On the Edge of Tomorrow

Chapter 11

The single day between Billy and I seemed to stretch a year, and the bus ride felt endless. Miles painfully ticked by as I gazed out the window at the boring highway scenery. The magnetic pull gripped me as I neared Billy. My body longed to be in his orbit. Still, with the excitement came nerves. There'd be the inevitable awkwardness. I played the initial greeting over in my head. Would it be the separated, pained greeting like last December or a boisterous, excited meeting like a few weeks ago? As much as I hoped for the warm embrace from May, I knew the detached greeting of December was more likely.

"That's pretty," a little voice said from above me.

I hadn't even recognized my fingers winding a wire butterfly within a loop.

"Do you like it?" I smiled up at the cherub face above me.

"Yeah," the little girl stood in her seat to see me. A tired-looking mom braced the child at the waist.

"If your mom says yes, you can sit next to me so you can watch me make one," I offered. Otherwise, one hard stop, and she would tumble.

"Really? Can I, Mom? You can see me through the crack," she hopefully explained.

"Okay, but behave, or you come right back." The mom gave me a thankful smile for a few moments of peace.

The little girl, not over six, bounded around the seat and plopped down next to me. Her auburn ringlets bounced around her face.

"I'm Nina," she smiled as she inspected my fingers twisting.

"Hi, Nina, my name is Lily."

"Is that why you have a lily necklace?" She pointed to the pendant that hung around my neck. Instinctively, my fingers rose to the charm I had forgotten I was wearing.

"Yeah, do you like it?" I asked as I returned to the butterfly.

"It's pretty, but I like the butterfly better."

I smiled at her honesty. Her simplicity soothed me.

"Well, I should be able to finish this before Boston, and you can have it, Nina," I offered.

"Really?" Her eyes grew wide with excitement.

"Of course. I even have an extra chain so we can be pendant buddies."

She continued to follow my fingers in silence for a few minutes.

"We're going to the science museum today. Why are you going to Boston?"

My mind flickered to Billy as my fingers fumbled a bit. I flexed them out and continued my work.

"I'm going to meet a friend."

"Aren't you excited to see your friend?" Nothing gets past children.

"I'm very excited to see him," I smiled to myself.

"Oh," she teased in a high-pitched trill, "is he your boyfriend?"

"No, he's just a boy that's a friend," I quickly corrected her.

"I have a boy that's a friend. His name is Andrew, but I don't want to be his friend." She spoke in a confident, matter-of-fact manner.

"Why don't you want to be his friend?" I asked, out of honest curiosity.

"Because I want him to be my boyfriend," her tone flipped to one of obviousness.

"Oh, and what makes him boyfriend material?" I was interested in hearing a child's take on boyfriend qualities.

"Well, he's nicer than the other boys. Last week when my friend Jess fell and skinned her knee, he stopped playing basketball and ran over to help her. He told her it was going to be okay and that he had skinned his knee loads of times."

"That was nice of him."

"He does stuff like that all the time. His mom always packs him two cookies in his lunch, and every day, he gives one to Brian Tinery because his mom never packs a dessert. He isn't even friends with Brian. They're in different classes!"

"Wow."

"Sometimes, he sits with me on the bus. He told me he likes to sit with me sometimes because I hum a lot, and he liked to listen along," pride burst through her tone.

"My friend told me I hum a lot as well, but he doesn't seem to enjoy it as much as Andrew likes your humming." I let out a little laugh as I recalled Billy telling me I hummed wrong.

"My mom told me that when a boy teases you, it's because he likes you. Maybe your friend likes you. Andrew never teases me," she ended in a gloomy voice.

"Some boys tease when they like you. But others like you and don't tease," I offered.

"I hope Andrew likes me."

"Sometimes, the best part of liking a boy is just the liking part. Even if it doesn't go anywhere, it's nice to crush on someone."

I missed childhood crushes. I wanted to have a crush on Billy and steal glances at him across the playground. I was confident he'd help a hurt friend and share his cookies. But now, crushes were a luxury. Did crushes and love even have a place when trying to figure out life?

"I like having a crush on him," Nina surmised.

"All done," I announced with one last twist. I reached into my purse and pulled out a spare chain. "What do you think?" I asked as I strung the pendant on the chain.

"It's so pretty. I'll share it with my mom; I promise!"

She grasped the necklace and hopped up to return to her mother. I could hear her oohing at the necklace with her mom behind me as I settled my gaze on the Boston skyline. The pulled of Billy was apparent as the bus neared the station; my temperature rose with every heartbeat.