After I had blamed Yudhisthir enough for his fault and made him feel like he was guilty for committing the worsts faults a human could. After we left our beautiful palace, after we took leave from our children and the rest of the family members, I realized that the path lying ahead of us now was not an easy one.
We were walking through a rough path in the forest searching for a good place to set up our cottage. Yudhisthir and Bheem walked ahead of me while Arjun, Nakul and Sahadev walked behind me. This long journey was tiring me already, but the fire burning inside me kept me motivated to keep up with it. It kept me alive and the vengeance I had sworn against the Kauravas helped me keep the fire of hatred and anger burning inside the Pandavas.
After kilometers of walking, we found a place near the river Ganga to build a hut to stay for the coming next twelve years. My husbands had tried to built the most comfortable place for me but nothing pleased me after loosing the Palace of Indraprastha.
It took us a few days to settle down in the Kamyak forest. While leaving Indraprastha Sage Vyas had given us an earthen pot which would yield food till I ate and after I finished with my meal the pot would yield no more food for the day. He also told us that this pot had once belonged to Agni dev himself. While taking it I did not believe it to be anything more than a normal pot but when Vyas's words proved true I was more than surprised.
Here in the forest Krishna took to visiting us often, more than he'd ever visited us in our palace. His appearance was as a beautiful young boy with the beauty of blooming youth, of dark complexion that is more effulgent than a million suns, and an enchanting smile that plays on His lips, giving a glimpse of teeth that put the most lustrous pearls to shame. His moon-like face was framed with dark black curling locks of hair, fine as the feathers under a crow's wings. His lotus like eyes glance lovingly upon His devotees.
He wore a peacock feather in His hair. His personal beauty was so great that there was no necessity for His wearing ornaments on His body. In fact, instead of the ornaments' beautifying Krishna, Krishna's beauty enhances the ornaments. On one such visit I asked him all the questions which remained unanswered and all the feelings which lay buried inside me since the dyut Sabha.
He was sitting on a rock outside our hut and sighed looking at my husbands who had lost all hope in life. Krishna cheered them up and gave them strength to move forward.
"Bhrata Yudhisthir, this was just another experience of your life, call it a bad experience or anything else. You got to learn a new lesson. And its in the past now, there's no need to waste time over it, now you should focus on what lies ahead of you. What's done is done you can't help it" Krishna said with his characteristic smile.
Yudhisthir meekly nodded but I am sure he was still thinking how he could go back and change everything that had happened. But Bheem keeping a hand on Yudhisthir's shoulder assured him that all of us were with him, no matter what came now. I knew Yudhisthir would take a long time to come over whatever had happened and leaving Yudhisthir to himself Krishna joked with my other husbands. While I went to give Krishna some water, his bright face expressing distress seeing my open hair and the sullen expression I had adopted after the dyut Sabha.
"Sakhi", he said in a soft voice I could hardly believe was his, he could be so gentle when the need arose, "I understand what you are going through, but the need of the hour is to keep courage and trust in your husbands, trust....". Before he finished his sentence I jumped in, "You ask me to trust these men who couldn't save their wife from being humiliated in front of the entire court? Those who the whole world considers great but lost the courage to lift their weapons when I needed them the most? Those who could not fulfill their marriage vows of protecting me and keeping me away from all danger? You ask me to trust them Govind?" I finished, but I instantly regretted what I said and that too in front of them making them feel worse for what they had done. In the past few days I had done all I could, though not intentionally, to make them realize how much pain they had inflicted on me. Right now I could see their heads hung down with shame, I felt maybe they didn't deserve these painful comments that I frequently passed without giving it a second thought.
Krishna was visibly distraught," Sakhi, today I promise you that the Kaurava women will cry a hundred times more than what you did. Their husbands and sons will pay for all what they had done, it is the law of nature and no one can avoid it".
My mind relaxed feeling that I would eventually get what I craved for and Krishna had confirmed that himself. He did not lie except sometimes when he was in a playful mood but right now I could bet he was as devastated as us.
Krishna left us in the evening after ensuring our safety stay in the forest. Usually I don't pay much attention to nature but this forest was enchanting with all its beautiful landscape and cool shade around our hut most of the time. The way the creepers and climbers had adorned the forest, it was absolutely breathtaking and this amiable place captured my heart at once....maybe living in the forest was not as difficult as it seemed.