Tom was sitting on the couch. Sydney was in the kitchen. She had her milk, but she was just staring at Tom. He couldn't see her though. Sydney came out with her glass. Sydney said "Tom I'm going to bed. I'm sleepy." He said "ok have a good night." He got up. Sydney said "What so are you leaving?" Tom said "no I meant I hope you have a good sleep. I was just going to go to the kitchen, and get me something to eat. I'm still hungry." Sydney said " Tom I know we need to talk, but I'm not ready yet. Seeing you just hurts me." Tom said "I'm sorry. If you can't take me being here I'll go back home." Sydney said "So is that what you want to do?" Tom said "no I want to be here close to you. Even if I can't see you." Sydney said "you can stay as long as you get you can't just come in to my room. I mean it's best if you stay cause Abby wants you to." Tom said "ok thank you and yeah I know I can't. I will stay away from you." Sydney said "good. Good night. I mean you have a good sleep too." Tom said "thank you." Sydney went up to bed.
She looked at Abby. She said Abby I know I am messing everything up with Tommy. I just don't know what to do. I love him and I want to be his wife, I have lived with the pain of what he did, and was still able to be with him, so I should be able to get over this too.
Sydney tried lay down but she couldn't sleep. She went downstairs. Tom was asleep on the couch. She stood there and stared at him. She turned to leave but bumped into the table. Tom woke up. Tom said "Syd." She turned.
Tom said "you ok? I mean you didn't hurt yourself bumping into the table. I'm sorry I turned off the light." Sydney said "no I'm fine. Sorry I woke you." Tom said "no it's ok. So were you headed to the kitchen." Sydney said "No I was needing to ask you something." Tom said "ok well you should have woken me. What did you want to ask."
Sydney turned on the light. Sydney said "Tom I feel so bad for how I treated your mom, She's always been so sweet to me, and I just flew out of her house didn't even hardly explain, and I ruined her time with you. I know she was so excited for you to be home." Tom said "Sydney don't worry about it. My mom understands why you left so quick." Sydney said "I love your mom so much I would never want to hurt her." Tom said "She loves you Sydney/Michelle. Don't worry about it."
Sydney said "she texted me and told me that she loved me and she would give me some time and space and not keep bothering me, but if I needed her to call or text her." Tom said "Right she loves you." Sydney said "I feel bad, I don't want her to be mad at me." Tom said "She's not." Sydney said "I wanted to call her back I mean I texted her thank you and that I loved her, and I was sorry, but I didn't know what to say. I can't deal with all of this Tom." He said "Sydney she knows that, that's why she told you she would back off. But she's always going to be here for you. She loves you. She always has."
Sydney said " will you tell her I'm sorry." Tom said "yeah I will, but you don't need to be. You wanted get back home to Abby it's fine she understands that. You needed get away from me." Sydney said "ok that's all I wanted to say. I mean I want you to tell her. I can't deal with any of this. I've got a lot of thinking to do." Tom said "I understand. I just pray that when you are ready, you will let me try and explain. I know I hurt you at the reunion. I didn't mean to."
Sydney said "I'm going to bed ." Tom said "ok." Judy came in. She said "oh hey guys." Sydney said "I just came down to tell Tommy to tell his mom I'm sorry. I mean I texted her that, but I still feel bad." Tom said "I'll tell her, but don't worry about it. She's not mad at you." Sydney said "how was your date?" Judy said "it was great, I'll fill you in upstairs." They went upstairs.
Judy said "how you doing?" Sydney said "I'm a total mess. I'm messing everything up." Judy said "ok let's go in your room." They sat on the bed. Sydney said "I keep going down there. I mean I messed up about the baby." She said "what you told Tom?" Sydney said "no but I went down to get milk, and you know I'm talking to the baby, even though I don't know but I feel like there is a baby, so I told him I was getting us some milk, and he was like is Judy home, I didn't see her come in, and I was like no why, and he said you said us. So I said oh just habit Hanson." Judy said "Did he buy that?" Sydney said "yeah. I took Abby down to let her see Tom, and let Tom take her on a walk." Judy said "I bet he was happy to see Abby and she him." Sydney said "yes Abby was so excited jumping on him licking him."
