Beautiful Disasters- Hawks x OC

Chapter 18

Three weeks had passed since then, and Mariko had been avoiding Keigo ever since. She wasn't answering any of his calls and all his texts received one, or two word replies just so he knew she wasn't dead. He couldn't even try to catch her when she was coming back from- or going to work because she made a point of leaving and coming back at random times each day. The brunette knew he was probably worried about her and that she was being an ass, but she just couldn't bring herself to face him.

The next morning after she'd recovered from her emotional breakdown, she couldn't believe that she had called him to come over. Never, not once had she called someone when she was having a panic attack. "What was I thinking?" she asked herself. She had let Keigo see her in her most vulnerable state when she hadn't been entirely ready for it.

Not only that, but the blonde would probably have a lot of questions for her and she didn't even know how to begin answering them. Growing up in Division 1, keeping the department's existence a secret was drilled in from a young age and prioritized over all else; so it wasn't like she could just tell him that she is a retired government agent from a department that most of the military doesn't even know exists. That's just not how those things worked.

That was what terrified her most of all though. Despite having that habit ingrained into her mind and actions, the need to be with Keigo in a time of crisis had been more important to her. That said a lot, more than she was willing to unpack at the moment. She knew that it meant she had grown to trust him a lot more than she'd imagined she would, but it also showed that she had begun to rely on him emotionally. She was starting to open up in ways she wasn't sure she was ready for yet and it terrified her.

Unfortunately, she couldn't tell him any of that; and that was her internal struggle. She couldn't give him any explanation as to why she had a panic attack or why she had freaked out afterward because one way or another it led back to her classified past at the division. This struggle, however, led to Mariko spending a good portion of her time at work sulking.

Everyone had noticed the brunette spacing out while doing paperwork and spending most of her breaks by herself. That's why it wasn't a surprise when Sakura cornered the older woman during lunch. Three weeks had been more than enough time for her friend to get over whatever was bothering her and seeing the brunette look as miserable as ever told Sakura it was time for an intervention. She grabbed the woman harshly by the shoulders as if that would somehow jolt her out of her strange mood.

"What the hell?" Mariko exclaimed, choking slightly on her club sandwich.

"You've been weird. Why?" Sakura demanded.

The brunette shifted uncomfortably, "It's nothing," she tried.

The younger rolled her eyes and sighed exasperatedly, "You aren't seriously going to give me that shit right? You've literally been acting like a depressed walrus for almost a month it's not nothing." She pressed.

Mariko sighed and put her sandwich down but said nothing.

"Does it have something to do with Hawks?" she asked. She'd noticed the brunette wasn't answering his phone calls or texts as often or as elaborately as she had seemed to before.

For a moment, there was no reaction and Sakura thought that she had guessed wrong, but Mariko turned to her, a small, sad smile on her face. "That obvious?" she asked.

Sakura shrugged, "Not really, but I know you." She leaned forwards slightly, "So, what happened?"

Mariko's eyes clouded over slightly. "I was having a panic attack and I called him."

Her eyes went wide, "Are you serious?" she asked.

The brunette shook her head as if she still couldn't believe it herself. "I don't know why. I just did it without thinking."

Sakura's lips stretched into a grin, but it quickly fell seeing her friend's distressed expression. "Mari," she started, "this is a good thing," she emphasized.

"How?" she snapped. "It's not like I can tell him what triggered it! He's not an idiot either he's gonna know somethings up and if he starts to dig around he's gonna get us both killed!" she exclaimed frustratedly.

She stayed quiet for a moment, trying to pick apart her words and find out what was really bothering her friend. "Do you trust him? She asked.

Mariko rolled her eyes, "it's not about whether I trust him or not. You know I can't tell him anything," she repeated.

"No, I know you can't tell him. I'm asking if you could tell him, would you?"

The brunette quieted, "I don't know," she answered honestly.

"Would you want to?"

She paused again before nodding slowly. "Yes," she breathed.

Sakura sighed in relief. Honestly, she had been worried about Mariko being so reserved. She understood that she had gone through some pretty difficult things, and it made her completely close herself off to other people. Her freaking out this much over Hawks showed that she cared and that she was at the very least starting to open back up again. "Thank goodness," she thought. "And you're worried about him too right? You think he'll try to investigate it if you stay quiet?"

"Yeah... he's the curious type," she told her, a small smile tugging at her lips.

She nodded in understanding. "Either way you need to talk to him. Tell him what you can, but that you can't talk about everything. If he respects and values your friendship, he won't pry."

Mariko sighed and nodded, "Yeah... I'll do that."

"Good because you acting like a stick in the mud all the time is really cramping my style," Sakura told her.

The brunette laughed slightly, nudging her friend softly with her shoulder. She had almost forgotten how insightful her friend could be. The conversation had definitely helped her sort her thoughts out. "Now all that's left to do is talk to him about it," she thought.