Drowning in Love [hajeongwoo]

Chapter Twenty-six

Chapter Twenty-six

I pressed on the first picture in Haruto's IG feed. Although I know how more painful it could be.

"If death didn't came to get you, I will keep you forever, Junghwan. How I wish I was able to embrace you as much as I could. How I wish I was able to let you watch the sky with me when stars are shining so bright with the moon on the full set. How I wish we had enough time to love each other. How I wish I had all the time in the world to love you. If I could be selfish, I want you to stay with me forever and love me forever. And I will do the same. If I could be selfish, I wish this is just all a dream and I'll be able to wake up one day to see you again... and I will be the happiest. I love you that I couldn't breathe when I remember your face, when I hear your voice playing at the back of my head, when the air touches my skin and I wish it was you. I couldn't breathe, Junghwan. Let me breathe again. Will you?"

I sniffed. Why is this so painful to read? I pulled up the comforter, covering me up as I howled silently. The pain in my chest keeps worsening.

I hate that insecurity is starting to foster in my heart. Junghwan is dead. And yet... I feel like he is a ghost and he will always hold a place in Haruto's heart that I won't be able to fill in.

And I understand. I don't want to take his place either. I want to make myself believe that at the present time, I hold my own place. Hopefully.

I stiffled my mouth hearing the door clicked. "Jeongwoo," it's Haruto's voice. I bit my lower lip, wiping my face soaked with tears. "Hmmm" I just responded. I am tearing up.

"Where did you go?" I asked, changing the topic. He cleared out his throat as I felt his weight sat down on my bed, "I met an investigator. I am trying to look onto something," he said. He cupped my cheeks, "Are you tired? Jetlag?" he asked, maybe hinting from my voice, I sound lifeless. "Yeah, I'm just tired." I get up as I turned on the lump beside my bed table. His face shone with the bright beam of the light. I smiled as I was hurting inside admiring the beauty in front of me.

He held my hand as I held his hand back.

"Haruto..." he stared at me anticipating what I am about to say, "Are you happy?" I gulped, bowing my head as I felt my eyes welling. He held my chin, making me look at him as he flashed me a smile "I am happy, Jeongwoo," I nodded my head.

But not the happiest, right?

I closed some space as I embraced him. I will deal with this insecurity for awhile... but I will make sure not to let it ruin what I and Haruto have.

Junghwan is dead. And his peace should not be on the line.

"I love you so much, Haruto." my heart ached, it's squeezing my cheast tightly, it's not because I'm ill but because loving Haruto unexpectedly hurts too. It hurts damn much.

      ;

I flinched, rolling my body onto my bed, unable to touch Haruto's body as he disappeared already, maybe. I am thinking maybe he just waited for me to fall asleep. I heaved a deep sigh hearing the vibration of my phone under my sidetable.

I cupped for it trying to reach it out. It's my Grandma.

"Grandma, good morning," I greeted. I laid my back on the back rest of my bed. "Jeongwoo-ya, come over here for dinner later, okay?" excitement is what I can hear from her voice making me giggle. "Okay, grandma. I miss you, see you later."

I carried my weight out of my bed as I wore my slippers. There were no message from Haruto but it's fine because he told me about his plans for the day. I am still contemplating weather to ask him to go with me in the dinner.