On the Edge of Tomorrow

Chapter 20

When the lights dimmed and Billy and the boys took the stage, the comforting privacy of the rock club engulfed me, melting away the anxiety of soundcheck. The crowd's bodies packing the space absorbed the sound and smoothed the edges with their own volume. I was of little help to Tim. Like most of the surrounding revelers, Billy hypnotized me.

Without his hat, his hair unapologetically fell into his eyes, obscuring them from view. Not that anyone would see them, anyway; for the bulk of the show, he turned away from the crowd to focus on the band. In the rare moments that he faced the room, his eyes stayed downcast. Every chance he got, he would step away from the mic to battle his guitar, his shoulders rounded to bring him closer to his fingers. His neck would twitch as he fought with the instrument. I couldn't tell who was controlling who, but the output was captivating.

When he sang, his bravado was thick, obscuring the gentle shyness within the peaks of confidence. The crowd's energy coursed through him; the slightest change in interest caused a ripple, as though he were an instrument the audience was playing.

"That's our boy," Tim said from beside me.

I could barely hear his voice and pretended I didn't hear him at all. I was sure the man on stage wasn't my Billy. The nerves didn't come this time; it clicked. This person was for the crowd. When he stepped offstage, plucked his hat from my head, and plopped it back atop his own, that's when my Billy would return. I would not feed into the consumption of this imposture, instead, I organized and reorganized the merch table. 

As quickly as it started, it was over, and the crash of the crowd bore down on Tim and me. A frantic twenty minutes passed until Billy and the band plopped down at the empty table next to the merch. The rush quickly moved down to their table as they signed whatever anyone put in front of them. Tim and I continued to work until the last person shuffled out, and Billy returned to my side.

"No screeching away," he murmured as he plucked his hat from my head and returned it to his own.

"I wish I had paid better attention to the first time." I stuck an elbow into his ribcage and realized how sweaty he was.

"You were taking out the trash; it's allowed," he shrugged.

I lifted to my toes to kiss his cheek. His lips twirled to a smile in time for me to kiss a dimple.

"Sorry about the sweat," he humbly added.

"I don't mind." I pushed into his chest as proof, and he instinctively wrapped his arms around me, causing me to shiver from the moisture.

"Mmhmm, don't mind at all," he teased.

"Let's head out," I prodded as I pushed his chest towards the door.

"Tim, you mind?" Billy fluttered his hands around the space.

"You mean, do I mind doing all the merch pack up and packing up your setup?" Tim griped as he tossed a stack of CDs into a box.

"Easy there, man. We'll dock any broken jewel cases from your pay." Billy rested his chin on my head as he spoke.

I let my hand linger on his chest so I could absorb the vibrations of his voice.

"Yeah, yeah; go get laid," Tim absently spoke without looking at Billy to see the anger course through him.

I pulled my head from beneath his chin as the rage surged through his chest beneath my hand.

"No," I cautioned. "He was just kidding."

Billy gazed down at me. His temper threatened to erupt, but with a heavy breath, he softened and kissed my forehead.

"Can we walk?" I asked as we hit the sidewalk outside the venue.

"Yeah, it's only a few blocks," Billy absently spoke as he slung his jacket on and rooted around for a cigarette. His hand paused just as before he flicked his lighter.

"Go ahead," I laughed. Billy's eyes were so earnest when he silently asked for permission. "Did we do this backward?" I continued. 

"What backward?" He let his fingers dance between mine before fully entwining our fingers.

"Us, the whole long-distance thing, and now we're just getting used to being near each other."

"In your mind, it's backward to get to know someone before you get physical?" He raised an eyebrow at me. "And, normally, I wouldn't point this out because I'm a gentleman, but we slept together that first night."

I sighed, "you make it seem ridiculous, but who spends months talking on the phone?"

"You're right; I make it seem ridiculous; because it's ridiculous." There was no tease in his tone. "You know me as well as anyone because of those months. So, no, I don't think we did this backward and, honestly, I don't care what others do. I care what's right for us."

"What if we don't work when we're together, like proximity-wise?" I dipped my eyes from his.

"Are you saying you're not attracted to me? I have to say, I'm getting some major mixed signals here." He stuck his cigarette between his lips and used his newly freed hand to brush the hair from my face, letting his palm linger on my cheek. "Please look at me." His cigarette bobbed as he spoke. 

The whispered request came so subtly that my eyes readily obliged without deliberation.

"The offer still stands. I'd love for you to join me for as long as you'll stay."

His magnetism drew me in, and the idea of returning home now seemed like hiding from possibility. He could sense my swirling thoughts.

"But I only want you to come if you want to be here. I want you here because I love you, and I love having you with me." He added. 

His ease of admitting love sunk in for a few minutes as we walked.

"You just..." I started as he snuffed out his cigarette. 

"I know. It's about time, don't you think?" He didn't need me to finish. 

"I don't do well in relationships." I dropped my eyes to the pavement, but he caught my chin with his finger. "It's weird to be together after spending so much time... together." I laughed at my lack of eloquence. "That makes no sense." I tried to push out my frustration by wildly shaking my head. It was highly ineffective.

Billy let out a laugh. "I get it. And, honestly, I have those moments too."

"Really?" Billy admitting doubt about us made me feel better. 

"Yeah, of course. Many things are weird, but good weird. I mean, I haven't had the most stability in my life over the past few months, and you're stable. Like, if I asked you to get me a cup of coffee, you could without asking me how I like it."

"Stability is someone knowing your coffee order?" I tilted my head to the side.

"It's an example." He pulled on my hand, so I crashed into his side.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" My voice quivered, knowing the likeliness of his refusal. "I want to be close to you."

He looked me over thoughtfully.

"I miss you, Billy," I added as my last attempt.

He let his eyes fall to the sidewalk ahead of us, but dipped his head low to my ear. "I'll stay with you, Lily, for as long as you'll allow."