Drowning in Love [hajeongwoo]

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Haruto

The gigantic hall makes me feel little, it's as if I am no one inside here. I am here to plead for my life. For Jeongwoo. And this made my hatred towards Him vanished, all for the sake of Jeongwoo."What if I can't take it?" I whispered as I walked my way towards the image of what they call God. I was hysterically crying until I fall down on my knees. I've never stepped a single foot inside a church since my Mom died, but here I am asking Him what He will do if I can't take it if Jeongwoo were to be away from me. 

"I can't take it." I said out loud, with frustration. I pulled my hair up gradually with force as anguish arises. I'm most angry with myself, I was clueless and now I don't know how to cope against time. Since I saw him again, I've witnessed his longing eyes, I can feel how much he wants us in the same space, but I was so overwhelmed with guilt, and I might have wasted so much time already.

"No, don't be this harsh to him." my voice cracked, I can't even balance my body, I feel like I'm about to throw up. Jeongwoo, of all people, must be the most unfair thing to happen."Please, don't take him away from me." my voice were little, almost like I'm surrendering all to him. "I will die too."

**

"Does this looks good on me?" I asked Jihoon as he was swiping on his phone. "It's too bright, brother." he said referring to the neon suit I was wearing, "Wear something dirty white," he suggested and smiled. My brother has been so caught up with his wedding but he still insisted to go with me since Jaehyuk and Doyoung are not around. Haruto asked if we can go out for dinner. I am more than happy that he seems to be so understandable of the situation. I expected him to be rebellion like his usual self. But a part of me is afraid I might have given him false hope that I can have a heart transplant without even confirming it yet with the Doctor. But I feel positive.

"Don't you have errands, Hyung?" I asked him when I came out wearing a dirty white suit paired with a dirty white slacks, I saw him smiled and raised his thumbs up "Haruto will fall harder even more," he said and chuckled, "It looks good?" I asked also smiling ear to ear, "It looks good," he said.

We part ways when we're already done stolling. I can feel my heart fluttering, I never felt this happy for awhile and it seems to be so new to me that I can feel my heart aching in joy. This is all I ever needed, joy and happiness, in the presence of Haruto. 

"You're good?" Jaehyuk asked me on the other line. I chuckled knowing he is with his greatest love and yet checking on me, I am no affair, but I find it so genuine, "I am all good, Jae" I responded, but as I was going to grab the car's door handle, I felt my heart squeezing so hard, tightened on my chest and my sight became blurry. 

"Sure? Should I come? Asahi is insisting too," I was shaking my head as I held on to my chest, my eyes shut feeling all tensed, sweating. "No, I'll be fine, Jae," I said hiding the pain in my voice, I can't ruin everyone's moment for my own's sake, "I'll hang up now, okay. I'm fine," I said. I furrowed my brows, I thought I was doing fine?

"Jeongwoo, hey," Haruto appeared, still in his office suit. I felt my body weakened more as he caught me, his eyes filled of fear. "I'll bring you to the hospital," he said, grabbing the door handle open as he guided me, I shook my head, "I want to go home, Ruto" I'm sick of hospital, I feel like I will be unwell even more there. 

"You don't look good, Jeongwoo," I smiled weakly, "Bring me home, I have a dinner date later, I can't be anywhere," Haruto avoided my gaze and closed the door as he hopped on the driver's seat and started the engine. His face were red, hiding how much in panic he is, it seems like he don't know what to with my situation.

"Loosen up, Haru, I'm fine," I said as I smiled trying to assure him, he stared at me in the mirror, "You were so pale, you look so sick," he muttered, I chuckled, "I am really sick" I said as if that is something usual and natural. There were a loud silence. No one dares to speak. I saw the nerves in his neck became visible as he inhaled sharply. "I'm sorry," I uttered, I know this is all new to him, he was clueless. "You will be fine, Jeongwoo," he tried to lift me up. I wish so, I really hope so.