XxamoraXcarolinexX,
It moved a bit fast, for my liking. Could you proofread? Pretty please? There are a bunch of mistakes, in terms of punctuation. Like when I critiqued another book; "Good punctuation is the start of a good story", so keep that in mind. Original, but hard to read.
I would put more insight on the character's identities. What I mean is, their personalities. I also didn't quite catch the setting/settings. What are their histories? Their families? Friends? Did they do anything that changed their course of their lives? Personality? Favorites?
I would have added more things in the beginning, because the readers didn't get to understand the characters and their environments, their life styles, attitudes. Do you get it?
Please correct! Keep writing!
xox, Noname O.o
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