Hi bailey13varsity!
This story needs to be 'filled-out' more.There are 'gaps' of what happens. It moved quite fast, and it was a bit hard to understand some times. She should think a bit more before going with Aston.
I would suggest putting a space where they speak. Example:
Wow he runs far. "Yeah sure I'll go and wake her up. Just call when you get there. The doorbell doesn't actually work." "Alright, see ya soon Janey." "Bye Mr. H." I replied.
Correction:
Wow, he runs far! "Yeah sure, I'll go wake her up. Just call when you get there. The doorbell doesn't actually work."
"Alright, see you soon, Janey." He said.
"Bye Mr. H." I replied.
This is pretty good, keep going. You know, you can edit, even after you have published it.
It's off the right foot, despite the fact I've read MANY stories like this. -_-
Noname O.o
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