Judy said "So it still is hurting you to see him?" Sydney said "yes but I love him. I want to stay married. I will just have to find a way to deal with the pain when I look at him. but I don't know how to do it. The pain is so fresh and so much more than when I was a teenager." Judy said "well maybe when you talk to him, he will explain, and you won't feel pain when you look at him." Sydney said "I don't know. I wish Jude. I really do. But I don't think there is anything Tommy can say to me that can take away my pain for him choosing her." Judy said "Sydney I get why you feel that, but he didn't choose her. he's chosen you. Still I think you deserve a reason why, after all these years, I think he owes you that." Sydney said "yeah but I mean I know why. He hated me. I mean he must have. Cause he was so sweet to Erin. He took her to the prom to shut her bullies up. But me he joined in." Judy said "yeah I don't get why he did that, but I think he owes you the answer. I'm not trying to tell you to not be hurt, or not be angry. I'm just saying you were worried that Tommy would reject you when he found out, and he hasn't. He is still in love with you."
Sydney said "yeah but he's in love with me as Sydney, maybe he really just hasn't thought about what that means, cause no matter if I look different inside, in my heart, I'm still Michelle." Judy said "yes and I think he knows that. Look you have questions and he needs to give you answers. I'm just saying don't give up on him or your love, and that also goes for the baby that you maybe having. Honey don't deprive him of this baby, I think you just misunderstood what he said, I can't believe he would not be excited about a baby with you. If you're not ready to tell him that is fine, it's totally your decision, I just think you'll regret it if you keep this from him." Sydney said "I thought about it, and after I let him explain, I am going to tell him. I'm not going to hide it from him. I am going to tell him before I take the tests." Judy said "that's good." Sydney said "I just don't know when I'll be ready to talk to him." Judy said "Take your time. Don't rush into it, if you're not ready for it then don't. You have to limit your stress Sydney. Now can I get you anything, you and the possible baby Hanson." They laughed. Sydney said "I'm starving." Judy said "ok what you hungry for and I'll go down and get it." Sydney said "Some yogurt with strawberries in it and some toast." Judy said "ok I'll be right back."
Judy said "I'm getting me a snack to take upstairs. I'll be out of your way Hanson so you can go back to sleep." Tom said "ok Judy, is Sydney ok." Judy said "no Hanson she's not ok. You really hurt her Friday" Tom said "I know that. I meant I know it hurts her to look at me, so I'm just worried. I know I got one chance to fix this, I don't want to mess up." Judy said "Hanson look I know you may not realize why she is so hurt. But she feels like you chose Anna in high school, over Michelle, but that you also chose her over Sydney and Sydney is your wife." He said "Judy I know she's my wife. I didn't choose Anna over Sydney. I never would. Anna means nothing to me. I didn't care if she was there or not." Judy said "I know that, and I get why you got all upset, but Sydney feels it differently, she's lived with the images of you and Anna in her head, all these years. She wanted you to hate her, to ignore her, to not speak to her. Look you have to get it that Sydney feels betrayed by you once again, and it has crushed her."
Judy took food back up to Sydney and they talked all about Judy and Booker's date. Judy said "well I've got to get to bed, since one of us has to be at work tomorrow." She laughed. Sydney said "Fuller said to take off, but maybe I should just go in." Judy said "no and I'm not going to let you. Sydney you need to take it easy, especially till you find out if you're having a baby. Just rest. Try not stress and worry over Tommy. He loves you. You love him. He hasn't cheated on you, and you haven't cheated on him. There's nothing been done that love can't fix. Good night." Sydney said "Judy thank you for everything. I really don't know how I got so blessed to have you as my friend. You're the best friend I always wanted. but never thought I could have"
The next morning Judy brought Sydney up banana muffin and some yogurt with fruit and toast. Judy was ready to leave for work. She said "Hanson I'm going to work now. You need to leave Sydney alone. Don't put pressure on her. I know you want to fix things, but Sydney isn't ready yet." Tom said "I know."
