Zayn Malik? But do I care?

Stop loving in the past

"I just kidding" I say pushing him on his bed

"Don't joke like that" he whines as I cuddled into his chest

"Calm down" I say "we have the most strange relationship"

"Are you here alone?" He asks

"No" I say

"And it didn't occur to you that you left your husband and son downstairs so you could cuddle with your brother?" He questions

"Have you ever just thought of shutting up?" I ask

"Its not so fun when someone's making you feel stupid is it?" He says in his annoyingly familiar accent. If you looked at my brother and I, you could say the only reason I took a liking to him was because he reminded me of Zayn. They both have the same accent and are really overprotective

"No not really" I say in defeat

"What's the problem?" He asks

"He wants to figure me out" I say "he's upset because I won't let him"

"Well why not?" He asked

I pondered the question "well, if he figures me out he'll only use my weaknesses against me" I say

"Heaven you're not a superhero" he rolls his eyes "you're his wife, will you just accept that?"

"No" I say "I will not accept it"

"Do you really think he's gonna want to be with you if you continue to keep yourself in the dark?" He questioned

"Oooh" I teased "okay Dr. Marcus"

"I'm serious" he says with anger? Huh? "You may think its fine now but this is going to not only affect you but you're son"

"What am I supposed to do?" I ask "let him win?"

"Its not a game" he says "you need to grow up"

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" I barely shout

"If everyone's telling you the same thing maybe you should take it into consideration" he says

"Why are you never on my side?" I ask "what's with that?"

"Well" he starts "you sit here pitying yourself because you think the world's against you"

"Well sometimes it is" I say

"Believe it or not" he says "not everyone's fortunate like you are, they don't have homes or food or any money. You've got 3 out of 3 Heaven. Why can't you be happy for once?"

"Like you said" I say "other people are suffering and I'm fortunate, maybe I feel for those who lose in life"

"You have to forget about that" he says "you have a family now"

"Now?" I repeat "see the word now is the problem, I don't want a family now, I want one always"

"Why can't you just be happy?" He repeats

"Look who's talking" I give a saddened laugh "you've had it all since you were born"

"Yeah I'm fortunate and I'm thankful for that" he says "I just don't go about my day as if the world owes me something. I get it, you lost your youth but that doesn't mean you should spend the rest of your life blaming everyone"

"Why me though?" I ask "it could've happened to anyone, why me?"

"Because life is already planned out" he says "everything happens for a reason"

"What was the reason?" I ask "to punish me?"

"Just let him figure you out" he says and I nod

"If he decodes me..." I trail off "please don't let him break me"

"Grow up" he says "grow up"

I said nothing. I could say something that'll leave him in tears, but I'd rather not see him upset

"I can't promise you that" he says "I'm not him, I can't tell you he won't break you"

I remained quiet

"Grow up" he repeats "stop living in the past. Stop loving in the past"

Do I just forget the past? The hurt? The deaths? The broken promises?

"OK" I say "I'll grow up"

"Good" he says sounding satisfied "for a second there I thought you'd get defensive"

"Oh noo" I say as I peeled myself out of his grip "bye"

"Where are you going?" He asks

"Well I'm growing up" I say "big girls don't run to their brothers when they're hurt. They handle it themselves. They don't rely on someone to make them happy, they do it themselves"

"So you're just gonna run?" He asks

"I'm not running" I say "if there's one thing you should know about me, I don't like leaving something with a bad ending. That's why I hold on to the past. Nothing in my life went well so I clung to the past. Actually I am running. That's what you want me to do right? If someone kidnaps me and I escape. When I see them again should I overlook the fact any they kidnapped me?"

"Why don't you want us to figure you out?" He asks

"You wouldn't understand" I mumble

"I get it" he says "I'm fortunate"

"You have everything" I say "perfect life, perfect mum and dad, and perfect sister"

"Just be-" he stops "did you just call yourself perfect?"

"Yeah" I say "since in your world, money buys happiness and perfection"

You're missing the point" he argues

"Why don't you just write it out for me?" I say with an eye roll

"Should I write it in pencil so you get the point?" He laughs

"Angel honey" I say "your Harry is showing"

"Mummy?" Jabir says coming in "you come down now?"

"Yeah" I say taking one last look at Mark "Yeah, I'll come down now"

----
Here's a quick update. Literally tired. I feel horrid for making fun of this lad because his face is covered in acne. He was asking for it. Who asked for your opinion on one direction? I didn't. This was literally our conversation
Him: one direction are ugly and they suck
Me: I found your twin brother
Him: where?
Me: *draws picture of moon* here you go
Him: how could he be my twin? We have nothing in common
Me: craters
I feel so mean