On the Edge of Tomorrow

Chapter 10

Billy left the next day after a stiff hug and soft kiss on my forehead. Every ounce of me wanted to scream to stop him, but I remained still as his footfalls thumped down the stairs. I stayed numb for hours. The soft yellow sun rose to an urgent day outside and then ebbed to a sherbet orange sunset, but I didn't notice any of it. I didn't even catch my phone ring as work urgently tried to reach me out of worry when I didn't show. Stupors are unique because you don't realize you have entered one until you snap out of it. It's like waking up from the infamous falling dream; it happens quickly and with a gasp.

I pulled myself together and returned the call to work. After apologizing profusely with no proper explanation, my boss let me off with a heavy sigh and relief that I was okay. 

The buzzing in my ears persisted. The apartment suddenly seemed cavernous, and silence echoed without Billy's presence. Had Billy left a physical impression on the space? How else could he linger hours after he departed?

Billy continued to haunt me for days. He drifted in the back of my brain as the world spun around me. Days slipped to weeks, and distractions pushed him further out of my mind. The subletters moved in, and I spent more time hiding in my room. I had taken to focusing on tactile pastimes as reading and music carried my mind back to Billy too quickly. I returned to a childhood craft of bending and twisting wire into various pendants. Over the month, I had created a pile of geometric shapes, trees, and dragonflies.

One evening, I numbly twisted away on my bed when my phone silently illuminated. I barely adjusted my gaze to view the message. My fingers stalled before my mind processed the words.

"You around?" Billy's name flashed above the message.

At that moment, his text paralyzed my body. My mind screamed to pick up the phone and type back. Of course, I was around. I was always around, but incomplete emotions swirled, locking my elbows in place. My mind disconnected from my body as I answered. My fingers tapped through my message. I didn't feel it in my hands, but it was there.

"Always," I typed back.

I intended to keep that promise; if Billy called, I'd always answer. The vibrations of the phone pulse in my palm. I unconsciously answered. 

"Hey." My voice sounded too natural for the chaos in my brain.

"Hey." A tentative nervousness filled his voice. I wished my voice had matched.

"Hey," I added again. 

I recalled Billy's complaint of too many greetings as the breeze of his silent laugh blew through the phone. I closed my eyes and pictured his dimples.

"How are you?" His words came in starts and stops.

"Okay, how are you? How's the new tour going?" My words came in an awkward cadence like a toddler just learning to run.

"The tour is... going. Tim came along with me. It was a good idea." The rustle of his shifting came through the phone. "He has a knack for hawking merch from the van."

"Good. Are you having more fun with him around?" It was a logical question, but a weighty pause let me know his thoughts swirled around Tim being his second choice.

"Yeah, it's good, Lil." His voice came low as he spoke, causing a tickling vibration in my ear. "How are you?"

I tried to collect my thoughts. It wouldn't be fair to tell Billy I was a miserable zombie, but I wasn't convinced I could lie.

"I'm alive." I tried to keep my voice light, as though it were a common way to answer.

Silence filled the void between us. I had answered wrong. Panic rose with every passing beat of my heart. I checked my phone to ensure the call hadn't dropped, but it still ticked away.

"Staying busy at the store?" 

"Yeah. I've been picking up extra shifts a lot. I already have a whole summer's worth of savings." The politeness of the conversation was strangling me.  

"I'm in Boston on Friday," finally broke the silence. Like me, he sputtered, then sprinted through his thoughts.

"Really?" My heart pounded painfully in my chest.

Was he asking me to come down, or stating a fact? I tried not to get ahead of myself.

"Yeah, it's only a couple of hours away. I think you said you have Fridays and Saturdays off; I thought you might..." His words trailed off.

"This Friday? Like the day after tomorrow?" I tried to mask my consuming excitement. He wasn't just talking to me; he wanted to see me.

"Yeah. Sorry, I know it's last minute. I shouldn't have even asked."

"Yeah, no," I muttered. "I picked up some shifts."

"Right, of course. It was stupid to call this late."

"Yeah, well, it was really good to hear from you." I didn't bother to mask the sadness in my voice. 

"Yeah, it was good to hear your voice, Lil. Thanks for picking up." 

"Of course. I'll talk to you soon." I was struggling to keep my voice even from the impending croak of tears. 

"Yeah, talk soon," Billy murmured before hanging up. 

I curled into a ball on my bed and waited for the downpour of tears to take over, but they didn't come. It was one weekend. Billy had haunted me for weeks and now he was so close I could feel him. A buzz began to zip through my chest. 

I dialed him back. 

"Hey," he answered on the second ring. I knew his eyes were looking down at his feet by his tone; his eyelashes fluttering as thoughts whipped through his mind.

"Hey," my voice broke. "Ask me again."

"It's fine, Lil. I get it," Billy offered. 

"Please, ask me again." I knew he could hear the lump in my throat from the mounting sobs. 

"I'd really like to see you, Lil. Would you want to come down?" For the first time in the conversation, Billy's familiar voice filled my ears, rough and deep, but steeped in hope.

"I'd love to," I exhaled. "What time do you get into town?"

"We have a show in Connecticut on Thursday. What time can you make it to Boston?" With each passing word, we coursed back together.

I flipped open my laptop. "Let me check," I murmured as I searched for the bus schedule. "Where are you playing? The buses come into South Station." I wiped the last of my tears from my face. 

"A few blocks from Fenway. Tim is good about updating me based on baseball stadiums." A sheepish snort came from the admission. "I like baseball."

"Noted," I absently spoke before realizing I mimicked his frequent response.

"But, we can pick you up wherever and whenever you get in."

"The first bus arrives at 8:30 am. I doubt you'd want to pick my ass up that early."

"I would- book it."

"Billy, don't be silly. Even if you left right after your set, you wouldn't get to Boston until 2 am or 3 am." Still, the offer made me smile.

"Tim will drive. I'll sleep on the way. Book the 8:30 am," he asserted again. "Unless that's too early for you," his softness suddenly filled his words again.

"Billy," I protested with a laugh.

"I get one day with you, Lil; I'll take whatever you'll give me."

My smile pulled my cheeks to the point of breaking. "I missed you, Billy."

"I missed you too, Lil. I should've called sooner." Typical Billy, beating himself up again.

"The phone works two ways; remember?".

"8:30?" He prodded again.

" 8:30," I confirmed. 

"Great; I'm hanging up before you think yourself out of it."

"Fair. I'm excited, Billy. Thanks for calling."

"Thanks for calling back, Lil."