Sydney said Abby I need call Tom's mom and then we can go out. Tom's mom answered. Sydney said "Mrs. Hanson I just wanted to call and tell you how sorry I am. I know how badly I acted, and made of fool of myself, and Tommy, and you. I'm so sorry Mrs. Hanson. I didn't mean to act like that I really didn't." Margaret said "honey please don't call me Mrs. Hanson. You're my daughter in law. And please don't apologize or worry. Tommy told me you told him to call me. But you don't need to feel bad. I totally understand why you left like you did. I'm just so sorry you had to go through all that. Going back home and going to that school I don't know how you did it. I know you're hurt and upset, and I won't keep you. Just know that my son loves you honey, and if you can just calm down enough to let him explain." Sydney said "Mrs. uh Margaret, thank you for everything. You have always been so sweet to me, back in high school, and here in Dallas, with Tommy. You welcomed me into your family. It means so much to me. You have been like a mom to me. I love you so much I always will no matter what happens between me and Tommy." She said "I feel the same. I just am praying really hard you and Tommy will find a way to get back together."
Sydney took Abby downstairs. Tom was in the kitchen. Sydney was expecting him to be on the couch. She didn't see him she felt a little panicked. Tom came out of the kitchen. He said "hey." Abby ran to Tom hoping to get what he had. Tom said "Syd can she have a bite?" Sydney nodded. She said "I'm going to take Abby outside for a walk." Tom said "ok have a good walk guys." She left with Abby. She said I'm sorry I know I need to just talk to him but I can't right now Abby. Looking at him I just see him saying I'm a bully and her hugging him.
Sydney and Abby were walking, and all of a sudden Abby started yelping, crying in pain. Sydney said Abby what's wrong. She bent down and picked her up. She saw she had a huge sticker in her paw. Sydney panicked. She got her phone and called Tom. Tom said "hey Syd." She said "Tommy please we need you please." Tom flew out the door and ran up to them. Sydney was carrying Abby back." Abby was crying, so was Sydney.
Tom said "Baby what's wrong, what happened." Sydney said "we were walking and Abby started yelping and crying I picked her up and that is when I saw this." Sydney showed him. Tom said "Damn that's huge." Sydney said "Tommy please help her." Tom said "let's go inside. You know if Judy has any tweezers." Sydney said "yeah in her makeup kit in the bathroom. I'll go get them." Abby was crying. Tom was so gentle with her, trying to soothe her. He kept saying I know baby I'm so sorry. Daddy will fix it in just a minute and make you feel all better. Sydney handed him the tweezers. Tom said "ok Syd can you hold her tight. She's going to try and jump out of your arms probably cause she's not going to want me to touch it." Sydney said "ok like this." Tom nodded. Tom was talking to Abby about getting her a bone and a new toy, and ice cream, he was talking to her so sweet. Tom finally managed to get it out. Abby stopped crying. She licked his face. Sydney was crying. At how sweet Tom was to her, and just she was emotional.
Tom said "hey you ok." Sydney nodded. She said "it just scared me . I love her so much Tommy I was scared to try and take it out. I guess I'm a terrible mom dog mom." Tom said "no you're not. you're a great mom, you comforted her talking to her Keeping her calm. Kissing her head while I was working on her." Sydney said "thank you so much." He said "you're welcome. You know how much I love her." Sydney nodded. Tom said "hey you need to sit down, you don't look so good. I mean you look beautiful as always, but you are turning white and pale." Sydney said "yeah I feel a little faint." She sat down. Tom got her some lemonade to drink. He said "can she have a bone." Sydney nodded.
Sydney felt sick. She said "can you watch Abby? I need go upstairs." Tom said "sure." Sydney kissed her. She went and threw up. After throwing up she felt fine. She sat on the bed. She called Judy. Judy said "hey how are you doing." She said "not good. I took Abby out and she got hurt. I'm a terrible dog mom if I'm pregnant I'll be a terrible mom. If Tommy wouldn't have been here." Judy said "slow down what happened to Abby?" Sydney said "we were walking and she started yelping. I picked her up and saw she had big huge sticker imbedded in her paw. I didn't know what to do so I called Tommy and he came running to us." She said "well I wouldn't have known what to do either, I mean I wouldn't have known whether you should pull it out or what. I mean I haven't had a dog. Tommy has right. So he knew." Sydney said "yeah he was amazing, so sweet and so gentle with her. He got it out." Judy said "so she is ok." Sydney said "yes. She is getting a bone right now for being a good girl when Tommy was trying get it out.' Judy said "you're a great dog mom and you will be a great mom." Sydney said "Speaking of that I was sick again. I smelled Tommy's breakfast he had left on the table. Bacon." Judy said "oh no." They laughed.
