Every night since Mari's funeral, Hayato had been having nightmares about her death. It was because when concerning Mariko Saito's death- he was the only guilty party. Araya, Hawks and even Dabi (as Hayato came to find out) viewed themselves as responsible for her safety and their failure to protect her is what fed their guilt. Unlike them however, Hayato really was responsible for her death itself. It wasn't an exaggeration or him twisting the past in his mind to process his grief- it was true. Because of his own selfishness, his dear friend perished.
Months before the mission, someone had told him that Mariko was going to die. That person was his daughter Ayuri. After coming back from her outing with the blonde hero and her Aunt Mari, Hayato had asked his daughter about the "daydream" she had had during lunch. With more detail than what should've been possible for a four-year-old, the young child described vividly what happened in her vision. She saw Mariko in some kind of hospital or science lab badly hurt. She was with Hawks and she wasn't moving. It was obvious that Ayuri's quirk had manifested, but Hayato had been in denial. He'd been desperately hoping that his daughter hadn't inherited her mother's clairvoyance quirk and naively thought that if he ignored it long enough, it would go away. It was selfish, stupid, and completely illogical, but he just couldn't stand the thought of his little girl being tormented with visions of the future as his wife was before she was able to control it. He'd wanted to protect her from being hurt; and in doing so, he not only ignored the warning she gave him and Mariko, but convinced the latter to ignore it as well. Now his friend was dead, and his daughter was hurt from grief.
Tht particular night, the dreams had been especially awful. He dreamt he had the knowledge that the people in his dream were going to die, only it was Mariko, Ayuri, his wife Kaede, Araya... everyone precious to him was going to die and although he knew it, he was powerless to stop it. He'd broken out into a cold sweat and felt sick to his stomach when he woke up. He'd gone down the the kitchen to get some water and hoped that it would calm him down- and it did- but it didn't help much. After sitting at the breakfast table for an hour trying to decide what to do, Hayato realized he needed to talk to someone about what was doing on.
Usually, his go-to was Araya because he didn't want his wife to suffer with him. The raven-haired male however, was in no condition to lend an ear right now; so, he turned to Sakura, the only other person who could understand what was going on with him.
The brunette answered his text immediately despite it being almost five in the morning and he wasted no time in getting into his car and driving to her house where he was greeted with open arms.
"Come on in," she said. Her voice had lost the usual pep and energy since their friend's passing.
Taking his shoes off by the front door, Hayato sighed. "Sorry to drop in on you like this. I just..."
"I don't mind. I get it," she said placing a hand on his shoulder comfortingly.
Sakura led him to her living room where she already had two cups of tea sitting on the coffee table. The familiar gesture reminded him greatly of Mariko and caused his chest to ache painfully.
Noting his expression, the brunette offered a sad smile and a small shrug. "I never liked tea much before, but Mari always insisted it was good for calming down. She was right."
Hayato nodded and sat down next to her on the sofa. Picking up the mug, he just stared at his hands, not caring that the hot ceramic was stinging his palms.
"This is about Mariko, right?" she asked. "Do you miss her?"
Tears stung his eyes, and he shut them tightly. "It's killing me," he admitted.
"Yeah... me too."
"The guilt's eating me alive Sakura, but there's nothing I can do about it."
The brunette shook her head. "You have nothing to feel guilty about," she told him.
Hayato watched as the steam rose from his mug. "But I do. It's my fault she died, and I'm not saying that because I thought it was my job to keep her safe. It really was my fault she died."
"What are you talking about?"
Hayato's jaw clenched as he steeled himself to tell her, and he did. He told Sakura everything, from Ayuri's quirk manifesting to the phone call Mariko had given him while he was at the hospital, the vision that she had had, him telling Mari not to worry about any of it, and not bothering to tell her that she should take Ayuri's warning seriously. As he explained everything, he couldn't help the tears that trailed down his face. He hadn't told anyone at all about this and it was both freeing and damning to confess everything out loud.
Sakura listened to all of it without interrupting him though she wanted nothing more than to assure him that none of it was his fault. While he had been trying to take care of all of him, he too had been suffering. He'd been carrying around such a huge weight on his shoulders alone for so long now, the brunette felt like an idiot for thinking he was doing okay.
When he was done, she patted his shoulder and offered him a tissue so he could dry his eyes. "Hayato, you're always looking out for all of us, and I know we don't say it often enough but thank you for that. That being said, you shouldn't keep stuff like this to yourself for so long. It's not healthy." She waited a moment, and looked down at the ground as she considered her next words. "We've both known Mariko for a long time now. She didn't fear death, Hayato- she never did. She had everything ready in case she died, she was always prepared for that possibility. Telling her she wasn't going to make it back from that mission wouldn't have done a goddamn thing. She would've gone anyways, only she wouldn't have had the resolve to try to come back..." her voice broke as she thought about what would've happened if Hayato had told her. "If you had told her she probably would've just accepted her fate and let herself die easily, she probably would've tried to cut ties with us too if it would soften the blow. But you didn't tell her, and because of that she tried to live her life to the fullest until the very end. You gave her that, Hayato. She would be grateful to you. I only wish she could be here to tell you that in person."
At her words, Hayato broke down completely. He was relieved that someone told him it wasn't his fault, but it was also crushing in a sense. It gave way to the painful realization that no matter what he or anyone else said or did, Mariko Saito would have died anyways. That was a fact. "I do miss her," he told her. "When she was here I'd only call her every once in a while... usually when I needed something. I've never regretted it so much."
Sakura nodded in agreement "God I wonder what she'd say if she were here right now."
"She'd probably kick our asses for crying about her for so long."
She snorted. "Probably." Sighing, she wiped the stray tears that had escaped her eyes. "I wish they would legalize resurrection quirks. I mean, I get people can't live for ever but what's wrong with letting people die of natural causes? If we'd had someone like that on staff so many good agents would still be here...Mari included."
Hayato nodded in agreement, slightly writing off the wish as those quirks were very rare. His eyes widened however, when he remembered the woman who although was the catalyst for Mariko's death, had been mostly irrelevant until now. Taniko Baisho, the woman who resurrected Mineko. She was being held in the Tartarus Prison, and was scheduled to be executed sometime this year. She had the power to bring anyone back to life, and for a moment, Hayato entertained the idea of going to her for help and striking up some kind of a deal. He quickly cast it aside though. Although it hurt to admit it, Mariko was probably better off dead. She'd probably hate herself for dying and causing her loved ones pain, not to mention she would have to once again live with the trauma of killing one of the most precious people in her life twice. Besides, it defied the natural order of this world, and that was one of the things that needed to be respected.
After talking some more and finishing his tea, Hayato thanked Sakura for talking with him. She had sent him off with a hug and a promise that she would always be there if he needed her, which he appreciated. As she flashed him a final and sad goodbye smile, Hayato's mind flashed once more to the notion that there was someone out there who could bring Mariko back. "I shouldn't think about this anymore. It's for the best."