It had been six weeks since he heard from Araya. Hayato hadn't seen him since the funeral. the only notice that he'd gotten that the man was alive was an unintelligible drunken voice mail left at 4 a.m the following day.
He knew his friend wasn't doing well. The day after the funeral Araya submitted a request for a leave of absence- something he'd never done before- and hadn't turned up since. At first, Hayato had been willing to let him alone. He too had been struggling with Mariko's death and was not in the headspace to comfort Araya. Two months had passed since she had though and while the memory still hurt, he was beginning to return to normalcy. Unfortunately, Araya's absence indicated he wasn't, and after two months of the man refusing to speak to anyone, their bosses were starting to get on Hayato's case so that he would bring him back.
It was late in the morning when he arrived at Araya's house. His car was parked in the driveway, so he was definitely home, but none of the lights were on and the mailbox was overflowing with ignored papers and letters. Frowning, Hayato grabbed the pile and sorted them into a neat pile before making his way to the door.
Out of respect for his friend's privacy, he knocked on the door first. When the dark-haired male didn't answer though, he grabbed the spare key off the top of the door frame and let himself inside.
The house was completely dark- the lights were all off and the curtains were drawn so there was no sunlight streaming in either.
"Araya! I'm here!" He called out.
There was no answer.
Sighing, Hayato wandered through the house. His frown deepened when he saw the kitchen counter littered with empty liquor bottles, but he couldn't say he was surprised. Araya had never been the best at coping with trauma.
He found him in the living room. The TV was on, but nothing was playing. Grey static speckled on the screen and in front of it, Araya sat on the floor, staring blankly at the screen as he took a swig of a half-empty bottle of Jack Daniel's Whiskey.
"I've been yelling your name for the past five minutes, you didn't hear me?" He asked standing next to the male.
There was no answer. Araya instead bowed his head and stared at the bottle in his hands.
Hayato furrowed his brow, his hands balling into fists inside his pockets as he nudged his friend with his foot to grab his attention. "Oi I know you're not deaf or mute so why aren't you-"
"Shut up," Araya begged quietly, cutting him off. "Just shut up."
Hayato sighed and sat next to him. He stared at the TV for a moment. "You know she wouldn't want this, right? She wouldn't want you to be like this," he said referring to Mari.
"I know... but it hurts worse sober," he croaked.
"It's not your fault. She knew what she was getting herself into when she signed up for the mission. It was her choice, Araya."
The raven-haired male furiously wiped at his eyes, trying to stop the onslaught of tears as he shook his head. Mariko had been the most important person in his life. Truth be told he hadn't wanted to break up back when they were teenagers. He'd always been completely infatuated with her and his feelings of love at the time had been romantic. He'd loved her in every sense of the word. When she told him that she had been confused and saw him as nothing more than a close friend, he'd lied. He said he felt the same way she did because he didn't want to make her uncomfortable and he wanted things between them to change as little as possible. It had been the only time he'd ever lied to her.
He got over it for the most part and grew to accept their platonic soulmate relationship. He just wanted to be around her in whatever capacity she let him. He wanted her to be happy because she deserved it more than anyone, he wanted her to enjoy life to the fullest, and he wanted to be a part of that happiness in whatever way he could because she was his. Despite everything- Mariko remained Araya's source of happiness. He'd planned on dedicating the rest of his life to ensuring that Mariko enjoyed hers. So now, where did that leave him now that she was gone?
Nowhere. It left him nowhere.
Araya had been spending the last two months trying to figure out what to do with his life now that the only person he ever truly loved was gone and he still didn't have an answer. Losing her was like losing himself and it killed him. God did it kill him. As unhealthy and unwise as it was, that pain was what had led him to drink because drunk out of his mind was the only way he could even bring himself to think of a future Mariko Saito wasn't a part of.
"I don't know what to do without her," he whispered brokenly. "It's like I've got nothing else goin for me now that she's gone. Nothing matters anymore."
Hayato frowned at his friend's words. Though he expected the male would have a difficult time getting over her, he didn't think it would be this bad for this long.
"Fuck I feel like I can't live without her," he slurred, taking another swig of the Jack Daniel's. "I don' even wanna try."
The blonde looked at the ground. "That mean you're gonna leave the Division?"
Araya scoffed. "Fuck the Division. One of their best agents goes down and they don't even pay for her fuckin' funeral. Bastards."
"You didn't answer my question."
"I'm fuckin' tired Hayato. I'm tired of that place. 'N I keep thinking that if I hadn't been there, we wouldn't have had to deal this. It would've been someone else's problem. Mari would've never known and she would still be alive."
"She would've found out either way. Someone would've told and then she would've gone it alone. It was good that it was us. She wasn't alone. She had you by her side." Hayato assured him.
"Lot of good that did her. She finally starts to settle down and be normal and I fucking get her killed."
"You know it wasn't your fault."
"The hell it wasn't-" Araya snapped at him. "Just go," he told him, not wanting to talk about anything anymore. "I don't wanna deal with this anymore."
He shook his head. "You've had too much to drink. I bring it up again but I can't leave you alone. You're just gonna drink yourself to death. You're gonna take a shower and sober up."
The dark-haired male paused for a moment, the idea of being sober sounding like the least appealing thing possible. However, the look in Hayato's eyes told him he didn't have much of a choice in the matter. Then his mind flashed to Mariko, and he knew the brunette wouldn't want him to try to drink his problems away either. He sighed and set the bottle of whiskey on the coffee table. Slowly he dragged himself to his feet, as soon as he tried to take a step, however, he toppled over.
"Jesus you're a disaster," Hayato muttered as he slid Araya's arm over his shoulder. He dragged him to the bathroom where he dumped his friend in the shower unceremoniously and began to spray him down. As he helped him wash the scent of alcohol off his body, the blonde silently worried for his friend. He'd never considered how much of Araya's motivation and reason for living was tied to Mariko. It was frightening how much everything seemed to be falling apart around him now that she was gone.