Sydney said "I am going to try and talk to Tom today. Let him explain. I don't know if what he says will help with me being so hurt when I look at him. But I love him and so does Abby. I don't want to lose him. I just am not ready to go back home to him. I hope he won't give up on me." Judy said "I don't think he will. Just be honest with him about not being ready, about still being so hurt, and you feel like he choose Anna over you Sydney, not just you back in high school. I know you're dreading talking to him about it, but you need to tell him how he hurt you. You need to let him know how he made you feel Friday night. That you just can't pick up and move home and act like that betrayal didn't happen, cause you still feel betrayed. I mean even if it wasn't a betrayal in the sense that he cheated or kissed her but still it hurt the same."
Sydney went downstairs. Tom had Abby on his lap. She said "How's Abby?" He said "She's fine. She's been playing." Sydney said "Tommy do you think maybe we could go outside. I need to get some air, and we need to talk." Tom said "ok sure." Sydney said "let's go in the back yard so Abby can play." Tom said "ok."
Tom felt sick, and nervous, scared. He didn't' want to blow this. He hadn't expected that Sydney would want to talk to him so soon, and even though he had rehearsed it in his mind, he was now terrified that he wouldn't get the words right.
Sydney said "Tom." Tom said "um look if you're not ready to talk or to listen, then I totally understand. Maybe it's too soon, and we should just wait." Sydney said "I am not really ready, but I think we need to talk now. I need to talk. If you will just listen." Tom nodded.
Sydney said "I want you to know that I have loved being your wife." She cried. Tom was fighting back tears. Tom said "I have loved being your husband. Sydney please don't do this. Look let's just take more time, I'll give you all the time you need."
Sydney said "Tom please I need to say this." He nodded. Sydney said "I want you to know I never meant for you to find out like you did. That is not how I wanted it to be. I wanted to tell you in private. But I lost it. Seeing you choose Anna over me it hurt me, so much more than high school." Tom said "Syd no you don't understand. Please I didn't choose Anna." Sydney was crying. So was Tom. Sydney said "you let her hug you, ok you didn't hug her, but you knew I didn't want her to touch you." Tom said "Sydney I know. I'm sorry. I let you down. I get you're hurt, and angry, but please baby don't end our marriage. I love you. Please just let me explain. I know I need to explain my actions at the reunion. I didn't choose her, but I know to you it feels like I did."
Sydney said "I know you didn't know I was Michelle, but you knew as Sydney, as your wife, I did not want that bitch to touch you. When I told her to get away, you tried to protect her, you tried to stop me, cause you knew I was going to hit her." Tom said "no I didn't care about whether she got hurt, yeah I didn't want to see you fight, so I got in the middle of you. Sydney you got to believe me I don't give a damn about Anna. I don't. She is nothing to me. I broke up with her and never talked to her again. I'm sorry. Look I know you feel betrayed by me. I get it. But look please Syd don't give up on me, on our marriage. I love you. Please let me explain, and let me fix this. We can get past this. I'll do whatever you want whatever you need. I will work hard, we can start over,"
Sydney said "I want to, I mean I'm mad at myself, for making a fool of myself, for losing it like that, for humiliating you, Tom I was in like this zone, I have never felt that kind of rage, pain, anger, I lost it, I felt like my face was on fire, like I was on fire, my body burned. My head hurt. I felt the worst pain in my head I have ever felt. I was filled with rage, memories of my whole child hood teen years crashing back, one after the other, it hurt my head. I couldn't breathe,. I felt trapped. Paralyzed. I mean it was like you were introducing me to these people, and I could see everything they ever did or said to me, and then it was like they were doing it to me there that night, and you were laughing and letting them. I mean I know they weren't, it was all in my head."
Tom said "Baby I'm so sorry. I know I let you down. I didn't know what was happening." Sydney said "I'll let you talk and explain. But I have to be honest Tom. I love you. I always have. But I don't know right now it hurts me to look at you. All I see are you and Anna, I mean the images have always been in my head, but now I see you and Anna now. I don't know how long it will take for me to get past this horrible pain. Cause I really don't know if there is anything you can say to me that will explain enough to take away the ache and the pain I am feeling. You said you had wonderful memories of that gym good times, that gym that night was the worst night of my life, until the gym Friday at the reunion, That was the worst night. I have never felt more pain Tom. After all the stuff that was done to me. That all was nothing compared to what you did that night."
