Dear Litephoenix283,
Hm...Very curious story...
What exactly is DBZ? Is it a show or something? Anywho, back to the criticizing.
Here are some questions to enlighten readers and answer throughout the story:
Who is the eight-year old exactly? (Answered)
Who are the parents? (Answered)
Are they married?
Who are the henchmen?
Prince Vegeta? (Who is he?)
There are other planets?
What are planet's names?
Riphzo? (Who is he/she?)
How are Wiess and Prince Vegeta connected?
Why are the parent's sending their child (?) (Clarify who they are sending.)
So far, any DBZ fan would most likely understand, but I have no idea what DBZ is or who these people are!
Grammatical errors? Yes. When you use punctuation, make sure to put the appropriate spelling.
For example, here is a scentence you put in;
"You're great Sciera!Of course he will be perfectly safe with prince Vegeta, okay let's not waste any more time...Riphzo!...",he called out.
I will correct it.
"You're great, Sciera! Of course he will be perfectly safe with Prince (royals always start with capitals!) Vegeta! Okay, let's not waste any more time!" he exclaimed. Then he called out, "Riphzo!"
I changed it slightly, but it makes the slightest bit more of sense.
Also, why is their planet (or ship?) not safe for the eight-year-old?
What's so special about this child?
Anywho, continue! Im sure many 'DBZ' fans are waiting for more!
Noname O.o
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