Chapter Thirty-Three

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As a young girl born in a family with such negativity and no remorse in their bodies, I have thought that my childhood would be at the very least good and well. I was ever so wrong... When I finally learned how to read and write, my mother got straight into teaching me every school subject from home. She would make sure I got everything right and made no errors. If I did, one smack on the hand but if it was ever more than three then it would not be a smack to the face, but a full on abuse. If I got too sluggish and feeling  sleepy.... A dosage was injected on me. I never knew its content inside the needle but I knew enough that it was to keep me awake and  replace the natural energy a kid would have. 

By the age of ten, we celebrated my birthday only because I was able to learn a talent. My father brought me what he called "my birthday dress and shoes". A cute frilly light purple dress with matching purple stocking with white shoes. That day felt like heaven, being able to see the cake father ordered for the party, the endless decoration covering the average size ballroom, the table that was covered in gifts, the beautiful instrumental music filling the room with a melody that sounded so cheery. 

But then...my father called for me. He said he was happy that I was enjoying my birthday but he had another surprise for me. He told me he left it in his bedroom and it was waiting in the center of his bed. With joy in my squeals, I ran through the blue covered hallways and made my way to my parent's bedroom. As I opened the door, no present was seen. I thought, "father is playing tricks on me again". How stupid I was. 

I knew and have experienced again and again how they have treated me so far. I thought this day would be the only day they'll love me. Today we can act like the families in the stories of princesses and the stories of young boys and girls who find themselves in an adventure waiting for them while their family supports them. Today...I can feel true family love...

As I searched through the room over and over again, I didn't hear the footsteps of my father and the creak of the door closing with him putting the lock on the knob. Now I was trapped in that room with him. When he cleared his throat, I looked up from looking under the bed the third time and had a grumpy voice when I started talking to the man, 

"Father, you said there was a gift for me here. Where did you hide it?"

"Close your eyes and I will bring it to you."

"Promise?"

"I keep my word."

I never should have close my eyes and I never should have been so naive...

He reach out from behind me only to start undoing the bow from my dress, unzip the zipper, pull down the purple stockings I had and finally, the undergarment. Forcibly push to the bed, had my body switch side to laying on my stomach and not being able to see what he was doing. When I did, I felt such pain and before I could yell, he pushed my head into the bed to muffle my screams. Back and forth, back and forth, he kept going and so did that pain. He held my arms behind me, and I couldn't stop the terror that was happening. I kept crying and crying and when he was done, he held a gun to my head, whispering to me,

"If you ever dare to try and tell anyone what I did, you won't just get hit but I will kill you where you stand. Now hurry and get yourself dressed...Your "guests" are waiting."

After that terrifying event, I had to put a brave face. Show no one that I was crying for help. I don't want to remember that day again. Never...Never...Never...Never...

NEVER!


8/27 Morning, Saturday

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