Sydney said "I want you to know I never intended to go there and make a fool of you, or of me, and I never intended to be a bully, or tell what I knew about those bitches, I just was filled with so much rage, it overwhelmed me. I regret how I acted. I'm horrified by my actions. I turned into a bully." Tom said "They deserved it. If I had known why you were doing it, it would have been ok for me."
Sydney said "I love you but I don't know how to get past the pain when I look at you." She was crying. I'm mad at myself, cause I should be able to, but I just it hurts to look at you.
Tom said "Syd Chellie please it sounds like you've made up your mind. I know I hurt you baby. I'm sorry. But you please just please don't make up your mind until you listen to me. I'll let you finish. But you're scaring me. Maybe we should just wait until" Sydney said "Tom I don't want to wait." Tom said "I know I hurt you badly deeply. I know you feel betrayed. But Sydney please. Chellie please don't leave me. Please I will do whatever you want but don't tell me we can't survive this. If you need time away from me, just if you will just listen to me." Sydney said "Tom I'm going to listen to you. Look maybe I'm not saying this right. I'll try again."
Sydney said "I'm not I haven't made up my mind. But I'm just saying right now I can't see anything you could tell me that will stop my pain. I'm just saying that I can't just move home and act like this didn't happen, and pick right back up where we were before we left." Tom said "I know that." Sydney said "I wanted to try and explain why I acted like I did. I didn't mean to go off and lose control and bully" Tom said "Syd I get it, you snapped. I see why" Sydney said "So aren't you upset with me, mad at me, I mean Tom not just for how I acted at the reunion, but I mean I kept this secret from you. I didn't want to. At first when you didn't recognize me, I was relieved. When Jenko was telling me would I take the new guy to the mall and I said sure, then Doug and Harry were talking about you and they said Hanson, and I freaked out, I was like oh no it can't be, then I was like come on that would be crazy it is not just relax, but then they said Tom and I recognized your voice, and I was so terrified to turn around."
Sydney said "Tommy I started over in Dallas, I became someone. I got friends. I got a job. Tom said "Michelle you were someone but go on." Sydney said "Doug, Harry, they liked me. I mean they thought I was pretty." Tom smiled. He said "you are beautiful. But you as Michelle was too." Sydney said "They both asked me out, and were always teasing me saying they both saw me first, " Tom smiled.
Sydney said "So I loved my life at Jump Street. I had friends, that truly cared about me, had my back. I mean yeah I wished I had a man, but I was too scared, and I guess I was not over you. But everything else was good. And the guys didn't see me as this weird, ugly, fool, they didn't think I was hideous, or that I was a joke, they didn't feel sorry for me when they looked at me, so I didn't want them to know Tom. I've only told Judy about the bullying. I am so ashamed by it. I didn't want them to know and so when you didn't recognize me I was relieved."
Tom said "Sydney you have no reason to be ashamed. What they did to you I wish you would have told me. Back then. I would have stopped it. But go on."
Sydney said "then I thought well I still loved you, and I was able to hang out with you, and be friends, and I told myself I wouldn't let us ever be more than friends, unless I told you who I was, so that you would know. But Tommy I loved every minute with you. At work we had so much fun, even on cases, and pretending to be your girl. I loved it." Tom smiled. He said "I loved it too every minute, every thing we did do still do together, talking, listening to music, watching tv, movies."
Sydney nodded. Sydney said "I was so in love with you, and more than I had been, and so I was going to try and tell you cause I knew you wanted more, but then" Tom said "I blew our date, on that case." Sydney said "yeah and I get why, but it was I took it as a sign, like of all nights the night I'm going to reveal myself as Michelle, and then out of the blue a teen girl asks you to murder her cop dad. I mean it was unreal, so I was too scared. I tried to not let you know how in love I was, cause I knew it wasn't being fair to you. But I couldn't stop it. I wanted to be with you. Tom I felt guilty for not telling you, and I knew you deserved to know, but I was so scared to, and I kept telling myself I can tell him later, right now just enjoy hanging out with him, cause I was so scared you'd not want to hang out with me or want to be with me, I thought I would lose you as my friend, and then I'd have to quit work, cause I'd have to see you with girls and I" Tom said "It's ok. I get why you were scared to tell me. I wish you would have. But it doesn't change anything. If you would have told me I could have assured you. I mean I knew you were struggling with guilt in not telling me whatever it was. I know how much it was weighing on you, and how stressed you were. I just wanted to help and make all that go away, fix things for you."
