The Submissive | Chris Brown

16.

The Confrontation
Raina Fuller

I stood at his door quite unsure of what I wanted to do. The cold shoulder he gave me before was one of the worst things I've ever encountered in my life. I know what our deal was but he's also human, it's natural to feel things and it's also natural to want someone there to talk to. What's unnatural is feeling the need to ice everyone out in your deepest time of need. I understand that some people deal with their emotions independently but at some point, it'll become toxic bottling up all of that emotion.

I'm mature enough to admit I was partly wrong, I could've reacted differently but there's no point in reflecting on what I could've done. What I can do now is try to right my wrongs and hopefully, it'll be better this time around. I have been delaying coming here but when he didn't show up at an important board meeting that was held earlier today, I just knew I had to at least check to see if he was alive. I could have called but it did not feel appropriate either, I have been overthinking so much I'm surprised my head did not explode as yet.

I deeply inhaled then exhaled before pressing the doorbell gathering myself. The negative thoughts came rushing in heightening my anxiety but I held it together. I was about to ring it one more time when the door was pulled open. His face held no secret as it displayed he was surprised to see me.

The scent of the scotch greeted me as I noticed his sunken eyes that showed the sadness he was trying to suppress, while the redness showed he was either high too or he has been crying. His hair was a mess, he needed a trim something I never saw before, I would want to comment on the beard he had growing out but I'm still trying to forget I ever saw it.

"I was not expecting to see you" he mumbled before making way for me to pass.

"Spur of the moment, but I figured we needed to talk."

I made my way to his couch doing another deep inhale as I tried to clear the sexual images that resurfaced. He sat across from me as he stared at me blankly probably waiting on me to go first.

"I'll make it quick because I'm sure you must have more important things to do with your time" My hands slid in between my legs as I pressed them together, something I usually do that when I am nervous.

I can't believe that even when he looked a mess he was still one of the most attractive men I've ever seen. I can't believe I was slightly turned on, what the hell is wrong with me? He sat back into his seat getting a bit more relaxed as he seemed to be patiently waiting on what I had to say.

"I just want to apologize for how I acted the other day, I should've been more sensitive and hear what you had to say but you having sex with me, then kicking me out was so inhumane, despite my reaction I did not deserve that" I paused.

"I realize you aren't attuned with your emotions and I know I am probably just a sex doll to you so you probably will never open up to me but I care Christopher. These past few days were so hard for me because you were constantly on my mind, I just wanted to know if you were good. I wanted to reach out sooner but pride was in the way plus I was still too ashamed. I kept thinking am I violating my contract right now, but then I realized it had nothing do with intimate feelings but more of me being a caring human, me just wanting to be a friend because you are bottling some form of hurt" I rambled,

His left arm folded as his right arm was up with his index finger resting on his right brow. It would appear as if he was listening keenly trying to decipher what I was saying since I spoke so quickly and I assumed that from his squinted eyes. I tend to ramble when I am nervous and at the moment I was because I did not know how he would've reacted.