle field.
You see Emma is thrilled, elated with your words now that you're supporting her and finally show your true feelings.
In anticipation for her rousing elation, you halt the topic fast by strongly said, "There's one essential point you two have to know by know."
"Even if I am now supporting your side, I don't guarantee that I can convince Norman to change the plan. He is—"
You sigh. "—He is too stubborn for his own good and it's far too late to stop everything, we've prepared the attack for almost four years."
"But aren't you his reliable comrade? Won't he listen to you?" asked Emma.
You shake your head. "I think you have mistaken, Emma. He maybe able to command me or anyone else but I can't command him. He is basically living to the title 'boss' when he isn't in front of you guys."
You're not entirely sure either, if fact to be told. You never disagree or questioning Norman's reasonings or plan because you trust and rely too much into him. No one ever doubt his splendid ideas too so far and even if Vincent ever ask him regarding somethings, Norman always able to convince Vincent.
Whatever the outcome is, the process is the one going to be the hardest.
"The furthest help I can provide is to tell subjects that will rouse Norman's curiosity, hopefully he is willing to at least decently consider it," you said.
If you, Emma, and Ray come to him together all at once, all of you can trap him so he is thinking more of the plan thoroughly and perhaps giving up because your team's pertinacious is overpowering his.
Or so you hope will be the case.
However the biggest problem is how the three of you talk to him. It's impossible for you to convince him, especially it's not a secret you're a bad talker in a match against someone with a strong argument since you always tend to lose.
To defeat someone like Norman, you can't argue using a mere logic because he will manage to find the flaw in it and turn the table over you, somehow. You never thought there will be a time when his intelligence becomes an obstacle than a bless.
So the only way to win him away is giving him a whole different and absurd perspective he can't ever think of, something mind blowing so Norman won't have any change to refuse.
The only one who can do it is her. "Emma, you're the one who can convince him."
▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️
FINALLY A
✨CONFESSION✨
AND ALSO
♥️KISS SCENE♥️
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
Phew, what a slow-burn. It took in total 39 chapters or 40 (including the intro) to reach here.
How was it? Do you like it? I planned a plenty more romantic exchanges before these three guys proceed with the confrontation to Norman.
Also thank you so much for your support ♥️ I see there are many new readers are joining this FF in the past week. I hope you will enjoy your ride until the end**
I'll see you in next chapter, bye~