Sydney said "Anyway I don't want to rehash all that, I just wanted you to know I'm sorry how the reveal went down. I really didn't plan on acting like that or doing that. I did want to tell you in private. I didn't I never planned on telling you like that. I am horrified by how I acted. I wouldn't blame you if you hated me." Tom said "no I don't hate you. I get why you lost it. You're entitled to."
Sydney said "Tom I'm ready to listen to you. I'm just saying I don't know where we go from here. After you talk there's something I need to tell you. But that doesn't that can't fix things for us. We need to fix things on our own. It's not fair to. Look I'll get to that part later. " Tom said "Sydney I'm scared. I don't want to say the wrong thing, I don't want you to leave me. I've rehearsed it in my head over and over But now that I've got my chance I'm terrified. Please Sydney don't leave me. I will do whatever you need me to do, but tell me we can get past this." Sydney said "Tom I want to try and get past this. But there's so much pain and heart ache. I hurt looking at you, and I know you deserve better." Tom said "no Sydney don't say that. Please. Ok please just try and listen. I know there's nothing that can make up for what I did to you in high school. I know how bad I hurt you."
Sydney said "Do you Tom, cause you devastated me, you broke me. you were my only friend. At least I thought you were my friend. Anna used to torture me taunting me about how you guys were having sex, how she knew I loved you and you would never love me." Tom said "She was wrong." Sydney said "I get to you you probably don't see why I got so upset Fri and am so hurt, but I have lived with her words in my head, the images of you kissing her, dancing with her, holding her hand, walking in to Macy's, she loved to flaunt you in front of me. I mean I don't know if I can explain it. I need to try." Tom said "Go on say what you need to say to me."
Sydney said "ok you hate Booker right. I mean when it comes to me. you're jealous of him and have been from day one. I mean right." Tom nodded. He said "yeah before you even got back to town and met him, I knew he was going to be trouble, and flirt with you, and try and get you, and I hadn't won your heart yet, so yeah I was jealous."
Sydney said "And I mean he has been nothing but a good friend to me. I didn't want to hurt you or make you jealous. But like when he hugged me, how did it make you feel to see." He said "rage at him. Not at you. Jealous." Sydney said "ok so say you like went to the bathroom, and when you came back instead of Booker just hugging me, you saw him kiss me, like really kiss me, like a make out kiss." Tom said "it would make me sick. I'd be devastated and want to kill him." Sydney said "ok then imagine seeing that every hour in your head over and over year after year after year." Tom said "yeah I get it." Sydney said "So seeing you talk to Anna and be happy to see her and want to save her from Steve." Tom said "Syd no you got it all wrong. I wasn't happy to see her. I swear. Look I was happy to be there with you, show off my beautiful wife. I didn't give a damn if Anna was there, or if she spoke to me. I don't care about her marriage. Yeah I said I don't know why any woman would stay with a guy." Tom stopped. He looked away. Sydney said "What." Tom said "a guy who hurts them, but that's what I'm asking you to do isn't it. Stay with me, even though I've hurt you over and over again. I mean back in high school, with that bitch, your dreams were worse because of me, now I get it. I mean you said you had dreams but that they had stopped, but they started back up when I came to Jump Street right?"
Sydney nodded. Tom said "all I've ever done is hurt you. And here I am asking you to give me one last chance." Sydney said "you haven't just hurt me, you made me so happy too. Look Tom I'm not I don't know what to do. Years of pain, and now it's all fresh pain, and I know I'm not being rational maybe, but it still hurts and now I'm in worse pain, I mean I've never hurt this bad Tom. I don't know how to stop it. I don't think there's anything left to say, I mean I'll listen but I don't know how you can fix it." Sydney was crying. So was Tom.